Independent Jenny (22 page)

Chapter Fifty

It was the Monday after the ice hockey and I was going through my financial accounts. I had no idea how anyone like me managed to run a business before Microsoft gave us Excel. My maths was atrocious and even with my very detailed spreadsheet, I wasn’t sure I had everything correct. I did as much as I could and zapped an email to my accountant; more than happy to pay for his mathematical skills to sort it all out for me.

Winter was almost here and that meant far fewer weddings and less business in general. I had always money put to one side for the quieter months, but I usually relied on Ross to help with bills over the quieter season and it was going to be tight on my own. Still, I had a vague sense of pride that I was able to cope without a man, financially at least.

I had resisted the urge to look through my Skye photos for some time, but without giving my brain the chance to tell me it wasn’t a good idea, I went and opened the files and clicked through them. There were a few early ones of Hayley, lots of views, a few of Will – not enough – and plenty of the dogs. I glanced at Wentworth, asleep in the corner and wondered if he ever had dreams about Fern, like I did about Will. He twitched and I pictured his dream; running through the grass, with a spectacular view before him, Fern on his flank. Me and Will walking behind, talking. Ugh. I had to stop doing this to myself.

Especially since I had a date that evening with Ross. I had phoned him and suggested we go out for dinner. I said it was as friends, but really I wanted to see if there any spark there still, if there was anything that could be rekindled. I hoped so. For the first time since he told me he’d cheated, I felt I was past the anger and hurt and had forgiven him.

Getting the trust back wouldn’t be easy, and we would both have to work hard, but I was prepared to give it a go.

I flicked back to the photos I’d taken the day before of a family group. My phone started singing the theme from Hairspray at me – I’d changed it while thinking about Will the day before – and to my surprise, I saw Hayley’s name pop up.

“Hello stranger,” I said, wondering if the bubble had burst and she was calling to say she was coming home. Would Kieran take her back, I wondered? I somehow doubted it.

“Hi Jenny,” she said, sounding cheerful. I realised I’d missed her chirpy voice.

“Hi Hayley.” I went over to sit down on the sofa and tucked my legs beneath me. Wentworth came and sat beside me and rested his chin on my knee. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going well. Really, really well and I am very, very sorry for not being in touch with you for so long.”

“It’s okay, I’m sure you’ve been busy with the farm and everything.”

“Yes, it’s been really busy. I’ve also got a job. Working at a restaurant in a hotel.”

“That’s great, Hayley, I’m really pleased for you.”

And I meant it too. So that’s why she was happier; I couldn’t see her working on the farm for long. Dirty fingernails and manual labour were never going to be her thing.

“Thank you. How are things with you? What’s been going on?”

“Well, I got myself a flat.”

“Oh wow, whereabouts?”

“Just around the corner from my studio. It’s really nice, I have a little garden.”

“Aww, lovely. How is Shane?”

“His usual self, you should call him.”

“And how’s everything with Ross?”

“I haven’t seen much of him, I wanted some space, but we’re going on a date this evening actually.”

“Ah, that’s nice.”

“I don’t know how it’s going to work out but we’ll see.”

Should I ask about Will? Surely she’d met Mandy by now. I wondered if she liked her. Actually, I didn’t want to know. Better not to think of him at all. In fact, that should be my new rule; no Will thoughts. Ever again.

“And what happened with Aiden?”

“I gave it a go, but it didn’t work out. Too complicated, and I wasn’t ready really for a serious relationship.”

“I’m sorry Jenny. I should’ve been there for you through all this.”

Yes, I thought. You should have. But what good was a grudge now? She’d called eventually, and I was pleased to hear from her.

“Don’t be. I’m doing fine, really. Work’s going well, I see Shane all the time, Ross and I are going to see what happens, and I’m just starting to feel settled and happy.”

“That’s great, I’m so pleased to know that.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you’re happy too.”

“I’ve not been a very good friend to you, I know. I think about you all the time, I’ve just been kind of embarrassed I suppose.”

“Embarrassed about what?”

“The way I handled things. Ditching you for Guy while you were here. Not coming down there to tell Kieran in person. When I think about it all, it’s no wonder you were mad with me before I left.”

“It’s your life, Hayley. I just felt bad for Kieran.”

“I know, me too. I realise now I didn’t handle it all so well. I wish I could’ve treated him better although the outcome would have been the same. How is he?”

“Okay, I think.” I sighed, remembering how upset he was the first time I saw him after returning from Skye. I was glad all that hurt wasn’t for nothing at least; she was still happy and felt she’d done the right thing for her. It would’ve been even worse if she’d broken his heart for nothing.

I told her about Howard, the date and the ice hockey. She laughed.

“Oh the joys of dating, I don’t miss that. Remember some of the losers I went out with before I met Kieran?”

We chatted for a while longer about her failed attempts to find the man for her. As it turned out, she’d already found him; she just needed to run off to Skye to get him back again. We giggled, talking about some of the fun we’d had.

“I’ve missed this,” I told her after a while. “I miss you.”

“Oh Jen, I’ve missed you too! I’m going to be better at keeping in touch, I promise.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re happy, for what it’s worth.”

“I am. I was in a bit of a clouded bubble I admit, only thinking about myself and Guy, forcing myself to forget about the life I was giving up and the pain I might be causing back home. I guess I just didn’t want to know about Kieran and my life back there, you know? Too guilty I suppose. So I shut myself off, but I shouldn’t have ignored your calls.”

“Enough of all of that. Life has moved on, and we can carry on where we left off now. Perhaps we can make an appointment to speak on a weekly basis?”

“I’d love that.”

“Okay, let’s make sure we do it.”

“So, I had another reason for calling.”

“Is everything okay with Guy?”

“Yes. It’s wonderful Jenny, just like it was when we were kids. We get on so well together and we connect in every way. Coming up here was the best thing I’ve ever done. Truly.”

“Good. And I mean that.”

“Thank you, that means a lot. On Friday night I came home and he’d cooked me dinner, lit candles, there was champagne waiting and everything.”

“That’s lovely,” I told her, not jealous at all. Well, not much. “How romantic.”

“And then he got down on one knee, produced this beautiful ring, and he proposed! We’re getting married!”

Seriously? She was ready to marry him after such a short amount of time back together? I pulled out the over enthusiastic albeit fake voice I save for my brides.

“Oh wow, Hayley, that’s wonderful. I’m really happy for you.”

How long had it been since they’d met again? Yet, this was Hayley all over; impulsive, romantic … and she usually landed on her feet so who was I to judge? The insincerity faded and I felt genuinely happy for her.

“And we’re getting married next Saturday!”

“Saturday? But it’s Monday today!”

“I know! Crazy isn’t it?! But there’s a spot open at the hotel I work at, and we just thought we’d do it. We booked it all about an hour before I called. So will you come? I need a photographer!”

“Oh Hayley, I don’t know, it’s such short notice.”

“Do you have any weddings booked this weekend? Please say no!”

I’d see Will again. With Mandy. Oh, god, it’d be awkward. And I’d just feel like crap and it’d make it even harder to forget him. This was a very, very bad idea. I was just starting to enjoy being Independent Jenny. Independent Jenny didn’t need to see the man she couldn’t have; it’d only make her Sad and Pathetic Jenny.

“No, but Hayley, I can’t just drop everything.”

“But you’re my best friend,” she said, sounding disappointed. “I know I haven’t treated you well but you have to be there, Jen. Come and be my maid of honour slash photographer. I’ll pay you.”

Well, I could use the money.

“I couldn’t charge you.”

“Well, I’ll give you the petrol money. And the drinks and food and the hotel room are all on us. Please, please, please?”

“Okay, okay.”

“Hurray! I’d suggest you could stay here but Will is going to be, of course. But we’ll pay for the hotel, no problem. My parents are coming and my sister, and Guy’s mum and Aunty. And that’s it I think. Just a small affair, nothing fancy.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Guy, she’s coming!”

“That’s great, can’t wait to see you again Jenny,” I heard Guy call in the background.

“That’s nice,” I told Hayley. “Tell him I look forward to seeing you both too.”

“Do you think Shane and Andrew will come?”

“I don’t know if they’re free. They might.”

“You could bring Ross, too.”

“I’ll think about that, but thank you.”

“I’m so excited! So you’ll drive up Friday, yeah? And shall I book you in until Monday?”

“Yes, I only have one booking but I’m sure I can rearrange it. Email me the hotel details,” I told her. “I’ll be there.”

We said our goodbyes and my head whirled into a spin. A weekend on the Isle of Skye, the one place I’d felt truly happy in the past six months. Back in the company of Will, a man I might be in love with. But his wife would be there. I was kind of curious to see what Mandy was like, but knew it’d be awkward. He’d said we couldn’t talk anymore, but we were hardly going to be able to avoid each other at such a small wedding. I closed my eyes and pictured him in a suit. Then I opened them again and pulled the photo down from behind my desk. I tucked it in a drawer and decided I needed a distraction.

I went down to the cafe, and told Shane all about the phone call.

“How exciting, and just like Hayley.”

“So you’ll come?”

“I’ll need to find cover for this place.”

“I’ll work extra, I need the money,” called Angie.

“Andrew might not come though, he hates long journeys.”

Shane’s phone rang and he showed me the caller ID; it was Hayley. He had a very enthusiastic conversation with her while I ate the last of his red velvet cupcakes behind the counter.

Chapter Fifty-One

I didn’t know what to wear for my date with Ross, so I settled on some skinny jeans, a black top and a hot pink cardigan. I put a little make-up on and curled the ends of my hair. I made effort, but not too much. We were going to our favourite Italian for dinner and I’d said maybe we’d get a drink afterwards.

When Ross knocked on my door at 7pm, I was nervous. Scared I was making a mistake, and terrified that I’d end up hurt again. But seeing his smiling face when I opened my front door made me relax; he was still the same Ross I’d married, and I still loved him.

“You look pretty,” he said, smiling. “Ready?”

I grabbed my bag and followed him down the street and into the centre of town, chatting about his job and my clients as if it was just another day in our marriage.

“You’re still wearing your wedding ring?” I asked him as we sat down at the table in the restaurant. It was our favourite place and I’d missed coming here.

Ross glanced at his ring and picked up a menu. “Yeah, well. We’re still married, right?”

I nodded. “And have you dated anyone … you know, recently?”

He looked away from the menu and at me.

“Not since you broke up with Aiden. What about you?”

“I went on one date, didn’t like him much.”

He grinned at me and I grinned back. The waiter came and took our order and then … silence descended.

“I’ve still been seeing the therapist,” he told me, fiddling with the salt pot.

“Oh yeah?”

“She said…”

“Ross, you don’t have to tell me what she said. I’m glad you’ve been going but you don’t need to explain anything. To be honest, I don’t want to know why you did those things. I just want to know you’ll never do them again.”

“Never, ever again. I nearly lost you – I might still have lost you – and I’d never risk that. I love you.”

He put his hands on mine. His touch felt warm and comforting and I couldn’t bring myself to move away.

“I love you too,” I told him. “But I think it’s more like a friend. I’m not sure how much I want to be your wife or not right now.”

“It’s okay, there’s no rush. However long it takes.”

I nodded and he moved his hands away.

A few bottles of Prosecco later, and my resolve was fading; I really wanted to have him take me right there in the pub we had just walked into.

“Vodka and cranberry?” he asked, as I found us two seats in the corner.

“Please!”

I sat and watched him ordering our drinks. Even after all these years, he was still so attractive to me. I watched him sharing a joke with a guy at the bar and remembered another thing I loved about him; he always found it easy to talk to anyone he met and could be really rather charming.

That was probably how he charmed that girl – all those girls – into bed, I thought.

Oh, those girls.

Was it here? In this pub?

I thought I might be sick at the thought. I stared down at my feet,

“You okay babe?”

“Have you ever met a woman in this pub?”

“Oh Jesus, Jenny, do you really want to do this?”

He sat down opposite and put our drinks down.

“So you did, then?”

“No, not here.”

“Where?”

“Why does that matter? I thought we were moving on?”

I sighed. “We are, I suppose. I just had a moment, that’s all.”

He pushed my drink towards me.

“We can’t expect everything to be like it was before right away.”

“No,” I said. I smiled at him and took a sip of my drink. Would it always be like this? I’d just start to relax and enjoy his company, and really fancy him, and start to think that I could fall in love as deeply as before, and then I’d think about those girls and it’d all be bad again?

“Do you think you can trust me again? Because that’s the part we need to know.”

“I don’t know Ross.”

I downed my drink and he smiled at me sadly and took a sip of his.

“You want to go home?”

“Yes.”

We got up, leaving his pint of lager on the table and walked slowly back to my flat in silence. As we came to my street, I slipped my hand in his and he squeezed it.

“So can I take you out again?”

“Maybe.”

“This weekend?”

“I’m going to Skye this weekend, Hayley’s getting married.”

“Huh. That’s nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Next week then?”

“Sure.”

We reached my door, and he gave me a hug. I didn’t let go and felt his lips on my cheek and then they made their way to my mouth, and I let him kiss me. It was slow and tender, and I almost suggested he come in. But then he released me, gave me a smile, and turned and walked away, leaving me wondering whether I’d enjoyed it or not.