Humble Boy (11 page)

Felix
   I know that.

Rosie
   Good.

Felix
   Why did you want to have sex with me again?

Rosie
   I don't know. It wasn't just a casual fuck, if that's what you mean. Nothing with you is ever casual, Felix.

Felix
   I tried to imagine what it would be like if we were together again –

Rosie
   Don't waste your time. I wouldn't have you.

Felix
   No. Good call.

After a pause they both smile. Rosie looks at her watch.

Rosie
   I've got to go and collect her. She gets anxious if I'm late.

Felix
   Did you really name her after me?

Pause. Rosie shrugs.

I tried to picture it, you know, the last four weeks, introducing myself to her. I don't even know what a seven-year-old looks like.

Rosie
   She doesn't have your eyes, if that's what you're asking. She's her own little person.

Felix
   That wasn't what I meant.

Rosie
   She's about this high. Her face is full of freckles from the sun. She's just lost her front tooth. And her knees are covered in scabs. She's the most gorgeous child you'll ever see.

Felix
   I bet she is. (
Felix smiles. Pause.
)

Rosie
   She wants to know who her father is. She wants to know his story. This is for her, you know, not for me.

Felix goes to speak.

She is the best thing, Felix. I started writing a diary the day she was born – to record all the important moments, you know. The first time she spoke, caught a ball properly, tied her own shoelaces, rode a bicycle without stabilisers. I know it might sound dull from where you are standing –

Felix
   No, no, it doesn't. Eureka moments.

Rosie
   Yes, that's nice. My life is full of Eureka moments now I have her.

Felix
   Yes.

Rosie
   I would like you to meet each other.

Felix
   What?

Rosie
   She would like you –

Felix
   No –

Rosie
   She wouldn't show it for a bit, you'd have to put a bit of work in, but she's so thirsty for knowledge, for answers, for how the world works –

Felix
   (
quietly
) I don't know how the world works.

Rosie
   I mean things like all the names of the stars, the constellations –

Felix
   You can get a b–book for that.

Rosie
   A book isn't the same.

Felix
   Rosie. I would be next to useless.

Rosie
   Well, that's not as bad as completely useless.

Felix
   It's worse than useless. At least with useless you know where you are.

Rosie
   No you wouldn't be.

Felix
   Rosie. I can't do this … I'm sorry. I'd like to give you some money, though –

Rosie
   Oh, shut up, Felix. You have spent too much of your life theorising. Don't you realise how brilliant this offer is, how generous I am being? I am offering you a chance to be. Just to be.

Felix
   It's too late.

Rosie
   Of course it's not. She is a child! If she is up for having a dad after seven years of being without one, then you bloody well should be. (
Rosie goes up to him. She embraces him, kisses his head.
) It's probably the best offer that you will ever ever get.

He nods. She goes. Felix stays where he is.

Felix
   (
quietly, rehearsing it, clumsily, unconvinced by his performance
) Felicity. Felicity. This is Cassiopeia and Andromeda and that is Pegasus and Ursa Major of course, and … erm … Ursa Minor –

Flora enters.

Flora
   Talking to yourself? Where's George?

Felix
   I don't know.

Flora
   Has Rosie gone?

Felix
   Yes.

Flora
   Oh. Right. Mercy's calmed down, thankfully.

Felix
   I'm going today, Mother.

Flora
   I see.

Felix
   I'll have to get my things in order. (
Felix puts the ashes down. He takes a letter out of his pocket. He hands it to his mother.
)

Flora
   What's this?

Felix
   It came today. I wanted to give it to you earlier b–but there wasn't a right moment.

Flora
   It's addressed to your father.

Felix
   Yes. I opened it, I hope you don't mind.

Flora
   What is it?

Felix
   It's from the Royal Entomological Society.

Flora
   Oh. I'll look at it later.

Felix
   No, look at it now.

Flora opens the letter. She reads it. He watches her. She folds it up and puts it away.

You were wrong about him. He did make his mark. In his own small way. (
He goes to go.
) Oh, and Mother, you know you told me about the day you took me to prep school and how you waved and waved to me until I was a b–black dot. Until after I was a black dot … The thing that you've forgotten, Ma, is that I didn't look b–back. I never looked back.

Perhaps he goes to get the ashes and then changes his mind. He exits, leaving the ashes behind him. Flora watches him.

Flora
   Felix?

He does not turn round. She is left on her own. She picks up the ashes gingerly and holds them to her for a moment. George enters.

George
   There you are, bun. I've been looking for you.

She puts the ashes down carefully on the steps to the hive. He watches her.

She is distracted.

George
   What is it, bun? What's happened?

Flora
   James discovered a new species of bumblebee before he died.

George
   What?

Flora
   An official letter came.

George
   That's good.

Flora
   It's such a shame that it arrived late. That he never read it. The recognition.

George
   Yes.

Flora
   It's something he always wanted to do – to find and name a new species. He said it was the best way to make your name as a bee-keeper. The only way to have your name live on after death.

George
   Good for James.

Flora
   It's a variety of the small garden bumblebee,
Bombus hortorum,
only the queen is smaller and more delicately built.

George
   (
humouring her
) Is she?

Flora
   But the point is, he didn't name it after himself, you see. He named it after me.
Bombus floratum.
Flora's Bumblebee.

George
   Well, that's nice of him. I bet she's a looker.

Flora
   I can't marry you.

George
   Bun –

Flora
   I'm very, very sorry.

George
   What are you saying?

Flora
   It's not right.

George
   Bollocks.

Flora
   Our families hate each other.

George
   Our families can go to hell.

Flora
   And I am already married.

George
   No, well, we'll live in sin. Bugger it.

Flora
   No, George.

George
   You said James wasn't enough for you. You said –

Flora
   He wasn't. But neither are you. I'm sorry. I am a deeply ungrateful woman, I always want more and it is my undoing, you see.

George
   I'll be more. I'm only just getting into my stride.

Flora
   It doesn't feel right. Being here in this garden. With you. Since James died nothing has felt right.

George
   We'll move. We'll get somewhere else.

Flora
   Don't you see that it only worked when there were three of us? Everything had a place. And now there is no equilibrium.

George
   You're just disorientated. You're feeling guilty.

Flora
   Yes.

George
   I understand.

Flora
   No, you don't. I feel like I've lived my whole life in miniature. And I am not a miniaturist. I have tried my hardest to break out but I cannot.

George
   We can, we will … When Mary died I couldn't function –

Flora
   Yes. Poor Mary. Poor Mary, George.

George
   Yes, God love her, she went through it, she didn't deserve it but my life with her was humdrum, Flora. Charming but humdrum. But when I think about you … I fee … like –

Flora
   (
interrupting
) Oh spare me the metaphor. At our age it's all such a cliché.

George
   Why? Why should it be? What do you want?

Flora
   I don't want. To want things has always been my gravest error. I am going to stifle it.

George
   Rubbish –

Flora
   George. I am so old. Not even the royal jelly will save me.

George
   You are beautiful –

Flora
   Beauty is not enough. It is never enough. Nature's cruel trick. When I was little I always thought that I was marked out, special, that I was on the verge of something momentous happening. I used to tingle with anticipation, I had legions of butterflies in my stomach. No that's not right. A flutter of butterflies, is it?

George
   What?

Flora
   James was very good with words. Knowing the right words.

George
   Please don't compare us. You said you never would.

Flora
   No, and I don't because it is impossible. You pale in each other's comparison. (
laughing
) Oh you, you George, you are a monumental man. When all this nonsense began I would be at the sink and the thought of you would catch me in my throat, wrap around me, flay me … You lack – precision that is all. But it doesn't matter.

George
   It does matter. I will change. I will be what you want me to be.

Flora
   It's too late. It has gone sour.

George
   No, it hasn't. You're just upset. Today has been –

Flora
   I am not upset. I am in a state of terminal disappointment.

George
   Please, Flora. Don't do this. I beg you. I can't cope with this. Everything will come right, I promise you. (
George is practically on his knees.
)

Flora
   (
hard
) We've been fooling ourselves, George.

George
   I haven't.

Flora
   We're just going through the motions.

George
   I'm not.

Flora
   It's all so vulgar. The whole bloody lot of it.

George
   No. I love you, please, bunny. Bunny girl.

Felix enters. He is wearing the cricket whites that he was wearing in the first scene. He interrupts them. He is embarrassed.

Felix
   I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – I was just getting my things together. I needed to – I forgot the –

Flora
   They're over there.

Flora points at the ashes. Felix goes to get them.

Will you be able to get a train at this time?

Felix
   I thought I might take the car, if that's all right?

Flora
   Fine.

George starts to laugh uncontrollably.

George
   Owzat!

Felix
   What?

George
   There he is. He's done it. He's won the bloody ashes.

Felix
   I'm going now.

George
   (
sourly
) Yes! You go. You've done your worst, now you bugger off.

Flora
   George.

George
   I'll tell you something for nothing. I'm glad you're not my son.

Felix puts the ashes back down on the steps to the hive.

Flora
   This is not Felix's fault.

George
   You bastard. You big fat lazy bumbling bastard.

Flora
   (
to Felix
) George and I have separated.

George
   Do you feel happy now? Now you've fucked everyone's life up?

Felix
   No.

George
   Perhaps Rosie was right. We're not good enough for the Humbles. We don't live up to their elevated standards.

Flora
   That is not true.

George
   And here he is, the highest flier of them all. Felix Humble. You want to be careful, you could be heading for a fall. You know what happened to Icarus, don't you? Oh sorry, did I shock you all there with a literary allusion? I do beg your pardon, getting above my station.