Induced Coma
Authors: Harold Jaffe
FORT WAYNE, INDIANA
BOOKS BY HAROLD JAFFE
NONFICTION
Beyond the Techno-Cave: A Guerrilla Writer’s Guide to Post-
Nazis, Sharks & Serial Killers
DOCUFICTION
Induced Coma: 50 & 100 Word Stories
Anti-Twitter: 150 50-Word Stories
Terror-Dot-Gov
(visuals by Katana Blue)
15 Serial Killers
(visuals by Joel Lipman)
Son of Sam
NOVELS
FICTION COLLECTIONS
Straight Razor
(visuals by Norman Conquest)
Induced Coma
Copyright © 2014 by Harold Jaffe
First Anti-Oedipal Kindle Edition, September 2014
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher. Published in the United States by Anti-Oedipus Press, an imprint of Hawgstrüffel Media Group, Inc.
Cover Design © 2014 by Bradley Sharp
Interior Layout by D. Harlan Wilson
Anti-Oedipus Press
Fort Wayne, IN
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Gratitude to Andy O’Clancy and KM Seehaus for reading my manuscript and making suggestions.
Terrorism is the war of the poor
War is the terrorism of the rich
CONTENTS
The Schizophrenia Supporter Success Kit
Induced Coma
is increasingly common in medical procedures.
Patients lapsing back to real time claim it’s a sweet space.
Coma-land.
Parallel world, noiseless, zero technology.
You can hang there for a long time like Jesus without nails.
But isn’t this coma-land of yours just a degraded version of Nirvana?
Absolutely.
Raw Steak
A female was detained after hitting a male in the face with raw steak.
She hit him with raw steak after he refused sliced bread.
The male said he wanted a bread roll.
The female admitted hitting him with raw steak, saying she did it “so he could learn.”
Triage
As his wife screamed desperately in murky river water, the frantic New Zealander abandoned a bid to rescue his 9-year-old son to
rescue his wife.
The New Zealander’s son drowned but he managed to save his wife after her car had plunged into the Whanganui river in dense fog.
Silicon
A Korean couple allowed their biological child to starve to death because of their addiction to rearing a virtual child in a “Second-Lifestyle” game online called
Silicon
.
They would feed their unnamed three-month-old baby only when not at 12-hour online sessions, obsessed with raising their internet child, called Kim.
Freeze-Dry
Doctors are attempting to freeze-dry a severely disabled girl, 9-years-old, to keep her child-size at her parents’ request.
Born with static encephalopathy, she cannot walk or talk and has the mental capacity of a month-old infant.
Watch the child twist her mouth grotesquely and emit animal noises. [
Video
]
Gangsta
A 4-year old is nabbed for indecent exposure and a 6-year-old is arrested for armed robbery, as the lawlessness spreads.
Recent statistics include a child of 5 assaulting a nun and a pair of stoned, pierced 9-year-olds driving stolen buses.
Obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, 1753-and-a-half crimes a year are committed by “under 10s,” with the real figure thought to be much higher.
An expert laid the blame squarely on parents and pre-school teachers: “Kids run amok because they have never been taught what is acceptable behavior. The adult world has failed them.”
Australian Boys
are more violent than American boys.
976 males aged 12 to 16 in Melbourne and Philadelphia were asked if in the previous year they’d attacked someone with the idea of doing serious harm.
16.8 percent of Aussie boys said they had, compared with 13.3 percent of the Philly boys.
Doctors Amputated
the healthy leg of an 83-year-old man, then, realizing their error, amputated his healthy arms.
Finally, they came to their senses & amputated his diseased leg.
“I was shocked when I raised the sheets & saw they had taken all his limbs,” the man’s daughter told radio station PPQ.
Surgical Towel
Surgeons who operated on a 53-year-old Japanese man to remove a “tumor” had good news and funky news for him. He did not have cancer, but the “growth” that had been causing him pain was a 27-year-old surgical towel.
“The surgical towel was greenish blue though we are not sure about its original color,” the Asahi General Hospital spokesperson admitted. “It was crumpled to the size of a baseball.”
Hospital officials visited the man, who was not identified, and humbly apologized for their 27-year-old error.
While in the operating room the man had his spleen removed.
5-Inch Knife
He walked into Starbucks with a 5-inch knife sticking out of his chest, ordered decaf cappuccino, borrowed a cellphone from a patron, phoned 911 for an ambulance, told the operator he’d been stabbed and was drinking cappuccino “because it’s cold outside.”
He died in Starbucks before the ambulance arrived.
The Pope’s Cologne
is composed from the secret formula of Pope Pius IX (1792-1878).
We obtained the formula from descendants of Pius’s Papal Guard commander and lifelong companion, General Didier LeGrande.
We followed the complex, exclusive formula meticulously, using the same essential oils that the papal perfumers reverently employed 200 years ago.