Hard to Love (18 page)

“
Yeah
,” he
replied
.

“Do you have time to come over for a drink? I don’t live far from here.” I liked the idea of him seeing where I lived, not to mention, I was eager to finish where we left off last night
before we were
interrupted by Lily’s nightmare.

He sighed and ran his hands through his
hair
, then yanked his tie loose at the collar. “I
’d
better not.”

T
he air around us
changed.
It felt
stiff
, cold
. “Cade?” I shifted a step closer. “What is it?”
I braced myself, ready to hear that my judgmental mother had proved too much for him and he was cutting out on me.

“I need to get home to Lily.” His eyes refused to meet mine and I knew there was something he was holding back.

I was about to tell him that Lily would be fine for an hour, but something about his
stiff
stance told me to not to press him.
“
Oh, I suppose I could come to your place
,
then
.
”

He took a step back. “Not tonight, Alexa.”

I frowned, and
when I
suddenly realiz
ed
that he’d called me Alexa rather than cupcake, my stomach twisted into a painful knot. “What’s wrong?”

“
Listen,
Lex
.
You and I are fun
, but we both know
I can’t afford the shit you’re used to.
Prime
-
rib dinners and three-hundred
-
dollar
pedicures don’t fit in
to my
li
fe
.
This is bound to end sometime and the more time we spend together will only hurt Lily more when
that happens
.
”

“I’m
sorry,
I just thought the warm soak and massage would be good for her legs
.
”
That spa visit hadn’t been about me. I’d done it with Lily in mind.
His eyes widened in understanding
, and a flash of guilt flickered through them
.

“
Regardless, y
ou know I’m right. The disapproval was written all over your parents
’
faces. I didn’t go to college. I don’t have some fancy degree. I have responsibilities
—
a mortgage, and
full
custody of a six-year-old
.
”

“What was all that stuff inside about
Alexa’s a big girl, she knows what she wants
?
” I challenged.
Sure, he had
responsibilities, but when had I ever showed him I wasn’t on board with Lily? And
so what if he didn’t have
a college degree
?
H
e had a
freakin
’
M
asters in seduction. 

“You’re an adult
.
Y
ou should be able to stand up to your parents.”

“Well…I know what I want.” My tone was defiant and my eyes didn’t waver from his.

He sighed and looked past me. “That may be, but I have a little girl to take care of.
She doesn’t have anyone else. She has to come first. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” I understood that, I truly did.

“
Are you telling me you think your parents would ever accept us dating? No. You know they wouldn’t. You mom was trying to set you up with Peter while I was sitting right there.
”

“I don’t care.”

“
I do
.” His expression didn’t waver. It was like someone had stomped on my chest, and I struggled for breath.

“Cade…” I reached out for his forearm, but he took
a
step back.

“Go
on
home
,
Alexa.”

His
emotionless
tone all but
froze
my skin and I
stumbled
a step back in my heels. Not wanting him to see me cry, I turned and fled for my car.

Chapter 15

Cade

Keeping my distance from Alexa was proving more difficult than I ever imagined.
Every single day
I had half a mind to drive up to the hospital to see her, and Lord knows I wanted to check on her, hear her voice,
see
how she was faring. Not to mention
, during
the first days of Alexa’s absence, Lily drove me up a fucking wall talking about
Lexa
nonstop. I hadn’t meant to lose my temper with her, but since I had, she hadn’t brought up the topic of Alexa again. 

Thank fucking God.

It was just like I told Alexa
—
I knew from the beginning things would end this way
,
with
a certain
little girl wondering where she’d gone and my heart fucking crushed because of it. 

There was no denying that
meeting
Alexa’s parents
had changed
things
.
After that exchange of words in the parking lot, w
e hadn’t talked at all
.
I’d almost broken down and called her half a dozen times, but was trying like hell to give her some distance.
She had to see this thing between wasn’t going to work.
I mean, what did she expect, that I’d win over her parents, put a ring on her finger
? Of course
she deserved nothing less. But the real world wasn’t
like
one of those goddamn fairytale stories of Lily’s.

After ignori
ng several calls from Rick,
I
’d
finally
given in
, deciding
it was time to do another film. I told myself this was it
—
it would be my last one. I’d pay off Lily’s outstanding bills, plus that ER visit of mine and be done with the whole thing.

I picked up my phone and dialed, knowing I only had a few minutes before Lily was due off the bus. “Rick? Yeah, I’ll do it. When and where?”

I listened as he gave me the instructions.
Tomorrow.
Shave in the morning. Be
on location
at noon.

“Done.
See you then.”
I
ended
the call.
I hadn’t even asked who I’d be working with. It didn’t matter. I needed the money.
My contract stated what I wouldn’t do
—
the whole
gay for pay
thing
—
and the rest, I knew I could handle.

Once I met Lily off the bus and got her settled in with a snack and her ‘
toons
, I grabbed a bottle of beer and took off for the garage, needing to blow off some s
team by reorganizing my toolbox, o
r
punch
ing
something.
Take your pick.

It did little to relieve my tension, and
ten
minutes later I was stalking back inside. “Lily?”

It was completely silent in the house. Not a good sign. I rounded the corner from the kitchen to the living room and stepped in something wet
, and warm
.
What the
—
?

When I entered the living room, the
reason for the
damp carpeting became clear. Lily had maneuvered a large pot of water into the living room and
dumped it onto the floor
, based on the puddle I was standing in and the overturned pot in front of me.

“Lily
,
what in the world?”
I
grabbed the overturned pot, then reached down to wrench
off my soaking wet socks.

I found
Lily crying silently on the couch. I rushed to her.
“Baby doll?
What happened?”

She sniffed, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth. “I wanted to
do a ped
i
cure like me and
Lexa
did.”

That’s what the pot of water had been for?
To soak her feet?
I hugged her to my chest. “
Shh
. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Fuck. I had no training in how to deal with this. How would I handle when she started her period or wanted to go on a date
?
Dammit.

Just when I was
starting to get on with my life and put the ache of missing Alexa behind me, life happened and landed a blow to my gut. My first instinct was to call Alexa, to beg her to
come back, but I continued cleaning up the rest of the water, trying
t
o
talk myself out of it.
When I couldn’t hold off any longer, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed her number. The line rang several times before her voicemail picked up.
Damn. I hung up without leaving a message.
What would I say? I’m an asshole, but can you put that aside and come back? Yeah, that would work.

I dumped the wet rags into the sink as my cell phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and the screen flashing Alexa’s name sent my heart jumping.
Alexa.

“Cupcake?”

She laughed
nervously
,
all warm and feminine. God, I’d needed to hear that laugh. My tense shoulders instantly eased and
I
sank down into a chair at the kitchen table.

“Cade?” her voice was guarded. “I saw you called.”

I hated hearing her so formal and down to business. “Yeah, it’s just…Lily…she’s been pretty torn up since you left.”

“Lily has?” she questioned, her voice tinged with a touch of sarcasm.

“Yeah,” I said, losing my nerve.

“Well, let’s clear something up
.
I didn’t
leave
, I was pushed away. There’s a difference
,
you know.”

“I know,” I said sheepishly.

She let out an exasperated sigh. “Now tell me what happened with Lily.”

I explained the
upturned
pot of water
on
my floor and
the fact
that Lily was currently camped out
on
the couch in one of my old T-shirts, eating a bowl of ice cream.
Before dinner.
Just to quiet her sobs about the spilled the water.

“I’ll be over in
ten
minutes,” Alexa said.

“Thank you, cupcake.”

“Let me clarify one thing
,” she snapped, her voice laced with anger, “
I’m coming for Lily. Not you.” And with that she hung up.

Damn
.

Having Alexa on her way made everything feel lighter,
feel
right somehow. Even if she was only coming for Lily, the spilled water
and
the soaking wet carpeting, none of
which
bothered me anymore. I headed into my room to change my wet clothes and wait for Alexa to arrive.

Alex
a
’s arrival was met with squeals of laughter and Lily grabbing for her walker to race to greet her at the front door. I stood back and watched Alexa scoop her up in a hug. Alexa was positively glowing. She was more beautiful than my memory could have processed. Her hair was swept up into a loose ponytail, several tendrils escaping to frame her face and she was dressed casually in jeans and a fitted pink top. She looked good enough to eat.
My very own cupcake.

But
Alexa was all business, taking care of Lily and ignoring me completely. I’d never felt awkward in my
own
house, but it sure as shit did now. She lifted Lily to her hip, cradling and rocking her. “
Sh
,” Alexa whispered. “I’m here.”

Hearing Lily ask her in between sobbing hiccups why she hasn’t been around tugged at my heart.

Once Lily was
calmed and quieted,
Alexa strode into the kitchen, grabbed her purse from the kitchen table and started for the door.

I
reached for her hand, but she shrugged herself free from my grasp.