How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (23 page)

• Start early. Even children as young as three or four can learn to contribute in simple ways by, say, picking up their toys, feeding the dog, or carrying cups to the sink.
  

• Reward your children with praise, not money, for pitching in, lest they consider taking care of themselves, and their family, an optional task. Gold stars? Fine. Gold bars? Not so much.
  

• Rotate chores on a weekly or monthly basis to help eliminate boredom and also to teach your child multiple skills.
  

Step 1:
Set a good example. Your children watch everything you do, so demonstrate kindness, generosity, and honesty every day. Say please and thank you, hold doors open for strangers, pick up trash on the sidewalk, and stop for a chat with a lonely neighbor.

Step 2:
Volunteer together. Whether you’re licking stamps at a campaign office, tending a community garden, or serving up food at a soup kitchen, bring your youngster along to help. Not only will she feel empowered, but she’ll also learn empathy.

Step 3:
Vote. Bring your child behind the curtain with you as you pull the lever, and explain to her the importance of having a voice.

• Set up a lemonade stand, and have your child donate the profits in person to the charity of her choice.
  

• Allow your little one to gather her too-small clothes and deliver them, together, to a homeless shelter. She’ll learn that even small actions can generate meaningful change.
  

Step 1:
Pop up your sweetie’s collar, tell him how cute he looks, and then drape the tie around his neck with the wide end on your left (his right) and the narrow end on your right (his left).

Step 2:
Gently tug the wide end down, so it hangs about 12 inches below the narrow end.

Step 3:
Cross the wide end over the narrow end and bring it up through the neck loop and down the front.

Step 4:
Swing the wide end to the right (toward his left shoulder), pass it under the narrow end to the left (toward his right shoulder), and then cross it over the narrow end to the right (toward his left shoulder, again).

Step 5:
Pass the wide end up through the neck loop once more, tuck it through the knot, and let it hang down.

Step 6:
Holding the narrow end with your left hand, scoot the tie knot up with your right hand toward your honey’s neck to secure. Not too tight!

Step 7:
Fold his collar down, adjust the knot once more, give him a smooch, and tell him how handsome he looks.

• Always fasten the top button of his collar before tightening his tie.
  

• To prevent wrinkles between wears, roll up the tie, starting at the narrow end, and lay, seam-side down, in a drawer.
  

Step 1:
Take responsibility for your own happiness. No one else, not even your honey, is capable of making you as happy as you’re capable of making yourself. Expecting otherwise will only set you up for disappointment and your partner for failure.

Step 2:
Be healthy. Exercise, eat well, and get your sleep, so you can be your best, most vibrant self. You’ll be more capable of anything with a sharp mind and strong body.

Step 3:
Talk—and listen. Have your own opinions and voice them, but also be open to hearing other points of view. Being an echo chamber or a bully serves no one.

Step 4:
Make big decisions together, but minor ones alone. Self-sufficiency breeds confidence, and eliminating pesky trifles creates space for each of you to thrive.

Step 5:
Champion your mate. You should be his or her first source of strength and comfort, aside from him-or herself. Be generous with praise and stingy with criticism.

Step 6:
Spend quality time together, but not at the total expense of your own friendships and interests. If you never pursue anything but each other, your relationship will quickly lose its luster, as neither of you will have anything new or interesting to bring to it.

• Fight fairly. When you disagree (and you will), do it respectfully. Nastiness will spoil any relationship, no matter how good the good times are.
  

• Dress to impress. Don’t save your best for the rest of the world and always look a mess at home.
  

• Never, ever be too busy to give a smile, a hug, or a kiss.
  

Step 1:
Set aside one night every month (more frequently, if you can swing it), and make it known to your honey that it’s “your night.” Raise expectations by marking it on your calendar and talking up the evening.

Step 2:
Eliminate distractions. Send the kids off to a friend or relative’s house for the night. Turn off the television, shut down your computer, and silence the phones. Showing your honey that he or she is a priority and that there’s nowhere else you’d rather be in the world is a big turn-on.

Step 3:
Set the mood, according to your sweetie’s taste. Punk rock and Pabst Blue Ribbon may put many more stars in his eyes than, say, Billie Holiday and bubbly. Don’t get saddled by convention. Just find something that suits you both. Or, take turns. There’s nothing wrong with beer one night and champagne the next.

Step 4:
Activate your senses. That may mean enjoying a delicious meal, taking a bath, giving a backrub, or, wink, wink, slipping into something a little more comfortable. A short warning: Remember that the sole purpose of the evening is not to simply eat dinner. Take care not to overindulge, lest your stomach steal the spotlight from your sweetie.

Step 5:
Surely, dear reader, you can figure this one out on your own. And if you can’t, wait a few years and try again. It will come to you.

• Trade planning duties. You take charge one night, and allow your honey to plan the next. If he’s stumped, tell him what you like. That way, you’ll both feel catered to and cared for.
  

• Be flexible. Expectations can bring pressure, so just be loose. Even if the evening doesn’t go exactly as planned, it’ll still be time together, which is valuable no matter what happens.