How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (20 page)

Step 1:
Put a kettle on, place four to six green tea bags in a pitcher, and pour the boiling water over them. Let it steep for several minutes, and then place your pitcher in the fridge to chill.

Step 2:
Pull your hair back from your face with a headband or ponytail holder (or, if you want to pretend that you’re Little Edie Beale for a few minutes, a turtleneck that you’ve only partially taken off).

Step 3:
Wash your face with cleansing soap and lukewarm water. Pat dry with a clean towel.

Step 4:
Apply a homemade mask, and wait 20 minutes. A few ideas:

Step 5:
Rinse your face, using the chilled green tea tonic you’ve already made.

Step 6:
Apply moisturizer, check out your newly radiant skin, and carry that I-look-amazing feeling with you all day long.

• Give yourself a facial massage as you apply each mask to brighten your skin. Move your fingertips in small circular motions, starting in the center of your chin and working your way along your jawline. Then move to the center of your forehead and work your way out. Finish around your eyes and along your nose.
  

• No green tea bags? Try chamomile. None of that either? Then, just use lukewarm water to rinse. It’ll still feel great!
  

Step 1:
Pull your hair away from your face using a headband or ponytail holder, and take a look at what you’ve got going on, you fox. Ooh-la-la!

Step 2:
Gently wipe off any lipstick with a piece of soft tissue.

Step 3:
Uncover your sparkly eyes. If you’re wearing mascara, eye shadow, or eyeliner, dab a tiny bit of moisturizer (or even Vaseline) onto your closed peepers and, with a cotton pad, rub gently to wipe clean.

Step 4:
Scrub-a-dub-dub. Wet your hands with lukewarm water, and get a lather going with either a dime-sized squirt of liquid cleanser or a few rubs of a gentle cleansing soap. Gently rub your face in a circular motion for 60 seconds, working your way from your hairline to your neck.

Step 5:
Rinse. Splash your face with lukewarm water to remove all the soap, and then with colder water to close your pores.

Step 6:
Pat dry with a clean, dry towel.

Step 7:
Get a natural glow. Apply your favorite moisturizer, check yourself out in the mirror, and then say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Smile, get over yourself, and go to bed.

• Only use makeup in moderation. It should enhance your features, not hide them.
  

• You don’t have to spend a fortune on fancy eye makeup removers, soaps, cleansers, and moisturizers. Many beauty products, regardless of their price tags, share the same basic ingredients. Just find something that works for your skin, and stick with it.
  

• For even brighter skin, use a clean washcloth—instead of your hands—to apply the soap.
  

Step 1:
Remove any old nail polish, and clip your nails. If they’re long enough that they impede you from, say, holding a pencil, buttoning a shirt, or dialing a phone, then make haste. Not sure if yours qualify as Dragon Lady nails? Then they obviously do. Stop reading, go get your clippers, and trim them now. You’ll feel so liberated (and you’ll be able to wear darker colors without looking like a dominatrix).

Step 2:
File the sides straight, and then round the corners so the curve of your nails matches the curve of your cuticles.

Step 3:
Rub some lotion into your cuticles, and then gently push them back, using a soft towel.

Step 4:
Clean your nails with nail polish remover, whether or not they’re painted. It’ll help your polish last longer.

Step 5:
Apply a base coat. The key for a smooth shine: Dip your brush once, then make a thick stripe in the center of your nail. Repeat
on either side to finish the job in three quick brushes. Don’t double-dip for one nail; otherwise your polish may pool.

Step 6:
Wait a few minutes and add a second coat. Repeat once more with a top coat.

Step 7:
Refrain from rocking out on your Les Paul, shuffling cards, playing the washboard, or doing any other vigorous hand-centric activity for an hour.

• If your cuticles are a mess, massage oil (olive, almond, Wesson, whatever you’ve got) into any trouble spots and then exfoliate them with a buffer. Skip the scissors; you may just make them worse.
  

• Be bold in your color choices, especially on your toes. Nail polish isn’t permanent, so why not take a chance on Paint My Moji-Toes Red or Yoga-ta Get This Blue? And unless you live in flip-flops, no one will see it except your honey.
  

Step 1:
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, arms by your sides, and weight on the balls of your feet. Not only does standing tall help reduce injury and muscle fatigue, but it also boosts confidence. Seriously, try it.

Step 2:
Draw your tummy in and upward, as if you’d like your belly button to kiss your spine. Smack!

Step 3:
Keeping your chin level, gently press your shoulders down and back.

Step 4:
Check your alignment in a mirror. From the front, your shoulders and hips should be level, your arms should hang equidistantly from your sides, your knees should face forward, and your ankles should be straight up and down. From the side view, you should be able to draw a straight line from your earlobes, through your shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles.

Step 5:
Say the following two words: Hubba, hubba! You’ll feel better (and people will treat you better) if you stand tall and carry yourself with confidence.

• Don’t wear high heels every day, or you could throw your back out of whack.
  

• To sit with perfect posture, place both feet flat on the floor, your toes pointing forward, your knees slightly behind your ankles, and your hips parallel to or slightly higher than your knees. Pulling your abs in and your shoulders back, sit against the back of the chair so your lower spine is supported.
  

• When sleeping on your side, place a pillow between your legs. When sleeping on your back, place a pillow under your knees.
  

Step 1:
Find some perspective. In the grand scheme of things, whether or not you can fit into those size 0 jeans has absolutely nothing—zero! zippo! zilch!—to do with your value as a person. Hey, did you just roll your eyes? Then try this. Think of some women, past or present, whom you admire. Was Rosa Parks, the African American woman who refused to move to the back of the bus, a hero because of her dress size—or her courage? Is Ellen DeGeneres so beloved because of how tightly she can notch her belt—or how hard she can make us laugh? Has Hillary Clinton risen so high in government because of her waistline—or her brain? Ask yourself what you hope people will celebrate you for.