Innocence of Love (11 page)

“Wow, thank you, Dad, that means millions to me and Kacey.”

Then she stopped to pause for a few seconds thinking about what he said being sure she heard
live with me.

“What do you mean live with me?”

“Let’s not worry about that for now, but concentrate on you. You need the care and you are my priority. Now another question, have you got any lingering debts I need to be aware of?” He asked concerned.

“No, nothing, all I had got stolen. I have nothing but Kacey and me.”

“Good…do you fancy looking out here or in the hospital?” he offered.

“I just need a few minutes to get some air. I’ve been stuck in there for days and it drives you a little crazy, although Kacey is making wonderful progress.” She smiled at her father.

“That is fine. I will go and get us an ice cream and drink, you stay here and relax and enjoy,” he chimed, handing the laptop bag to her.

She turned around to see two men leaving her famous, confession bench. She walked over. She sat down placing the laptop between her feet wondering what her father meant by his previous statement…had her parents split up? Could her father not forgive her mum for the lies she had spilled all those years ago? She glanced up to see her father entering the main hospital. She chewed her lower lip, deep in thought. Her heart ached at the thought that their thirty year marriage was almost over, surely her father would try harder, but then was there always a point you couldn’t forgive?

She licked her lips, hoping it would be a small blip in their relationship and her dad could find it in his heart to forgive her, after all there was no point in living in the past, as it was already written, it was the future that needed to be considered.

Sophie checked her phone, needing to see whether Caroline had contacted her or not. She’d missed a call from Caroline.

“Oh crap.” Immediately she called her back, hearing it ringing, urgently wanting to talk to her, although, if it’s bad news…she wasn’t sure she would take any further pain.

“Hello,” Caroline spoke.

“Hey there, how are you?” She thought to start with the pleasantries.

“I’m wonderful, how is Kacey? Sabastian has made her a card and got her a gift, as soon as I told him he made us all go out and get a gift for her. You’ll love it.” She giggled.

“Oh wow, that is wonderful. I cannot wait to see him or the gifts,” she sang, trying to fight the tears of joy and the pain in her heart that compelled her.

“He’s so excited, will bring him over the weekend, if that is okay?” she lowered her voice.

“Of course it will be fine, I bet Kacey would love to see him. She is doing so well and opening her eyes more often now, so the chances are he will see her dashing brown eyes.” She cheered.

“How wonderful,” she spoke excited. “And how are you…how are you coping it cannot be easy for you, having her in an incubator all the time?”

“I’m fine. I’m doing okay, considering. I mean it’s not exactly the home comforts, but the staff are truly amazing and always making sure I am okay. They really are wonderful and amazing at what they do,” she informed her. Her tummy swirled wondering when Calvin would get mentioned.

“Yes, they are amazing people. But even so must be hard for you coping, are you touching her?” Caroline inquired.

“Yes, I am, well, not on me, we haven’t had skin to skin yet, but I’ve been assisting to feed through a tube, but hopefully this coming week that will all change, fingers crossed,” she told her.

“That is great fingers crossed for you. I will text you when we are coming, if that is okay?”

“Of course, that’s fine,” she replied. When her father appeared arriving back with his hands full. “My dad has just turned up so I had better go,” Sophie said, resenting the fact her dad turned up right at the crucial moment.

“Okay, speak to you soon. Give Kacey a kiss from us,” she sweetly added.

“I will.” She rung off.

There was no-way she could talk about Sabastian in front of her dad, especially after what was happening, or with what seemed to be happening between her parents. She just hoped she could get her father to talk soon, and fill her in, unless it was too painful for him. Either way, they all needed to move on and forget about the damage that had been caused they all had to think about the near future, her finding a lovely home for Kacey and her had to be a good starting point.

Chapter Six

Calvin had called her, but the conversation short and sweet.

“
How are you?”

“Great.”

“How’s Kacey?”
and that was it, nothing else, just a few questions and gone, like a speed of lightening. She guessed he was getting bored of her, unless he was genuinely working hard, so busy he had no time to breathe. Sophie knew he was a busy man and had a business to run, but the last few days he had appeared distant wondering now he was back to his regular, the real world leaving her pushed to the side, which she didn’t mind…well, maybe a little she did, after all she considered him her best friend.

She stood outside the hospital debating to call him. She felt obliged, needing to know whether he’d had enough of her. Sophie wanted to know what was going on with Calvin, but then…thinking about it, did she really wish to hear the truth? Her heart sunk to the bottom of her tummy, not only that she also still needed to hear what Caroline, Mike, and more importantly what Sabastian thought about meeting his father, only of course if her son wished to. She couldn’t put any form of pressure on him; after all he’s nine years old.

Sophie tapped her fingers on the mobile phone, arguing with herself if to call Calvin… “Stuff it,” pressed call.

The phone rang and rang and rang. “Okay, now he is ignoring me, wonderful.”

She tried again.

“Hello,” he said blunt.

“Hi. I just wondered how you are?” she trembled, pacing up and down the pavement hearing a thunderstorm in the distance.

“I’m fine and you?” he asked like he had better things to be doing.

“Yeah, I’m good and Kacey is doing really well,” she lifted her voice, excited, trying to change the mood.

“That is great! Listen, I’m sorry, but I have to go, have an important meeting to attend and well…busy, busy. I’ll call you soon….Bye…” he rushed and rang off on her.

“You fucking asshole,” she screamed at the phone, pulling it away from her ear. She could not believe what he just said to her, not that it was nasty, but clearly he could not be bothered with her. Maybe he had a woman in London who floated his boat and didn’t have a child or a saggy tummy and overgrown boobs. Sophie felt flump, in fact, she felt terrible in herself. She tried to do little light exercises the midwife had given to her, but kindly told not to overdo it, easier said than done.

She wanted to go running or to the gym to work off the excess skin she had accumulated from growing so large with Kacey. She sighed, slumped her shoulders, and felt truly crappy. Why would Calvin even look at her twice? Single mum, no money, no prospects, fat, and wearing the most frumpiest clothes on the planet, even though the dress had been brought by him and made her feel comfortable.

“Hello, darling,” came a voice, her mum.

She turned around to see her mum approaching, her eyes sunk, wrinkles her hair wasn’t as immaculate as it used to be, no make-up and tired…no drained.

“Mum.”

“How are you? Look, I cannot stay long, I just wanted to pop in and make sure you and Kacey are okay?” she exclaimed, standing before her speaking slowly, and fed-up.

“We’re fine, Kacey is doing really well, hopefully soon I can feed her,” she explained.

“That is wonderful. I cannot come in, I have a cold and well…I am not allowed in, and spreading these germs would be awful. I dare not go to close to you. Remember, if you need anything call me,” her mum said grinning hesitantly.

“Of course,” Sophie stuttered, unsure what-else she could say to her mum who had suddenly aged, looking abysmal.

“Is your father getting you a house?” she asked swallowing heavy.

“Yes, we have narrowed a few down and Dad is sorting out the viewings hopefully, for later today. I would like a home if possible for when Kacey comes out,” she informed her.

A tear formed in her mum’s eyes watching it trickle down her cheek. Her mum suddenly reached into her handbag to put a pair of dark sunglasses on, no doubt to hide her emotion.

“Good, pleased things are working out for you. I will leave you, no doubt you have my granddaughter to look after. I am pleased I caught you out here, but the weather looks nasty. Make sure you don’t get caught in the storm. I will head off, take care,” she announced.

And like her mum had appeared she had gone.

Sophie wondered what on earth was going on, Calvin, her mum, who was next? Sophie really didn’t wish to think about it, there seemed to be many things happening, breaking her down yet again. Her heart felt weak, aching as tears filled her eyes then with all the emotion she started crying, not believing how Calvin left her life. Alone, empty— everyone she cared about seemed to be walking away, leaving her to defend for herself. Her heart crushed ready to collapse to the ground in a heap to sob her heart out.

She knew she shouldn’t be expecting too much of him, but…but she loved him and needed him in her life. He was her best friend and now back to his London, rich life, clearly he preferred that, instead of a fucked up woman who had no direction.

She wished she could tell Calvin how she felt about him, but what would be the point? He lived in London and she…she lived in York, the thought of taking Kacey down to a mad city wouldn’t be right, not only that she would be too far from Sabastian. 

The thunder got closer. She ended up counting the thunder after being told the counts was how many miles the storm was from her. One, two, three, the thunder broke clapping hard making her jump. She hated thunder having the urge to get back inside for cover and beside her daughter hoping she couldn’t hear or see the weather.

She dashed back inside the building making her way to the neonatal unit. Sophie arrived back by her daughter’s side. She decided to express her milk due to her breasts becoming heavy and full. She sat in the comfy chair, thinking about her little princess, wondering what their future held, whether they would be happy or struggle with regular life, living on benefits never thrilled her she guessed she would and accept what she could. She had plans to climb back onto her feet by getting a part-time job.

She would love to head back into a bridal suite and design, or even help a bride choose her dress for her day. Sophie sighed, guessing she would never have the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfect, becoming his wife, raising their family, sharing so many magical moments. She shook her head in annoyance needing to stop thinking like that, a dream it would stay. Her main priority would be her daughter.

Standing by her daughter’s incubator holding her tiny hand, watching her kicking her legs, whilst having her wide eyes-open, staring at her, Sophie could not help but smile.

“Hey there, my beautiful! Who has got big beautiful brown pretty eyes? You have, Kacey, you are going to have men chasing you around.” She giggled. “I am going to do my best at making you happy. I might have screwed up the first time around, but I was a young silly girl, but this time…” Tears fled her eyes. “I will do all I can to keep you smiling.” All she needed to do was look after them both, no-one else mattered.

“You know there is something incredibly beautiful, about you standing there and talking to your daughter,” the sound of a male voice from behind spoke.

Slowly, Sophie turned around not believing who she found standing only feet away there. A smile rose across her face, delighted, overwhelmed. Tears filled her eyes, having her breath snatched.

“Calvin,” she marvelled, although tongue tied craving to cuddle him, not believing he stood only feet away from her wearing jeans, a T-shirt and soaking wet.

“Did you get caught in the storm?” she scoffed, longing a give him a hug, not forgetting showering him in her kisses.

“Well, funny you should say that!” He laughed. “I did need cooling down,” he joked, taking a few steps closer to her.

Sophie could not help but admire him dripping wet, there was a profound excitement racing around her body. She had to prevent herself from getting carried away. His eyes were glowing, no sparkling, and the smile he wore sent a glint of arousal through her aching body. His T-shirt clung to his fine chest, emphasising his glorious contours, his fringe sat on his forehead in thick clumps, making her knees turn weak. God he was a dream!

“I see. I thought you had a very important business meeting?” she thought to add.

“I have…you,” he playfully said. He smiled at her as she hitched her breath.

He focused on her for a brief few seconds before turning his attention to Kacey.

“She is looking remarkable, definitely has her mum’s beauty,” he emphasised, turning his head to his left to glance at her adding a corner smile.

“Now are you trying to flatter me,” she chimed while her stomach flipped over. Her heart craved to kiss him and show him how much she needed him.

“Would I?” He teased.

She waited wanting Calvin to look at her daughter when the nurse arrived with a doctor to see Kacey.

“This is Sophie and Calvin, mum and dad,” the nurse said to the doctor when Calvin glanced immediately at Sophie. She lifted her brows and shoulder, grinning.

“Very nice it is too meet you. I am Dr. Stead and I am going to examine Kacey to check on her progress. I am aware she is feeding well and her other vital signs are doing well,” he reported shaking Calvin’s hand.

Calvin stood beside Sophie whilst the doctor checked over Kacey. Awkward, was putting it certainly into perspective, not believing the nurse called Calvin the father when she knew differently, but then only a few weeks ago, he’d passed himself off as her partner and the dad, just to get in and see them both, naughty boy!

“She is making outstanding progress, we can transfer this little one into the non-ventilating incubator, and concentrate on getting her body to the right temperature, keeping a close eye on her oxygen levels,” the doctor informed the nurse, “I feel you can hold her and have the vital skin-to-skin contact. Are you intending to breast feed her?”

“Yes, yes I am, she has been taking my milk,” Sophie quickly told him overwhelmed with excitement to what he announced…she couldn’t wait to hold her miracle.

“Perfect, best medicine…that’s gold in our language. I suggest you try and give…” he said looking at her name on the board. “Kacey…And give skin-to-skin and to the breast. The chances are she will not take from you, but at least she can get used to being on the breast. I’m sure in a few days she will be routing for you and trying to suckle.”

Sophie tried so hard to digest the information full of emotion about having the chance to finally hold her daughter.

“Really, I can hold her?” Sophie said triumphant, clasping her hands together.

“You can, just wait for the nurse, and have your daughter transferred,” the doctor told her.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” she squealed delighted.

The doctor moved onto his next patient

“Oh wow,” she said full of jubilance and couldn’t wait to hold her little bundle, although also worried with her being so tiny.

Sophie stood back watching the nurse for a short time, giving her space to move her daughter. Thrilled Kacey would be soon transferred, into an incubator that helped to stabilize her body temperature.

“How are you feeling?” Calvin cheered.

“Emotional, scared, excited…I’m going to hold my tiny little girl. That is frightening.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

They sat in silence with her thinking about her daughter yearning to hold her close to her body. She could already feel the tears filling her eyes. She sensed a very emotional time was about to happen.

For what seemed like hours they made their way back into the baby room to find her daughter transferred into a warm incubator without the heart monitor, machines beeping around her, just one taking her oxygen levels. Her daughter looked perfect in every way. She stood to open the door the incubator door holding her daughter’s tiny hand as she watched her sneeze a few times. She turned to Calvin smiling. So cute!

The nurse soon came back, smiling.

“I bet you’re excited?” she announced.

“You could say that, but nervous, she’s so small.”

“You will be fine, it’s now vital your daughter has close skin-to-skin with you.”

“Does she know who I am?”

“Of course, by your voice which she’d recognise from when being inside you and your gentle touch.”

Sophie smiled. She peeked back to Calvin grinning. The nurse unlocked the large door to the incubator. Kacey would soon be lifted out to be brought to her. Calvin had pulled Sophie a chair over from another area. She sat down shuffling her bottom around to get comfortable waiting for her daughter to arrive. Eager she watched the nurse, gulping heavy, scared she would drop her little girl. She couldn’t wait to have the all-important first cuddle.

“Did you want to take off your top and pull the screen around?”

Calvin swiftly moved into action getting her surrounded with the screen so no-one but them could see her. Sophie removed her top, left only wearing her bra. Calvin stood by her side, hardly a word had been exchanged between them. She didn’t care if he saw her wearing so little on-top, just over the moon he had been here to witness the event. She couldn’t help but wonder if Calvin was excited as her. Finally getting to hold her daughter, the relief and feeling on cloud nine left her speechless.