Illicit: A Forbidden Romance (5 page)

He refused to look at me. “You know why that can’t happen.”

“I know. I’m a terrible person and the worst daughter, to even think those thoughts about you. I love my mom so much. She deserves an honest man, someone who’ll love her and take care of her.” I swallowed down a sob. “But… it’s my birthday, and I kind of think I deserve someone like that too.”

“You do,” he said, turning to me. “Someday he’ll come along and sweep you off your feet. And then you’ll see that you're just projecting a fantasy onto me. At most, it’s nothing but a tiny, insignificant crush.”

“A tiny, insignificant crush,” I echoed with a humorless laugh. Somehow I didn’t think this was that. At all. “But I’m moving out soon, so I won’t have to see you as much.”

He pulled over on the side of the road and killed the engine. “You’re moving out?” he demanded.

“Didn’t Mom tell you?”

“No.” He leaned back in the seat, lost in his thoughts for a moment. Then he asked, “Because of me?”

I shook my head. I had just bared my soul but somehow it seemed important that he know I wasn’t running from him. “Because it’s time. I should have moved out a long time ago.”

“Joss…” he began. “That’s really not necessary. I can move out if it’s too uncomfortable.”

“No. I need this. I need to just… go.”

He was quiet for a long time, his blue eyes flying all over my face. Finally, he reached over and retrieved something from the glove box. “Here,” he said and held out a small gift-wrapped package.

“What’s this? You already made me the bookcase for my birthday.”

He set it on the seat between us. “Just open it.”

I ripped the packaging and found a small wood box with intricate swirly silver inlay. “It’s beautiful.” I flipped the lid open and found a wooden heart inside.

“It’s carved out of African Blackwood, one of the strongest in the world.” He lifted out the heart and placed it on the center of my palm. “One day, Joss, you’ll find the right guy who actually deserves you. Until that day comes, you keep your heart protected in this box.”

“What if I’ve already found him?” I asked, holding his gaze.

He shook his head. “It’s not me. And it’s definitely not Eli.”

“And what if I give it to the wrong guy?”

He didn’t have an answer for that. I suspected he was wondering the same.

“
T
hank you
,” I told Jake as we entered the dark house twenty minutes later.

His eyes pierced even in the dark. “You’re welcome. Happy birthday.”

It hurt to turn away, to walk off knowing this was definitely the end between us.

Then he grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

We collided in a jumble of limbs and chests, our lips meeting in a blistering kiss. I stood on my toes and opened up to him; he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer, deepening the connection. His hands moved up to cup my face as he slowed down the kiss, his tongue dancing with mine as he let out a soft groan that I felt down to my core.

When we pulled away, my hands flew up to my tingling lips. “What was that for?” I breathed.

“That was for your birthday.” He paused to lick his lips, my face still cradled in his hands. “And this,” he rasped, moving closer, “is for closure.” He kissed me again, more deliberately this time, as if trying to memorize every touch, taste, sound. And I fell into him as swiftly as I was falling for him.

He said it was for closure, but I knew that it wasn’t the end. A kiss like that—the kind that made me feel as if fireworks were exploding, simultaneously glowing and scorching me inside—could never be mistaken for a goodbye.

I
awoke
the next morning with a stupid smile on my face after a deep, peaceful night’s sleep. I jumped out of bed and took a shower, humming to myself as I started the coffee maker.

I felt, rather than heard, Jake enter the kitchen. He shuffled in, saw me, and immediately turned to leave.

“Coffee?” I asked, holding out a freshly-filled mug to thwart his escape. If he thought he could get away with not talking about last night, he was dead wrong.

His wide shoulders rose and fell in defeat. “Thanks,” he said, turning around and taking my offer. He leaned against the counter and took a sip.

I did the same, eyeing him over my mug as he ran a hand through his bedhead then yawned. Even with the dark circles under his eyes, he still looked adorably exhausted. “Did you get any sleep?” I asked.

His eyes drew up to me. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” he echoed sarcastically. He drew up to his full height, his mood significantly different. He glared at me, nostrils flaring, and finally said, “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“You were thinking about me?”

“You know I was! You made sure of that.” He stalked over to where I stood and slammed his mug into the granite counter behind me. “I haven’t slept in two weeks, Joss. Because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you.”

“What… what were you thinking about?”

He was quiet for a long time, blue eyes appraising me as he figured out what to say.

I lifted my hand and pressed it against his bare chest. “Tell me. Please.”

He looked down at our point of contact. “I’ve been thinking of ways this could work.”

“This?”

He gave me a weary look. “You and me.”

The breath hitched in my throat. My mouth turned into a desert.

He slanted closer, forcing me to lean back. “I want you so much, Joss, and it’s driving me crazy.” He swallowed. “Last night… that kiss… it wasn’t supposed to happen. But I couldn’t hold back anymore.”

“Then don’t.”

And he didn’t. With his gaze holding me captive, he pressed his warm hand to my stomach and slowly slid it down the front of my shorts. “You’re not the only one who lies awake at night, craving something forbidden,” he whispered.

My lips fell open when his fingers found my wetness, and one pained word spilled out between my lips. “Please…”

“What? Tell me what you want.”

“I want—” I couldn’t form a coherent thought, not when my entire body was a live grenade.

“This?” He curled his middle finger and slid it into me. I gasped the same moment my back arched. “Or this?” He pierced me with another finger, making my sex clench.

My breath escaped in a trembling moan. “Jake…”

He kissed me then, a hard kiss that ended as quickly as it began. “I haven’t been able to get the taste of you out of my mind,” he rasped, dropping kisses along the column of my neck. “I shouldn’t have kissed you last night. I thought it was just sexual tension that I could excise with one kiss. I was so wrong.”

My back arched as the orgasm stole through me, the sensations traveling through me like a tidal wave. I could only moan as his fingers continued to move, continued to draw out the longest, most intense orgasm of my life until I was left breathless and quivering.

Jake watched me the entire time, his face colored with desire. After I gave a final shudder, his body bowed and he pressed his forehead to my chest. “I’m not strong enough to resist this, Joss. I can’t pretend anymore.”

I wove my fingers through his hair, hugging him to my chest. “Then don’t.”

His expression was one of relief as he stood up. “I need to call your mom.”

“What for?” I asked in a panic, grabbing his wrist.

He took hold of my hand and squeezed. “To break up with her. I don’t want to deceive her any more than I already have.”

I sucked in a breath. “You’d risk your relationship, your place to live and work, for sex? With me?”

“Not for sex with you.” He shook his head as he wound his fingers behind my neck. “For you.”

Our eyes locked, a thousand words passing between us in that silent moment. Finally he gave a short nod, the question in his eyes. “Okay?”

“What will you do—” The words came out on a whisper. “If I agree?”

He gripped my hair and pulled, his breath low and raspy. “I’m not going to lie, Jocelyn. I’m going to fuck you all the ways I’ve been imagining. All the ways you want to be fucked. I’ll make you come until you’re screaming and then I’ll hold you afterward, talk to you until we can no longer keep our eyes open.”

A shiver raced down my spine, culminating in my core. I wanted everything he was offering, so much that I found myself whispering, “Yes.”

He took a step back, heading down the hallway. “I’ll be right back.”

I stood there, the thread of my thoughts unraveling into several different directions. We were going to have sex. He was going to call my mom. They were going to break up so he and I could be together. He wanted me. Mom would hate him.

Mom would hate me.

I shot out of the kitchen and ran down the hall, finding Jake sitting on the bed with the phone at his ear. His eyes flicked up as I entered, jaw clenched and eyebrows knitted as he watched me approach. “She’s not answering.”

I took hold of the phone and turned it off. “Don’t.”

His nostrils flared as he hooked his hands behind my thighs and pulled me between his legs. “You don’t want this to happen?”

“I can’t do this to her.” But even as I talked, my hands went to his shoulders and clutched at him. I knew I needed to move away, that to be this close was asking for trouble, but he didn’t seem to want to let me go. And I didn’t want him to.

His hands slid up my legs until they wrapped around my ass. “And I can’t not have you. Not now.”

“I’m scared,” I said with a quivering voice. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

He looked up at me and waited patiently while I made my decision. “Whether you choose this or not, I have to break up with Amanda. I can’t be with her anymore. Not when I want to be with someone else.”

I choked back a sob even as I felt the urge to laugh. Despair and exhilaration battled inside me, conscience and body going to war. My legs finally made the decision, carrying me onto the bed and settling me on Jake’s lap. My spine took over then, bending me forward until my mouth touched his.

“You sure?” Jake whispered against my lips.

I let out a soft laugh. “No.”

His hands slid up my ass, my back, finally resting at the base of my neck. With his cheek pressed to mine he whispered, “It’s okay, Jocelyn. You can say no.”

“I… I can’t.”

My fingers shook as I threaded them through his hair but any lingering doubt was forgotten the moment our lips met, when we finally gave in to the incredible pull between us. It was an intoxicating, surreal feeling to submit to this force after fighting it for so long. It seemed more like a dream than reality.

Afraid I’d wake up at any moment, I ground my hips into the hard length in his pants, letting out a soft gasp when it hit just the right spot. I moved faster, wanting more, searching for relief.

Jake’s hands went to my hips and stilled me. “Slow down,” he said. “We have time.”

I shook my head, my nerves buzzing with tension. “I need… I need…” I slid off his lap and onto the floor, immediately reaching for the waistband of his pants. Despite his protests, he lifted his hips and allowed me to pull his clothes down, stripping him completely bare.

I sat back on my legs, dazed as I took him in. I wasn’t prepared for the sight of him leaning back on his hands, muscles straining against his skin, cock standing at attention.

“You okay?” Judging by the hint of a smile on his face, he knew the answer to that question.

I set my hands on his thighs when he tried to move. “Stay there.” And with my eyes fixed on his face, I leaned down and traced the tip of my tongue from the root of his length to the tip.

“Damn,” he said on a hiss. He opened his legs wider. “Do that again.”

I wrapped my hands around his cock, squeezing a little. Thick and hard and warm, it pulsed in my palm. I wrapped my lips around the head and slowly took him deeper in my mouth, stopping only when he hit the back of my throat. I formed a tight vacuum around his shaft and began to bob my head.

His leg twitched each time I sucked him in, his shaft growing even harder in my mouth. Unable to stand it any longer, I pulled away and undressed, emboldened by the blaze in Jake’s eyes.

“God, you’re beautiful.” He sat up and reached for my hips but I pushed his hands away and climbed on his lap. “I want to taste you,” he said.

“No time.” I reached between us and positioned him at my entrance. “If I don’t have you inside me right now, I’m going to die.”

“I need to get a cond—” He gave a shout when I sank onto him without waiting. “Fuuuck!”

I squeezed my eyes shut. My entire body shook, trying to adjust to this sweet invasion. I had never been with anyone so big, so thick.

Sensing my discomfort, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. “You feel so good,” he rasped, his fingers gripping my hair. He brought our mouths together for a kiss before dipping his head and taking a nipple in his mouth. “But we can go slow.”

I shook my head, scared that slowing down would give my conscience a chance to catch up with me. “I need you. Fast. Hard.” I lifted my hips and then slammed back down, gasping as he hit my core. I did it again and again, each time harder than the last. When my muscles tired I changed to a swaying motion, desperation coloring my need.

From a faraway place I heard him say my name, but my thoughts were much too scattered to comprehend. Finally, he took hold of my face and forced me to focus. “Jocelyn,” he said in a soft rasp.

I bowed my head, gasping for air.

“Look at me,” he said, angling my head up so that I had nowhere else to look but into his blue eyes. “Are you all right?”

Tears stung my eyes. Somehow I knew it would never be all right again. “I’m fine. I just want—I want—”

He brushed hair away from my face. “What?”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought our foreheads together. “You. Without strings. Without guilt. Just you.”

He moved with speed, lifting me and laying me on my back without dislodging himself. With his arms under my knees, he opened me further and settled between my legs. “You have me,” he said, drawing out slowly and sliding back in. He rolled his hips, making love to me with his mouth and his cock as if we had all the time in the world.

I was helpless underneath him, pinned down by his weight and his will until I gave in and accepted what he was giving. I kissed him, biting at his lower lip before spreading kisses all over his stubbled jaw. I’d dreamed of this moment for so long and I’d almost rushed right through it.

When he reached between us and massaged my clit, I fell completely apart. I cried out, my back arching up off the bed as bolts of pleasure raced through my veins. Jake kept moving until his hands and hips wrenched another smaller orgasm from me. I cried out his name as my body shook and trembled around him. Then he pulled out, his body bowing over me as he groaned one last time. With his eyes fixed on mine, he came, his warm seed spurting all over my stomach.

We didn’t speak for a long moment, gasping and staring at each other.

After he recovered, he climbed off the bed and headed to the bathroom. Through tired eyes, I watched his muscular body moving around fluidly without any hints of self-consciousness. His body really was a thing of beauty and strength.

When he came back, he stretched out beside me and wiped my stomach with a wet towel before pulling the blanket over us.

“You okay?” he asked so gently it broke the dam inside me.

I nodded even as the tears leaked out the sides of my eyes.

“Don’t regret this,” he said, lifting a stray tear from the bridge of my nose. “We’ll make it right with your mom.”

“I don’t regret it,” I said with a teary smile. “You know, last night I made a birthday wish.”

“What was it?”

“I can’t tell you.”

He tickled my side. “And did it come true?”

“Yes.”

He looked at me with something like reverence in his eyes. “I don’t know why I tried so hard to ignore this thing between us. Since the first day I’ve felt something, this pull towards you.”

“I felt it too.” I put my hand on his chest and he picked it up, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

“Now here you are,” he said.

“I’ve always been here.”

His mouth curved up into a lazy smile as his eyes drifted shut. His arms tightened around me, tucking me under his chin and letting out a long, happy sigh. “Maybe now I can finally get some damn sleep,” he murmured. I snuggled into him, pressing a smile into his bare chest.

And then I heard a sound that made my heart stop.

“Joss? Jake?” came the muted voice of my mom. The front door slammed shut behind her. “Anyone home?”

Jake’s eyes flew open, our gazes colliding as we both came to the realization that we’d been so preoccupied with each other we’d all but forgotten about my mom’s return.

I couldn’t breathe. “What now?”