Just Stay (20 page)

But Evan just looks
so
beautiful.

Silence falls over the room, as Evan looks down, wrapping his fingers around the neck of the guitar. He raises his other hand to the strings, but then pauses, hesitating. He looks up again, straight at Seb, who feels his heart skip a beat at the expression in those eyes. Evan just watches him intently for a second or so, and then the moment is over, and he turns his attention back to the guitar. Silence for a few more moments, and then he starts playing.

The notes are simple, soft and smooth, as they drift through the silent bar, and Seb finds himself keeping his eyes fixed on Evan. He had almost forgotten how he looks when he plays, how he looks so focused and at peace, and when he starts singing, something warm settles somewhere in Seb's stomach, making his grip on the bottle loosen slightly.

It's the most beautiful sound, Seb thinks, hearing Evan sing. He would have been content just listening. But then Evan looks up, straight at him, and Seb freezes. There is something in those eyes; he can feel it, even from so far away. And Seb isn't sure if it's the look in Evan's eyes that does it, but for once, he finds himself listening to the lyrics of the song, and not just Evan's voice. He pays attention to every word, and as he does, he feels his heart beat a bit faster.

Evan's gaze stays fixed on him, to such an extent that some people in the crowd actually turn to see just who or what he's looking at. But Seb doesn't care. He is focused on Evan, focused on the way his voice sounds, the way he's looking at him, and the words he's singing.

To Seb
. He is singing to Seb.

Seb swallows hard as he realizes it, the lyrics of the song suddenly feeling very personal, and very, very honest.

Evan keeps looking at him, his gaze unwavering, and Seb feels the sudden, weirdest urge to cry. He doesn't, though. He hates crying, has had more than enough crying, anyway, and he most definitely won't do it here, in front of other people. But it's the only reaction he can really think of, to how he suddenly feels.

He knows he's supposed to be angry with Evan, he's supposed to feel hurt and vindicated and even guilty. He isn't supposed to sit here and feel himself melt, to feel his anger and guilt slipping away until there is nothing left but pure, warm... He doesn't know what to call it. But whatever it is, it's coming from Evan. It's in every single syllable he sings, every single tone. In every single word, meant for Seb.

Seb doesn't really notice when the song is over. He's only vaguely aware of the applause that follow, which are much more enthusiastic this time. He doesn't applaud, himself. Instead, he just sits there, eyes fixed on Evan, completely paralyzed. He doesn't know what to do. And Evan is still looking at him, unwavering.

Their eye-contact doesn't break for a second, as Evan gets up and steps off the stage. It's a small stage, low enough for him to just lightly jump off the edge. He makes his way between the tables and the people, and when he reaches the table in the back, where Seb, Jake and Sophie are, he stops dead. He takes off his guitar, attached to its shoulder strap, and hands it to Jake. Seb sees in the corner of his eye how Jake takes it, looking completely bewildered, while saying something about how good the performance was. Sophie is smiling. Seb is staring, and doesn't move.

Seb knows he should be surprised when Evan kisses him, here, in front of everyone, hands cupping his face. But he isn't, he doesn't have the focus to be. Instead, he just reciprocates the kiss, every ounce of his anger and hurt completely evaporated, and he feels Evan relax as Seb kisses him back, as though he was afraid that he wouldn't.

Seb is focused on the way Evan's shirt feels against his hands, how he smells, how the kiss is so urgent and hot, yet unbelievably soft, all at the same time. He's vaguely aware of a lot of people actually staring, some of them even gaping at them, freezing in mid-clap, shock written all over their faces. But he doesn't care. All he cares about is Evan, and how it feels to have him so close.

It's only after a few seconds that Evan pulls away the slightest bit, only far enough to smile at Seb and look him in the eyes. It's that soft smile, the one reserved for Seb, and no one else.

Evan doesn't say anything, just takes his hand and laces their fingers together. And Seb doesn't even nod. Instead, he just goes with Evan, as he leads him away from the table and the crowd, and out through the front door. Seb catches a glimpse of Jake just standing there, holding the guitar, exasperation written all over his face, while Sophie just smiles and kisses him on the cheek. And he glimpses the expressions and whispers of everyone else, before simply leaving them behind.

They barely get inside the door of Evan's room, before they're all over each other.

Evan just managed to snatch up his jacket before they left the bar, before they got into Evan's car and drove to his place. The distance between where they parked and the entrance to the dorm building definitely isn't far, but seeing as how Evan actually pulled Seb to him and kissed him against the side of the car, they were outside long enough for them both to get pretty much soaked from the rain. Not that Seb had minds that the least bit.

They managed to make their way up to Evan's room, though, and Evan shoves the door shut as Seb tugs at his brown leather jacket, desperate to get it off of him, not leaving his lips for a second with his own. Evan complies, shrugging the jacket off and dropping it to the floor, while Seb's hands fumble to get his shirt off, too.

"Fucking layers," he mutters between kisses, and Evan smiles, taking off his button-up shirt and throwing it aside.

"Shut up," he murmurs, and Seb does.

There is something so satisfying about pulling his fingers through Evan's rain-wet hair, and Seb moans against Evan's lips, as Evan slips his hands underneath his t-shirt. It's practically plastered to his skin, soaked from the rain as well, but Evan slides it off of him easily, dumping it in a wet pile on the floor. Seb feels a shiver run across his skin. He's cold for a moment, but forgets all about it as soon as Evan puts his hands on him, smoothing down along his back, dragging his nails slightly across his skin, making Seb suck in a sharp breath.

He needs more. It isn't enough.

Seb surprises himself by moving his hands down to Evan's belt, unbuckling it, and Evan breaks the kiss for a split second to glance down. Then he looks up, and Seb catches only a glimpse of the surprised, excited expression in those green eyes, before Evan kisses him again, fiercely and hungrily, hands moving further down along Seb's back. Seb undoes Evan's fly with fumbling fingers, and Evan, taking the hint, pulls away just enough to take off his own t-shirt, before claiming Seb's lips again. Everything seems to be moving in a hazy, intoxicated blur.

Seb is vaguely aware of them moving across the room, kicking off their shoes, and he barely even notices, really, as they practically fall down onto Evan's bed, Evan landing on his back. They move up along the bed, and suddenly Seb finds himself straddling Evan, leaning down to kiss his chest. They haven't even turned the lights on, but even in the dim light from a streetlamp outside the window, Seb can appreciate just how gorgeous Evan is.

"I'm sorry," Evan says, his voice surprisingly thick with emotion, and Seb doesn't have to ask him what he's referring to. Seb was angry with him, hurt and confused, but all of that was forgiven the moment Evan kissed him tonight, in front of everyone, claiming him for his own, for the world to see.

"It doesn't matter," he says, moving up to kiss Evan's lips. "Doesn't matter."

Evan kisses him back with surprising intensity, as though unbelievably relieved at Seb's forgiveness, gripping his dark hair between his fingers. It's the greatest feeling in the world, having him so close again, feeling Evan's skin against his own. It has only been a day, but it somehow felt like an eternity. Seb didn't like being angry with him, sending him away like that; it made him feel as though they would never see each other again, like it was something final and destructive. He's so glad he was so wrong.

"I'm sorry, too," he says against Evan's lips. It doesn't need repeating; he's shocked at the sheer emotion in his own voice, and he's certain that Evan heard it. And Evan doesn't need to reply. The way he kisses Seb speaks louder.

Seb smoothes his hands down over Evan's chest, making his way to his unzipped fly. He feels Evan tense up underneath him, as he pulls those torn jeans down, before Evan shimmies out of them himself and tosses them to the floor. Seb isn't too far behind, managing to pull off his own pants in a fit of awkward acrobatics, leaving Evan smiling, looking much too amused.

"Shut up," Seb says, a bit embarrassed, but he can't help but smile as he leans down to kiss him again. Evan pulls him closer, pulls his body down so that their chests press together, and Seb just relishes at the close proximity, fingers pulling through Evan's hair as he feels his hands against his back. But it isn't enough. He wants more, wants more of Evan, more of this, more of everything. And Evan makes him brave.

Seb is almost surprised to find himself pulling away from Evan's lips and embrace, moving downward, planting searing kisses along Evan's throat and chest and collarbone, moving down along his stomach. Evan tenses up a bit, and Seb keeps trailing kisses down along his skin, until he reaches the hem of Evan's boxers. Seb isn't entirely sure what he's doing, isn't entirely sure what has gotten into him. But it feels right, and he wants it.

Seb ghosts his lips over Evan's underwear, satisfied at the way Evan tenses up and twitches a bit as he does, before he slips his fingers underneath the hem of the boxers, and pulls them down.

The sound Evan makes as Seb takes him into his mouth is deep and guttural, almost a growl, and immensely satisfying to hear. The way he tenses up and gyrates his hips just the slightest bit, as Seb works his tongue and mouth, one hand working over what he can't take, the way he gently pulls his fingers through Seb's dark hair, wordlessly urging for more. It's a huge turn-on, and Seb finds himself moaning quietly, earning more pleased sounds from Evan.

He keeps going for a little while longer, Evan's breathing getting heavier and faster, his fingers gripping Seb's hair tighter.

"I want you, Seb."

Evan says the words breathlessly, as though he can barely articulate, and Seb slows down, before stopping entirely. Slowly, he feels Evan's grip on his hair loosen, and he pulls away, raising his head to look up at Evan. He looks oddly nervous, as though afraid he has said too much. But Seb doesn't say anything. Instead, he just slowly moves up along Evan's body, eyes fixed on his. Then he leans down to kiss his neck.

"Say that again," he murmurs by his ear, letting his tongue sweep across Evan's skin, making him tense up again, exhaling sharply. His hands are moving across Seb's back, slow, but eager and impatient.

"I want you," he breathes, and Seb grits his teeth. God help him, hearing it makes him so unbelievably hot.

"Again," he breathes, closing his eyes.

"I want you," Evan repeats, kissing Seb's neck and nipping the skin with his teeth. He sounds more sure now, more confident. "I wanna be inside you."

Seb makes an odd, strangled sound, and opens his eyes as Evan grips his chin and pulls his face up, so that he can see his eyes. Evan's are open, eager, pupils huge and black. He looks at Seb as though asking for permission. And after only a second of deliberation, Seb gives him the smallest of nods.

Things start moving at a weird pace then. Seb feels a kind of surreal sensation as he moves, ending up on his back instead of Evan, and Evan hovering over him. His heart starts beating faster, and suddenly, he feels nervousness seeping into the unabashed desire that was going on just moments ago. He swallows, looking up at Evan. He swears he sees at least some of his own nervousness reflected in his eyes.

It's with unusual softness that Evan leans down and kisses him, trailing his hand down along Seb's chest and stomach. But there is urgency there, too, so much so that Seb feels like he might be able to push that nervousness away, and he moves his hand up to grip Evan's hair. Evan groans against his lips, and just like that, Seb feels sure again.

Evan has pulled off his boxers completely, and when he starts tugging at Seb's, Seb shimmies out of them and dumps them on the floor beside the bed. Evan presses down against him then, and he tenses up, letting out a moan that sounds lower and hoarser than he expected. Evan seems to approve, though, rutting against him slowly, moving down to kiss his neck. Seb closes his eyes. Evan is still wet where Seb's mouth was just moments earlier, and it creates a hot, slick friction between them that makes Seb tense up all over in the most wonderful way.

Evan's hand wanders down then and wraps his fingers around him, making Seb groan into his hair, his fingertips pressing into Evan's shoulders.

After a little while longer of touching and kissing―Seb feels as though every muscle in his body is taut with anticipation, by now―Evan half-pauses, and Seb opens his eyes. Evan is reaching over the bed's edge and opening a drawer of his nightstand, all the while planting lingering kisses on Seb's chest. Seb glances over, and sees Evan extract a small bottle from the drawer. He swallows, somewhat nervously.

"You've done this before?" he asks, and Evan glances up at him.

"Once," he admits, closing the drawer. He sounds a bit off, and Seb can't blame him; in the heat of passion and in the middle of getting it on, one generally doesn't discuss previous sex partners. And Seb doesn't really want to hear about it, anyway. He knows that he sure as hell isn't keen on talking about girls he has slept with, right now, regardless of if any previous experiences would be helpful in this particular situation.

Evan keeps the bottle of lube in his hand, and sits up slightly on his knees, straddling Seb. He squeezes some lube into his hand.

"But I don't wanna think about that right now," he says, looking up to meet Seb's eyes. He puts the bottle away and leans down, planting a hot kiss against Seb's collarbone. "Let's just say you're my first."