Just Stay (35 page)

"You, what?" Evan asks, and Seb sighs.

"After you left," he explains. "I may have...
overreacted
a bit."

He doesn't need to explain further. It takes only a second, before Evan's face falls, and he glances down at the counter. He looks downright ashamed, but he doesn't say anything. Seb doesn't blame him.

Neither of them speaks, as Evan pours two cups of coffee, adding a nice helping of sugar to his own and adding nothing to Seb's; he prefers his coffee black, anyway.

"Here you go," Evan says, sounding slightly subdued, as he hands Seb his mug, and Seb takes it, resisting the urge to wrap his hands around it. It's too hot, so he sets it down on the table in front of him, instead. And Evan sits down across from him, and several seconds of silence follow.

Seb absently glances at the clock above the door, and is a bit startled to see that it's just past nine o'clock. He can't help but wonder how early then, exactly, he woke up, seeing as how he spent quite a while in the shower.

And more to the point, why is Evan up already? It isn't like him, and he usually stays in bed, even if Seb gets up early, on a day off.

Seb blows on his coffee, in lack of anything else, feeling oddly exposed where he sits. He's wearing nothing but a towel, after all, and he can feel Evan's eyes on him, so he looks up. Sure enough, there are those green eyes, practically staring, before they look down at the table, as though Evan is actually afraid of looking for too long. It's almost as though he doesn't want to take any liberties, like he isn't sure what or how much he is allowed to do, after how he has been acting this past week.

It makes Seb feel vindicated and sad, at the same time.

"So," Seb finally says, and he swears Evan almost flinches at the sudden breaking of silence. "I guess we should... talk about this. Or something."

Evan clears his throat slightly and looks up. Those eyes look oddly lost, like they sometimes do, like he honestly isn't sure what to do or say.

"Yeah," he says. "I guess we should."

More silence. It drags on for another few seconds, before Seb decides to finally say something. Something he has honestly been thinking about since he woke up.

"I wish we didn't have to," he says, glancing down at his coffee. "I wish it was all fine, but..."

He sighs heavily, scratching the back of his head, pulling through the shower-wet, messed up hair.

"I mean, I'm glad you came home," he says. "Really glad, you have no idea."

Seb is half-surprised at the sheer emotion in his words, but it seems appropriate; he means them, with every fiber of his being.

"But everything's not fine." He looks up at Evan, wondering vaguely if he looks as sad as he thinks he does. "There's still a lot of shit to work through. And some long overdue, mind-blowing sex isn't gonna change that."

He adds that last part with the slightest hint of joking sarcasm, and Evan quirks a small smile, before relaxing his face again. He looks tense, sad and just slightly anxious, all at once.

"I know," he says, sounding subdued. "Wasn't expecting it to."

He sighs heavily, looking down at his own coffee mug.

"I just don't really know where to start," he admits. "I mean, I know I've been a dick. I know that."

He keeps his eyes on the coffee mug, while Seb cups his own with both hands, waiting.

"I just don't know what to say." Evan's voice is low, and sounds unusually soft.

Seb chews his lip, watching his boyfriend for a few moments.

"How about starting at the beginning," he suggests, and Evan looks up, that tentative look back on his face. "Just tell me what happened."

Evan seems to consider this, for several seconds, in fact, before he takes a breath.

"Okay," he says, looking back down at his coffee mug. "Well, you know how it started. My dad called, and we talked for a little bit. He asked about life, school, the usual. And then, I thought about what you said. About telling him. Just, you know, saying it."

He runs his fingers along the mug's handle, and Seb waits. Then, Evan sighs.

"It didn't go well," he says. "I just figured, fuck it, and I said that there actually was something going on, something I hadn't told him about. He seemed fine, at first. And I asked him if he remembered you, back when he helped Jake and Sophie move, and we came over."

Evan lets out a short, humorless laugh, along with a small, equally humorless smile.

"He did remember you," he says. "
'The rude one
."

Seb bites back the urge to point out that Peter Matthews was the
rude one
, whereas Seb actually didn't even say a word. He knows that Evan is fully aware of that, hence the bitter laugh.

"And I just told him," Evan says, still looking at his coffee mug. Seb suspects that the coffee must have gone a bit cold, by now. "I told him that yeah, that's the one. And he's my boyfriend."

It's silent for a few moments, and then, Evan lets out another, humorless laugh.

"I don't think he saw that coming," he says, absently rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "I think he expected me to have knocked up some girl, or something. Actually, I think he would have preferred that."

Seb doesn't say anything.

"Anyway," Evan says, exhaling, as though pulling himself together. "He got pissed, obviously. He asked if I was joking, at first, and when I made it clear that I wasn't, he wanted to know how long it had been going on. I told him it had been about a year, and he freaked out, even more. It was kind of like he had been hoping it was just some phase, or something, but that possibility backfired then, I guess. And then I told him we were living together, and shit really hit the fan."

Evan looks up at Seb, looking tired, rather than sad.

"He said he didn't raise me to be a faggot," he says, sounding subdued. "I tried pointing out to him that I still like chicks too, but that didn't seem to matter."

He adds that last part with a different air, as though trying to lighten the mood a bit, and Seb offers him a small smile of support, before Evan continues.

"So he yelled," he says. "And I yelled. I mean, I hadn't expected him to take it well, but he was even more pissed about it than I'd thought he would be. And a whole bunch of shit was said there, in between, but in the end, he basically told me not to talk to him again, until I 'had that guy's dick out of my ass'."

Seb nearly winces, and Evan gives him a sympathetic look.

"His words," he says. "Not mine."

Seb doesn't respond. He doesn't really know what to say. And knowing that Evan's father actually said that to him, doesn't exactly make him feel better.

"So," Evan says with a heavy sigh, as though somehow relieved at getting this off his chest. "That's how it went down. He hung up on me, and... it pretty much went to shit, from there. And I didn't exactly handle it well, as you well know."

He sounds downright ashamed, at that last part, and the past few days don't exactly need repeating; they were both there for it, they know what happened.

"I should have been there." Seb nearly murmurs the words, suddenly realizing how awful he actually feels about it. But Evan just shakes his head, looking somehow desperate for Seb not to think that.

"No," he says, and he looks like wants to reach across the table and take Seb's hand, but decides against it; he still isn't sure about the boundaries. "No, don't say that."

He sounds sad, sad that Seb would somehow put this on himself.

"No, you shouldn't have had to do that alone," Seb insists, suddenly angry with himself, shaking his head. "I should have been there."

"Seb." Evan says the name softly, looking oddly sad. "It was my thing. And don't get me wrong, I wanted to call you, right after, but I knew you were busy. And I didn't want to put that on you."

Seb frowns.

"Well, you should have called anyway," he says.

"Seb, it was my problem," Evan insists, trying to sound caring, despite the harsh words. "It wasn't your business."

"Of course, it was my business!" Seb actually raises his voice a bit, to both his and Evan's surprise. "It
is
my fucking business!"

Somewhat stunned silence follows his little outburst, and Seb takes a deep, slow breath.

"I get that you didn't talk to me," he says, voice much softer than before. "I get that you didn't want to put that on me, and I get that you just wanted to protect me."

He sighs heavily.

"But it's not just
your
business, anymore," he says. "It's not
your
problem. There's no such thing."

Seb looks down at the table, and with a kind of hesitation he hasn't felt in a very long time, especially considering Evan, he moves his hand across the surface. Carefully, he reaches for Evan's hand, and to his immensely surprised relief, Evan doesn't hesitate, as he takes it. When Seb looks up at him, there is such soft relief on his face, a lot like gratitude, and Seb absently smoothes over the back of Evan's hand with his thumb, out of habit.

"It's you and me," he says. "Just us. And that means that if there's a problem, it's
our
problem. Okay?"

Evan swallows, and he nods. Then, he just looks at Seb for a few seconds, before chuckling softly.

"That's what Jake said," he says, with a tone that suggests he's fully aware of the eye-roll inducing effect it will have on Seb. And sure enough, Seb does roll his eyes, albeit with a small smile on his face.

"Oh, joy," he says. "I guess we've finally learned something from them, huh?"

Evan smiles, chuckling, and Seb can't help but smile back.

Sure, Jake and Sophie have by no means the perfect relationship―no one does. But they seem to have a hell of a lot better understanding of the whole thing, than Seb and Evan do.

"I went there," Evan says after a few seconds, his look a bit serious, again. "After I left, the other night."

Seb nods.

"I figured as much," he says, and Evan doesn't look the slightest bit surprised that he reached that conclusion.

"He tore me a new one," Evan says, eyebrows slightly raised, as though reluctantly impressed with his little brother's conviction. "Even Sophie was mad. She mostly stayed out of it, though. But they let me spend the night, mostly because I wouldn't leave, and then they basically ordered me out of the apartment, yesterday."

Evan smiles ruefully.

"They told me that I was welcome there whenever," he says, "but that I really had to deal with this. That you and me had to 'stow our crap' and talk about it."

Seb can't help but smile, and Evan visibly relaxes.

"So, I went for a walk," he says. "Lost track of time, but it was light out, when I left. And then it started raining, and... Well, you know the rest."

He gives Seb a pointed look that's just the slightest bit suggestive, and in the midst of all the emotional talk and confessions, Seb can't help but think of last night.

Shit
, that was amazing. He honestly can't remember the last time they went at it like that, so desperately and with such urgency. Evan practically begged for it.

Screw "practically",
Seb thinks. He
did
beg for it, begged Seb to just take him, to fuck him right then and there. And Seb did. And it was mind-blowing.

He swallows hard.

Evan is more observant than one might think, and Seb is only half-surprised when he raises his eyebrows slightly at him.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, in a way that loudly says he knows full well what Seb is most likely thinking about.

But Seb isn't having it, not right now. It's still early in the morning, and he's wearing only a
towel
, for god's sake.

"I'm thinking," he says, pointedly pushing out his chair, "that I should probably put some pants on."

He gets up from the table, ignoring his untouched coffee. Evan immediately notices this, and Seb knows he's screwed. If Seb is ignoring his morning coffee, he's clearly desperate to leave.

Evan eyes him up and down, as he stands, from the edge of the white, fluffy towel, wrapped around his hips, up along his bare stomach and chest, up to the messy, towel-dried hair, where his gaze lingers. And Seb tenses up a bit, because he recognizes that look that's suddenly in Evan's eyes. He recognizes it, and he knows it's capable of making him beg on his knees, if Evan asks him to.

But Seb decides not to give in, not right now. For some reason, sex, and anything in that vicinity, feels somehow inappropriate after the conversation they just had. But then again, the atmosphere is fine now, clear and relaxed, any ounce of tension dissipated. So maybe it's pride that makes Seb resist.

Either way, he feels very exposed, wearing only a towel. A towel that isn't even secured, and could be pulled off with just the slightest little tug.

"Seems unnecessary," Evan says, not releasing Seb's hand. "Pants, I mean."

He eyes Seb up and down again, as Seb moves to stand beside the table.

"Yeah, you would think that," Seb retorts, and Evan smiles slowly. It's an approving smile, one he sometimes has when Seb is acting snarky. Seb will never quite be able to understand how that aspect of his personality can be so appealing to Evan, to the man he loved.

They just look at each other, but then, Evan half-surprises Seb by slowly getting out of his chair. He still hasn't let go of Seb's hand, and for a few seconds, they just stand there, close together, eyes locked. Evan still has that look in his eyes, and Seb actually shivers.

Then, when Evan kisses him, he feels his skin practically catch fire.

It isn't a soft kiss, but it's slow, and the way Evan's tongue pushes into Seb's mouth and simply claims it, is enough to make Seb's knees go weak. He's barely aware of Evan moving his free hand to his waist, the other hand still grasping Seb's, and it's only when Seb feels the edge of the kitchen counter lightly bump into his lower back, that he notices that they have actually moved.

"You're not wearing anything under here," Evan murmurs against his lips, his hand smoothing down over the towel, "are you?"