Hesitant Heart (4 page)

“You seem quite adamant about it, so I will take you at your word. And having a family?”

“Well…a family, a
real
family who loved you no matter what you were like? That would be heaven. But I don’t want to be the one… Oh dear…” He bowed his head.

“What is it, Sam? You can tell me anything you’d like. I won’t think badly of you.”

He raised his head, the expression of distress back on his face. “I don’t mind working, sir. Really, I don’t. I’ve always worked very hard and I enjoy knowing that I’m doing something productive. It’s just…the thought of having to be responsible for anyone else is too scary. When my cousin had to do it, it made me very nervous. My father kept saying that the same thing was going to happen to me…” He paused, flushing. “It would happen someday, I mean, and that I’d better be ready. I asked my cousin if he was scared and he said he wasn’t. He told me he couldn’t wait to have a family of his own and be the one giving the orders for a change.” His eyes were earnest, his voice pleading. “I don’t want you to think I’m a big baby. I swear I’m not. But I would rather someone else be in charge. You know, like what you were talking about.” He sighed longingly. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

“Oh good Lord.”

Aaron had muttered it under his breath. He’d tried to steer them in a different direction and instead he’d circled them back to the fact that little Sam unknowingly ached to submit to a man. It was time to get them both out of the bathhouse and for Aaron to get Sam set up somewhere safer.

“Where are you residing?”

“At the Working Men’s Hotel on Argyle Avenue.”

It wouldn’t do for Aaron to blatantly express his distaste for Sam’s situation, but he could at least do something about it. Aaron refused to allow him to reside at the seedy flophouse any longer.

“I see. How would you like to stay at a nicer hotel up on Franklin Avenue by Griffith Park?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. I mean…if you think it’s nice, it must be, and I’ll do whatever you think’s best. But I don’t know this town very well. Would it be close enough that I can still walk to work?”

“If you’re wondering if it’s close enough to walk to this den of iniquity, the answer is no, most certainly not. But since you’re no longer working here, that shouldn’t be an issue.”

Sam lowered his head in what seemed to be utter dejection. “Of course, I forgot. He fired me. Plus, I can’t, I wouldn’t ever…”

Aaron wanted nothing more than to grab him and hold him close—make all the worry and sadness go away.

“What is it, Sam? You must tell me whatever troubles you, no matter what it is.”

The look of adoration on Sam’s face as he gazed at Aaron threatened to unravel him.

“Thank you for listening to me. For really hearing me.” Sam set the empty water bottle down on the floor next to him before continuing. “I can’t stay here anyway, not after what happened. What he wanted me to do. And I’m sure the hotel is very nice where you want me to go. But I need to find another job first. I can barely pay for the room I share with three other boys. It’s a whole two dollars a week and I only have two and a half left.”

“Let’s go.”

Sam appeared startled. “Go?”

Aaron stood. He’d had enough of the whole situation. He wasn’t entirely sure what his next move would be or why he’d decided to take on the responsibility of a young stranger, but he’d never felt a stronger compulsion in his life. Gifted with excellent instincts, it was what had always made him magnificent when it came to dominating another man. He could discern what they needed, how much they could take—even if they didn’t know that they needed it.

Sam knows. He just doesn’t understand yet.

Snatching one of the towels on the table, Aaron rapidly shielded himself. Not that the towel hid much, but it was better than tromping around with his dick pointing the way.

“Yes. Come with me.”

“Okay.”

It would be so easy. He could bring little Sam home with him and he knew the boy would gladly give himself to Aaron. But then Aaron would be no better than the swine bathhouse manager who exploited the innocence of young men. He would find a way to ensure Sam’s survival then stay out of his life.

As Aaron hurried down the hallway, he heard the quick footsteps of Sam at his back. It wasn’t lost on him that Sam hadn’t even attempted to walk by his side, but had instantly fallen in tandem behind. It was disconcerting and made his balls ache that much more.

When Aaron reached the door that led to the members’ dressing area, he halted. Sam did the same.

“It’s time for you get out of that silly outfit.”

Aaron immediately regretted his words when he saw Sam’s crestfallen expression. He leaned closer.

“Even if you make it appear quite fetching.”

Sam straightened, his cheeks blushing, his carriage more confident.

“Go change and I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes. If you’re not there in precisely ten minutes, I will assume you’ve run into trouble and I’ll come looking for you. Don’t make me worry.”

“No, sir. I won’t. I promise.”

“Good boy. Now run along.”

He watched as Sam happily scurried away. Groaning then tearing his eyes from the sight of him, he headed into the changing area. After making quick work of rinsing off in the shower then tugging his clothes on, he took one final glance in the mirror. His hair needed more grease to slick it back the way he preferred, but there wasn’t time for such vanity at the moment. He straightened his ascot then grabbed his fedora. The season had just changed to fall and he’d already retired his straw boaters to the closet to await the summer of twenty-six.

As he’d suspected, Sam was dutifully waiting for him. Aaron was able to observe him for a few moments before getting too close and alerting Sam to his presence. The lip chewing was back. It was obviously an unconscious nervous habit he’d been accustomed to for a while. It would be hard to break. Sam also rocked on his heels. Then he stuffed his hands into his pockets only to have them reappear a moment later when he ran one through his hair. The young man didn’t use grease—no doubt he couldn’t afford it—but his clothing wasn’t that of a ragamuffin. Odd. Sam moved to chewing the other side of his poor, abused lip. Yes, definitely hard to break. But Aaron was up to the challenge.

Stop it.

It was time to get them out of there and introduce Sam to his new life—a life that most certainly did
not
include Aaron.

Chapter Three

The very instant Sam spotted Mr Rubenstein, he remembered about his lip. It was as if he’d made an instant connection between seeing the man’s beautiful face and knowing that he wasn’t supposed to be chewing. He smacked a hand to his mouth, but he was pretty sure Mr Rubenstein knew already. They locked gazes and although Mr Rubenstein had a severe expression, there was that twinkle in his eye that he’d never noticed before until that day.

He held me.

On the verge of holding his breath and passing out again, Sam made himself breathe steadily. It would never happen, could never be, but he wanted Mr Rubenstein so
bad
. Seeing him for the first time dressed in such finery, his silver gray suit an excellent contrast to his dark hair, it was evident to Sam that he could never be what a refined gentleman such as Mr Rubenstein would desire.

As Mr Rubenstein handed several bills to Mr Larsen at the front desk, Sam went back to worrying. But he didn’t chew. He concentrated very hard, yet at the same time, the question of what Mr Rubenstein was paying for gnawed at him. Oddly, Mr Larsen never even glanced in his direction. He even appeared sheepish—his shoulders were bent forward and he kept his head bowed. It was startling. Mr Rubenstein was a very commanding man.

To his horror, Sam found himself getting excited. He hadn’t put his newsboy cap on yet, so he was careful to hold it in front of him. Mr Rubenstein turned his way, and gave him a warm smile. Sam could’ve melted from that smile alone.

“Come along, little Sam. You can say goodbye forever to this…” Mr Rubenstein waved his hand around as if searching for the right word. “Filth.”

Sam dutifully followed him out of the bathhouse until they reached the most amazing motorcar he’d ever seen. It was bright red with a black leather top that Sam was sure could be folded down. It was long and sleek and very manly. Before he could stop himself, he ran his hand along the side as if he was stroking an exotic pet. Glancing up, he spotted Mr Rubenstein’s amused expression as he watched Sam.

He yanked his hand away. “I’m sorry. It’s just so nice. What kind is it?”

“Don’t apologize for appreciating beauty, Sam. It’s a Stutz Bearcat.”

“Oh my. That’s the perfect name for it.”

Sam was fairly certain that Mr Rubenstein hid a smile behind his hand. He seemed to regain his composure then plucked a pair of black leather gloves from his pocket before pulling them on.

“Hop in, Sam. We’re going to pick up your belongings then get you settled into your new home.”

“Oh no, Mr Rubenstein, you can’t. You mustn’t.”

His benefactor froze in the middle of hoisting himself onto the vehicle’s runner. “Truly? I’m not accustomed to anyone telling me that I can’t do something. You must be very powerful, Sam.” He finished launching himself into the car. “Regardless, get in, and do call me Aaron.”

“I… But… You…” He couldn’t catch his breath again.

“Breathe, Sam. Now please do as I say and get in the car. Once you’re safely ensconced where I can be reasonably sure that no harm will come to you, I can answer any and all of the questions you have. Are we in agreement?”

It sounded very fair. “Okay. Agreed.”

There was a hint of satisfaction in Aaron’s eyes. “Excellent. Come along then.”

He climbed in, admiring the matching red leather, padded bench seat. It would be wonderful to sit close to Aaron, but he stayed on his side. His father’s car was much larger, definitely not as sporty. Sam preferred the sportier one.

Sam provided Aaron with instructions to where he was staying. Once they’d arrived, he’d been rather mortified when Aaron had followed him in and seen the horrible, dirty place where he’d been living. He’d stuffed his few possessions that primarily consisted of an extra change of clothing and some grooming accessories into a large satchel and they were quickly on their way. He hadn’t missed the pained expression on Aaron’s face. There had to be a way to prove to Aaron that he wasn’t so pitiful. Maybe then Aaron would like him more.

As they rode along, Aaron happily pointed out some interesting sites to Sam. They even drove past a place with very high walls and Aaron told him that Saul knew someone who ran the big moving picture studio that was behind them. He hadn’t explored the town very much. There wasn’t any extra money for trolley rides or picture shows or anything like that. He did walk around a lot when he wasn’t at work—staying for long hours in his room was the last thing he’d wanted to do. Sometimes he’d go to the farmer’s market, buy an apple and sit out on the grass watching all the people. It could get boring, but as long as he didn’t have his father trying to force him to be someone he wasn’t, he was content for the most part.

“Here we are, little Sam. Your new home.”

He drew in a sharp breath. It was at least ten stories high and very elegant. It didn’t have all that fancy stuff like he’d seen on buildings in San Francisco. There weren’t any of the curlicues or other flourishes. It was simply understated and regal, almost like a Greek temple.

“Can I ask questions yet?”

Aaron regarded him with that twinkle that Sam loved. “Almost. Some discipline would be good for you. Patience.”

He knew Aaron was right. He did have a tendency to get pushy and impatient. Waiting for Aaron was okay. Sam no longer had any fear of him. They’d sat together in the private room of the bathhouse—and exactly as he’d promised—he’d never tried to do anything to Sam or make Sam do anything to him. It was even more amazing because Aaron had been naked the whole time and Sam had noticed his organ get hard a couple of times. His tummy warmed at the thought. He knew it was because Aaron at least liked him enough for that. It sort of reminded him of his fantasy. And Aaron had even said that he looked good in his horrible bathhouse costume. If he could find a way to show Aaron that he wasn’t simply a goofy kid, then maybe…?

They’d made their way into the lobby and Sam was immediately overwhelmed. It wasn’t as if he’d never seen a nice place before, but he didn’t feel as though he belonged there—at least not the way he was dressed. Aaron handed over more bills to yet another person on his behalf and waves of shame washed over him. How could he ever pay him back?

“I know what you’re thinking.” Aaron’s voice startled him. “You don’t owe me anything for this—”

“But—”

“Don’t interrupt, please. As I was saying, consider this my restitution for patronizing such a reprehensible establishment.” Aaron peeked at him sideways as they waited for the elevator. “But if it will make you feel better, then we can come up with some sort of moderate repayment plan. However, it will have to wait until you get your first paycheck at your new job.”

Sam’s stomach clenched. He had no idea where to search for one. He was in a completely unfamiliar part of town. Maybe if Aaron didn’t mind too terribly much, he could tell him what was nearby.

With a loud clunk, their ride had arrived. The elevator man slid the accordion-style gate open for them. Aaron gestured for Sam to go ahead and when they were both inside, he gave the operator their floor number. They all rode in silence and Sam couldn’t help fidgeting, although he didn’t chew. Aaron stood on the other side of him from the operator and he placed his hand lightly on Sam’s arm where he couldn’t be seen. Sam stilled instantly. Somehow he’d known right away what Aaron had wanted from him. Sadly, Aaron then moved his hand away.

When they reached the proper floor, Aaron led the way just as he had at the bathhouse. Sam scurried after him but stayed behind. Sam knew he could survive on his own, could push through whatever obstacles got in his way. He’d had to in order to make it to Los Angeles. Even though Louis had helped him get the job, he would’ve been able to figure something out eventually.