Learning to Fly (17 page)

Chapter Eighteen

I dress and head out the door to meet Alex, when my phone rings.  The caller ID says it’s Aaron.  "Hey Baby!"  He says excitedly.  "How's it going?" 

I know what he wants to ask, but he doesn't. 

"Everything is good; it's nice to come home and visit with everyone." 

“You must be pretty busy because I have called you several times and haven’t heard back from you.” I sense a bit of agitation in his voice.

“I was gone for most of the day and didn’t get back until late.”

"Have you seen Alex?"  He says accusingly

"Yes.”

“Were you at the hospital?”

“No, I spent the day at his house. He’s out of the hospital and his physical therapy is going much better. The doctors say he should make a full recovery and should even be able play football again."

"And it took all day for him to tell you that?"

“No, Aaron, it took me that long to pay my respects.  His father died so I spent the day visiting with his little brothers and helping his mother out.”

When I finish, I hear him sigh loudly.  "I'm sorry, Sophie, I didn’t mean to be such a dick." 

"No worries, I have to go, Aaron. I'm on the way to the store with my mom.  Call you later?"

"Alright, have fun. Sophie?" My name is a question and I pause.

"I love you. Have a good night."  He hangs up, disconnecting the call before I am forced to tell him another lie.

I get in the car and the dashboard clock tells me I'm late.  My nerves are out of control, as I get closer to the
restaurant.  This is just a dinner with an old friend, completely innocent; I have nothing to be nervous or guilty about.

When I arrive, Alex is seated at a small table by the window.  I call his name and wave to get his attention.
He rubs at the prominent frown lines on his face and I wonder if my tardiness is the cause.

"Sorry," I look at him apologetically.  "I forgot how long it takes to get here from my house."

"It's fine." He reaches from across the table to touch my hand.  "I haven’t been here that long, and I would wait forever to see you again," he says.

"I hope this is alright; I remember how you used to love coming here, it was your favorite," he says, flashing me a nervous smile.

"No, we always came here because you wanted to; it was your favorite, not mine." I say firmly and go back to looking at the menu.  We don’t have much to say until after the server takes our order. I don’t know if it is nervousness or not, but we spend the majority of dinner reminiscing but not really talking. 

I take the last bite of my dessert and look up to find him watching me with weird smile on his face. "What are you over there smiling about?" I say. 

"I was just sitting here thinking about how great it is to sit and talk with you.  And I never noticed before how you close your eyes when you're enjoying your food."  I suddenly feel embarrassed and know I am blushing. I lower my head to hide my reddening cheeks.

"Don't do that," he says and puts his hand on mine, holding it.  I smile at the gesture, but not the comfortable feeling I get from it. 

"So, what should we do now?"  I ask as the server removes the empty dishes from our table. 

"We could go back to my house and watch a movie, just like old times."  He suggests.
I laugh at his suggestion.  "What's so funny about that?" He asks. 

"I was thinking about the first movie we watched together; you ended up as scared as I was."  Alex shakes his head, disagreeing with me. 

"I just pretended for your benefit," he replies.

"Well I know you were scared of my dad that night."  Larry is a great man, and father and I realize how blessed my mom and I are to have him in our lives.

Alex gets in my car and immediately fills it with his smell.  This is the smell I remember, the one that excited and comforted me.  Our conversation goes from walking down memory lane to teasing to touching.  He strokes my arm and his fingers make their way to my hair, tucking it behind my ear and touching my neck. I feel my eyes close on reflex before I pull away from his grasp.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that you should never distract a teenage driver?"  I joke. 

When we pull into the driveway, the front porch light is the only light on. 

We share an awkward moment and I swear Alex is staring at my boobs.  Reluctantly, I turn off the engine and remove the keys.  I linger beside the car door after I close it.I find myself counting the number of steps to Alex's front door: there are 52 of them.  I think of how many times I've walked that path.  Inside, Alex turns on the living room light and I look around at the familiar surroundings, but feel as if I'm seeing them for the first time.

"Let me find a good movie." Alex presses a button on the black box that sits below the flat screen mounted on the wall.  "We have over 500 digital movies on this thing."  I watch the TV as pictures scroll down the screen waiting for him to pick one.  "Ha, there it is."  He selects the picture for the ‘shoot me up’ movie with crazy effects.  "I found your favorite movie."  I roll my eyes in his direction and say nothing.  I hate blood and guts; this is his favorite movie.

Halfway through the movie I have to go to the bathroom.  "Excuse me, Alex, I'll be right back." I throw the blanket off me, tossing it back on the sofa. 

"Want me to pause it?"  I shake my head. 

"No, you go ahead; I'll just be a minute."  I walk down the long hallway to the bathroom; the walls are filled with pictures of Alex and his brothers.  I stop when I see the pictures of us from prom and one graduation picture we had posed for just before the fight.

When I come back to the couch, Alex has a huge carton of cookie dough ice cream and two spoons.  "Ta-da!" He exclaims. "Now, tonight is perfect, I went to the store and got your favorite ice cream.  You want some?"  Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I tell him I'm still full from dinner. He pushes the ice cream back on the end table and sits back down beside me. He leans in and I move in to meet his lips.

“Alex, it’s getting late, I better get going.” I get my keys and can’t get out the door fast enough.

“Wait, will I still see you tomorrow?” Alex asks. 

“Oh,” I forgot, I had invited him to spend Thanksgiving Day at my house. “Yes, see you in the morning,” I say and walk to my car. I am so confused; I didn’t expect to have all of these feelings again. I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss Aaron. Alex and I have history, but in the short time that I’ve known Aaron, he has really gotten to know me. 

I remember the songs he has played for me, laying under the stars, and the Jane Austen movies.  I pull out my phone; there are no missed calls or texts from Aaron, there’s only one from my mom.  I call him several times, but there is no answer.  I text Aaron and I ask him to call me when he gets my message.  I lie on the bed, phone in hand, and fall asleep.

~~*~~*~~

I wake to the aroma of my favorite things: bacon, waffles, and hot chocolate.  Still dressed in my clothes from last night, I slowly shuffle my feet into the kitchen and sit down at the table.  “Morning everyone,” I say with my eyes half shut. 

“Sophie, Larry and I got you a present.”  I look up and in walks Aaron.

“Hey, Sophie.”  I am so happy; I jump into his arms and greet him with a kiss so passionate my toes curl. 

“Alex, how’s your leg doing?” I hear my mother say.  Standing in the doorway, Alex just looks at me with narrowed eyes. 

“Who’s this?” He gestures in Aaron’s direction and lunges toward him. 

“Alex, wait.”  I stand between them, my arms outstretched as if my hands are enough to keep them apart.

Aaron pulls my hand off his chest.  “What? Are you seeing him?”  I open my mouth but nothing comes out. 

“She came back to be with me; tell him Sophie.” I turn to Aaron, pleading him, with my eyes, to stay. 

“It’s not what you think.  Give me a chance to talk to him.”  I say to Aaron. 

“I feel so stupid,” he says with a half laugh. “I liked you because you were so different from the other girls. I see I was wrong; you play games just like all the rest of them.”  He walks right past me and out the back door. 

“Change of plan,” Larry announces. “Why don’t we take Aaron out for breakfast?” My mom drops her dish towel on the table and follows Larry.  I go out behind them, and hope that Aaron will just let me explain. 

“Aaron, please look at me.” I pull on his stiff arm to make him turn in my direction. 

“Sophie, I shouldn’t have come.”  The look on his face rips my heart to shreds. 

“Don’t say that; I’m glad you came.  Go have breakfast with my folks; I’ll have this fixed when you get back. Please, promise me you’ll come back.”

“Sophie, I don’t know what to say; when Aaron called we thought it would be a good idea.” I hug my mom tight as I can. 

“Thank you for bringing him here; I want him here.”  I look at Aaron, slumped in the back seat of my dad’s SUV. 

“Will you be alright?” We look back at the house, and see Alex sitting on the front porch. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”  I watch until they are out of sight.

Alex and I go back inside the house and sit on the couch.  “Before you say anything, please, let me show you how I feel about you.”  Back in familiar territory, Alex pushes me back on the couch and kisses me deeply.  I close my eyes, but all I can think about is the look on Aaron’s face. Alex shifts on his side freeing his right hand.  I feel his fingers as they stroke the bare skin at the bottom of my sweater.  He’s about to make me forget everything but him and I open my eyes. 

“Alex, don’t.”  My voice sounds raspy and not very convincing.

He leans up on his side looking down at me.  “I know you feel something Sophie, I’m not imagining this,” he says with a cocky smile.

“This isn’t going to happen, Alex, I’m sorry.  We don’t have that kind of relationship anymore.  We’re not kids in high school.”

When he moves, I sit up and fix my sweater.  “I don’t understand, Sophie.  If you don’t want me, why did you come back here?  Why did you let me kiss you?”

I can’t think of a logical explanation for my actions.  “I don’t know, Alex, I’m sorry.”

“Me, too,” Alex says softly and wipes a tear from his eye.  “This felt so good, just like old times.  I need you.”

“Alex, look at me.”  I put my arms around his shoulders.  “I was so confused when I first came back and saw you.  You’ve been through a lot, and it’s only natural to want to what’s familiar to you.  If you hadn’t had the accident, would we even be having this conversation?” I can tell from his expression that he understands.  We hug goodbye and I watch as my past walks out the door.

“What about Thanksgiving dinner?”  I yell out the door to him. He pauses and leans on the door of his car.

“Sophie, I thought you came back to me and that you understood everything that I feel for you.  What did you think of my letter?”

“What letter?”

“I wrote you a letter and put it in your mailbox after graduation.”

“What did it say?”

“I doesn’t matter anymore, Sophie; it’s obvious to me that you don’t want the same things I do.” 

Chapter Nineteen

My folks and Aaron get along great at dinner, which makes what I need to do next that much worse.  I take Aaron back to my room and shut the door.

“Aaron, I want to thank you so much for being there for me and helping me put the pieces back together.  I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m not over Alex. I don’t know if I will ever be over him.”

“I’m crazy about you, Sophie.
”I feel like the biggest ass in the world.

“Look, Aaron, you deserve a girl who is totally in love with you. You are an amazing guy and I’m sure, if you think about it, you know that what I’m saying is true.” 

“I know you’re right.  I just really wanted this to work out.  And Sophie, it’s obvious that you and Alex aren’t over; I see it written all over your faces.  I know I’m going to kick myself for saying this, but maybe you should give it a chance.  You can’t tell the heart what it wants.” 

“Aaron, I don’t want things to end badly, and I would like it if we could still be friends.  As a matter of fact, I know a girl who is in love with you.”

“You don’t have to say it to be nice.”

“I’m not.  I know for a fact that Rachel likes you.”

“Really?  She’s a great girl.  That wouldn’t be weird, would it?”

“Not at all,” I say.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to go on back to campus.”

“Thank you for not hating me, Aaron.” 

“Sophie, you are a special girl, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

“Sophie, come here a second.”  Mom and Larry are dressed to go fight the crowds.

“You interested in doing any shopping?”  Mom asks me and I look over at Aaron.  “No thanks, I think we’re going to just spend the evening vegetating out with movies.” He reaches for me and I cuddle into his side.

I hear the door shut and listen for the garage door to open and shut.

“I thought it would be less weird if I waited until they were gone to leave.” 

“Aaron, thank you for being a good friend.”

Aaron gets in his car and drives off.  I sit alone in the empty house, clicking through the channels on TV with nothing really capturing my interest. I turn it off and decide to turn in for the night. Even though I am alone and boyfriend-less, I feel a sense of peace wash over me. 

In the mood for a good book, I pull out my iPad, scan the titles, and decide to read a classic from Jane Austen.  I click on Persuasion and start to read.  I get to the first chapter before the battery signal shows me that my battery is low.  I decide to shut it down to conserve what battery I have.  I go to the bookshelf with the intention of getting the hard copy of Northanger Abbey. As I pull it loose, several other books fall to the floor.  I panic, hoping I hadn’t cracked the spines or dog-eared any of the edges. I’m on my hands and knees trying to retrieve the books from behind and under the desk when I see it.

It’s a small square envelope with ‘Soph’ written in Alex’s handwriting on the front.

I feel little beads of sweat as they prickle across my neck and forehead.  My hands are unsteady as I rip open the seal and pull out the folded note card inside.

On the front, there is a picture of a bird with a butterfly on its beak. Alex wrote Come Fly with Me.

Soph,

Before I say anything else, I want you to know I meant all the things I said to you. Being with you has taught me so many things.  One thing I have learned is children can escape the path set forth by their parents. It’s up to us to chart our own course in life. You are an amazing girl who has so much love to give and share.  I realize now that a piece of my heart fell in love with you that first day.  The brave self-confident girl who was quick to catch a football took another piece.  Things right now seem complicated, and I want to clear things up.  The love I feel for you is greater than any love ever written in a story or acted out in film.  It isn’t like anything I have ever seen or read. I can’t tell you what the future holds because I don’t have the ability to foresee the future. What I do know, is that whatever that future holds for us, I want it to be something that we do together.

I know I’ve hurt you and I’m willing to wait until the time that you’re ready to come back to me.  Without you, I’m not me and I will wait for the day that you bring back the pieces of my heart to make me whole again.

Love, Alex

I fold the card, put it back in the envelope, and just stare at my name written on the front.  I know what my heart is telling to me do and I know what my head is telling me.  Aaron is right my heart knows what it wants. I take a deep breath, pull out my phone, and dial Alex’s number.

“Hello, Alex?”

“Soph, is everything alright?” 

“Yes, no, I just really need to see you.  Can you come over?”

“I just took my meds and I can’t drive now.”

“Tell me what’s going on.” 

“It’s nothing; I’ll talk to you later.  Have a good night.”

I feel like the biggest chicken in the world.  This is my life; I make the decisions and the consequences of those decisions are mine alone to bear.  I realize for the first time. I’ve always had my wings; all I needed to do was fly.

I grab my jacket, put my sneakers on without socks, and I run out the door.
I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and turn on the lights.  I blow out all the air in my lungs as I turn the engine on.  I feel like I’m in a race and running out of time. For the first time, instead of running away, I’m running towards something.  I’m running towards my future, towards Alex.  When I get to his house, I’m a sobbing mess, but it doesn’t matter.  I take a deep breath and ring the doorbell several times without an answer.  I pull my phone out and call him.

“Hello?”

“Open your front door, I’m outside.”