HIM (12 page)

I looked all around me trying to see what it was that was removing me from my original position.  I could see nothing.  And pretty soon I knew I would feel nothing.  I couldn't breathe.  I was suffocating, drowning.

I was gripping my throat now, as if to send a sign to someone out there that my lungs couldn’t take the pressure.  Shortly water would be consuming my body and I would die – peacefully.  No more struggling.  No more pain.  No more . . .
him
.  The thought brought a smile to my numb face.  I could accept death.  I welcomed it with open arms as my body lost control of its nerves.

There were myths – if you died in a dream you’d wake up.  Others said if you died in a dream you’d die in real life.  In a sick, twisted way I wanted to put those theories to the test; which theory would surpass the other.

Just as my eyes completely closed I heard an angelic voice.  “Avalon,” it said.  “Avalon, please…sweetheart…wake up,” it moaned.  The voice was distressed.  I didn’t like it.  “Ava, come on, don’t do this.”

Something hard hit my chest over and over again.  I landed on the ground; sand collected overhead.  And I could see something – the figure that held me hostage.  It was the person I’d been dreading to see for almost a year.

Immediately my heart started racing and the banging on my chest continued.  I tried getting away but
his
grip was too tight on my ankle.  I turned away from him as his body covered mine – his breath smelling like vodka and blood.  His fingers entwined in my hair, forcing my face upward.

I refused to look at him.  There was, in all this darkness, a bright light coming from up above.  I knew it was time for me to leave this earth at that moment.  The light got brighter; it was getting closer to me.  Or maybe I was getting closer to it.  I couldn’t tell.  And I didn’t care.  As long as I could get out of this dreadful place of horror.

The light was shining so bright it hurt my eyes.  I had to shield myself from it so I wouldn’t go blind.  A human figure stepped out of the light with four large wings behind him.  His hand extended toward mine trying to reach me.  I reached up to grab it and held on tight.  The light proceeded to brighten.

Another sharp blow to the chest.  I winced at the pain.

“Avalon,” the soothing voice bellowed, “
please
!  Wake up!”

I tried piecing the voice and body in front of me together.  I suddenly knew whose voice it was: Jensen’s.  What was he doing in my dream?  It didn’t feel right for him to be in here with me.  He didn’t fit.

Jensen came out of the light and grabbed me, pulling me away from
him
, bringing me further into the brightness ahead.  I held on tight and knew Jensen was there to save me.  But the question was did I want him to save me?  I felt this great urge to just let go.

“Avalon!” Jensen’s voice called as he made compressions on my chest – which had been the pounding I’d felt.  The world was slowly coming into view – Jensen’s house, my new room.  I was home.  “Please, Ava, you
have
to wake up!” he repeated.  He was breathing heavily.

My throat burned as I gasped for air, screaming and crying as my hands reached out for him.  My eyes stung beneath its lids as I tried opening them.  The compressions stopped.  Instead I heard a sigh of relief and warmth consumed me as his arms found my waist.

“Avalon,” he breathed, pulling me close to him.  “Are you alright?”

I merely blinked my eyes, wordlessly trying to make sense of what happened.  It was only a dream.

How had that affected me so severely?

I nodded my head slowly in response to Jensen’s question; it throbbed with pain.

“I,” I could barely speak, “I need y-you,” I stammered.

“I’m right here,” Jensen whispered, “I promise you’ve got me.”  For the first time, Jensen’s promise didn’t bother me.

*      *      *

Jensen had saved my life just a mere few hours ago.

I would forever be grateful to him – possibly indebted to him until I did something so miraculous for him, I wouldn’t feel the need to pay him back again.  But then again he was letting me live with him.  So I guessed the debt was an endless pile.

Just a few hours after my killer-dream, Jensen whipped us up some dinner from scratch.  We lay sprawled across his couch – full and satisfied.

“You’re such an amazing cook,” I mused, feeling as relaxed as ever.

              “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he responded.

              “How did you learn to make homemade vegetable lasagna?”

              “Italy,” he chuckled and I did the same.

              “You’re kidding.”

              “I wish I was.”

              “You’re really something else, you know that?”

              “Is that a good thing?”

              “You bet.”  I smiled.

It was comfy lying on the couch beside Jensen.  After a good meal spending time with someone as special as him hit the spot.

              “So,” he said, “are you going to tell me what that was back there?”

I knew I couldn’t avoid the topic for too long.  All throughout dinner we hadn’t mentioned it once.

              “I honestly don’t know,” I sighed, glancing at the clock.  It was 9:30 PM.  So much time had passed since I’d had that dream.

Jensen took a deep breath.  “You really scared me.  I thought I was going to lose you.”

              “Well…you didn’t,” I answered.

              “Just barely,” he muttered.  I remembered the pounding on my chest.  “But you’re a fighter,” Jensen said as he rubbed my tense shoulders.  “You’re certainly the type to make it through anything.”

              “Sure,” I mumbled into the couch pillow, contemplating his words.  He dug deeper into my back, releasing all the tension that had been building since last summer.

“I came home and you were lying in bed – not moving or breathing,” Jensen said, sorrow in his deep voice.  “I didn’t know what to do.”

              “I was dreaming,” I sighed.

              “Dreaming?” he snorted.  “More like
nightmaring
.”

I winced at the word
nightmare
.  It
had
been a nightmare.  A real life nightmare that continued every time I thought of what happened last year. And now, more than ever, occurred whenever I closed my eyes.

              “It’s because of him,” I sighed.

              “Him?” Jensen asked.  Then something clicked.  “Oh, you mean…
him
…”

“Co – le.”  My voice broke in the middle.  Jensen raised an eyebrow.  “Cole Harris.  That’s…
him
.”  I hadn’t spoken his name in months; hadn’t even thought it.  His name came out like a curse rather than a blessed memory.

              “Oh,” he said, stopping the continuous rub of my back.  He cleared his throat and then gently continued the massage session.

“After what he did to me he couldn’t face me.  He just…disappeared. No visits.  No e-mails, texts or phone calls.  He was just…
gone
.”

Jensen concluded rubbing my back once more and helped me to sit up.

“You’ve told me a lot of personal things about yourself, Avalon.  I feel like I’m pressuring you to tell me.”

              “No, not at all.”

              “Are you sure?  Because I don’t want you saying things you’re not comfortable expressing.”  He looked me in the eyes.  It was such a delight to look into his without seeing Cole’s.  Jensen’s were like a passageway to Heaven whereas Cole’s were a shortcut to Hell.

              “You make me feel comfortable.”  I buried my face in the hollow of his collarbone.  My voice got lower, almost to a whisper, “So comfortable.”  I was getting butterflies in my stomach – a feeling that Cole accomplished but never like this.  These butterflies were something else, something more powerful than anything I’d ever felt in my life.

             
Am I falling in love with Jensen?

              “I’m glad.”  He smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.  “You’re very special to me, Avalon.  More than you’ll ever know.”

Before I had time to think I said, “Show me.”

Jensen took my face in his hands, gently cupping my cheeks.  He moved closer to me, feeling his warm breath on my lips.  He bent closer and his soft lips connected with mine.  Sparks went flying and my fingers and toes felt like little lightning bolts were spilling off of them in large quantities.  I didn’t dare come up for air.  Jensen was astonishing.  And he was mine.

              I wasn’t just some girl he wanted to hang out with, to simply have a
good time
with.  He truly cared about my well being.  Besides Tory, he was the first person in a long time I could open up to whole-heartedly and even more so.  I wasn’t letting this go to waste.

              I cupped his cheek with my hand, feeling the shape of his chiseled jaw beneath my dainty fingers.  I knew he cared deeply for me – felt that on his delicate lips – the ones that caressed and crushed mine beneath his.  His kisses were only meant for me.

I was on an unearthly high and couldn’t come down; or rather, my whole being refused to.

Jensen Marx was mine.  And I was his.  The overwhelming feeling of joy and utter elation was undeniably amazing.  All day Jensen had been at work while I slept dreamlessly.  That meant no nightmares, thank goodness.  He called me earlier and said, “Make sure to look your best, beautiful.  Just like you always do.  We’re going out tonight.”  I was so excited that I immediately went through my things and got ready.

That night, he took me into town after telling his manager he’d be taking off for a couple days.  His boss wasn’t up for the idea until Jensen convinced him somehow.  Jensen was always doing and getting away with the strangest of things.  I've just always chalked it up to his good looks and intense charm.  It seemed even straight men couldn't resist him.

“I want to spend every waking moment with you,” he’d said, kissing me on the cheek.

I didn’t object.  Everything about him was a turn-on.  He was gorgeous.  The streetlamps gleamed off of his hair giving him gold-red highlights.  He wore a pair of black slacks, a charcoal gray button-down shirt with a skinny dolphin gray tie.

I was wearing what I’d like to call my
little black dress
: a sexy, long sleeved number that came off the shoulder, showing some knee with a large slit on the side.  Black pumps and a silver clutch pulled the outfit together.  Jensen and I had coordinated without even planning to do so.  I chuckled to myself at how good we looked as a couple.

Club Dish
 - the only popular hangout spot in all of Empire, besides Tory's beach house - was the place to be.  We showed our IDs to the bouncer on our way in.  Apparently Jensen knew who owned the place, so we got in for free.  This didn’t shock me.

My limbs were begging to get on the dance floor.  The pounding beat of the techno music and wildly flashing strobe lights had me in a trance, as if nothing I was experiencing was real.  Jensen led the way to the center of the dance floor, passing by the one hundred bodies packed inside the tiny space.  A new song started; something with the same fast-pace beat.  It was revitalizing dancing with Jensen - a man with dignity, class and rhythm.  For some reason I found that highly attractive.  His body swayed this way and that, holding my hips as if the music spoke to us.  His eyes caught mine.  I was hooked and couldn’t look away.  I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss the six-foot man holding me.  His lips were so soft, so tender, so everything wonderful and great in this world.

He startled me by picking me up from the waist and holding me in the air as I wrapped my arms around his neck.  A squeal came from within me as he spun around, cradling me in his arms.  We smiled at each other pleasantly.  My cheeks began to hurt; but it was a good hurting.  I could experience this pain all day and not want it to end.

A slower song began to play and Jensen smoothly placed my feet on the floor.  He held me tightly against his body.  As we swayed to the soft melody, I noticed that nearly every girl was facing our direction.  They were all staring at Jensen’s perfection.  And probably wondering, “What’s a girl like
that
doing with a guy like
him
?”

Jensen read the distress on my face.  Without hesitation he told me, “You’re the only woman I want, Avalon.  None of them could ever be compared to you.  Not in a trillion years.  And even then they'd had a difficult time catching my eye.”  Warmth spread throughout my body.  “Want me to get us some drinks?” he offered.

“Sure,” I said, although I didn’t want us to be apart.  I went to stand in a corner of the club waiting for the most marvelous man on earth to return when all of a sudden the crowd became too much for me to handle.  Everything seemed to double around me, becoming hazy.  I looked up at the lights where I saw
him
 - Cole - staring at me, gripping onto the ceiling right above my head.  It all became too much for me and I collapsed to the floor.

“SOMEBODY HELP HER!” a girl screamed at the top of her lungs.  “HER HEAD’S BLEEDING!”

A moment later the music stopped and shouting could be heard from multiple people in every direction.

“Did anybody see what happened?” yelled a man’s gruff voice.

“Move!  MOVE!” I heard Jensen.  “AVALON!”  I heard the rustling of feet, of heels scratching the floor.  “Ava, sweetheart, can you hear me?”  I felt his warm hand on my cheek, the other lifting up my head from the cold floor.

“Dude, there’s a lot of blood!” said a very deep voice.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” said another voice, followed by some unintelligible mumbling.

“Avalon,” Jensen whispered, “if you can hear me, please move a finger.”  I tried moving any finger on either one of my hands but they wouldn’t budge.  I was paralyzed with fear.

 “I’ll call an ambulance!” someone shouted.

“No,” Jensen said calmly.  “I have my car.  I’ll take her myself.”

“And who are you?” asked a girl who kept shifting her weight in her heels.

“Her boyfriend.  Now please, move.”

Suddenly, I was off the ground moving faster than I thought was possible.  My eyes opened and closed - I saw glimpses of concerned faces, Jensen’s stern expression and then the inside of his pristine Mustang.  He gently placed me into the backseat of the car, covering me with a fleece blanket.

“Jensen,” I said weakly, softly.

“Hey.”  I was surprised he’d heard me.  “You hit your head very hard.  You’re bleeding.”

“Mmm,” was the only noise I could make out.

“Stay with me, sweetheart.  We’ll be there very soon.”  The car began to move, slow at first, then gained speed.  “Only a few more minutes now, Ava.”

Where is he taking me?  To the apartment?  The hospital?  The beach house?  Would he call my mother?  Tory?

I tried keeping my eyes open but my eyelids felt so heavy.  Everything around me became blurry.  I saw images of Cole in Jensen’s car. 
He
stared at me menacingly.

“No,” I moaned.  “Leave me.  Leave me alone.”

“Avalon, I won’t leave you alone,” Jensen answered back.

“You can’t be here.  What are you doing here?  Go away.”  Cole’s image grew clearer by the second.  He smiled at me contently.

He spoke, “If you killed yourself this could all be over, Avalon.”

“If I killed myself this could all be over,” I repeated.  “This could all be over.”

“Avalon, no.  Don’t even think that,” Jensen said.  He touched my knee tenderly.  “We’re almost there.  Hang on, okay?  Just hang on.”  The car was moving very fast.

“He doesn’t understand the pain you’re in, Avalon.  He’ll never understand.”  Cole was speaking to me again.  “You and I shared something special, something he could never replace.  If you ended your life now you wouldn’t have to worry about Jensen leaving you for being so damaged.  I know you’re damaged and I accept you for who you are.”

“I’m damaged,” I sobbed.  “You accept me.  You know me.”  I barely even knew what I was saying.  It was like I had no control over my thoughts.

“What are you talking about?” Jensen asked me sweetly.  I could tell he was panicking though.

But I couldn’t answer Jensen.  I still felt paralyzed.  I could only stare at the mirage of
him
.

“Jensen hasn’t been honest with you, Avalon.  He’s been lying to you about who he is.  But
I
know who he is.  Would you like me to show you?”

I gulped as tears stung my eyes.  “Show me who he really is.”  Cole was now hovering over Jensen in the car, glaring at me, then at him.

“Don’t be afraid.  Accept what is,” he said and then disappeared.

Suddenly Jensen began to panic for a whole other reason that had nothing to do with me.  “What the…?  The brakes aren’t working!”  My heart began pounding loudly as the car picked up even more speed.  Cars honked around us, people yelled.  “I can’t stop the car or slow it down.”  Jensen turned completely around to face me.  “Avalon, do you trust me?”

He’d been asking me that quite a bit lately.  Every time the answer was the same.  I didn’t know how we were going to get out of
this
situation, however.

Through squinted eyes I attempted to nod.  He gently, calmly placed his hand on my arm and unexpectedly we were in his apartment, in my room, on my bed.  Everything was quiet.  I stared up at him, shaken from the experience.

“There’s something I need to share with you.  But first I need to stop that car.”