Learning to Fly (15 page)

When the song ends, he lets me stay there until I’ve pulled myself together.  “Thanks for that, Aaron.”  I wipe my wet eyes and try to rub off the mascara marks that mark my place on his sleeve.  “That was one of the purest and most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that.” He brushes a stray hair from my face and, for a moment, I can’t think about anything except how much I want him to kiss me. 

“Here,” he says and hands me a CD.

“Oh, thank you, Aaron.” I hug him and thank him for such a thoughtful gift.
“Try not to miss me too much before Monday.”  I say to him and walk off.

I can’t wait to get back to my dorm and add it to my music files.  I am playing ‘To Whom It May Concern’ when Rachel walks in. 

“You like him, don’t yoooouu?”  She drags out the syllable on the last word as she throws her stuff down and jumps on my bed.

“So, are you guys an item; you going out on a date?”  She asks and I can tell she is barely able to contain her enthusiasm.

“No, I’m not interested in dating anyone.  Aaron and I are just friends,” I say.

“Oh, OK,” she says and rolls her eyes at me. 

“No, really, it’s just felt nice to find a friend, “I admit.

“If I had a friend like that, I’d do a lot more than listen to music,” she says to me.

I hit her on her leg with my foot and roll over to hug my pillow as the music continues to play.

Chapter Fifteen

Wednesday, I arrive early at our lunch spot to spread out a beach blanket under the tree.  He arrives moments later with a bag from the electronics store in his hand.  “What’s in the bag?” Whatever it is, it’s not very big because it a small bag. 

“I bought a splitter, this way we each get to use our buds to listen to the music.” He rips the plastic package open and places the Y inside the jack on his phone.

“Wait, before you plug in, do you have my sandwich?” His hand is covering my side of the splitter, preventing me from plugging in my ear buds.

“Nope, there is no sandwich for you today.”  I chuckle at our routine; every day he asks me if I have his sandwich.  “Here you are sir.”  I hand him a covered plastic container. 

“Wow, this looks amazing.” His eyes get big as he sees BBQ along with homemade macaroni salad, and upside down pineapple cake for dessert.  The song he plays for me today is a little heavier with emotion.  I feel myself turned on by the sensual lyrics and rhythm of the music.  I sneak glances at him while he eats and it makes me feel good to see him enjoy the meal.
He hits pause after the first song plays, jumps up, and brushes himself off. “You want to get out of here and go for a ride?” I grab his extended hand, letting him pull me up.  My legs feel unsteady; I must have been sitting on them too long. 

He gathers up the blanket and cooler and we make our way across the lot to his car.
“So where would you like to go?”  He asks and tosses the lunch items in the trunk.  I think about it and have no idea.

“Most of the driving I do is just to the store and back.” I tell him.  “Why don’t you take me to one of your favorite spots?”  I suggest. 

“I know exactly where I want to take you.  It will take a while to get there.  Can you handle being with me for that long?”

“Well, as long as there’s good music, I think I can deal.” I say playfully.

It is a sunny day with clear blue skies and a warm breeze. “Can you believe how lucky we got?  This is perfect driving weather.” He smiles and rolls down all four windows. 

“Dang! I squeal as warm air blows my hair and sundress.  I don’t have enough hands to protect everything so I place the hem of my sundress underneath my legs to hold it in place.  Aaron looks happy and taps out the beat of the song blaring through the speakers.

We start driving down dirt roads that are normally abandoned. “I hope you like to go fast,” he says to me and pushes down on the gas.  My neck jerks back against the headrest. I look over and see that we are doing over 80 on the old road.  Even with my seatbelt in place, I fall toward either him or the door as he takes the curves.  I ricochet from one side to the next like a pinball.  I start to laugh and it feels good, since I haven’t done it in a while. We start to slow down and I see signs posted about no trespassing and fines.  He pulls over, gets out, and comes to open my door for me. 

“We just need a few things”
He opens the trunk and hands me a stick and he pulls out a blanket. I can’t seem to figure out why we are here, in the middle of nowhere.  He takes the stick out of my hand and beats down the overgrowth in our way.  He takes my left hand and pulls me along down the grass-covered path. We get to the edge of the foliage, and, in front of us, is a very large pond.  He finds a flat spot and spreads the blanket out.  He sits down on it and pats it for me to come over beside him. “What is this place? I ask him, whispering. 

“When I was young, after my parents died, sometimes I needed a place that I could escape to. Not that living with my grandparents was hard, but there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t miss my folks.  At night, I would come here, lie under the stars, and talk to them.  I used to pretend that when I saw a twinkling star that it was my mother sending me a kiss.” 

“That is so beautiful, Aaron.” The fact that he shared something so close to his heart moved me.  I reach over and touch his hand.

“So, Sophie, what about you?” 

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“First of all,” he says turning to face me. “You can tell me your story.”

  “What makes you think I have a story?” I respond.

“Wow, you’re one tough nut to crack.  OK, I’ll go first.”  He lies down on his back beside me.  “I guess it started when I was young, after my parents died, I would spend hours listening to music.  I became infatuated with the way a song could make you feel.  My grandmother taught me how to play the piano, and as I got older, I wanted to learn as many instruments as I could.  I have also learned to play the flute and violin.  Music gives me a way to express myself when I have trouble finding the words.”
He rolls onto his stomach and props himself up on his elbows to look down at me.  “You’re turn; tell me about your family.”

For the first time, I don’t feel ashamed about my past.  I open up and tell Aaron everything, including the last year of high school, with Alex.

“I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad those things brought you here.” He’s so handsome; I don’t know how I missed it before.
“Sit up, the show is about to start.”  He pulls me up and we sit watching the bright orange sun as it sets over the water.  I lean my head on his shoulder as the sun dips behind the water, leaving shades of orange and red floating across the sky.

“Thanks for bringing me here and sharing this with me.”  I barely get the last word out and he presses his lips against mine.  Oh my god, he’s kissing me. I open my mouth and his tongue pushes in, dancing with mine.  We need to stop, but this feels so good. He wraps his arms around me and he gently pushes me down on the blanket.  Suddenly my eyelids close and I wrap my arms around him, my hands on his back keeping him right where he is.  I shift slightly as he slides a hand up my bare leg. 

Alarms are going off in my head, telling me that we need to stop, but my heart is desperate for more.  When I feel his hardness pressing against me, I know I have to put an end this. Stop kissing him, Sophie, I say to myself. “Stop,” even I can hear how breathy I sound. 

He pulls back, “I’m so sorry, Sophie; I shouldn’t have done that.  You just look so beautiful being here in the sunset.” 

“We should go,” I say, jumping up and brushing myself off.  “I’ve had a very long day and I really need to get home.”  He picks up the blanket and shakes it out.  On the walk back to the car, I keep my hands linked behind my back and try not to make eye contact with him.  I’ve held onto my resolve this long; I will not waiver over one kiss.  No matter how good it feels, with the pulses of lightening shooting from my lips and out of my toes. 

He opens the door for me and I get in.  I pull my dress down, tuck it tightly under my legs, and fold my hands on my lap.  He throws the blanket and flashlight in the backseat and then gets in.  He hesitates as he puts the key in the ignition. “Sophie, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be so forward but I have to tell you that, now that I’ve kissed you, I want to do it again.”  I bite my bottom lip at his confession.  “Don’t worry, Scouts honor,” he says, holding up two fingers. “I won’t do it unless you ask first.” Aaron turns on the radio and I hear a familiar voice, the song he played for me the other day.
Aaron and I both start singing at the same time, I feel so happy.

Aaron’s voice is melodic and beautiful and I wish I had half of his talent.“
Why did you stop singing?” Aaron asks. 

“Uh, did you not hear me kill that song? Besides you sound so much better, I enjoy listening to your voice.”

When we pull up to the parking lot at the dorms Aaron turns off the car and pulls out the key.  I wait for him to say something, anything, to me right now. 

“That kiss left me wanting more,” Aaron says and looks into my eyes. 

I realize now that the more I hold back from kissing and touching Aaron, I’m not just denying him, I’m denying myself.

“Me, too” I say to him and lean forward to press my mouth into his. 

Aaron stops me from kissing him and speaks to me, “I don’t want you to do this until you are truly ready.  I don’t want to be the rebound guy who helps you forget about your ex; I want to be the guy you can’t live without, the one you dream of.  Maybe we should slow things down a bit.  There’s no need to rush, I’m not going anywhere.”  I can feel his hot breath on my ear and all the thoughts in my head begin to scatter.  Although I haven’t had sex, I know what desire is and I have that familiar feeling building inside me.

I know that I want to make sure that I want Aaron for him and not to get over Alex.  I get out of the car without saying goodbye to Aaron.

Back at the dorm, I feel anxious.  I don’t know how to process all of the feelings that I’m having.  How can I feel so much for someone that I’ve just met?  All I can think about is how physically attracted I am to Aaron and what it would be like to let that feeling take over.  I think about how attracted I am, or was, to Alex, yet I was able to keep him at bay.  My head starts to hurt.

I am too exhausted to deal with anything else today.  I pour myself into my bed and plan sleep until the morning.  I hear voices and someone calling Rachel’s name. I sit up in bed with sleepily glazed eyes and watch as my roommate bounces from her bed to open the door.  I crane my neck to try to figure out who is here because she looks shocked.

She lets him into the room and I recognize Aaron’s voice.  I slide back and cover my face with my blanket to feign sleep.  “Get up, Sophie.”  Aaron says and I pretend not to hear him when he starts to pull at my covers.

"I already talked to your roommate.  Apparently you like to sneak out and go for long walks in the morning to see the sunrise." 

“Ok, give me a minute to get dressed.”  I hear the door close and lie there for a moment unable to comprehend what is going on.  I thought after yesterday that he would forget about me and move on to another target.

I come out of my room dressed in sweatpants and t-shirt, ready to take a walk through the campus trails.  Aaron carries a basket in his left hand and I am curious about what is inside.  We walk to a bench and he sits the basket down on top of the table.  He pulls out two coffees and bagels; that simple gesture brings a smile to my face.
I decide to be honest and upfront so that there can be no mistake about what I want.

“I’m not naïve enough to think that you have been saving yourself,” I say, and Aaron starts to choke on his bagel. He turns on the bench seat beside me and puts his hands on my leg. 

“No, unfortunately I wasn’t smart enough to realize it is something that should matter to me.  I went to a party one weekend with friends, intent on scoring before college. Being a band geek wasn’t something I was proud of at that time.  Know that I would never push you, Sophie, into doing something before you are ready for it.  I realize that the choice of where, when, and with whom is yours and yours alone to make.”

When he finishes speaking, I look into his eyes and can tell that he believes every word he just said.  I lunge at him, capturing his mouth with mine.  The force of my kiss causes him to lose his balance.  He reaches behind him, holding on the bench to keep us steady.  In that moment, I kiss him with everything that I have. I part his lips with my tongue, taking the kiss deeper and letting it melt away all of the hurt and pain that I carry deep inside me.

“Wow!” Aaron’s eyes study mine and I try to give him the answers he is looking for.

“I think I need to head back to my dorm and take another shower.” Aaron licks his lips, his tongue tracing the places where my lips were, just moments ago.

“I better get going, too.  I have a big test today that I need get ready for.” I say and clean up the remainder of our picnic.  “Thanks again for this morning.” I say to him and as I go to walk past him, he reaches for me, pulling me close.

He just stares into my eyes and it feels as if an eternity passes before he speaks again.  “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
He asks and peers closer, deeper into my eyes, trying to figure me out.

“Nothing at all, just thinking about how this is a great way to start the morning, and how busy I am today.”  I push down the conflicting feelings that I have.

“Break is coming up soon.  It may be too fast to ask you this, but if you don’t have plans, I’d really like to spend the break together.  Just think about it and let me know.”  He kisses me on the cheek and heads back to his car and I head to my room.

If this had been like the previous year, the decisions I make would all be about Aaron and his needs.  The truth is, even though I’m trying to move forward, my heart is still stuck in the past.  I can tell that Aaron is going slowly with me and I appreciate that.  When he kisses me, I feel things that make me want more. Aren’t they the same feelings I had a year ago when Alex kissed me? 

My head tells me that it is time to let Alex go; I need to move on and my heart will soon follow.

I open the door and Rachel is there with a wide smile. “So a romantic stroll on the grounds with Aaron this morning?”  She goes over and sits with me on the small twin bed. 

“We didn’t stroll, Aaron brought breakfast, and we had a morning picnic.”  She pats my leg with her hand. 

“You, my roommate, are one very lucky girl. You have a really hot guy after you, but you don’t seem overly excited about it.”
Her words shock me; I can’t believe that I am that transparent.