Knowing Me Knowing You (40 page)

She finished the glass of wine and was just about to pour another when Joel came back downstairs.

‘
Oh, is she OK? Does she want me? I’ll go and read her a story,
’
Kate said, getting up from the sofa.

‘
No need, she’s asleep. She was asleep before I got to the end of
The Princess and the Pea
,
’
Joel told her.

‘
Bless her, she does love that story. OK, I think I’ll have a chicken
tawa
wi
th garlic rice and a plain
naan
.
O
h and
poppadoms
, an Indian isn’t an Indian without
poppadoms
. What would you like?
’
Kate asked, passing Joel the menu.

‘
I’ll have
a lamb
bhuna
and
pilau
rice.
’

‘
Right, I’ll order and it’s my treat
.
O
h and I have a cheque for you, for your share of the
five thousand
we won,
’
Kate said, picking up the phone and preparing to dial the number for the takeaway.

‘
I don’t want any of the five thousand
,
’
Joel stated once Kate was off the phone.

‘
What?
’

‘
I don’t want any of it.
W
e didn’t know about it at the beginning so I don’t want any of it,
’
Joel spoke.

‘
Don’t be silly, we had an agreement.
’

‘
About the hundred thousand
, not this.
Buy something with it, trade your car in for a four door
.
T
hink how much easier that would be to get
Bethan
in and out of,
’
Joel suggested.

‘
B
ut, that wouldn’t be fair and...
’

‘
OK, I’ll have my share and I’ll buy the car for you,
’
Joel told her.

‘
You’re so stubborn
.
W
hich one of your parents do you get that from?
’
Kate asked.

The second the words had passed her lips she wanted to draw them back in again.

‘
Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I opened my stupid mouth. Forget I said that,
’
Kate spoke hurriedly.

‘
It’s OK, don’t worry,
’
Joel said.

‘
Do you ever wonder about your birth parents? Have you ever thought about tracking them down?
’

‘
I tried to once; I found out their names and the area they lived. Social services contacted them, told them I wanted to make contact and that was that,
’
Joel explained.

‘
What
d’you
mean?
’

‘
They didn’t want to see me,
’
Joel answered.

‘
Oh Joel, I’m so sorry.
’

‘
Don’t be, it’s fine
.
I didn’t really need them, I was just curious. I suppose I just wanted to meet them to
see if I looked like either of them, or to find out if I had any brothers or sisters.
’

‘
I don’t understand why they weren’t curious about you? How can someone have a child, give them away and then never wonder how they turned out.
’

‘
There are all sorts of different reasons why people give up their children. My parents were young, my mother was only sixteen when she
had me,
my
father was eighteen.
T
hey had no money, their parents had nothing either, I think it was the right thing for them to do. My adoptive parents gave me everything and believe me no one could have loved me more.
’

‘
They would have been so proud of you Joel.
’

‘
Maybe.
’

‘
So if you did all these qualifications, your degree and everything why did you join the Army? Was it something you always wanted to do?
’

‘
Well I left university with all the qualifications and I didn’t really know what to do with them. My parents have friends in high places, I had job offers coming from every which way but I just needed to be my own person and to find out who that person was. I needed to see where I fitted into the world. The Army offered travel and excitement, opportunities to learn skills you can’t learn outside of it. It was always just going to be a stepping stone to something else.
’

‘
And is that what you got? Was it good before, well you know, before
Afghanistan
?
’

‘
Yes it was
.
I made so many friends, good friends, friends who would put themselves on the line for you. We had great times and we laughed so much. But the job changed, it got more intense, it got more dangerous
.
T
he laughter dried up and we all had to turn into people we didn’t want to be,
’
Joel tried to explain.

‘
Sorry.
’

‘
No it’s OK.
B
efore all my friends were lost that d
ay, I was going to leave anyway.
I
t wasn’t what I signed
up
for,
the risks were increasing all the time and I started to think about my parents and what it would do to them if I was killed. All that time, raising me, all that effort, bringing up someone else’s child, I couldn’t do that to them,
’
Joel explained.

‘
Well I’m glad you came back
.
I can’t see us having met in the darkest regions of Afghanistan
.
I’d be like a fish out of water if there wasn’t an
Asda
within five miles,
’
Kate answered.

‘
But you would have liked the packet meals,
’
Joel told her with a grin.

The telephone rang.

‘
Hello, oh hello -
he’
s what? Well he can’t mean it -
he’s doing what? Oh I don’t know, I don’t know if that’s a good thing
-
yes I know but it’s difficult
-
are you sure he’s serious?
Alright, calm down, don’t cry -
well where is he? Alright, I’ll come, yes, OK, OK, bye.
’

Kate put the phone down and looked at Joel.

‘
What’s wrong?
’
Joel asked.

‘
That was Helen, Matthew’s sister. Apparently he’s threatening to commit suicide,
’
Kate informed.

‘
What?
’

‘
I don’t believe it for a minute but he keeps asking for me. Helen’s round there but he won’t open the front door. I tried to tell her that things were difficult but he’s her brother and she’s worried about him and
...
’
Kate began.

‘
Sure, you have to go,
’
Joel answered.

‘
I don’t want to go but
...
’

‘
Kate its fine, he’s
Bethan’s
dad
-
you need to check it out,
’
Joel responded.

‘
Do you mind?
’

‘
Go, I’ll stay and mind
Bethan
.
I can’t guarantee there’ll be any takeaway left when you get back though,
’
Joel replied.

‘
Keep a bit for me; I’m good at reheating things,
’
Kate replied, finding her coat and putting it on.

‘
Call me though; let me know what’s going on,
’
Joel responded.

‘
I will,
’
she promised.

‘
Hello,
’
Hermione greeted as she picked up the phone.

‘
Hello. I’m at the hospital,
’
Kate spoke, breathing in the outside air as she left the entrance of the
a
ccident and
e
mergency unit.

‘
Oh Sweetie, what’s the matter? What’s happened? It’s not
Bethan
is it?
’

‘
No, no
Bethan’s
fine, it’s Matthew
.
H
e was threatening to commit suicide and he was really drunk and passing out so we called an ambulance,
’
Kate answered.

‘
Is he OK?
’

‘
I think so, Helen’s with him,
’
Kate informed.

‘
And what are you doing there?
’

‘
Well Helen called me and asked me to come
.
H
e wouldn’t let her in and he said he’d taken a load of tablets and he kept asking for me,
’
Kate answered.

‘
I see,
’
Hermione responded stiffly.

‘
What does
that
mean? You said it in a funny voice, I sense disapproval.
’

‘
Very perceptive.
I’m just worried you’re sending out mixed messages here Kate. You’re telling him it’s over one minute and then racing to his bedside the next,
’
Hermione told her.

‘
It wasn’t like that, his sister called me.
’

‘
And you dropped everything and went to him. What were you doing? Were you with Joel?
’
Hermione
asked
.

‘
Well, yes, but it was only takeaway.
’

‘
You were having dinner with Joel and you left to be with your ex-husband, the man who no more than a week or so ago wanted a DNA test on your daughter.
’

‘
Why are you being horrible to me? I phoned you for support
.
I’m tired and it’s cold and the bloke in the bed next to him has spent the last half an hour on the bedpan.
’

‘
I’m not being horrible; I’m just pointing a few things out. What sort of message do you think that will have sent out to Joel?
’

‘
Joel and I are complicated.
’

‘
I don’t know why, I think that’s a convenient excuse you use so you have all of the dating and none of the commitment.
Because you’re scared to move on, away from Matthew.
’

‘
That isn’t true.
’

‘
Isn’t it? You don’t seem to know what you want
.
O
ne minute it’s over with Matthew, the next you’re nursing him back to health. And what am I doing at this moment in time? Making you a wedding dress so you can compete in a relationship game show with someone you’re treating very badly.
’

‘
Mione
, I
...
’

‘
I think you need to sit down and really think about what you’re doing,
’
Hermione spoke severely.

‘
It’s
compli
...
’

‘
I’ll see you in the morning,
’
Hermione interrupted and she ended the call.

Kate took the phone away from her ear and just looked at it
.
Hermione’s harsh words
had
hurt her. She had never
spoken to her like that before.
S
he had been the voice of reason on many an occasion but she had never sounded quite so angry. Matthew had looked weak and vulnerable, pale and inconsolable; he looked like he was quite capable of suicide. And Helen had been distra
ught, concerned for her brother.
S
he hadn’t had an option, had she?