Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance (25 page)

Chapter Thirty

When I look at my reflection in the morning, my eyes look like I have been beaten up. My face is puffy and swollen. I don’t think I have any tears left. My mother is at home, and I want to talk to her, but this kind of conversation has to be done face-to-face, not over the phone. I don’t know if I should believe in anything Brigitte said. My parents’ marriage was toxic, but I should give Mum the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to believe that she could do something so unforgivable. Parents normally want to protect their children, but this would mean she cut Ronan off and forced me to accept it.

Maja is not in the flat and I’m glad, enjoying the silence for the first time. I swallow a few spoons of cereal and then put some clothes on. It’s a relatively warm day, but I’m surprised to see so many people outside my building. There are some white vans with people standing, looking like they are waiting for something. They look like reporters. I wonder if there is anything going on campus today that I should know about.

As I step out the door, I adjust my bag on my shoulder and then hear someone shouting and
 
pointing at me. Heads are turning around to face me. Within moments I’m surrounded by reporters and questions are being fired.

“Arwen, can you make a comment about your relationship with Ethan Rivera?”

I stare at them blankly, wondering if my hearing is all right. How could they have found out? How could they know what happened between me and Ethan?

“Miss West, can you confirm that you’re in a relationship with the Director General for the President of the European Parliament?”

Now other students are starting to stare at me and I hear the clicks of the cameras. Panic strikes me, and my head starts spinning. I have to go; I have to speak to Ethan. What the hell is going on?

“What about his son? Have you been seeing him at the same time as his father?”

“Excuse me, I’m late for class,” I say, trying to pull away, but they are like leeches, clutching close to me, draining me out.

“Arwen … hey, Arwen. Are you aware that his earlier marriage broke off because of his affair with a young apprentice?”

There are clicks, more blinding flashes. I manage to push away and then start running. Other students are pointing at me. My heart is pounding behind my ribs. I have only one wish: to find out what the hell is going on. Someone must have leaked information about our relationship to the press.

My legs are aching, my chest burns, but I manage to get to the library. In the building, I turn around and spot a few reporters trying to enter, but the security guards are throwing them out straight away.

Tears are streaming down my face. All of a sudden I feel so lost, paralysed with fear and anxiety. This whole thing is making me sick. I knew that this would happen; maybe Ethan wanted to reveal the truth, to stop the scandal, now that Colin knows.

 I shut myself in the restroom and search for my phone, desperately hoping to get some answers. I dial Ethan’s number, trying to ignore the conversations in the bathroom, praying for him to tell me that everything is going to be all right. He doesn’t answer; it goes straight to voicemail, so I leave him a message.

“Ethan? What is going on? The press is outside my house. How did they know about us? Call me!”

I wait for the phone call, but it never comes. Disappointment and anger fill me and I feel like the world has turned against me. I was never supposed to be happy. My breath comes in short gasps. Several minutes later I come out, knowing that I’m going to be late for my lecture and I can’t bring more attention to myself. People are staring at me as I walk through the library to the right building.

The rest of the day feels like a complete nightmare. Reporters follow me everywhere. It looks like someone has tipped them off about my schedule, because they are waiting outside my department building. In the class everyone is bluntly staring at me. Girls that I have never spoken to are asking me about Ethan and Colin.

Someone shows me the papers and there it is, a long story about me and Ethan, about us. I’m being compared to the girl from his past, Lucy. In the end I can’t take anymore and I run home. There are more reporters outside my building. When they see me, all the questions and accusations start again.

I lock the door and sit in the living room, trying to think. Finally, after an hour, my phone rings.

“Hello.”

“Arwen, are you all right?”

“Ethan, what the hell is going on? How did the press find out about us?” I ask, crying. It feels so good to hear his voice again. I need to know that he is all right.

“Colin must have contacted them. There was an article in the main paper this morning. The press is outside my work and probably my apartment,” he explains, sounding tired.

“Colin? I can’t believe that he would do that to you,” I say, not wanting to believe in what he is saying. Colin and I weren’t even together, and he’s been running after Valerie for some time.

“He was upset and he wanted to punish me.”

“Ethan,” I whisper. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing. Don’t do anything for now. Just don’t talk to them. I’ll sort this out. I have to go for now.”

“But, Ethan, your work and”

“Not right now, Arwen. I’m still in the office and I’m extremely busy. The reporters will go away eventually. Trust me, please.”

Then the line goes dead and I stare at the phone for several minutes, speechless. This is a complete mess. Colin, that prick. I can’t bear the fact that he could betray his own father. He has no heart, no conscience.

My phone rings again; the screen shows that it’s my mother. I don’t want to answer or speak to her about what’s happened. She probably already knows. Mum has friends in Belgium and she always follows all the gossip magazines online. I hate to think what must be going through her head. Ethan’s reputation as a rising art dealer is ruined. Everyone will think that he seduced me, used me for my talent.

Maja arrives home an hour later, flushed and very disturbed. “Oh my God, Arwen, I’m so sorry, but I don’t know how they found out. I bet they surrounded you like hyenas.”

I hug her, feeling like she is the only person that I can truly trust.

“It’s Colin. He went to the press.”

Her jaw drops and she shakes her head in disbelief. “Son of a bitch.”

“He didn’t want to listen to Ethan at all that day. He just stormed off, livid.”

“Still, I can’t believe that he would do such a thing. This will damage Ethan’s reputation. What’s going to happen to his career?”

“I don’t know. He’s finishing in a couple of days, so it doesn’t matter, but I’m worried about the exhibition. The paintings. No artist would want to work with him now. Maybe that’s what Colin was aiming for: to ruin him. I don’t believe that he knows about Ethan’s resignation.”

“Hold on—Ethan resigned? Why?”

“Because of the art gallery. He wanted to start over, without any distractions.”

Maja looks shocked and I already know what’s going through her mind. Most art businesses are based on reputation. Relationships within the art community are crucial. We discuss this for the next hour and when Maja offers to make dinner, I try to call Ethan again. I can’t get through. His phone is switched off. I don’t sleep that night at all, worrying and thinking about what’s going to happen to us.

Ethan doesn’t call for the next few days and all the reporters are still occupying the road outside. There are more articles in the papers and more pictures of me and Ethan. I can’t help but read everything that’s out there. Ethan told me that he cheated on his wife, but he never said that this girl was his apprentice. There was twelve years difference between them.

 People are staring at me more than usual, but I try to ignore everyone. In the canteen I can hear them talking about me, glancing up when I pass by. After a couple of days, I realise that Ethan won’t call. Deep down, he doesn’t care about me anymore.

On Friday afternoon I sit alone, moving the rice around on my plate, feeling numb and exhausted. I’ve barely eaten anything since Monday and even now my stomach is empty, but I can’t swallow any food. Someone sits opposite me, but I don’t move, hoping that whoever it is will go away. Maybe it’s just another girl that wants to know what is going on between me and Ethan.

“Hey, Arwen, how you doing?”

I freeze and dart my eyes at Colin, who is smirking at me.

“What the fuck do you want?” I ask through gritted teeth, my fury rising. I wish I could have been much stronger back when I met him, more decisive about my choices.

“I just want to talk, see how you’re doing since you’re not sleeping with my father anymore.”

“Fuck you. I can’t believe that you went to the press with this. You and I weren’t even together, Colin.”

He looks away, but that smirk doesn’t disappear from his face. How could I not see that he was so selfish? “I told you how I felt about you and you still fucked my father. It was just a matter of time before we could get back together.”

I laugh loudly. “You’re delusional, Colin, and a complete asshole. He’s your father and he cares about you.”

His face contracts with anger and he leans over.

“He took what’s mine and I don’t like to share. Besides, he was only playing with you.”

“Ethan loves me.”

Colin shakes his head, shifting his expression to a more serious one. “Sorry to be the one to break it to you, sugar, but you mean nothing to him. You’re like this girl from years ago, Lucy. He cheated with her when my mother was married to him. He was never going to marry her and he thought that no one would find out.”

“You have no idea about us, Colin.”

“Did he ever tell you that he loved you?” he asks. I don’t answer, feeling like someone has stabbed my heart, then tossed it on the floor. “I thought so. My father doesn’t love. He ruined my mother; she had to seek counselling for years. He just wanted to have some fun.”

Tears well in my eyes, but I fight not to cry, refuse to acknowledge anything he says.

“You wanted to get him fired, right?”

Colin runs his hand through his hair, meeting my eyes again. He isn’t sorry at all. “Partly, yes, but see, I’m more clever than that. I knew that he was starting this art business, so I thought why not do something more worthwhile, something to remind him that he should have never fucked with my life.”

“You have no morals? No remorse?” 

“Nah. I wanted to teach him a lesson. My mother was wrecked for years. Now not only does he not have a job to go back to, but his business is also fucked. Seducing young artists … figure it out yourself. No one would want to work with him, not after what’s happened.”

Colin is one twisted self-centered bastard. There is no point talking to him at all. My stomach churns loudly and I think I’m going to be sick. How can another human being behave like that?

“I’m out of here,” I say, getting up, but he grabs my hand.

“There is no point in your going back to him. You’ll only make things worse. If you want to help him, then leave. He doesn’t love you and you have no future together.”

I lean in, whispering, “Let go of me or I’ll slap you in front of everyone here.”

Colin glances around, realising that people are staring at us. Everyone in the canteen has stopped eating their lunch and is listening to our conversation. “He has no credibility anymore. No one will work with him if he has you close. Remember my words,” he adds and then pulls away. 

My legs are going to give out if I don’t get out of here. I have kissed that man, let him into my life and I enjoyed his company. When I get outside I let go of my tears. His words are still on my mind, so fresh and hurtful, but what if he is right? What if Ethan doesn't love me or if my staying with him will ruin him?

My conversation with the president didn’t go well. He wasn’t thrilled with the stories in the papers, but he didn’t ask me about Arwen. He always respects privacy and this is my problem. Besides, there is very little that he can do. I’m leaving; today is my last day. I imagined this moment so differently, filled with celebration and congratulations. Instead, there is just bitter disappointment and worries about tomorrow.

Cindy has brought me a present. She cried a little, wishing me the best. There have been more articles online. The media has been wondering if there will be another girl after Arwen, another student.

She has called a few times since Monday, but I didn’t have the energy to talk to her. Two artists that I arranged to see have cancelled their meetings. 

The opening is next Friday and I haven’t got enough paintings. That one moment, the choice that I made will cost my career and everything that we both have been working for. I thank Cindy and a few other staff, pack my bag and leave. There are a few reporters outside, trying to talk to me, but I ignore them. The story is finally dying down. There are other scandals, things worth writing about.

When I get to my apartment I lock the door and take out my best bottle of Scotch. I had plans. I wanted to celebrate with Arwen, but it’s better if I stay away from her for a week or so. She doesn’t need me to mess up her life even more. 

I drink because everything comes back and I have to forget, get numb. She was worth it. After all this, I still believe that I would have never found another woman like her. The drink tastes good and after the fifth glass I’m on my sofa. I never do this. Well, not alone anyway. Getting drunk and feeling sorry for myself. 

It was me. I have fallen in love with a twenty-year-old student, my son’s former girlfriend. I made my bed, so now I have to lie in it.