Independent Jenny (17 page)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

So, I chatted merrily away about my boring day and he told me about his, and we acted like a normal couple for a while. He prepared some salad which we sat and ate with a drop or several more of wine. I felt relaxed and comfortable. It was nice.

After eating, we sat on the sofa for a bit and tried out a bit more of that kissing. He really was a very nice kisser.

“You know you said you wanted to take this slow?”

“Yes?” I said, sitting back and wondering where this could be going.

“Well, I know this is going to sound crazy, and I really understand if you say no, but I was wondering if you wanted to consider living here?”

“What?”

How was that taking it slow?

“You could start off in the spare room, if you wanted. But you need a place to live, right? And I’d like having you around. Ross would just think I was renting a room to you. I don’t know, I just think it’d be nice.”

Was he joking? His face looked serious so I guessed not.

“Aiden, are you sure about this? I mean, is it best to start a relationship by living together?”

“Who cares about rules or what’s best?”

“I do need somewhere to live.”

And I wouldn’t have to worry about spider removal, or light bulbs. We’d share the cleaning and he’d probably take out the rubbish. I hated taking out the rubbish, which was another thing the man in the relationship should always do.

He wouldn’t cheat on me. I’d just fall back into the domestic bliss I had before, but this time with a man who loved me, who didn’t leave socks lying around. At least, I didn’t think he would.

“Think about it.”

He leaned in and kissed me, and I let him, dropping all the confusing and conflicting thoughts from my mind. He pushed me slowly backwards on the sofa until he was on top of me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I was going to let this happen. Suddenly I wanted him really badly. All that pent up sexual frustration from last week took over and I started pulling his shirt over his head.

Before I knew it, he was running his lips over my nipples and I, desperate to feel him enter me, started tugging at his jeans. He lifted up for a moment and took his jeans off while giving me his sweetest, sexiest smile. Then he pushed into me. The feeling was exquisite. All the hurt and rejection seemed to flood away as I let the physical feelings overpower the emotional ones. He was gentle at first, but then got faster and harder, demonstrating a stamina his brother had never had. Oh my god, it’d never been as intense with Ross, ever. Aiden made my earth shatter, and then held me for a while as we stared at each other with big, stupid grins.

Two hours later, as Wentworth and I walked home, I felt weird. The sex had been great; he was as attentive and gentle as his kisses were. It felt good. I felt good.

But I didn’t think I was in love with him, not yet anyway. I liked him a lot. I loved the way he made me feel. Was that enough to move in with him? It seemed crazy, but then, his house was a lot nicer than the flats I’d been looking at. And he had a garden for Wentworth. And if it didn’t work out, I could rent a flat then, couldn’t I?

I suddenly yearned to be back on Skye, at Elgol, leaning against Will and not worrying about any of this.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I didn’t have much time to think the next day. I photographed a large family group: four generations of relatives, the eldest being almost one hundred and the youngest just a month old. Getting all fifteen people to look at the camera and smile together was proving difficult and I was going to have to rely on Photoshop to get the perfect photo.

“What a wonderful job you have,” the old great grandmother told me as I ushered them all out of the door. “Capturing moments that will live on forever.”

Huh. I hadn’t thought of it like that for a while. I realised that, apart from the photos from weddings that wouldn’t work out, I did provide people with pleasant memories of a certain time. I liked the idea that this young baby from today would one day look back at these photos, maybe a hundred years from now and tell her own great grand children who was who. I’d helped to create that. I made a mental note to do more promotion about studio photography and perhaps leave off on the weddings.

I made myself a cup of tea before looking at my laptop. Will had replied, hurrah! I did a little celebration dance and sat down to read it.

Hi Jenny

Thanks for your email. Things here are going well. Very busy at work, and Mandy and I seem to be getting on better. We had a long chat when I got back and she told me she’d missed me, which was nice. So I’m making every effort to fix things and get to a better place.

Glad it went OK with Ross. Always going to be a tricky situation. Have you looked at the flats yet? How about the brother, I have forgotten his name? What’s happened there? I hope you’re happy, whatever you’re doing.

I think about Skye a lot and I miss chatting to you. Remember walking along the Quiraing? And Elgol? The city seems kind of artificial and grey by comparison. Loved the photo, can I see some more? Send sunsets and doggy photos please.

Take care,

Will x

I waited a week to reply, not wanting to seem too desperate to maintain the friendship.

Hi Will

I’m glad things are better with Mandy.

I’ve been seeing ‘the brother’ – Aiden – yes. In fact, he’s asked me to move in with him. I know it’s soon but I am tempted. I told him I’ll think about it. In the meantime, we’ve been out on several dates over the past week. He makes me feel good, and safe, and that’s all I want right now. I’m staying with friends but I can’t do that for much longer so I need to make some decisions really.

Have you heard from the lovebirds? Hayley emailed me this morning with a list of her stuff. I need to go round to her house, get it together, then call a courier who she has already arranged to fetch it all up to Skye for her. It’s going to be pretty awkward around Kieran, but I said I’d help. Her parents are angry at her and most of her friends are close with Kieran too, so it seems I’m the only one who’s kind (or maybe stupid) enough to help her out. She didn’t say much about Guy, just that it was going well. Good luck to them, I guess.

Some days, I admit, I long for our simple carefree time on Skye. Photos attached. I hope you’re doing well.

Love,

Jenny x

For the next three days, I kept checking my email, and then one day, there it was; his reply again, waiting for me to read it.

Hello Jenny

Great to hear from you again. Guy isn’t that chatty about his feelings but I’ve texted him a few times and he seems happy enough. I will probably go visit again next month just for the weekend.

It’s still so soon after Ross, it’s natural that you want to feel safe and wanted, but don’t rush into anything. I want you to be happy, so I’m sorry if that sounds like I’m interfering. I just don’t want you to get hurt again, you deserve more.

Met a gorgeous cat the other day, a tabby called Jen and I thought of you. I think of you often and am glad we’re friends again.

Mandy organised for us to see a relationship counsellor so we start that this evening. I am not sure it’ll be worth the money to be honest – I don’t see how sitting in a therapist’s office will bring back the passion and spark, but there you go. I owe it to her to try and, even without the counselling, we are getting on better I think. We’re going on a date Friday night. I’m pulling out all the stops; new shirt, flowers, picking her up in a taxi, meal, drinks … I’ll let you know how it goes.

Loved the photos, the sunsets are stunning, you captured the light beautifully. Also particularly liked the one of the dogs at Elgol. Fern says hello to Wentworth!

Keep in touch,

Will x

I read Will’s email and felt a stab of jealously that Mandy was getting a date night with him. And yet, she was entitled to it, he was her husband after all, I reminded myself yet again. I imagined him doing the right thing, making an effort to patch up his marriage, being the nice guy he always was. If I was Mandy, I’d fight to keep him too.

Yet, I hadn’t, when he was mine. How things change..

He’d hinted, then, that we didn’t have to be apart, and I’d not been interested. What a fool.

“Maybe you should consider Edinburgh University, too. You’ll only be a year behind me.”

“I’m going to Bath, I think,” I told him. So that was that, no possible future for us. I was okay with it, albeit a little sad.

“I’ll never forget you,” he said, quietly.

That night he walked me home, and we had a quick kiss and a long hug on the doorstep. I’d gone in, and shed a couple of tears. And I thought about him often, after that. It was hard to forget him altogether when Hayley kept going on about Guy but that slowly fizzled away and we finished school and went our separate ways.

And then there was Ross. Up until the last year of our marriage, I had to admit, he’d been good to me. Romantic, for sure. Every Valentine ’s Day he bought me flowers and took me for intimate dinners. He’d always remembered anniversaries. We’d had fun holidays, laughing in the sunshine, dozing on a beach, drinking cocktails and having drunken sex in the hotel room.

How had we let all that slip away?

I read Will’s email one more time. I was pretty sure he didn’t love Mandy, yet he was staying with her because he felt it was the right thing to do. They had their life together and they were settled. All the pretty walks, all the talking, all the spectacular sunsets … and that chemistry between us; that wasn’t real, I realised. That was just the magic of being on holiday.

Aiden was real, and Aiden wanted me to move in with him. And why shouldn’t I? I let Will get away and regretted it now. I let Ross and I fall apart, and I regretted it now. I didn’t want to regret not accepting Aiden’s love one day, too.

I read Will’s email one last time, shut my laptop and headed back to Shane’s, determined to pack up my things and tell Aiden that yes, I would move in.

Chapter Forty

I was about to tell Shane I’d made my mind up, but as I walked through the door, he was sitting on the sofa staring out of the window, looking a bit lost.

“Hey. What have you done with my cheerful friend? It’s not like you to look so forlorn,” I said, sitting next to him.

“Andrew’s turned down the job.”

Phew.

“Well, that’s good isn’t it? You didn’t want to move?”

“I just feel so selfish, he really wanted it.”

“There will be others.”

“I guess.”

“I’m moving in with Aiden.”

“Oh wow, are you sure?”

“Well, I figure why not, you know?”

“Do you love him?”

“I like him a lot.”

“This isn’t like moving in with me, Jenny. He loves you. You’re not friends. You’re lovers.”

“I know. Live-in lover sounds good to me.”

“And what if it doesn’t work out?”

“I’ll get a place on my own.”

“You don’t think you’re setting yourself up to fail? Wouldn’t you have a better chance with Aiden if you slowed it down?”

“I don’t know, Shane. I just know that the idea of being with him all the time sounds good to me. Sharing bills, more help with the housework.”

“How romantic.”

I sighed. “You gonna help me pack or what?”

“Of course, I thought we’d never get rid of you.”

I punched him lightly on the arm and he grinned.

“If you’re sure about this, then I’m happy for you.”

“I am sure.”

Of course, I wasn’t sure. I was terrified. But not as scared as I was about living on my own. And I couldn’t stay here much longer; I was already feeling like I’d imposed for long enough.

A week later, Aiden and I were on day seven of living together and so far, I’d not slept in “my” room once. It didn’t seem worth it, when we were sleeping together anyway. It’d been fun so far. I cleaned a lot, cooked a lot and he answered all my hopes by taking out the bins on Thursday night. He’d also dealt with a very scary spider situation. No light bulbs had died on us yet but I was pretty sure he’d be the one to do the necessary when that situation cropped up. I was also pretty sure that co-habiting suited me way better than alone-habiting.

It was all going along swimmingly, until the day Ross came to visit. Aiden had told him he was going to rent me a room, and Ross had apparently seemed okay with it and not suspicious at all. He’d find out about us eventually, of course, but there was no need to tell him just yet.

He turned up on Saturday with a car full of my things, and Aiden helped him carry it up to ‘my bedroom’ and then we all sat down for pizza. It felt incredibly deceitful and I felt uneasy, but Aiden went about playing host, giving us each a glass of wine and chatting away about work.

“So, how’ve you been Jenny?” Ross asked when he could get a word in. Wentworth was sitting beside him on the sofa, and Ross was playing with his ear affectionately. He’d obviously missed him.

“Very well, thank you. Work is busy.”

“That’s good.”

“How about you?”

“Yeah I’m well. I went on a date last night, that was strange, but she seems nice.”

I felt sick. He was dating? And yet I had no reason to be jealous, no expectation to think he’d be waiting to see other people – I’d moved in with someone else, for goodness’ sake. Yet it felt weird. I wondered if he was hoping for jealousy, otherwise why mention it? I watched his face but couldn’t read what he was thinking. How could I know him so well and yet he feel so alien?

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad you’re moving on.”

“And you?”

Aiden gulped.

“Nah, I’m happy being alone for now.”

“I’m glad we can be friends.”

“Me too.”

“It’s nice you’re living here, too. I know Aiden will keep an eye out for you.”

“I’m an adult, Ross,” I said a little defensively.

“I know, I know. I just don’t like to think of you alone. I still care about you very much.”

I looked down at the carpet unsure how to respond and felt myself getting anxious. To give myself something to do, I offered to wash up and left them for some guy-talk, but I couldn’t help pulling the door open so I could hear them. They started talking about football, and I switched off and daydreamed about Skye, something I often did when I had an idle mind. I was thinking about Elgol, about sitting on the rocks with Will when I heard Ross speak louder, seemingly out of the blue.

“I’m not stupid Aiden, I know what’s going on here.”

I stopped clattering the dishes and moved closer to the door to listen.

“What?”

“You and Jenny. You’ve got feelings for her. You sure that’s a good idea when she’s renting a room from you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Come on, man, don’t lie to me.”

“Yeah, okay. Well, what do you want me to say?”

“Has anything happened between you?”

“I know this is hard for you Ross, but I love her.”

“Jesus, Aiden! You’re my brother!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Does she feel the same way?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Have you made a move?”

Aiden hesitated.

“Holy crap. Have you kissed her?”

“Yes.”

“Have you screwed her?”

Silence.

“Aiden?”

Should I go in? I didn’t know what to do.

“So you have, you’ve screwed my wife!” he raised his voice.

“Ex-wife, Ross! And only after you cheated on her if you remember!”

“We’re not divorced yet!”

“Well, I love her. And I’m not going to hurt her like you did.”

“I love her too! And you know that.”

“If you love her, why did you cheat?”

“I don’t know. I’ll never understand why, but I love her, Aiden,” his voice cracked. “And I can’t stand the thought of her being with you. Of all people, why my wife?”

It fell silent and I could hear my heart pounding.

I came in and they were sitting on opposite sofas, not looking at each other.

“I’m sorry Ross,” I said quietly.

“Are you trying to hurt me? To get me back?”

“Of course not.”

“I think I’m going to leave.”

He got up and left without anyone saying another word. I turned to Aiden.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t lie to him.”

“It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay. I hated seeing Ross upset like that. I felt terrible. Yes, he’d betrayed me but I didn’t want to be the doing the hurting this time around, no matter what he’d done to me. And could I really be the woman who came between two brothers? If Ross couldn’t accept this, their relationship would be ruined, and it’d cause friction throughout their family. I was about to say all this to Aiden, but he came over and started kissing me softly on the neck, and before long I had forgotten all about Ross, and the rest of their family, and all I could think about was the here and now.