Hard to Love (21 page)

“
’
Ello
?” she groaned sleepily.

“
Kenzie
,
I need
you.
Now.
”
I sniffed, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“And b
ring
Jell
-O
shots.”

She hesitated, bed springs creaking in the background. “It’s seven in the morning.”

“I know. But
it’s
an emergency.
” I wiped the tears freely streaming down my cheeks and sucked in a deep breath.
“
I slept with Cade
last night
. And things went to shit
this morning
.”

“Oh
,
crap
. Okay,
hang in there,
I’m on my way.”
I heard rustling in the background as MacKenzie sprang into action, just like I knew she would.

“Bring vodka
, too
.”

“On it.”

Chapter
17

Cade

I m
oved through my morning
in a haze, still stunned over
the turn of events
.
How did
Alexa
not understand
that
what had happened with us was real, and
that
this was just my job? She obviously didn’t trust me like I would need her to if we were going to make anything of us.

Alexa hadn’t even given me a chance to
explain
,
she’d just jumped to conclusions and stormed out on me
.
I hadn’t bothered to stop her.
The disgust and judgment written all over her face told me what I
’d known deep down all along
—
I would
never be good enough for her.
She
would never be able to
comprehend that sometimes there were things in life that you didn’t want to do, but had to do to take care of your family. And Lily was my family. I’d do anything for her.
Life
wasn’t
all fucking sunshine and rainbows. Real life was hard.
I was doing what needed to be done.
Period.
She said she understood my
responsibilities
regarding
caring for Lily, but when it came down to it, she bailed. End of story.

After getting
Lily off to school,
I
took a lengthy shower
,
shaved
my chest and groin
, and then got dressed and made sure to stretch. I recalled from my previous shoot that three hours of sex will make you sore in the oddest places.

When I arrived at the set, the model I
was going to
be working with was already there, getting her hair and makeup done. She certainly didn’t fit the porn-star image. Her looks were the epitome of
the
sweet
girl next door. She had
wavy
,
shoulder
-
length brown hair, big brown eyes and was more cute than sexy.

I went up to introduce myself. “Hey, I’m Cade,
er
, I mean
Sebastian
.”

She smiled warmly. “
Hi.
I’m Jill, but you can call me Britney.”

“Got it.
N
ice to meet you.”
I returned her smile. At least she seemed like she’d be easy to work with, which was nice. I didn’t need any more drama today.
She
turned back
to
the makeup artist
to finish up,
and I went to find Rick.

Today’s shoot was relatively straightforward. We’d start in the opulent
master
bathroom, where I’d find Britney taking a bubble bath, and after spending a few minutes kissing and helping to wash her, I’d lift her from the tub and carry her into the bedroom where we’d finish out the scene.

Once I knew the setup, I got rubbed down with bronzer, and then waited for my cue from Rick. Once Britney was relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub, I sauntered in, barefoot
,
dressed in just a pair of jeans. We shared a few tender kisses, and I rubbed her shoulders and neck, before moving on
to her breasts. Then they captured a shot of me helping her from the tub before calling cut.

We picked things up again once we were on the bed, and
I was soon buried deep inside Britney.
But once inside her, I couldn’t escape my thoughts about
the previous night
with Alexa. She was so soft, so trusting that I wouldn’t hurt her. Being with Britney was the complete opposite.
She thrust her hips to match my stride
s
and begged me to fuck her faster.
A deep
,
nagging feeling boiled up, urging me on and I relented, driving into her hard and fast, chasing relief from the fire raging inside me.

Realizing
I didn’t
have to be careful with Britney,
I didn’t hold back
.
I plowed into her until she stopped asking for it harder and started a litany of tiny whimpers.
The sound of Britney’s whimpers reminded me of Alexa. And holding the im
a
ge of Alexa’s face in my mind, I finished. But even with my release, relief didn’t come.

*****

Ian
arrived just as the
game as about to start.

He scanned my coffee table and
gestured to
the six-pack of beer
and takeout pizza box with a frown
. “Hey man, where
are
the wings?”

I shook my head. “Not
in
the mood.” It would remind me too much of Alexa. Damn, watching her sweet mouth tear the meat off the bone and her pink tongue darting out to catch a drip of barbeque sauce…no, there would be no wings tonight.

He s
a
nk to the couch, grabbing a beer.

“Have you been working much?”
We both knew he wasn’t asking about construction.
We
typically
kept a
don’t ask
,
don’t tell
policy
when it came to m
e
dabbling in
porn,
but I’d let it slip that Alexa had left me over it, and that was why I’d been so miserable.

“
Nope.
I paid off the bills I needed to, and now I’m keeping myself out of all that shit.”

He nodded, sipping his beer.
“And Alexa?”

I pulled my mouth into a tight line and shook my head.

“Still?
Damn you’re stubborn.”

I drained my bottle and reached for a fresh beer
, keeping my eyes glued to the play
. “How am I
stubborn?”

“
Because
you’re telling me you’re not doing porn anymore…
and the reason Alexa left you wa
s because you were doing porn…
”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled,
picking at
the label
on
my bottle.

“And do you not see how stupid that logic is?”
Ian
shook his head. “Go after her, bro. Quit being a fucking pussy.”

“Drop it, man.
It would never work between us anyways.”
Would it?

Chapter 18

Alexa

MacKenzie and
I were sitting in my living room with two wine glasses on the coffee table and a bottle of Merlot between us. It had been a long week. I woke each morning with thoughts of Cade and Lily swirling in my head and went to bed each night with tears in my eyes. I
missed
them both fiercely, though I’d never admit that to Cade. What h
e’d done was unforgiveable. He’d
strung me along
,
pretending to be this amazing guy
—
he met my parents for heaven’s sake
—
b
ut worst of all
,
he
’d
captured
my heart. It was exactly what MacKenzie had warned me about. Thank God there was no
I told you so
. She just listened when I needed to vent, and kept quiet when I didn’t want to talk, and she’d come over every night this past week
to distract me
.

After a
few glasses of wine MacKenzie had begun trying to pump me for information about how Cade was in bed.

I wasn’t giving anything away.

Sh
e took another sip of her wine, cocking a hand on her hip.
“
Hell,
I could be seven months pregnant with another man’s baby and I’d still want a piece of him.”

“Not helping.” I frowned at her.

She held up her hands. “Sorry, but that’s the truth. Listen, sweetie, you had your fun. Maybe just
chalk
it up to getting some experience under your belt, and let the rest go.”

What she didn’t understand was that it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t just Cade that had stolen my heart, it was sweet Lily too. They were a package deal in my mind.

I heard a knock at the door, and then the key turning. It
had to
be Tyson letting himself in.

MacKenzie perked up at the sound. “You better have pizza!” she called.

We both giggled. We’d called him thirty minutes ago begging him to bring us a pizza.
Extra cheese, extra pepperoni.

Tyson entered the living room, a pizza box balanced on his hand.
“M
y
ladies.”
He placed it on the coffee table between us.

“Ty, you are the best,” I said, reaching toward him for a one-armed hug.

“No problem. I’ll go get some plates and napkins.” He headed into the kitchen while MacKenzie and I opened the lid and inhaled the amazing aroma emanating from the box.
I was glad to see there wasn’t any lingering awkwardness between Ty and I. I knew he was still pissed over my little fling with Cade, but for now, he was being civil about it.

“Get
yourself
a glass,” I called in to Ty.

“And
bring
another bottle of wine!” MacKenzie added.

Without waiting for the plates, MacKenzie
and I each grabbed a slice.

After finishing off the large pizza and three bottles of wine we
decided to call
it a night.
I walked them to the door and grabbed for my wallet to pay Ty back for the pizza.
I handed Ty a few bills before hugging them
both
goodnight.

When I returned my wallet to my purse,
my hand bumped something cool and firm.
What the
—
?

I pulled the black bottle from my purse and I held it up to inspect.
“The Guardian?”
I read the side. “What the hell is this?”

It appeared to be pepper
spray. Where in the world…? Oh
my gosh
.
Cade.
He’d stuffed some
thing into my purse that night
, saying he’d gotten me a gift
.
I’d forgotten all about it.

I set the offending object on my kitchen island and paced the room. Why did he get me that? Why did he try to act like he cared when he so
obviously
didn’t?

Without waiting for logic to set in, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed his number.
It’d been
over
a week
since
the incident
, but my newfound liquid courage
had
provided the
fuel
needed to
make the
call.

Despite the late hour, he answered on the first ring.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

His low chuckle washed over me, making my insides tremble.
“Are you drunk, cupcake?”

Oh, so I was cupcake again?
“No!”
Yes.

“Then you’re going to have to explain what the hell you’re referring to. I’m at a loss here, doll.”