Lex and Lu (36 page)

Lu dropped her head to the table wishing she’d never opened her mouth. She rolled her head to the side and lifted her wrist, studying the unexpected Christmas present from Lex. The bracelet wrapped around her wrist several times and finally joined at a clasp buried in its wrappings. The stones alternated blue and green, a testament, she knew, to the color of their eyes. It was beautiful and delicate. She could hardly acknowledge him when she’d opened it. But she’d put it on immediately, and now it was a constant reminder of him. Groaning, she stayed like that, so lost in thought that she didn’t hear Willa approach her again.

“Just so we’re clear,” Willa said, startling Lu, who sat up to look at her sister, “the Lex I see, the one that I like so much, has everything to do with you. I know I said you are a better version with him around. But the only version of him I like is that one I see when he is basking in your presence. Just so we’re clear.” With that she left Lu alone again, head on table, attempting to figure out her life.

Nina and the boys returned late in the afternoon to a quiet house. Lu had long since succumbed to an alcohol-induced nap, and Willa had retired to her room to give Lu some space. Once home, though, a flurry of activity began as they had to start packing and cleaning up the house. The airport run the next day would be far more extensive as they all would be heading out. Lu and Willa to London; Pete back home; Lex and Nina, along with Nina’s nanny, to a series of games. They reconvened for dinner, then headed off again to their own courts. Willa and Pete huddled together in his room. Lu and Nina spent their time packing and talking, because they wouldn’t be reunited for a week. Lex sequestered himself in his room.

Once Lu put Nina to bed, she attempted to read. But with scenes from last night scrolling through her head and Willa’s talk earlier in the day bouncing around, she was restless and frustrated. Throwing her book down on the bed, she literally kicked her feet, engaging in her own little temper tantrum. When a knock sounded at her door, she straightened up guiltily.

Another knock. “Lu, you awake,” Lex whispered at her door.

Getting up, she went to let him in.

“Are you OK?” he asked, taking in her flushed cheeks.

So happy that X-ray vision wasn’t a reality, she nodded, then opened the door more fully to allow him to come in.

He eyed her warily, knowing she was up to something. But when no explanation was forthcoming, he continued inside. He thrust some papers toward her.

“What’s this?” she inquired, without taking the time to look at it.

“Itinerary for the next week. Cities, hotels we are scheduled to stay at, game schedule. Everything you should need to know where Nina is,” he said proudly.

Lu smiled. “Thank you. But I’m not worried.”

“I am,” he admitted. “Almost ten days with her without any buffers.”

“You’ll have Mrs. Auberly,” Lu reminded him.

“I know. But she won’t have you.”

He looked nervous and Lu fell just a little bit more. “You are familiar to her now,” she said gently. “You’ll be fine.”

He took a deep breath, then nodded.

“If you say so.”

“I say so,” she said.

“All right. See you in the morning,” he said.

She nodded and let him walk to the door. As he left, she sat heavily on the bed, her head pounding from the mixture of a midafternoon nap and mimosas. She wanted to follow him, wanted to tackle him and take him inside of her, wanted to let go and love him with everything she had. Which is why she stayed in her room

By mutual agreement, they’d all decided to get up at six. With their flight times staggered slightly, they would all travel to the airport together—the last hurrah in Lex’s Christmas surprise. He knew he’d set his iPhone to wake him up, but it had been one of the those nights when he’d woken every hour, flipped over, grabbed his phone, checked the time, groaned, and repeated. At five, he finally got up, did a final walk-through of his room and the rest of the house, turned on the coffee, and stood restlessly in the living room, waiting for everyone else to wake up. His restlessness had a name—Lu. While they would continue to see each other for Nina exchanges, he acknowledged that they wouldn’t be in the same space again. It agitated him. He didn’t feel comfortable in his skin. Pacing a hole in the floor, he turned and walked to her room.

Standing outside her door, he hesitated. He couldn’t figure out what else he needed to do. He thought he understood the reasons she held back, but in the dark of night, they sounded like hollow excuses. Maybe he needed to be clearer. Resting his head on the door, he couldn’t wait any longer. Decision made, he pushed open the door with a bit too much force and stumbled in as the door bumped and banged off the wall.

He’d expected Lu to jump or startle awake, but instead he met her blue eyes, illuminated by the light of the door. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, gazing uncomfortably at her.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she quipped.

“You either?” he asked.

“Nah. Been up since about three.” But it hadn’t driven her out of her bed as his energy had. “Been laying here hoping I’d eventually fall asleep.”

“Been up for a while,” he offered. Lu continued to lie there, on her stomach, but she’d propped her head on her hands.

“I figured. You’re showered and dressed and I smell coffee.”

“Yeah.” He didn’t move, feeling more unsure of himself than he’d ever remembered feeling.

“Are you going to stand in the doorway or come in?” she asked.

“I’m deciding,” he answered truthfully.

“What’s going on, Lex?” she asked, pushing up on her bed so that she was sitting crisscross applesauce.

His hand found the door that’d run away from him and he shut it gently behind him. Walking to the bed, he sat down near her but without invading her space. He looked over at her and grinned. Without thinking anymore, he leaned over and kissed her hard. She kissed him back and dug her fingers in his too-long hair, holding him close. He pulled away from her but continued to hold her face in both hands.

“Look, I want us to have a chance. Can we take things slow and see what happens?” Lex said.

She reached up and pulled his hands away from her face. She jumped off the bed and ran into her bathroom. He heard the sink run and grinned.

“Really,” he teased when she returned, “you had to brush your teeth?”

Looking slightly embarrassed she grinned shyly. “Yes. If we are going to be talking this close to one another.”

He rolled his eyes. “Answer me.”

“Ugh, Lex, why are you pushing this?” Her grin replaced by a look of dismay, she ran her hands nervously through her hair.

“Seriously, Lu? Since our parent-teacher conference, I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I want to be part of your life and not just as a parent. I don’t know how else to tell you. I love you. And I know you love me. I can feel it when you kiss me. I want a chance for us to be a family.” He saw her eyes widen, and he knew she wanted to grab hold, but she continued to hold back.

“Lex, it’s been a crazy year for you. You lost your dad. You said yourself you feel like you’ve missed out on something. There are too many reasons not to do it right now. I can’t be a mistake that you regret later. We have too much between us. Please, just let this be.”

If she’d tried to convince him that she didn’t love him, he would have been able to fight her. He’d have kissed her into oblivion or held her until she capitulated. But her reasons, he could understand. He knew his feelings weren’t going to change, but she didn’t have that faith in him. While he wanted to be angry with her, he felt resigned.

“Look, I’m going to let this go for now. But it’s not going away. And in one or two or three years, when I still feel the same way and I come back to you, you are going to regret that you let this time get away. We’ve already lost nine years. How much more are you willing to lose?”

He watched her, hoping it would sink in, wanting her to change her mind. But she didn’t. She merely continued to stare at him before taking a deep breath and turning away from him.

“I need to shower.” She got up from the bed and left him sitting there.

Lex waited until he heard the shower running. Then he left the room.

The last to leave the field, Lex entered the tunnel, the exhilaration of the win pounding through him, the adrenaline rush shaking its way out. He thought he saw her standing at the threshold of the tunnel waiting for him. Shaking his head to dispel the hopeful illusion, he made his way to the locker room. Thus had been his existence recently, since that painfully slow good-bye in the airport. His brain conjured her at odd moments. Not alone times; rather, in the midst of a game, in the crowd at the stadium, at a bar with his teammates—all places she would never appear. Wishful thinking, he knew. He thought his parting words would convince her, break through her scared. But somehow his abandonment of her at seventeen stood out greater in her mind than his love for her at twenty-six.

He accepted his teammates’ congratulatory handshakes and pats on the back before he showered. Donning jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt and slides, he grabbed his bag, heading back out into the now-empty tunnel. Except it wasn’t empty. Standing directly in the spot he’d imagined her, Lu leaned against the wall. He often found himself startled by the woman who’d grown from the little girl with the serious blue eyes, the too-old soul, and the super-smart brain. Enveloped in a black midlength coat, a scarf that covered most of her neck and face and a pair of knee-length boots, she resembled an Alaskan bank robber. He almost blinked but knew that the vision wouldn’t disappear this time.

He sauntered toward her, swag from the game making him cockier than normal. Only in the face of Lu did he feel any vulnerability.

“Everything OK?” he asked, eyebrow raised, grin in place.

She smiled because she found it hard not to smile in his presence. Nodding, she said, “Yes, Nina is good and all is well.”

Although he knew the answer, he couldn’t resist teasing her. “Here with Malcolm?”

He watched her eyes grow wide before she realized he was messing with her. “I thought I could treat you to a postgame meal. If memory serves, you are always ravenous after a game.”

“You and your SAT words …” Shaking his head, he reached a hand out to her. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Steak?”

“God, I love you,” he said, not in a serious, declaration sort of way but in a way that made Lu giggle as she took his hand.

They didn’t say much on the ride. Of course they talked about and discussed Nina. Lex had recently disciplined her for the first time and had survived almost unscathed but admitted to Lu that he’d had a hard time resisting the tears. “I put my earbuds in and blasted Jack Johnson so that I wouldn’t have to hear it.”

Rolling her eyes, she assured him it would get easier.

After they plowed through dinner without any discussion of her unexpected appearance, Lex’s patience began to wane, but he continued to wait. When the waiter brought them both coffee—he had never been able to get accustomed to tea—he sat back.

“What’s up, Lu?”

Toying with her coffee cup, she remained silent.

Frustrated, Lex signaled the waiter, requesting their check. When he arrived, however, Lu aborted his attempt to place the check down.

“Can I have a Stoli and tonic with lemon? And then you can cash us out.” She handed him her credit card and looked at Lex. “My invitation. My treat.”

Lex didn’t argue. Again he waited. The high from the game and the amazing meal worked against him and he started to get tired. Moving forward, he leaned his forearms on the table, taking away some of her space. “I’m getting tired and my patience is ebbing. I know you have something you want to talk about. It didn’t used to be this hard to get you to tell me what you are thinking.” There. Gauntlet thrown.

“What makes you think we can do this?” she asked, taking him by surprise.

“Do what?” he asked, teasing her. At her eye rolling, he continued. “I’m not going to make this easy, Louisa May.”

“How utterly surprising,” she murmured, smiling. “What makes you think we can make this work?” At his raised eyebrow, she added, “You and me, together.”

“Ah, that wasn’t so hard.”

The waiter arrived with Lu’s drink and the check. Signing the slip and putting her credit card away allowed her to avoid his gaze. But zip-ping up her purse, she stored it on the back of her chair and turned to face him. “We don’t even know each other. You’re suggesting we just pick up and do what, date? What happens when we decide we don’t want to date anymore? It’s not just you and me in this anymore. It would affect Nina.”

Part of him was disappointed. This was the same argument they’d already had. He’d offered assurances, but she wasn’t buying it, which meant that even though she showed up tonight, she wasn’t any closer to capitulating.

“What do you want to know, Lu?”

Her eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean?”

“You said we don’t even know each other. What don’t you know?”

At her surprised expression, he sighed. “You want to know how much money I make?” he asked. He knew this would piss her off, but they had to start somewhere.