Libera Me (12 page)

“Here? The smoke lived in Celestium?” I ask.

“Yes,” Mikayel says. “But it wasn’t compatible with our way of life. It wasn’t willing to endure the scrutiny of the Council. So, it left, choosing to exist alongside the one that destroyed its people.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“None of us understood why the smoke left,” Gabriel says. “We offered it asylum in exchange for honesty.”

“Something too foreign for it to understand,” Mikayel added. “It said it longed for the
peace
of Azzaziel’s labyrinth.”

I shake my head, still not understanding.

“I don't believe Azzaziel knows that any of the Jinn survived.” Mikayel paces across the room.

“How is that possible?” I ask.

“The smoke can assume many forms. The way you encountered it, the swirling black emptiness? That is only one of its forms. When Azza attacked it, it looked different.”

“What did it look like?”

“It looked like the rest of its people; tall with yellow skin and black eyes. It looked like the Jinn.”

“Wait, let me get this right. The smoke has lived next to its mortal enemy in disguise and Azzaziel has no idea about its true identity.”

“That’s what we think,” Gabriel said.

“I promised never to reveal its other forms to anyone,” Mikayel said. “Not even my brethren on the Council.”

I look to Gabriel, my pulse racing. “Is this true? Are there things a Council member can keep hidden?”

“It is rare,” Gabriel says. “But yes. There are times when such agreements are needed. And honored.”

Too many thoughts weave through my mind, too many worries.

“You said it can assume other forms, yes?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“What forms?”

“We aren’t certain. But we suspect it can become nearly anything.”

“Humans? Angels.”

“Yes, but we would know. We would sense it.”

Not all of us.

My body tenses as I consider everything:

Nesy and her abilities.

The Beast within Aydan.

The green-eyed girl and her warnings.

A chill runs down my spine. “So, you saved its life, Mikayel? The smoke.”

“Yes.”

“And it repaid the debt by saving Nesy.”

“Yes.”

“But how can you trust it?” I ask

“We can’t.” Gabriel’s face is grim.

More chills explode against my skin.

“It’ll keep its word. It always has.” Mikayel clenches his jaw.

“And if it doesn’t? What then?”

Gabriel looks at Mikayel, tilting his head slightly. “The boy brings up a good point. It seems we have been down this road before, yes? Trusting those who should not be trusted?”

Mikayel releases a heavy sigh, balling his hands into fists. “Yes, we have.”

Gabriel turns to me, nodding. “Caimael will be given this new information. He can determine whether or not we can trust the girl. And whether or not the smoke is interfering in any way.”

“Agreed.” Mikayel says before I can protest.

“So then you believe me about the girl? That it’s Nesy?”

Gabriel released a stilted breath. “The identity of the girl is uncertain. As is her true purpose in all of this. But, whomever she is, whatever she is, it is clear that she needs protection. At least for now, until we know more.”

“I want to go with Caim,” I say too fast. “I have to.”

“No. It’s not safe.”

“I don’t—”

“Zanethios. You will not go to the girl. Not until we have more information. Is that understood?”

I clench my jaw as my wings ripple behind me. It isn’t okay. Not at all.

“Zanethios?” Gabriel’s voice slaps me to attention.

“Fine,” I unwillingly agree. “But I want Caim to check in with me directly.”

“That is not your call,” Mikayel says, an amused look on his face.

“Gabriel?” I open my thoughts to my master and allow him to see every doubt, every fear.

“You need to trust him, Zanethios. He is a Guardian.”

I will never trust him. I close off my thoughts, burying my doubt.

“Yes sir,” I say, hoping they don’t sense the depth of my distrust.

“I will ask him to check in with you regularly.”

“Thank you,” I say as I nod, thinking only of another way to protect Nesy.

Without Caim.

Or the Council.

Chapter 17 – Suspicion

Zane

My mind swims in confusion as I meander back to my chamber. The sun reflects off of my wings, sending shards of emerald light dancing on the walls. I pace, unable to contain my apprehension. I don’t trust Caim. I can’t.

Won’t.

I replay every moment of my time with the demonic smoke, every promise made, every memory stolen. Nothing hints of the torment I felt in Nesy’s mind, nothing to indicate the entity’s true intent. Only the feeling of desperation I can’t shake, and a fear lodged just under my skin, fusing to me.

“I heard you were back.” Cass leans on the door, concern etched on her face.

“And I heard you spoke with Gabriel.” The words are harsher than they should be.

“I told you before, I won’t let you self-destruct, no matter how much you try.”

“Refusing to trust the person responsible for Lori’s death is not being self-destructive, it’s being smart. Cautious.” I walk away from her, my muscles stiff.

“You need to stop thinking like him, before you’re lost completely.”

“Him?” I ask.

“Azzaziel.”

Anger fills my thoughts.

“
He
deals in absolutes. Vengeance.”  Cass walks to me, pinning me with her glare. “Not you.”

Cass lays a hand over my heart. At once, my emotions flood forward. Images of Nesy and her death. Aydan, the Beast. And Azza. Too many feelings weave through the scenes splayed across my vision, emotions I’ve refused to purge.

My throat constricts as the movie scrolls forward. I release a gasp and the air leaves my lungs.

More pictures of Nesy rush forward.

“You have to let go of her, Zane. It’s killing you.”

“No!” I swallow back the pain lingering on my tongue. “I can’t.”

“You must.”

“She’s in pain, Cass. Because of me.”

So much pain.

“Who? Nesy? You don’t know that.”

“I do. Nessa. It’s her. She thinks she’s crazy, like there’s something wrong with her. I can’t bear to see her like that—broken. Damaged. Just like—”

“Like how you feel.” Cass retreats from my heart.

“Yes,” I whisper.

There so much more I want to say. The emotions I can’t seem to control anymore. The fear I have for all of us.

The guilt.

So much.

But the words refuse to form, and I am rendered mute.

“None of this is your fault, Zane. And more importantly, you can’t fix what’s already been done. You have to let her go. Trust that the Council, Caim, will protect her until she can find herself.”

“But—”

“No!” Cass’s voice rattles the few adornments in my room. “Let her go. Trust that she will find a way through the darkness. Trust that she can fight off whatever comes her way.” She takes my hands in hers. “If you really believe she’s Nesy, then trust her. For once in your existence, just trust her.”

Again I have no words. I know Cass is right, but how do I let go of Nesy? It’s my fault she’s trapped in a body with no memories. My fault she feels crazy and alone.

My fault.

“Zane,” Cass says, pulling my focus back to her. “I’ve told you before that I can’t face losing you. And I mean it.”

She tightens her grasp on me. I stare into her eyes, watching them fill with tears.

“Ever since you made that deal, you’ve been distant. Obsessed with finding Nesy. And now that you think you’ve found her, now that she is under the Council’s protection, it isn’t enough. Nothing is ever enough for you where she’s concerned.”

I yank my hands free and turn away.

“Please Zane. Let her go. Before you do something stupid. I can’t bear to lose another person I need. One I care for. Please.”

I walk away from Cass, silent. Walk away from her words and their truth.

Night descends on Celestium, blanketing the normal brilliance of the sky in inky darkness. I pace the antechamber of the Council, waiting. In my existence, I’ve only been summoned to the Council a dozen times, and typically it was about Nesy. I’m certain this time is no different.

The doors open and Caim walks out, a smug smile still etched on his face.

“Well?”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t let anything happen to your human friends.” Every word drips with sarcasm.

“She isn’t human.”

“Oh, I’m well aware of what she is and isn’t. Are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Near as I can tell, your precious Nesy is the reason for this entire mess in the first place. I mean, her task was simple. Kill the UnHoly. She failed.”

“What are you saying, Caim?

“Everything that’s happened, every death, every betrayal—it’s all her fault.”

I grasp my sword, nearly forgetting where I am.

“What? Don’t like my version of the truth?”

“You need to hold your tongue, Guardian.” My heart pounds against my ribs.

“And you need to watch your emotions.” Caim turns away. “And,” he says over his shoulder. “Yes. She’s fine.” Caim disappears around the corner.

“Zanethios. Come,” Gabriel voice floats out from the Council chamber.

I inhale my anger and rage, stowing it deep below the surface. I used to be able to control these emotions.

Before.

Taking another breath, I walk in and face the Council. Mikayel, Gabriel, Raphael and Sariel all stand, their expressions flat. Whatever the reason I was beckoned, this doesn’t look good.

“Sirs,” I say as I nod.

“Zanethios.” Gabriel’s voice betrays nothing.

I still have no idea why I’m here.

“The Council has granted your request.” A slight smile dances in Gabriel’s eyes.

“Request?”

“Yes. To return,” says Gabriel. “Help with Nesy’s protection.”

My brows furrow and I open my mouth to ask for clarification. Mikayel’s voice floats through me before the words can form.

Go. Find Nesy. Make certain she is safe.

I look at Mikayel and he turns away.

Trust no one.

“Yes Sirs,” I say, looking from Mikayel to Gabriel.

Report back soon.
Gabriel’s voice replaces Mikayel’s.

I turn and walk from the room, my head swimming in confusion.

Hurry.

Chapter 18 – CONSPIRE

Aydan

Morning comes in a rush. I grab the phone, checking again for some sign that Nessa’s fine; we’re fine. It vibrates as soon as I pick it up.

Nessa. Thank goodness.

“Hey!”

“Hi. Coming to school today? When I didn’t hear from you I was worried.”

“I was going to say the same to you. Where were you yesterday?”

“Therapy. My aunt sort of freaked out when I didn’t come home after my walk.”

It wasn’t a dream.

“Thank you by the way.”

“For what.”

“For the other night.”

Heat rises through me. “Anytime Nesy.” I catch the slip too late and wait for her to respond.

Nothing.

“You know I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.” Her voice is quieter than I want it to be.

I shouldn’t have called her Nesy.

“Hey, we’re still on for Grad Night, right?” she asks. “You don’t think it’s too lame that I want to go.”

“Not lame at all. I want to go too, as long as we go together.”

“Thanks,” she whispers.

“I love you Nessa. I want to do everything with you.”

The silence grows between us. I wait for a response that never comes. Finally, I break the silence. “So, meet me in the usual place?” I ask. “Or do you need a ride?”

“My aunt will take me. She isn’t letting me out of her sight for a few days, I think. Guess I don’t blame her, not really. I should’ve called her or something. And yes, I’ll meet you by the lockers.”

“Great.”

I rush to get ready for school. I need to feel Nessa next to me, breathe her in and calm the fear and doubt spreading through me.

The thought brings a fresh wave of need pulsing up from somewhere deep inside. More than need. Want, the kind that comes from the Beast.

Let it go
, I silently pray.
Let that life go
.

The school is crowded when I arrive, everyone excited, chatting about Grad night and the upcoming break. Again, it feels off to me. I’ve never had to think about what comes next. Never had to plan for a future.

But now, with school ending and no plans for work or anything else, I’m running out of time. The apartment is paid through the end of the month. Then…

I don’t know what happens then.

A life with Nessa.

     
—I hope.

Normalcy.

     
—I doubt.

I push through the throng of students, making my way to Nessa’s locker.

The walls ripple and move, just like yesterday.

My blood chills, again.

Goosebumps erupt and I turn. Lorelei stands in front of me again. No, not Lorelei. Someone different. Similar, but with rounder eyes, and lighter skin. Black hair replaces Lorelei’s auburn locks. The girl walks with a boy that could be her twin. They walk closer, our eyes meeting briefly.

There is no recognition when our eyes meet this time. No fear. They walk past me and a chill travels down my spine. The longing returns; the craving.

I shove it aside as images of Lorelei’s last moments stream across my vision.

Her pleas for help and the surrender when I finally complied

The horror on Nesy’s face as I drank the last of her sister’s soul.

The never-ending laughter from Azza.

The images won’t stop. My pulse increases as the monster that shouldn’t exist pushes up from the depths. My knees begin to wobble. My vision blurs. At once, my nose fills with the smell of rotting flesh.

I glance around the corridor.