Heart of Glass (17 page)

“
What about you, Bella?
What’s you’re claim to fame?” Phil asked.

“
Well. I’m pretty boring. I
went to St Brigid’s and now I’m here doing Arts.”

“
Isn’t that a convent
school? I bet you know lots of nice girls you could introduce us
to.”

I looked around and grinned.
“Some of the girls I went to school with are not very nice at all,
Coops, and my friends are all spoken for in one way or
another.”

“
That’s too bad, especially
if they’re as pretty as you.”

Justin gestured to the
barmaid. “Bella, your glass is empty. Here, have another
one.”

“
I really
shouldn’t.”

“
Yes, you should. It’s
Thursday.”

“
What’s that got to do with
it?”

“
We always drink on
Thursday. If you want to be one of the boys, you’ll have to learn
to drink with us,” Phil replied. “We drink on Fridays too, and
Saturdays after footy and sometimes Sundays. We have a very busy
schedule.”

“
Do you think you can
handle the pace, Beautiful Bella?” Coops purred. He held out an
open packet of cigarettes. I took one and, leaning over the flame
he offered, inhaled the smoke, blowing it mischievously into his
face. “Oh, I think I can handle it if you can.”

Coops blinked and took a
swig on his beer. He raised his eyebrows. Girls didn’t make jokes
laden with sexual innuendo. Girls sat around and looked
pretty.

But Phil burst into peels of
laughter. “I love you, Bella. A girl who can take Coops on at his
own game is going to be a real asset to our Friday night
entertainment.”

I laughed too.

Instantly, I could tell we
were all going to be great friends.

***

And we were, but somehow I
didn’t think my new life and the old one would mix. So when the
invitation came for Jen and Tim’s wedding, I decided to go alone.
Besides, Bella the party girl didn’t need a date. Dates were far
too restrictive to the flirting and drinking regime.

“
I can’t believe we’re
sitting here,” I whispered as I stared at the afternoon sun
streaming through the stained glass windows of the Cathedral. What
I had meant to say was… I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you….
but that was a trifle nasty considering the setting, so I kept it
to myself. It seemed like only months ago I had sat there in my
school uniform for Graduation. Those were the days when life was
easy and Ben still loved me. Before he’d taken my heart and used it
as a dishrag.

“
Shhh.” Lucy’s head was
bent in prayer, “we’re in the church.”

“
Oh, come off it, you never
had a religious bone in your body when we were at school. I’m not
falling for that trash.”

Lucy was trying to keep a
straight face. “Yes, I did! My family is very religious. Besides,
we have to set a good example. Some of these heathens have probably
never even been inside a church.”

Well, that was
true.

“
I haven’t been since I
left school. I have much better things to do with my
time.”

“
Obviously. We don’t see
you much anymore, now you’ve got all your new intellectual
friends.”

I studied her from the
corner of my eye. What did she expect? It wasn’t my fault that
she’d never finished Year 12 and had gone to find herself in some
psychedelic hippy commune thereby limiting her choice of occupation
to checkout chick or dishwasher. And she could hardly say that her
behaviour, over the past two years, warranted a full scale
sisterhood between us. She was lucky I spoke to her at
all.

“
I hope this isn’t a full
mass,” she said, fiddling in her handbag for a Tictac. “Mum will
have kittens if I don’t go to communion but I haven’t been to
confession for ages, so I can’t.”

I listened with out saying
anything. We both knew Lucy’s sins could keep her in that box for a
year. It was no wonder she was avoiding it.

Sticking my head out the
side of the pew, I peeked down the aisle. A side door opened and
Tim stepped up to the altar. His hands were wringing but he looked
quite dashing in his grey morning suit and bowtie. “I can see Tim.
His tie’s apricot. Prue must be wearing apricot.”

There’d been speculation,
from the moment the invitations arrived, as to what the bridesmaids
would wear. For some reason I couldn’t understand, people liked to
keep it a secret but the word on everyone’s nuptial lips was
taffeta. Taffeta, taffeta, taffeta in any shade that was either
pink or apricot and styled with huge Princess Diana sleeves. I
couldn’t think of anything more excruciatingly vile, except maybe
having to wear some gold, lacy confection. Yuck!

Lucy stretched her neck to
see. “Why do people insist upon wearing those ridiculous things
with veils of net on their heads? They’re so inane; I can’t see a
thing over that fluffy monstrosity there. Who’re the
groomsmen?”

She wriggled across the pew
towards me, trying to improve her view, not caring that she was
squashing me into the armrest.

“
Tim’s cousin, Dean, is
Best Man and I’m not sure about the groomsman. Jen was tightlipped
about the whole thing really. She wanted the details to be a
surprise.”

I didn’t add that Jen and I
hadn’t seen a great deal of each other since the beginning of the
year, or rather the announcement of the impending marriage. My
disapproval had been obvious and a rift had formed between us with
the gap only growing wider since I’d gone to Uni and Jen had
started work at Mrs. Sullivan’s boutique. We had nothing in common
anymore. She didn’t like going out and she hated alcohol. School
had been our only bond.

No one, in fact, had been
more surprised than me when Tim and Jen had announced their
engagement shortly after Christmas.

“
Surely, you’re not
serious?” I’d said, aghast.

“
Of course we are, and we
plan to marry in winter. I’ve always wanted to be a winter
bride.”

“
But you’re only eighteen.
What about the rest of your life?” It was difficult for me to
understand why someone would give up everything to have babies and
be a housewife. There was more than that to life. I wanted to
travel and study and, well, have some fun.

“
I don’t need anything
else, Bella. Tim is my life and he wants to marry me.”

“
But where are you going to
live? You don’t even have a house.”

“
Mrs Sullivan said we could
have the granny flat rent free, so we can save for a
deposit.”

I was appalled. “Oh for
heaven’s sake! I can’t believe your parents are letting you go
through with this.”

“
We love each other, Bella,
and that’s all that matters.”

I’d rolled my eyes. Was Mrs.
Sullivan totally demented? Or had she been so blinded by the
prospect of kitchen teas and guest lists that she’d gone
insane?

The wedding march began and
the congregation stood to welcome the blushing bride. Ever shy of
attention, Jen was truly blushing as she walked up the aisle on her
father’s arm. Her gown was a bouffant original in tulle, watermark
taffeta and sequins, so wide her father could hardly find her tiny
arm to escort her. Even then, it was a struggle for them both to
fit side by side in the aisle.

Lucy sighed. “Oh, Bella.
That’s our daggy little Jen. Doesn’t she look
beautiful?”

She didn’t. She looked like
a pavlova.

“
Nobody would ever have
believe that it’s the same girl we met five years ago.”

That’s because nobody could
recognize her under that hideous veil, I thought.

The congregation sat down as
the couple prepared to make their vows, binding them to each other
for life. The church was silent, all except Mrs. Sullivan who had
begun to weep as soon as the wedding march began. She was sniffing
into her hanky.

The bride handed her bouquet
over to the bridesmaid for safekeeping and the groomsmen stood. I
looked along the row of attendants, their backs to the crowd, the
sun shining on the crowns of their hair. Two brown heads and one
blonde – white blonde. Oh shit. Ben. I should have known when that
bloody song came on the radio earlier that morning I was in for it.
I’d only heard the opening chords and I’d been a blubbering mess.
God.

Under the remains of my
summer tan, I paled. My hands began to shake and my heart thumped
but not in that good way it thumped when Ben was in view. It was a
painful and terrifying kind of thud. I could feel the dizziness
swimming inside my head.

Please, don’t let him see
me, I prayed. I’m not ready for this. A lifetime couldn’t prepare
me enough to face him again. Not after the humiliation of the whole
traffic lights episode.

Lucy leant over. “Are you
alright? You’re a funny shade of grey all of a sudden.”

“
I don’t feel well; I think
I might go out for some fresh air. It’s very stuffy in
here.”

The afternoon sun was
glaring in its brightness. I could see the colours of the sunset
beginning to spread across the sky. The underbellies of the clouds
were tinged with violet, the colour of sorrow, blending into pink
and orange near the horizon. I sat down on the bottom step of the
chapel, my head in my hands, breathing deeply. I had to pull myself
together. I could not let Ben see me looking like an advertisement
for Return of the Living Dead. He could never see what he had done
to me. Nobody could ever see. It was time for the new Bella to live
her life.

***

The band struck a chord and
launched into a cabaret version of “Crazy Little Thing Called
Love.” But there was nothing crazy about it in my book. The
reception was a nightmare. Chicken vol-au-vents that looked like
something found in a baby’s nappy and racial taunts from racist
Uncle Bob to the Indian family friends were a drop in the ocean of
love when compared to what would happen if Ben and I crossed
paths.

Feeling flirty and a little
drunk since beginning my ‘Avoid-Ben-at-all-Costs’ mission, I
drained another glass of champagne and grabbed Lucy by the hand.
“Come on, Luc’, it’s time to hit the dance floor.”

“
Oh God, not again!” We’d
only just sat down from the last dance but, reluctantly, she got to
her feet. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

“
Well, you shouldn’t have
become a vegan then. You’re so lacking in protein it’s a wonder you
can get out of bed in the morning.”

Steering Lucy around the
edges of the dance floor, I found what looked like the darkest
corner. Ben was on the other side of the room. I didn’t know if he
knew I was there but it was imperative to my sanity that I avoid
him for as long as possible.

“
Can’t we have a rest for a
minute, please? My feet are killing me in these shoes,” Lucy
begged.

“
No, I want to dance. And
don’t call me Annabelle. I loathe it.”

We started dancing. I
wriggled and writhed, my red sailor mini dress swishing around my
hips at perilously high levels that threatened to expose my
knickers to the geriatrics at the buffet table. Lucy watched on,
unsure. “I don’t know if I like this ‘new alcohol-improved’ Bella.
You’re a lot mouthier than you used to be.”

“
Yeah, and having you for a
friend is no picnic either, so shut up and dance,” I
said.

Lucy looked at me through
suspicious eyes. She’d seen enough drugs at the ‘community’ to know
what it looked like when you were stoned. “What’s wrong with you?
Have you been taking something?”

“
Don’t be silly. I’m having
a good time. It’s a wedding after all. Oops!” I wobbled, grabbing
her shoulder in an attempt to stop from falling.

“
Is something bothering
you?”

“
No, I’m fine, really. I’m
just tired of being boring and straight. I’m eighteen; it’s time
for some fun.”

But I wasn’t fine. Seeing
Ben standing there in his grey suit had brought it all back. It’d
taken all of my willpower and a good deal of alcohol to avoid him
so far. How was I going to keep it up for the rest of the night?
I’d be on my ear by then.

I hate him, I thought. I
hate him so much; I want to tear every last blonde hair from his
handsome head!

“
Hi girls. Having a good
time?” Prue asked, as she danced up to us with her cousin, the
Best

Man.

“
It’s a lovely wedding. You
look excellent in that dress, by the way. Have you lost weight?”
Lucy asked.

“
I didn’t want to be one of
those frumpy bridesmaids. I haven’t seen real food in
months.”

“
Well, you look
fantastic.”

The music stopped and we
looked at each other. The Best Man was silent. He coughed and dug
Prue in the arm with his elbow. “Oh shit, sorry, I think the
champagne’s gone to my head. This is my cousin, Dean Hayward. He’s
at Uni too, Bella. He’s doing Medicine.”

I smiled. He stared back
through his serious green eyes, his angular face showing no
emotion.

“
Dean, this is Bella and
Lucy, my friends from school. Bella’s doing Arts.”