Island Rush (73 page)

Chapter 75

“I’m interested in knowing,” he said.  “What was your plan when coming back?”

I internally sighed.  A three or four-hour ride back, of course, would include this with my luck.  He wanted to talk.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe out of amusement or maybe true interest, I don’t know.  Though I thought about Casey for most of the way, I knew we had to be getting close.  Maybe he was going to tell me who was at home.  Maybe he wanted to distract me from any escape plan I might be thinking about since we were getting closer, though I knew not to run.  Not to mention I began feeling physically worse.  I don’t know if I would be able to try to escape if I tried. 

It didn’t matter what I told him.  He already knew Casey, and I were in love and wanted to be together.  Though he didn’t deserve anything from me, I didn’t care anymore.  I needed a distraction and no matter how much I didn’t want to tell him, I think I needed to.  Hell, maybe it will do more than distract my pounding mind and broken heart.  Maybe he would feel sympathy, but I doubted that.

“Why do you want to know?” I asked, looking to him. 

His eyes forward and hand on the wheel, his other was propped against his window.  He glanced at me, smirking.  “Curiosity.  I’m assuming you must have expected this.”

I scoffed. “I didn’t expect all those reporters.  I should have but didn’t consider it.  I also didn’t expect you to actually meet him when he was hooked up to a heart monitor,” I muttered.

I turned back to look out my window, watching empty fields bordered by lines of trees.  Besides that, the only other thing to watch were cars passing or being passed.  Sighing, my eyes got lost in the sun in the sky.  I didn’t want to believe that was the same sun we had on our island.  It was, though, and it gave me a strange feeling.  The island was so different, another world compared to this.  The sun there gave us the time and told us the direction.  To know that I was looking at the same one made me sad. That the island was a part of this same world. 

I heard my father chuckle.  “And what if I didn’t meet him when he was hooked up to the heart monitor?”

“Things might be different.  I would still probably die but he might not.”

I kept my face turned towards the window.  I saw from the corner of my eye that he kept glancing at me before back to the road.  I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I figured he was just curious.  It’s not like he would tell anyone.  I needed a distraction before I burst or before I do something stupid.

“It’s your own fault you had to tell him.  Why did you?”

I cringed slightly because I knew he was right.  It was my own fault.  I just didn’t want to believe it.  I knew Casey wouldn’t want me to believe it either.  But really, I was the cause for all of this happening.  My fault, no matter if it was intentional or not.  A few more tears fell, but I couldn’t care to bother wiping them.

“I told him because I needed to.  I didn’t think we would ever leave, so I saw no reason not to.  Plus, he was always curious and wanted to know what bothered me all the time, but it was still my decision to tell him.”

He nodded.  “That makes sense.  It just backfired in both of your faces.”

I wasn’t sure if dad still planned to kill me or not.  If he did, when would that happen?  A few hours?  A day?  And I didn’t get my answers to anything.  I didn’t have all the answers I wanted.  But maybe I could get one today.  The man beside me held one.  This would destroy me, knowing why they killed her, but I needed to know.  “Why did you do it?” I asked, swallowing my sob.  My voice cracked and with that, I knew he understood what I was asking.

He said nothing for a moment.  I glanced away from the passing fields and looked to him.  I saw his hands had tightened on the wheel.  He clenched his teeth but he wasn’t exactly angry I didn’t think.  He finally faced at me, seriousness filling his face.  Eyes back to concentrate on the road, he glanced at me occasionally as he answered.  “Why did you never ask before?” he asked.

Forcing to keep my voice strong as I answered, I spoke.  “It never mattered why you killed her.  The fact was that you did.  ‘Why’ was not important because no matter the reason, you shouldn’t have done it.”

“Then why do you want to know now?”

“If I’ll be dead soon, I need to deliver the answer to mom.  I figure she deserves a good answer,” I growled.

He chuckled.  “I always loved you.  I haven’t changed.  I’m still the same dad you knew your whole life.”

“Whatever.”  I shook my head.

He shrugged.  “Believe what you want.  I’m telling you the truth.  I’m the same guy.  I’m just showing more of who I really am.  Same with Alex.  We were just tired of holding everything in.  He would come to me at a very small age up until the night we killed her and tell me how he has these strange feelings.  Hate.  Lust.  He had so much lust and was ashamed of it.  He cried all the time and only came to me because I understood.  And even if I didn’t understand, I knew those feelings existed, and he couldn’t help it.  He liked the idea of death and sex.  He liked how the world looked at insane people and killers… Liked it when nobody understood them because it made him feel less alone.  It helped him turn his attitude around and accept himself.  He didn’t look at things the same as everyone else and because of that, he felt the true power.  He was always a deep thinker like that.”

He paused, and I took that in.  I completely understood.  People don’t understand some people’s views because they want to think you can only look at things one way: theirs.  I think that’s why I liked photography.  There were many different perspectives nobody bothered to look at.  However, with what Alex eventually did, it made me question his perspective regardless.  It wasn’t healthy if it led him to kill our mom. 

Dad continued on after a breath, and I saw that there was a tinge of pain radiating from his face, eyebrows dipped slightly as he was deep in thought.  “I understood where he was coming from.  I too felt the same since I was born. I felt judged based on nothing.  My parents and family didn’t like anything that made me happy.  They were never home and got drunk all the time.  My dad would beat me if I didn’t listen.  I was stuck under their thumb.  They never appreciated all I did for them, all I did to make things better. So when I moved out, all I wanted was to feel connected to someone.  To the world and be free.  I married your mother because I felt that, but I was wrong.  She suffocated me, and I hated it.  I wanted out of that feeling only to have it shoved back.  It got to me all the time.”

I listened to all this intently (despite how hard it was with a bleeding and pounding head).  It was disturbing.  It was something that I never knew about. It was something that bothered me.  It made sense, and it sure explained the signs I have seen before.  Of how angry he would get.  It explained his drinking too.  It explained a lot and more.  It, however, did not explain the one thing I was looking for.  “Well, it makes sense.  You seemed quite unstable and bottled up.  Do you think that justifies killing mom?  Justifies beating me?!  Hurting me and cutting off any love you used to have!? Do you ser—”

He cut me off in a loud shout.  “She cheated!”

My stomach turned.  I felt my cries freeze, my mouth drying up as I watched him.  Nope.  No way.  I couldn’t believe him and didn’t.  The angry look on his face would say otherwise.  All I could think though was that she would never do that.  I knew her.  She was my mom!  She loved dad despite their issues.   But if there is one thing I just learned, it’s you can never know somebody fully. 

“You’re just trying to upset me,” I said, knowing it wasn’t true but needing to try to accept that. 

“Really?  Why don’t you listen to what I am saying!  I was treated like shit growing up.  When I got married and had hoped to be free of that, I learned that wasn’t going to happen.  Your mom made me feel awful about myself.  She would tell me how I needed to do more around the house.  Do more for her.  She would judge me on things that were small.  I felt terrible, but I still loved her.  Still stuck at her side even though I did not feel free.  I suffered because I didn’t do what I wanted.  She though wasn’t as committed.  That’s why I killed her.  How dare she do that when I was even willing to suffer through it!  When Alex found out, he more than understood.  He hated anyone who would do that to me, the only person he had.  The only one he understood.  That’s why he helped.”

“No,” I shook my head through my soft sob I tried keeping in. I couldn’t think. All that was in my mind was no.  No.  It couldn’t have been true.

“I started getting suspicious when she would be gone more often and get home late.  I started recording phone calls.  One was between her and another man.  It gave me enough to know she was fooling around with him.  She betrayed me like so many other people have in my life.  I decided I was stronger and deserved more.  I would make sure to do something if anybody betrayed me at that point.”

I felt sick.  Uneasy.  I was going to be sick.  I rested my head on the window, breathing hard. 
No.  She wouldn’t, would she?  No, no, no!
  I felt I was sweating and was sure I would throw up, but I didn’t.  Glancing to my dad, his face told me enough.  It was true.  She did betray dad.  Cheating… oh god.  Casey cheated on Jill with me technically, but that was completely different.  He couldn’t break up with Jill though he wanted to.  But mom had the chance to leave dad first, and she didn’t.  I wasn’t sure what to think of her now.  She should have gotten a divorce!  Why would she cheat?  If she just got a divorce first… Jesus Christ! 

It was wrong.  Wrong of her to do that.  But does it give him the right to kill her?  Absolutely not.  She didn’t deserve that.  If she just left dad… she probably would still be alive.  It was sad, knowing that.  It broke my already shattered heart.  After so much hurt in so little time, I was surprised I could still feel.  It sucked to have emotions that made me ache.  I knew I had to deal with this, though.  I knew it would hurt and yeah, it does.  But it feels good to know that I wouldn’t be wondering any longer.

“What did I do?” I asked.  They killed her for cheating.  But why did I deserve the beatings?  Why did he all of a sudden turn so cold?

“Sweetheart, I realized something after she cheated.  My parents did the right thing.  They did what they wanted and didn’t care about what others thought.  Ironically, I was judged by them.  The point is, they did what they wanted.  They were happy with that.  They were fine beating me if I deserved it.  I felt I deserved a better life, and I went for what I wanted.  I broke, and I wanted it.  I wanted to feel stronger as a person, and I wanted my son to feel strong.  I wanted to show your mother I wasn’t going to live with that.  I had enough dignity for myself.  She betrayed me and needed to die.  And because I was scared you would betray me too, I went with that feeling even further.  I beat you and did what I wanted and had to do.  I had to scare you and show you that if you betrayed me, you would pay in some form too.  That’s why I am disappointed.  I thought we could still be a family.”

“You had to scare me?!  Scare me?!” I yelled.  It made my head ring louder.  “The knowledge that you killed her terrified me enough!  I was living in a house with strangers!  I was so scared!  I was scared and had nowhere to run!  I couldn’t tell anyone, do anything!  And you knew that, and you still decided to beat the shit out of me!” I was breathing harder, crying harder.  “To leave your fucking mark on me.  To harass me and hurt me!  My mother was killed!  By my dad and my brother!  That was enough to scare me!”

His eyes forward, face somewhat neutral, I watched as he changed lanes before getting off on an exit, slowing down.  We drove down the road to where there was an intersection and a light red.  When the car stopped, he sighed, glancing at me, one eyebrow raised.  “Did you just hear what I said before?  I love you, but we did what we needed to.  Your mom needed to die.  My daughter needed to stay in line.  Having a new mindset made me a better parent.  I wasn’t treating you like a baby.  I was preparing you for the real world and to be stronger.”

I cringed.  I loved my dad, and I loved my mom.  I understood they both had a reason for doing the things they did. No matter a good or bad reason, they had a reason, and I understood that.  I could never forgive him or Alex either way.  I didn’t want to, didn’t think they deserved my forgiveness.  I wish they were dead.  I wish I were the one to kill them.

Looking out the window, trying to ignore that sick feeling in me, the light turned green, and we were moving again.  It wasn’t long after that until my eyes widened.  I knew this road.  We were close to home.  Ten minutes?  Fifteen?  I didn’t know.  I just knew we were close.  Looking down to the little digital clock between us, I saw it was nearly 6:30.  We have been driving for longer than I thought. 

The time remaining, most of the drive was in silence.  In that time, though I wanted to think about what he just said, I tried thinking of what was going to happen.  I had to stay alive as long as I could if he was planning on killing me.  First, though, I needed to know who was at home and waiting.  I would find out soon.

“Your surprise visitor is anxious to see you, so be nice,” he said, smiling.  Oh god, I was sure it was one of his friends.  There were a few, in particular, he knew I hated more than others.  My breath was uneven as he eventually turned down our street where there were only a few houses.  We were close.  I could see my house!