Learning to Fly (16 page)

"And why is it that you don’t have a boyfriend?" I ask Rachel, mainly to take the focus off me.

She looks at me and shrugs, "I don't know, I guess no one has interested me," she says.

“I am going to make it my mission to find a guy for you,” I tell her. “That way we can double, and I can interrogate you when you come back from your dates.”

“Good luck with that.” Rachel gives me a wink and gets up from the bed.  She sashays and wiggles her hips before stopping at the bathroom door. “I don’t kiss and tell,” she teases and shuts the door.

Rachel’s words are the wake- up call I need.  I really need to give things with Aaron a chance and finally close the chapter on Alex. 

I know I shouldn’t do it, but I log into Facebook and find Alex’s page.  I click on his photos and I’m transported back in time.  Each picture is a memory of my adoration for him it and drives me crazy that I still remember all these details. When I first laid eyes on him, the fairy tale began. I remember the butterflies, the intense nerves, his smile, his smell, how after one kiss I fell for him.

  From the day we met until graduation, we had been inseparable.  I was willing to change everything for one chance on love, a love that lasted for a whole 180 days.  I click on the folder of recent photos and see Alex at several parties; at each of these parties, he has a different girl on his arm.  I continue to scroll and see pictures of Alex with Katie and it’s as if my heart breaks all over again.  I want to hate her, I want to rip her heart out and stomp it into the ground.
These days they call him by the cool nickname Zander.  I soon realize that Zander is a person I know nothing about.  I close the page when Rachel gets out of the bathroom and I head in to get ready.

I clean up and remind myself that if I plan to get my dual-degree in four years, I have to excel in all of my courses.  I start reviewing the information from class in my head while I brush my teeth and do my hair. 

Ready to face the day, I come out wrapped in my towel.  When I see what’s on the wall above our shared desk, I don’t know if I want to cry or scream.  It’s a flyer about the weekend game and it shows a picture of Alex on one side and a picture of our quarterback, Sam, on the other. Not wanting to tell Rachel she can’t have it in the room because it will look like I am still hung up on the relationship, I decide to let it go.  Once this game is over, the hype surrounding Alex will be old news.

I am thankful for how quickly the day goes. Aaron is preoccupied with an upcoming concert and is scarce.

Chapter Sixteen

Saturday has finally arrived, and with it, the game. Rachel is up and getting ready. She is covered from head to toe in our school colors; she has even painted her face in dark brown and the white.  She wears a shiny gold bra that peeks through the low cut v neckline on a shirt that reads this Brown girl loves her School.  She even puts a temporary tattoo on her left arm and has her long brown hair in two braids. 

“All you need is a huge hat and a foam finger to complete the look.” I say and put my nose back into the book I was reading.

“Hey!” I look up at her, amazed when I see her pull a hat from the spirit store bag and place it on her head, she then reaches back in the bag and pulls out a foam finger.

“Ha-ha-ha; I must get a picture of you.”  I hit the camera button on my phone while she poses for several pictures. 

I laugh uncontrollably at her complete getup.  I know that every other Brown fan is going to be dressed in a similar fashion for today’s game.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Rachel asks.  I sit back on my bed in my pajamas with stacks of books around me.  ”No, I’m happy right here. I plan on getting lost in a few good books today.”  I say.

“Want me to check on you later?” I love that Rachel likes to mother me but there is no need for her to worry. I’m not the broken person she met at the beginning of the year. 

“I’m fine, really.  Go. Have. Fun.”  She gives me a hug and runs out the door. 

I read for a while and take a nap.  When I wake up, I see my phone has a missed call from Rachel.  I play the voicemail and smile when I hear her voice.

“Hey Chica, it’s me, Rachel. (She says in her sing- song voice)  I will be by to pick you up at 8:00; we’re all going out for pizza and you are coming with. And…” The message ends abruptly.  I see there is a second voicemail from Rachel and hit play.

“I AM NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER!  GET DRESSED OR YOU WILL BE DRAGGED OUT IN YOUR PJS.”

Afraid of what Rachel and her friends are capable of, I jump up, run, and take a quick shower.  I only have minutes until she gets here and I don’t even wait for it to get warm before getting in.  I shiver as cool water runs over my naked body.  I shut off the water and start to dry when I hear the door to our room open.

“Sophie!  You’d better be in the bathroom getting ready.”  She yells through the closed bathroom door.

“I am drying off as we speak.”  I wrap the towel around my body, run out to the closet, grab a pair of jeans, and put on the Brown t-shirt I got at registration.  Who says I can’t be a team player? 

I throw them on, look for a pair of sock, and throw on my sneakers. “So how was the game?”  I ask. “We won.” Rachel’s responds but there is no joy in her face when she says it.

“If we won, why are you looking so sad?” I ask when we get outside.

“We won because, in the fourth quarter, the quarterback for Penn was badly hurt.  They had to carry him off the field.”

She turns the radio on in the car; the announcer is talking about the close game with Penn was and how they send prayers for a speedy recovery to Zander Matthews, the QB from Penn.

At the pizza shop, I listen to everyone talk about Penn’s quarterback and his injury. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I grab my phone and do a Google search.  I click the first link that pops up.

The article starts with football related words; unfortunately, most are about the career ending injuries took place on the field.  I read the words ACL, tear, reconstructive surgery.  I’m immediately sick to my stomach.

“Rachel I need to go. I’m sorry.” 

Worry gets the better of me and I send an Alex’s mom a text.

S: I’m sorry to hear about the accident, how is he doing?

Mrs. M: He’s scheduled for surgery next week. 

S:  Please tell him I asked about him, and let me know how the surgery goes.

Mrs. M: I will Sophia, and thanks for caring.

~~*~~*~~

The day of Alex’s surgery came and went without a word from his mom.  I asked my mom, during one of our regular phone calls, if she heard any news but she hadn’t.

It was two weeks after his surgery and a week before a school break when his mom contacted me. 

Sophia, sorry I didn’t message you sooner.  The doctor said that the surgery went well and he is in physical therapy.  They aren’t hopeful about his prospects of playing football again. His father has had a stroke and isn’t doing well.  I know this is a lot to ask, but his number is 555-123-5555, and he could really use a friend right now. 

I stare at his number in the text.  I didn’t need her to give it to me; I have it committed to memory.  Instead of calling and hearing his voice, I send a short text.

S: Alex glad to hear the surgery went well.  I’m sorry about your dad. I hope you’re both at 100% soon.

A:  Soph, I can’t believe it’s really you.  My mom and I were just talking about you the other day.  How’s college?

S:  Things are good, still adjusting. 

A:  Soph, I am very sorry for how things ended.  You know, being back home has made me miss parts of us.  Do you ever miss me?

S: Alex, of course, I do; you were a big part of my life.

Alex and I continue to chat every day. I ask for updates on his father’s condition and he tells me that there were complications and that he isn’t getting better.

A:  He’s gone, Soph.  My dad’s gone.  I don’t what to do; I have nothing left.  Nothing at all.

I call Alex instead of texting.  This is not a text conversation.

“Hello Alex?”  There is nothing but silence on the other side and then I hear quiet sobs. 

“It’s alright; you don’t have to say anything.  I’m so, so sorry to hear about your dad.  If I didn’t have finals, I would be there. I am coming home at Thanksgiving, so I’ll see you in 10 days. I’m so sorry, Alex. I have to go; I have somewhere I need to be.  I’ll call you when I get back.”

I hear Aaron coming down the hall and close my phone.  Alex sends me several more texts while we were at dinner. “You’ve been busying typing away.  Who are you talking to?”  On one hand, I feel guilty keeping my conversations with Alex from Aaron.  On the other, I don’t even know what to call what Aaron and I are doing.  It’s not as if we’re really a couple. 

“I am just talking to an old friend from back home that is having some problems.”  Technically, that is the truth.  “No more phones tonight, I promise.”  I turn it off and slip it into my purse before we head into the movies.  “What are we going to see?” I try to peek at the tickets as he hands them to the attendant. 

“No peeking.  You will love it, I promise.” I take his hand and we walk to theater 6.

I see the marquee and begin to tear up.  “Really?”  I look back to him and he confirms we are really going to see the adaption of my favorite Jane Austen book.

“I remember seeing all her e-books on your iPad.” I squeeze his hand, and don’t let go through the entire movie.

“Aaron I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going back home for the holiday break.” His face turns sour and I know what he’s thinking. 

"I don’t understand why you are going back to him," he says accusingly. “Please don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Sophie.  There isn’t anyone who hasn’t heard about his injuries.  And you told me you were from the same town.”

"I’m not going back to him. I’m simply going home to see my family for Thanksgiving and check on an old friend who’s having a rough time, his football dream is probably over and his father just died." I try to calm his concerns.

"He's having a rough time, Sophie?  He ripped your heart out, and now you are going to go and comfort him?" I grip his hands firmly in mine and meet his stare.

"This doesn’t change anything, Aaron.  We’re not getting back together; I’m trying to be a friend.  I’ll see you after break.”  I give him a quick kiss goodbye and go back to packing my bags. 

I do a lot of thinking on the flight home.  I don’t know how to explain my feelings.  He has never been Zander to me; he’s always just Alex. It is because of those memories that I feel the need to go see him.

Chapter Seventeen

When the plane lands, I send a text to Mom and Dad. 

Plane has landed; no bags, meet you out front. 

I was surprised when I see Dad and Mom driving two separate cars.  I wonder if things aren’t going as well as mom said they were. 

“Mom, Dad. I’m so happy to see you both.”  My Dad squeezes me tightly and I kiss my Mom on the cheek. 

“How was the flight?” 

“It was good, didn’t eat much on the plane so I’m starved now.”

“Let’s get some dinner.  This is for you.”  Mom drops a set of keys in my hands.  “Your Dad and I thought that you should have your own car while you are in town.  If you like this model, we will arrange to buy one for you in Rhode Island.

I make my way through the crowd that has gathered to help comfort the family. I stop when I see him and our eyes meet. In that moment, I see the old Alex, the boy I loved.  It takes every ounce of strength I have to stop myself from running into his arms. 

"I’m so sorry, Alex; I’ve been worried about you," I whisper the words as he pulls me in for a hug. I squeeze him back and feel him let out a long heavy sigh. 

"Thank you so much for stopping by.  I know you’re happy to see your folks. Sophie."

“You’re welcome, Alex." I say and I’m glad that so many of his old teammates have come to see him while home on their thanksgiving breaks.

“Can you guys give us a minute?” Alex asks and his living room is soon empty and it’s just us. 

When we are alone, it’s as if no time has passed. I look at into his eyes. “I’m hanging in there,” he says to reassure me. “I miss him so much; I don’t know what to do without him.  What are my mom and brothers going to do without him? I’m glad I got hurt, football doesn’t even mean anything with him gone.”

“No one knows you like I do; I know how much football means to you.” I say and touch his hand. “You will play again and when you do your dad will always be there with you.” 

“I was so mad at him for such a long time, Sophie, for making me choose him and football over you. Do you think he knew I wasn’t mad anymore?”

“Oh, of course he knew, Alex.  Your dad was so proud of you and loved you so much; he just wanted the best for you.  Parents want more for their kids than they had for themselves.  It means sometimes they argue and disagree, but they don’t stop loving each other.” 

His mother walks in and I get up to hug her.  “Sophie, sweetheart, it’s so good to see you. Can I get you anything?” While she and I are talking, Alex wanders off to mingle with some of the other guests.

“No thank you.  I am so sorry about-” she puts her fingers to my lips and cuts me off. 

“I am sorry that it took tragedy to bring you two back together. I hope you realize how precious second chances are.  Please, excuse me; I have other guests to tend to.”  She is still in shock; I watch her robotic movements as she goes around asking everyone if they need anything.  My heart goes out to all of them and I think about how I felt growing up alone

I start to look for Colin and Jonah, Alex’s brothers.  When I pass the kitchen, I hear Alex say to one of his former teammates: “With my girl by my side, I know I will make a full recovery.”

I go out front and find the two young boys in their fort.  “Can I come in?”  I stick my head in, and when I see them, I want to scoop them up and make their tears go away. 

“Sophie, it’s really you.” Jonah shouts. 

“Our daddy is gone, Sophie.” Colin says. 

“I know.” I whisper back.  I sit on the back wall and open my arms, pulling each of them in.”

“Alex says we shouldn’t cry,” Colin says.

“That we need to be big boys for mama.” Jonah says. 

“It’s just us in here and we can cry if we want to,” I say and each of them places their curly brown haired heads on my lap.  I soothe them as best as I can, rubbing their heads and backs and letting them cry. 

“Who is going to go to pee wee football with us? And, if we don’t have a daddy, who is going to get our Christmas tree?”  Colin asks. 

“Both of you listen to me, you don’t have to worry about anything.  We are all going to be here to help you and to do things with you.  And why can’t the three of us go pick out a Christmas tree together when its time?”  I ask.  “Would you boys like that?” 

“Yeah!” They both say in unison. 

“Are you hungry?” I look at their nodding heads.  “Let’s go inside and I’ll get you something to eat and then we can go to your room and watch a movie together.” 

The boys run out of the fort and I crawl out, stretching my sore legs.

"So there you are!"  Alex shouts before wrapping an arm around me. "What are you doing out here?”

“I was spending some time with Jonah and Colin.  I promised to get them something to eat then we are going watch a movie.” 

“Is there room for one more?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Of course, I always have a place for you.” Alex holds my hand as we walk up the steps to the house.  I am not sure what I was thinking or feeling but I let him. 

The boys are waiting for me when we get inside.  Jonah is holding a box of Mac-n-Cheese and Colin is holding a DVD. We all walk into the kitchen to start on dinner.

“Sophie, can we have hot dogs with this?”  I take the box from Jonah. 

“You, sweetie, can have whatever you want.”  I turn on the water and grab a pot. 

I feel uneasy with Alex watching my move around the kitchen.  After everything is finished, I carry the plates over to the table and set them in front of the boys.  Neither one of them touch their food, they just look at me.  “You have to eat with us Sophie.”  They are too stinking cute to resist and, under the circumstances, why would I? 

“You sit down; I’ll get it.”  Alex gets up, walks stiffly over to the stove, and fixes a plate for each of us before bringing it back to the table.

“Thanks.” I say, taking the ketchup and pouring it all over my hotdog.  I pick up the bun and take huge bite, noticing that Alex’s eyes are still on me. 

“If I had known you boys were hungry, I would’ve come in to fix you something.”  Alex’s mom says and sits down at the table. 

“Your Aunt Kathy is coming to get the boys in the morning so that I can get a few things done,” she says to Alex.

“We plan on going up there for Thanksgiving,” she tells me and looks back at Alex.  “I wish you were going with us; I hate to leave you alone. Alex.”

“Mom, it will be good for you to get away from here for a few days and I don’t want to miss any of my therapy appointments.”

It is true, getting away will do her good, but not if she is worried about Alex.  Then I open my big mouth, “Don’t worry, Alex is going to come have Thanksgiving at our place.” 

“Oh, that is wonderful news,” she says and smiles.

“Mom, why don’t you go ahead and go to bed.  Soph and I are going to watch a movie with the boys and then we will clean things up for you.” 

His mom goes around, rubs the top of the boys’ heads, and gives each of them a kiss goodnight.  I’m shocked when she does the same to me.  “I’m so thankful to have you back in our lives, Sophie,” she says and I start to tear up.

“Ok, you little monsters, let’s get our pajamas on, and brush our teeth before we watch the movie.” They get up and immediately run to do as Alex commands.  We all settle in on the huge beanbag chair in the middle of their room.  About 15 minutes pass and I hear the sound of snoring. 

“Alex, we should put them in bed.”  I whisper.  Alex pulls the sheets down, I lift each one into their beds, and I snuggly tuck the covers around them.  We try to get out of the room without making too much noise.

“I better get going Alex, it’s getting late.” 

“I can walk you out,” Alex offers. 

“No, that’s alright,” I say.

“If it’s too weird, I don’t need to come over for Thanksgiving.” Alex gives me an easy out. 

“No, I meant it.  We’re going to have food all day, so just come over for breakfast, and plan on hanging out.” 

“Sounds good, I’ll see you Thursday,” Alex says as he opens the front door for me. I take a moment after it shuts to look at my phone.  I see that I received a text from Aaron during the evening.

A: I am sorry about what happened before. I hope your flight was ok.  Call me when you have a minute.

Guilt washes over me and I feel like I’m cheating on Aaron. However, he knows everything that has happened with Alex and me. And, he knows that part of my heart will always belong to Alex.

Just before I make it to my car, I hear Alex’s front door open and shut. Alex hobbles down the steps and catches up to me.

"Hey, before you go, Sophie, I wanted to ask you something."  I turn to face him and he looks unsure of himself before he takes a deep breath.

"Listen, Soph," he said, “I was kind of hoping you would go have dinner with me, for old times’ sake." I lower my eyes and look at the keys in my fingers.

"Uhm," I said hesitantly; I didn’t expect this.

"Tomorrow night: 6 o'clock." He says firmly and takes a step towards me. “Meet me at Olde Time Italian?"  He is giving me a warm smile, one that takes me back to a time before he broke my heart.

"Sure, I'll be there," I say quickly, not looking at him.

"Good,” he says, stepping closer to me.

"Alex," I whisper his name softly, and I raise my lips to his for a kiss. The kiss is long and passionate and I can feel our hearts beating faster. Suddenly, I am scared. I pull back putting my hand over my mouth. 

"It's OK, Soph, sometimes old habits die hard." I watch him walk slowly back into his house. My heart skips in my chest. After all this time, I can't believe part of me could still feel something for him.  No, I can't believe this is happening to me.  Not again.

When I get back to the house, I’m thankful that my parents have gone to bed. In the morning, I wake up early to help mom in the kitchen.  “Sophia, can you take the loaves of Italian bread and rip them into small pieces?”  I grab the loaves of bread, peel them out of the packages, and dump them into the large silver bowl. 

“You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight.”  My mom says, starting her barrage of questions.

“It’s possible; I’ve been really busy and I do a lot of walking.”  I start to tear the pieces of bread with speed, so I can leave.

“I know things were hard for you at first, but have you made any friends?”

“Yes I have, my roommate is wonderful, and there’s a boy I have lunch with every day.”  I tell her some of the answers she seeks.

“Oh, Sophie, that is such good news, what’s he like?” 

“He’s a musician; he’s in the music program.” I say with a smile, hoping this will satisfy her.

“I’m finished with the bread, is there anything else?” 

“No, your interrogation is over.”

“Thanks, Warden,” I joke back and grab a bagel to take back to my room.  Not much has changed in the room since I left for college.  I left so many things here, small pieces of me and I think I’m starting to regret that decision.  Time flies and before I know it 5:00 rolls around.