Just Stay (21 page)

There's something in his voice, in the low, hot hoarseness of it, that makes Seb feel oddly warm and relaxed, even as he huffs a tiny, breathless laugh at the comment. He exhales slowly, deeply, Evan trailing kisses up along his neck.

"How about you?" Evan asks, and Seb probably would have let out another laugh, if he weren't so nervous and turned on and relaxed and excited, all at the same time.

"Definitely my first," he breathes, surprised by how his voice sounds. Evan seems to like it, though, because he has a small smile on his face when he reaches Seb's mouth.

"Okay," he whispers. "We'll take it easy."

Seb nods, eyes on Evan's, and he's very aware of Evan's hand moving further down, their gazes not disconnecting for a second as it does. And then Evan slowly, carefully, slips a finger inside him, and Seb inhales sharply, automatically tightening his grip on Evan's shoulders.

It feels weird at first, uncomfortable even, but then Evan kisses him slowly, soothingly, and Seb relaxes a bit, exhaling.

And eventually, a few minutes later, after adding more fingers and easing into it as slowly and carefully as possible, Seb is moaning against Evan's neck, fingers digging into his back.

"Oh god," he breathes, eyes closed as Evan hits a very sweet spot. He's honestly surprised at just how good it feels, how good it feels to have Evan touching him like this. "Shit."

Evan is breathing heavily, kissing Seb's throat and collarbone and chest, his free hand holding him up so that he can hover over Seb and just look at him. At least, he does until Seb grabs onto him and pulls him down, aching for that sensation of skin on hot skin.

"Evan," he breathes, feeling Evan tense up against him at the way he says his name. "Now."

Evan looks up then, so that their eyes met.

"Yeah?" he asks, sounding breathless and impatient, but concerned, nonetheless, and Seb nods.

"Yeah," he says, planting a hot, lingering kiss on his mouth. "Now."

Evan doesn't need telling twice. Seb can feel how hard he is, can feel it against his thigh, and he watches as Evan leans over to his nightstand again, this time getting a condom. Seb keeps absently touching him, his arms, his chest, his hips, anywhere he can reach. He is impatient now, burning and aching, desperate to get things going again, desperate to feel Evan against him, hot, wet and
moving
.

Evan opens the condom wrapper with his teeth, something that Seb finds unreasonably hot, and then proceeds to put the condom on. Seb is too distracted to be amazed at how Evan manages to do it all one-handed; his fingers are still inside him, still moving and rubbing, making Seb squirm underneath him, and Seb closes his eyes, exhaling slowly, heavily. He's trying to stay calm, trying not to lose control just yet. But
damn
, is it difficult.

It's the feeling of Evan kissing him that makes him open his eyes again, only to see that green gaze above him in the dim light. It looks eager and concerned, all at once. But Seb doesn't say anything. The way he kisses Evan then is permission enough, and Seb exhales sharply in surprised disappointment as he feels those fingers pull out. But then Evan gently pushes his legs apart a bit, and Seb takes the hint, hitching up slightly so that Evan can slide inside.

The lube helps a lot, but Seb still finds himself groaning loudly as Evan enters him, squeezing his eyes shut and digging his nails into Evan's back so hard that he's afraid he might actually draw blood. But if he does, Evan either doesn't notice or doesn't care, because he doesn't react. Instead, he pulls out a bit, breathing heavily, before slowly easing back in, again and again, further each time. And when he bottoms out, Seb groans deeply, and Evan pauses, making Seb open his eyes. He sees Evan's concerned expression, and does some vague kind of half-nod.

"I'm good," he says, barely able to articulate, too wrapped up in the sensation of everything right now to form words; he just wants Evan to fucking
move
. And Evan seems to take the hint, because he starts thrusting then, with slow, deliberate motions. And Seb closes his eyes again, moaning with every thrust, the sound of Evan groaning just by his ear making him shiver and move his hips against Evan's, his hands pressing down against the small of his back, wanting more. It feels so good, so unbelievably good.

Eventually, it finally starts getting
too
good, and Seb feels how he's turning into a squirming, embarrassingly almost whimpering mess. And Evan speeds up, his thrusts becoming deeper and more determined, and Seb clings to him, hitching one leg up to press Evan's hips down against him. He can't take this, can't handle much more of this.

"Evan," he says, practically panting, one hand moving to grip Evan's hair. "Fuck, I'm so close."

Evan groans against his collarbone, planting a hard kiss there, before moving up to kiss his mouth, one hand moving down along Seb's stomach.

The moment Evan wraps his fingers around him and starts stroking, Seb feels as though he might actually choke, overwhelmed by sensation. He clings to Evan, desperately, pushing his tongue into his mouth and claiming, taking what he wants, what he
needs
, making Evan moan against him. He's getting closer, his skin burning, crackling.

"Evan," he breathes against those lips, unable to think of anything else to say. "Evan, please."

"Come with me, Seb," Evan growls, stroking him in unison with his thrusts. "Come on, baby. I got you."

That's all it takes to drive Seb completely over the edge, making him squeeze his eyes shut and utter a noise that sounds like a deep, strangled moan, as he comes over Evan's fingers. And the way he tenses up is the final straw for Evan, who thrusts once, twice, three times, before coming, letting out a low, guttural groan, before practically collapsing on top of Seb.

Neither of them moves for several seconds then, Seb's eyes still closed, as the ringing in his ears subsides. He's breathing heavily, just like Evan, and he swallows, trying to keep himself from passing out. Because he honestly feels like he might. It's like coming down from the most intense high, his head spinning from the overload of sensation.

It's silent for several, long seconds.

"I love you."

Seb hears it, even through all the heavy breathing, through the haze and the ringing in his ears. He opens his eyes, wondering for a second if he imagined it, but as soon as he sees Evan's unsmiling face, he knows he didn't. Those green eyes are shining, unsure and excited and exhausted, so soft and full of pure adoration, that Seb almost forgets to breathe.
Did Evan just say that?

Evan keeps his expression, even when Seb doesn't answer.

"I love you, Seb," he says, voice low, giving him a quick, soft kiss. "I love you."

And then it really sinks in, and Seb hears the words.

"I love you," he hears himself say, his voice quiet but sure, and Evan pulls back to look at him. His expression is unreadable, but Seb barely notices. It feels so good to say it out loud. It feels so good to finally say what he realizes he has been feeling ever since he first met Evan, that night, so long ago. He knew, even then. He has loved Evan this whole time, completely.

"I love you," Seb repeats, moving his hands up to Evan's face, so that he can pull him down into a kiss. "I love you."

Evan sighs against his lips, relaxing. Then he pulls away to kiss Seb's cheek, then his nose.

"I love you," he murmurs, raining kisses all over Seb's face. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Seb can't help but smile, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically giddy.

"Don't make it weird," he almost laughs, still a bit breathless, closing his eyes against Evan's onslaught of kisses.

"I'm not making it weird," Evan murmurs, a smile in his voice, as he kisses Seb's closed eyelids. "You're making it weird."

"You've gotten your point across," Seb says, actually laughing now. "I get it, you love me."

Evan stops kissing him then, and Seb opens his eyes. Evan is hovering above him, a big grin on his face.

"Good," he says, and just looks at Seb for the longest time. And Seb loves the way he looks at him, like he's something precious, to be kept and protected.

Then Evan leans down and plants a quick kiss on his lips again, and Seb groans.

"You just had to?" he says, and Evan smiles smugly.

"Yes, I did."

Seb can't help but smile, though. He feels like he will never be able to stop smiling.

It's after a few more seconds of silence that Evan exhales and looks down, and Seb follows his gaze. It's hard not to notice the slight mess they have made, and Seb grimaces slightly.

"Yeah," he says, drawing out the word, and Evan looks up at him again, eyebrows raised. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry," Evan practically laughs, kissing him again. "Comes with the territory, I guess."

Seb has to admit that that attitude makes him feel better, and makes the whole thing less awkward when they eventually clean up, which is a rather quick affair.

Seb just lies there for a few moments afterward, while Evan gets rid of the condom, feeling completely drained and soft and relaxed, and immensely satisfied. Then Evan returns, crawling into bed with him, and Seb pulls the cover up over them both. He automatically fits himself into Evan's arms, as he pulls him closer, Evan placing his head by his shoulder and nuzzling his neck. He exhales heavily.

"So," Evan says sleepily. "How's it feel?"

Seb frowns at the odd question.

"Sore," he says after a moment, and laughs when Evan looks up at him. "But good. Mostly good."

He kisses Evan's forehead, and Evan settles down again.

"Feels very good," Seb says, kissing the top of Evan's head this time. "You?"

"Awesome," Evan murmurs against his skin, and Seb rolls his eyes.

"You can't use that word for everything, Evan," he says, and Evan groans.

"Watch me," he says, and Seb smiles, pulling Evan a bit closer, as if that were possible. Neither of them speaks for a few seconds, and eventually, Seb hears Evan starting to breathe heavier. He glances down; he has fallen asleep. Seb smiles.

"I love you," he whispers, kissing his hair. And to his surprise, Evan replies, in a barely audible, muffled murmur.

"Love you, too."

Chapter 15

Out

Seb wakes to warmth of Evan's breath against his neck.

The two of them are still lying tangled together, like they fell asleep last night, and Seb opens his eyes. He glances down at his boyfriend, eyebrows slightly raised. Evan Matthews may be tough and abrasive a lot of the time, but he is probably the biggest cuddler Seb has ever met, and the way those arms wraps tightly around him makes him smile. Much like last night, he feels like he will never be able to stop smiling, not really.

Seb lets himself lie there and enjoy it for a few more minutes, just watching Evan's sleeping face, before the urge to take a piss becomes a bit too overwhelming, and he gets out of bed. Evan is still soundly asleep, but he seems to instinctively reach for Seb as he gets up, missing his warmth. Seb smoothly evades him, though, and makes his way to the bathroom.

He half-winces as he starts moving, rather startlingly being reminded of what happened last night, what they did. It's not too bad, though, just a bit sore, and it will pass. And if nothing else, it was worth it. He most definitely wants to do it again.

When Seb returns a minute or so later and crawls back into bed, Evan seems to have woken up. At least, judging from the way he immediately grabs Seb and pulls him down, wrapping his arms around him, underneath the covers. Seb just gives a startled laugh, and fits himself into Evan's arms, lying down on his back so that Evan can move closer beside him and nuzzle against his neck, one arm slung over his stomach; it seems to be his very favorite cuddling pose.

"What's gotten into you?" Seb asks, smiling, when Evan plants a few kisses along his throat.

"I missed you," Evan murmurs against his skin, and Seb raises his eyebrows.

"Seriously?" he says, with a light sound of disbelief. "I was gone, like, two seconds."

"That's not what I meant." Evan's voice takes on an oddly somber tone, and Seb looks down at him. And Evan sighs and looks up, resting his chin against Seb's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he says, unexpectedly, green eyes soft and a bit sad. Seb tugs at his hair gently with his hand.

"Hey," he says chidingly. "We've been over this. It's fine."

"No." Evan shakes his head, propping himself up on his elbows. "No, I never meant to make you feel like that. I never meant to make you feel like I was ashamed of you or that I didn't care. I wasn't thinking, I freaked out, and I'm sorry."

Seb just looks at him, then plants a kiss on his forehead.

"And it's fine," he says. "After what you did at the bar last night, it's kind of hard to stay mad at you."

Evan smiles a bit at that, and Seb can't help but smile back.

"The song helped," Seb adds, and Evan looks a bit sheepish.

"Yeah," he says. "I wasn't gonna do that one, actually."

Seb frowns at him, and Evan cocks his head.

"I mean, I was," he says. "At first. But then all that happened, and... I figured you wouldn't come, anyway. So it seemed pointless."

"All that," Seb repeats, without thinking. "You mean, when I―"

"Broke up with me?" Evan adds helpfully, his voice slightly subdued, and his words hurt so much more than Seb wants to admit.

"Sure," he says, looking away, his voice a bit thick. "If that's what you want to call it."

"That's what it felt like," Evan says, and sighs. "But I get it. I fucked up, I get it."

"I did, too," Seb says, looking back at him. "I never planned to do that, it just sort of happened. I hated myself for it. I guess we both just freaked out."

Evan keeps his eyes on him.

"Yeah." The one word is soft, content. Then he moves up a bit, so that his face is closer to Seb's.

"But then you did come to watch me," he says, the smallest hint of a smile on his face; it's mostly in his eyes. "And I guess I thought it must have been a sign, or something. And I figured that since you were there, despite everything, I might as well do the song I'd planned on doing."