Her One and Only Dom (8 page)

“This
isn’t what you want sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

Simone
burst into tears, knowing he was right. She was fighting him, and not because
she wanted more of the same like some “brats” did, but because she didn’t want
it.

“I’m
... so ... sorry ... Patrick ...” Simone sobbed as her man scooped her up with
his huge arms and sat down with her in his lap.

He
sat with her on the ground, cuddling her, soothing her, and she clung to him,
unable to do anything else against the pain in her chest.

“
Shh
baby, it’ll be all right.”

He
was wrong, he was so very wrong.

“No,
no it won’t.”

She
cried until she couldn’t cry anymore and Patrick continued to hold her.

“I’d
love to say I don’t need it, but I do, Simone. That’s what I need in a
girlfriend and a Sub, I’ve realized that now. I don’t want one of each anymore.
I want a woman who can be both for me.”

Simone
nodded and slowly extricated
herself
from his arms.
She suddenly remembered that she was still in her underwear, and he wore only a
pair of leather pants. It was too intimate and she wrapped her arms around
herself.

“I
better go, sir ... Patrick.”

He
let her go slowly, his beautiful and talented hands sliding over her body in an
almost memorizing way.

“I’ll
drive you home.”

Simone
raced to her clothes and pulled them on in a hurry. They were cold and itchy
against her heated skin and only served to bring another tear to her eye. She
would never know what it was like to feel like this again. No one excited her
like Patrick did.

“No,
please, Patrick. I have my car.” She opened the door to his play room and walked
out on unsteady legs.

Patrick
followed her to the door. “I don’t think I want you driving.” His voice tone
was concerned and Simone grabbed her bag.

“I
can’t tell you how sorry I am ...” She bit her lip hard but it didn’t stop
another hot tear from sliding down her cheek.

She
had wanted to be his everything. He had trusted her to be what no other woman
could be for him, and she had failed.

“Please
don’t be sorry, baby, never be sorry.”

With
her heart breaking, Simone tore
herself
away from
Patrick’s sympathetic gaze and hurried home.

That
night she ate pizza and cried, and cried, and cried. Her roommates had gone
away for the weekend, and she had never been so grateful for the absence of her
friends.

When
she awoke—alive—the next morning, she was surprised. Until the ache in her
chest reminded her that she had survived breaking up with the man she loved,
and then she wished she was dead.

She
stayed in bed for half the day and only hauled herself out of it to get more
tissues and chocolate. The pain was incredible.

Patrick
had rung her twice to check on her but she’d let it go to voice mail. She
couldn’t handle him right now and nothing had changed for them. She couldn’t be
what he needed and that tore her apart.

About
ten p.m., just as she was about to go back to bed, a knock sounded on her door.
Puzzled and a little frightened, Simone made her way to the front door and
peered through the peep hole. Nicola stood on the other side and she rapped on
the door again.

“Open
up, Simone, it’s me.”

Simone
smiled for the first time in hours. Simone twisted the dead lock and opened the
door, fully aware of the fact that she was in her pajamas with red eyes and a
puffy face.

“Hi.”

Nicola
took one look at her and barged in. “Oh sweetie, what happened?”

The
tears, which should have been well exhausted by now, filled her eyes again.
Simone let them flow as her best friend wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

She
hadn’t actually said the words yet and it was the last thing she wanted to do
but she forced them out. “We broke up.”

With
that rather devastating statement out in the world, Nicola only sighed and
rubbed her back. “Let’s go sit down.”

Simone
took a deep, shuddering breath and raised her head. Nicola wasn’t surprised,
why? It didn’t really
matter,
she was beyond exhausted
and too tired to care.

“I
was about to go to bed actually. I have a headache.”

Nicola
nodded and shut the door firmly.

“Well,
loan me a pair of pajamas and I’ll stay.”

Suddenly
Simone noticed the clothes her friend was wearing.
Black
skirt, collar, too much makeup.
The truth hit her like a punch to the
stomach.

“You’ve
been at the club.”

Nicola
nodded and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go.”

Simone
let Nicola pull her along the hallway. She should be grateful for her best
friend’s moral support, but instead a seed of anger sunk deep inside Simone. If
it hadn’t been for Nicola dragging her into that club in the first place, she
wouldn’t be in this world of pain.

They
went to the bathroom and Simone found Nicola some pajamas. She was feeling a
little more like herself as she clung to the newly found anger. It was so much
easier to work with than the pain. Together they climbed into Simone’s bed when
she quickly settled into sleep.

Nicola
rolled onto her side, a hand propped beneath her head.

“So
tell me what happened.”

Did
she really want to talk about it now? Simone reluctantly rolled onto her side
and glared at. “You saw Patrick tonight, didn’t you?”

Nicola
didn’t say anything but Simone saw in her best friend’s eyes pity and worry.
She knew everything. Pain ripped through her and she gasped as a second
realization hit.

“Oh
my God, I can’t believe how much that hurts. I couldn’t give him what he needed
last night and he went straight to the club to get it from someone else
tonight.”

The
anger was gone, drowned out by the crashing wave of guilt and pain. A fresh
round of sobs emerged and Simone succumbed to them and buried her face into her
pillow while Nicola patted her hair and spoke softly to her.

“It
wasn’t like that, Simone.”

Simone
raised her head and dashed away the tears with the back of her hand. Her throat
was thick and sore; and her voice came out choked as she forced the words out.

“Well,
what was it like then?”

Nicola
shrugged. “Sim, he looked lost and confused. He was only talking to a few
people, other
Doms
mostly.”

Anger
rose again and Simone raised her head. “Yeah right, for how long? It’s only ten
thirty. He could be there all night.”

And doing God
knows what, with God knows who.
Another sob rose but she pushed it down.

Nicola
sighed and looked straight at Simone again. “Tell me what happened.”

Simone
pushed herself onto her back and huffed a little. “You
frikken
know what happened. Patrick wanted me to submit to him and I couldn’t do it.”

Nicola
shifted a little, her brow furrowed in thought.

“Maybe
it was just too soon, you’ve only been together a week. He shouldn’t have
pushed you so hard.”

Simone
squeezed her eyes shut, hearing Patrick warning her of the exact same thing.
She turned her head and looked at Nicola again.

“I
know, but one of the women at the club … she … well, she told me I couldn’t
give Patrick what he needed and I was trying to prove her wrong.”

Simone
bit down on her lip and tried hard not to cry again. How wrong could she have
been?

“And
you ended up proving her right instead?” Nicola’s soft question hung between
them, shattering every little bit of strength

She
nodded her head and let, her eyes slide shut again. She was so tired.

“I
need to go to sleep sweetie.”

Nicola
nodded and lay her head down on the pillow and put a comforting hand on
Simone’s arm. “We can talk more in the morning.”

Simone
turned her back on her best friend, finding it impossible to take comfort from
a woman who probably could give Patrick everything he needed, and muttered,
“Don’t know what else there is to say. I totally fucked this up.”

Nicola
rubbed her back in a reassuringly slow movement and Simone was asleep within
moments.

Chapter Five

Simone
woke the next morning to the sound of water
running,
Nicola was already in the shower. She stretched and hugged the covers to her
body. She wanted to just stay in bed forever.

The
water stopped and Nicola’s bright voice rang out.
“Rise and
shine, Simone!”

Groaning
loudly, Simone rolled out of bed and staggered to the main bathroom. She didn’t
really want to see Nicola’s beautiful body at this time of the morning.

After
using the toilet, she moved to the kitchen and put on the kettle. She felt like
crap. Her head was fuzzy, her limbs ached, and she just wanted to crawl back
into bed.

“Morning!”
Nicola walked into
the kitchen and sat down at the bench, her skin still pink from the shower.

“Morning, coffee?”

Nicola
nodded, “Yeah, thanks.”

Simone
moved automatically to the cupboard and began making Nicola and herself a
coffee.

“So
tell me why you and Patrick broke up.”

Simone
stiffened and poured the milk into the cups with shaking hands.

“I
just couldn’t handle the pain.”

She
handed Nicola her mug and sat down opposite her with a sigh. Life really
sucked.

Nicola’s
giggle sliced though Simone as sharply as a slap to her face.

“Don’t
you dare laugh at
me!
Just because you like the pain
doesn’t mean I do!”

Nicola
laughed harder and Simone got up to leave. She wasn’t going to sit there and
let her best friend make her feelings seem pathetic. They weren’t pathetic to
her.

Nicola
grabbed her arm and tugged her down, her show of strength and speed surprising.

“You
don’t even know what you’re talking about, Simone so stop getting upset with
me.”

Simone
blinked, shocked at her friend’s tone. She crossed her arms over her chest and
glared at Nicola.

“Then
tell me.”

Nicola
sighed and shifted back in her chair.
“No. You tell
me what really happened, Simone.”

Simone blinked a few times as the memories rolled through her
head like an old fashioned movie. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her
body, not wanting to relive those moments when she realized she wasn’t enough
for Patrick.

Nicola grabbed her arm and squeezed, the feeling reassuring
somehow.

“Tell me.”

Simone released a huge sigh at the same time as she
unwrapped
her arms. She needed to talk to someone about it
and if there was anyone who would understand, it was the woman in front of her.

“We were at his house and I asked him to show me what it felt
like to do a proper scene. So he tied me to the spanking bench and hit me with
the paddle. It hurt and I freaked out. I didn’t like it at all and he could
tell because he just stopped.”

Simone shrugged. Saying it out loud sounded strange. Was that
really all it was? She didn’t like being spanked and they broke up? That couldn’t
be it.

Nicola cocked her head on the side and stared at her for a long
moment before asking a question.

“Patrick
didn’t hurt you really, did he?”

The
question made Simone fidget and she looked away.

“It
hurt a bit ...”

Nicola
waited until Simone finally looked back at her.

“But
that wasn’t the real problem was it?”

Simone
looked away again and tried to divert the conversation, not so sure she wanted
to talk about this anymore. “How do you know it didn’t really hurt?”

Nicola
made a dismissive sound. “Because a spanking with a paddle doesn’t hurt unless
they really want it to. Cane’s hurt, and the whip is intense. I’ve seen Patrick
use clothes pins on someone and bring them to their knees. If he wanted to hurt
you, he could have very easily.”

Simone
swallowed the bile that rose and looked at her best friend, tears in her eyes.
The picture Nicola painted was exactly what Simone feared. “That’s what I was
afraid of. I can’t give him that.”

Nicola
reached over and patted her hand. “Sweetie, that Sub was a heavy masochist and
needed that level of pain. That doesn’t mean that Patrick is a true sadist.”

Simone’s
brain brought up the image of the dictionary definition she had looked up
yesterday.
Sadistic—a person who gets
sexual pleasure from inflicting pain.

Of
course Patrick was a sadist, or why would he be a Dom? How was it even possible
that he wasn’t?

“How
can he not be Nic? I thought all
Doms
must be.”

Nicola
smiled and shook her head. “Did you even ask him why he does it? What he
needs?”

Simone
shook her head as the cold spread over her. She hadn’t. Why hadn’t she? Her
mouth
gaped
a little as she tried to gather her
scattered thoughts. Had she been wrong?
Again?

“No,
I just assumed he needed it.”

Nicola
smiled again. “Some
Doms
like the power, others revel
in the submission and being able to give their Subs what they need. You should
check, though to be honest I think I know why Patrick did what he did.”

That
got Simone’s attention because she didn’t even know what he had done let alone
the why.

“What
do you mean?”

Nicola
sighed and fidgeted with her coffee mug handle.

“He
wanted to see how much you trusted him and how much he could trust you. If you
didn’t use the safe word and simply broke down, he would know that you didn’t
trust him enough. And he needs that, we all do. The rules in BDSM are pretty
simple.
Safe, sane, and consensual.
If there isn’t any
trust then none of the other things are even possible. If Patrick wants you for
his girlfriend and his Sub, then he wants a lot from you, Simone.”

Simone
shuddered and let the tears that had welled in her eyes, fall down her cheeks.
He wanted a lot, he had wanted everything, and she had let her fear hold her
back.

“What
can I do to get him back Nicola? I want him so much, but I don’t want him
leaving me in six months because I can’t enjoy the pain.” A sob escaped her
throat and the real reason she had run away came flooding in on a wave of
realization

She
covered her mouth with her hand, horrified at her cowardice. “Oh my God, I let
him go because I couldn’t trust him not to hurt me.”

Nicola
nodded. “And Patrick knew that. You know, some pain can be fun but you need to
communicate with him. Find out your own boundaries.”

Panic
and pain was soon replaced by a deep seated determination as excitement ran
through Simone’s body. Like the dawn rays of sunshine, it filtered through her.
Warming and beautiful.
“Do you really think I could
get him back?”

Nicola
jumped to her feet and laughed, breakfast forgotten. “Considering how miserable
he looked last night—yes, I think so. What do you want to do?”

Simone
put her hands on the kitchen bench and pushed up slowly, feeling powerful.
Nicola’s words made sense and she hoped to God they were both right. He still
wanted her.

Would
a direct attack be the best way? “Should I call him do you think?”

Nicola
bit down on her bottom lip, worrying the flesh there. “You could, but I think a
grand gesture would be better. Maybe go to the club tonight and offer to do a
scene with him?”

Nicola’s
eyes looked worried as she made the suggestion and Simone grinned, heading
towards the shower. She had so much to do.

Nicola’s
voice followed her. “Where are you going?”

Simone
stripped off her pjs and called out. “I’m having a shower so we can go
shopping. I think I need a new outfit for tonight. Something black and low cut
perhaps?”

Nicola’s
chuckle could be heard even as she walked into the en suite.

“I
know just the place.”

Simone
stepped under the warm water and let it calm and
soothe
her.

She
had trusted Patrick with her virginity, yet she hadn’t trusted him with true
submission. She had a long way to go but it if she was willing to learn,
perhaps he would still teach her?