Life on the Ramona Coaster (17 page)

•
7
•

What Happened To Happily Ever After?

I
AM STANDING IN
the master bedroom of a magnificent two-bedroom suite at the Pierre Hotel in New York City. I stare at the one-inch thick deck of index cards in my hands and begin practicing my marital vows.
I can’t believe I am marrying Mario
, I say to myself.
Today is going to be one of the happiest days of my life
. Like any bride on her wedding day, I am nervous and apprehensive. I have butterflies in my stomach and goose bumps on my arms. I’m worried about how I will look in my dress and whether the groom will be on time.

Actually, although I still consider myself young (thank you very much), I’m not exactly a blushing bride. It’s December 16, 2009 and I am about to marry my husband—for the second time. We haven’t been separated or divorced; we are reaffirming our commitment and loyalty to one another by renewing our vows. Our first wedding day, almost eighteen years ago, was in March of 1992, but today I feel as if I am marrying Mario for the very first time.

A few months ago, I approached him with this idea of a vow renewal ceremony. I could have waited for a milestone anniversary, but the timing felt right. I was renewing other aspects of my life so why not renew one of the most important: my marriage and my relationship with my husband? And, since I never do anything on a small scale, I wanted Mario and I to stand in front of our daughter and closest friends—just a few cameramen and over a million
Real Housewives of New York City
viewers—and profess our love and loyalty to one another. Being the loving, supportive husband that he is, Mario agreed. (Okay, maybe the sexy, black lingerie I was wearing and the glass of bubbly champagne he was drinking when I proposed the idea may have persuaded him a bit, but never mind.)

My newly short blonde hair has been trimmed and blown out by my hairstylist, Oscar Blandi, and I slip into my gorgeous Kimberly Towers wedding dress. It’s a stunning strapless gown made of ivory duchess silk satin, with a ruched, form-fitting bodice and whimsical ostrich feathers and crystals on the bottom skirt. When I look at myself in the six-foot, Venetian, tri-fold mirror, I truly feel like a bride on her wedding day. I am one hundred percent confident that I made the right decision to marry Mario. I can’t say I felt that way on our first wedding day. I knew that I loved Mario, but I was so scarred by my parents’ dysfunctional relationship that I had no faith in the unity of marriage. I saw marriage as a prison and had a history of choosing emotionally distant men as a way to avoid becoming trapped. When I decided to marry Mario, I took a leap of faith that our relationship would be based on mutual love and respect and, for nearly eighteen years, that is exactly what our marriage has been.

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted when a vision of my younger self appears in the mirror by my side. For a split second I think I am hallucinating, but then I realize Avery is standing beside me. She is wearing a royal blue silk satin dress trimmed with silver and periwinkle rhinestones. She slips on her Badgley Mischka sequined heels and asks me to fasten the clasp of her necklace, which I have given her from my jewelry collection. My eyes begin to swell with tears. This moment is surreal. For the very first time, I am seeing my daughter as the graceful young woman she is poised to become. It is as if I am seeing her from an entirely new vantage point. I think to myself,
I can’t believe how quickly Avery has grown up. Mario and I are so blessed to have her in our lives.

I take Avery’s hand and we walk to The Rotunda, the Pierre’s signature room, where the ceremony is being held. It is a beautiful, elegant cream-colored room, with hand-painted frescos on the high ceiling. I see Mario. He is wearing a black tuxedo and is as handsome as ever. He is pacing back and forth, reciting his vows.

“Mario, are you okay?” I ask. “You look nervous.”

Before he can respond, Avery interjects, “What’s wrong with you two? Why are you so nervous? You’re already married!”

“That’s true, honey,” Mario says, “but the last time we got married, we weren’t doing it in front of millions of viewers who will blog about the ceremony and point out every little mistake we make.”

I laugh. Leave it to Mario to put us all at ease.

Suddenly the instrumental music begins. Mario walks down the baluster staircase on cue. He is followed by Avery, who is carrying our dog, Coco. They are so adorable in their matching blue dresses. They position themselves at the center of the picturesque, pale yellow rotunda at the center of the base of the stairs.

T
he music changes and it’s my turn to walk down the staircase. I take a deep breath and step carefully, gripping my hand on the golden banister. I am wearing six-inch platform, silver metallic Casadei heels and I don’t want to fall . . .
especially not on camera. As I descend, I look into the faces of my close friends who have gathered here to support us. I feel so vibrant, beautiful and alive. I turn and face Mario. He has tears in his hazel eyes. At that moment, I can feel the love he has for me. We join hands. All my fears and nerves subside. In this moment, I realize that I love Mario even more today than the day I married him.

Adam, our good friend for many years, begins the ceremony. He says wonderful things about our loving relationship, our equal partnership, and our parenting of Avery. I recite my vows and, at one point, I am so overcome with emotion that my voice cracks and I almost lose it. Then it is Mario’s turn:

Ramona,

Probably the biggest decision one will ever make is the person to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes it takes quite a while before you know if you’ve made the right choice. I was fortunate to have known very early that I had made the right decision. My mom had suffered a stroke and she would need care for the rest of her life. Since Dad had already passed away I asked you if it was alright if my mom could live with us in our home in Southampton. Not only did you take her in but you embraced her with love and kindness like she was your own mother. That is when I knew I had made the right decision. I had absolutely chosen the women I would spend the rest of my life with. For seventeen years of marriage you have been at my side through everything that life has thrown at us, both good and bad. You have been a steady rock in times of trouble and a ray of sunshine when I could not see the light. You have applauded my achievements and comforted me in my setbacks. You have given me the most wonderful daughter a father could ever have. For all of this I am blessed and so I reaffirm my vows that I said so long ago. Ramona, I will love and honor you through good times and bad for better or worse in sickness and in health until death do us part. May God continue to bless our marriage.

His vows are honest, loving, and heartfelt. We kiss, a slow romantic kiss. I open my eyes and look to my daughter and then out to our friends. There is not a dry eye in the house.

T
HAT WAS ONE
of the happiest moments of my life, second only to the birth of my daughter. If someone had told me on that day that my marriage would be over in four years, and the intimate details of its collapse would become fodder for tabloid headlines, I would never have believed it. Mario and I were so happy for so many years. We were the perfect couple and when Avery came into our lives we became the perfect family. We proudly referred to ourselves as
a
trifecta
. We had an impenetrable family bond that nothing could destroy—or so we thought.

How did this happen to us? How did we end up so broken?

The Trifecta

The first indication I had that Mario was unhappy in our marriage was towards the end of September 2012. I think at that point he was beginning to feel neglected because I had been doing the show for five seasons and, when I wasn’t filming, I was traveling all over the country doing signings for Ramona Pinot Grigio. I was just beginning to realize that I had stretched myself too thin and had taken my eye off my other businesses. I can see now that I had taken my eye off my marriage as well.

When Mario expressed that he was unhappy it broke my heart because I had no idea that I had been hurting him. I remember he told me that he was unhappy and that he felt like I had been chipping away at him; it bothered him when I rushed him off the tennis court or snapped at him when we were running late for an event. I promised to stop doing those things, and I kept my promise. We spent that weekend talking, crying, and making mad passionate love over and over again. It was if our bodies had been ignited by opening up to each other.

In December, we took Avery on vacation to Anguilla. Some close friends were renting a villa on the beach near our hotel and Avery would have sleepovers with their daughter, so Mario and I had plenty of romantic time. All the passion and warmth we had been feeling over the last couple of months continued to build. We had a private balcony with a hot tub that was so enormous it was like having a mini pool on our terrace. It was so secluded you could spend your days and nights completely nude and no one could see you. For seven days we made love in the oversized hot tub, worked out together, ate romantic dinners, and walked along the beach. I remember, one evening, swimming together in the infinity pool by the hotel bar, Mario’s arms encircling me as we watched the sunset. I felt so complete in that moment and I told Mario how blessed I felt that, after all these years, we still had such an intense connection. With Avery leaving for college, I would have been devastated if we didn’t have one another. We celebrated New Year’s Eve in Anguilla and, as we moved into 2013, I felt confident things between us were back on track; Mario wrote me a beautiful, meaningful card for Valentine’s Day and we celebrated our twenty-first wedding anniversary in March.

I think things started to go downhill when Mario found out how much I was going to make for Season 6 of
Real Housewives.
We began filming in May and it was in June, while we were away in Africa, that I first noticed him pulling away from me. Even though we were on this amazing family vacation, he seemed distant and out of sync with me. Mario had just turned sixty, Avery was about to leave for college, and his business was struggling. On top of that, his wife of twenty-one years had become famous and was earning a great salary. I think he just wasn’t feeling good about himself. Looking back, I think if filming had started in the fall we would have been okay. After we returned from Africa, I was filming seven or eight times a week, sometimes twice a day, and I was preoccupied with Avery leaving for college. I told myself,
at the end of September, I will concentrate on Mario.
Little did I know that by the end of September it would be too late. I had no clue that something was shifting in our marriage. Mario didn’t communicate that he was still unhappy and I didn’t see the path he was on was leading him further and further away from our marriage.