Life on the Ramona Coaster (15 page)

The next stop on our trip was the Okavango Delta in Botswana, which reminded me a bit of the Florida Everglades. The grass is high and endless and water lilies are everywhere you look. I must have seen a thousand different shades of green. After settling into our rooms at Xaranna Camp, we took a boat to get to a dry area of land where we could see game. To navigate the delta, you have to ride in a makoro boat, which is a type of canoe that is propelled by standing on the stern and pushing with a pole. On our first full day at Xaranna Camp, I wrote in my journal:

Woke up leisurely and saw the sunrise from my bed. So breathtaking. Took my outdoor shower and felt one with my surroundings. This a.m., did a mokoro boat ride. It’s very low in the water and smooth as glass. As we cut through delicate three-foot tall reeds, I felt as if I was gliding on top of the water. So many water lilies, to the left and right, like a floral carpet on the water. The giraffe are so quiet you don’t even feel their presence until they are already upon you. It was all so surreal. I felt relaxed and spiritually connected to the world around me.

Mombo Camp, Botswana

The second camp we stayed at in Botswana, Mombo Camp, was elevated on stilts. The guest rooms and connecting walkways were all six feet off the ground, which allows game to wander freely beneath the camp. After sunset we had to be escorted to our rooms, so no room hopping in the evenings at Mombo. One of the women in our group was awakened in the middle of the night by an elephant under her room. The next night she slept in her clothes in case she had to make a run for it. One week into the trip, the only game in the big five we had not seen, other than the rhino, was the lion. In Botswana we encountered an entire pride. We spotted their tracks and then came upon them, lying in the shade with four cubs sleeping one on top of the other. Later that same day, in the same spot, we saw four lionesses cruising with their cubs and we got to see the cubs rolling around and being frisky. We watched in amazement as the lionesses fell into formation to hunt and kill an impala. Almost as remarkable as the lions, we saw monkeys with large round testicles of the brightest blue you can possibly imagine, which gave new meaning to the term “blue balls.” On our last morning at Mombo Camp, while I was eating breakfast on my deck, I watched two elephants stroll by as casually as commuters on their way to work.

The last leg of our trip was through Zambia and Namibia. In Zambia, our pilot flew over Victoria Falls before we landed. One of the Seven Wonders of the World, the enormity of this waterfall is mind-blowing. It’s a mile wide and twice as high as Niagara Falls. As we approached the falls, the air appeared to be filled with endless smoke, but as we flew closer we realized that it was actually the vapor and spray released by the cascading water. The indigenous name of Victoria Falls, Mosi-oa-Tunya, actually means “the smoke that thunders.” From the air you can see a rainbow spanning the side of the falls. After we landed, we were taken by bus for a closer tour. Our guide handed out ponchos because the spray coming off the falls is so powerful it feels like a monsoon. There were moments when the force of the water coming at me was so strong that I had to turn my face away from the falls.

Victoria Falls, the smoke that thunders

Our camp in Zambia, Toka Leya Tented Camp, was built under a shady canopy of jackalberry and waterberry trees along the Zambezi River, the fourth largest river system in Africa. That night we took a sunset cruise, where I saw hippos up close for the first time. We also saw crocodiles. This was not like seeing them in a zoo; they are so well camouflaged in the water that you don’t see them until they are almost upon you. At one point, I was sitting on the bow edge at the front of the boat and a crocodile appeared out of nowhere, silently slicing through the lily pads on the surface of the still water, and heading straight toward me. I screamed and nearly jumped out of my skin.

Every country we visited had different topography and was a unique visual experience. Namibia was no exception. The landscape was unlike anything we had seen yet. There wasn’t a single green bush or tree. Everything was dry. It is called the Sand Sea, because of its towering dunes of fine, rust colored sand. I have never felt anything like the texture of this sand. It is a brilliant orange but leaves no residue on your skin. We camped at Little Kulala, a beautiful lodge with bleached white floors, white walls, and white couches. It had a communal area with a wine cellar that you had to step down into, like a hidden cave full of twinkling candles.

By this point, I had bonded with the nine other women I had been traveling with. We had a camaraderie, respect, and positive energy. There was not one single argument the entire trip, a far cry from my trips with the ladies on the show. I wanted to do something special to show my appreciation, so I decided to host a cocktail party in the camp’s wine cellar on our last night there. I had the staff deliver handwritten letters to each of the women, inviting them to join me that evening. Beneath a backdrop of hundreds of candles flickering against the deep dark walls of the cellar, I raised a glass and toasted my new friends. I thanked them for embracing me with open arms and allowing me to open myself up to this life-changing experience. I actually started to choke up and get tears in my eyes. I felt so blessed to be in the midst of nine other secure, giving, and successful women.

The final stop on our trip was Desert Rhino Camp in Damaraland, home of the rare, desert-adapted black rhino, where we presented four hippo rollers to the local community. These devices, which consist of long handles attached to barrel-shaped containers, transport water more easily and efficiently than the traditional method. They roll along the ground, almost like a handheld lawn mower, so the women of the community no longer have to carry heavy drums of water on their heads. They can carry up to ninety liters of water and are so easy to fill and transport that even young children and old women can use them.

We were also in Damaraland to track the black rhino. We took jeeps out and the trackers went on ahead of us. When we got a radio call that the rhino had been spotted, we set out after them on foot. We walked a mile along rugged terrain of large broken rocks. It would have been easy to lose your footing, so we had to look down at our feet and sometimes hold hands to keep from losing balance. Finally we spotted them, two black rhinos just a hundred meters away. Luckily we were upwind so they didn’t catch our scent and charge after us.

That was my last day in Africa and it was exhilarating to have both spotted the black rhino and see that we had a positive impact on the local community. I never thought I would survive one day, much less sixteen, with a group of women I had never met before, on a continent half a world away from home. That night we watched the sunset together, drank wine, and laughed like old friends. Two years earlier, I would have never considered going on this trip—never considered leaving my family—but I was a new, renewed Ramona. I had opened myself up to the challenge and was rewarded tenfold. The trip turned out to be a life-changing experience. Something out of my element, my realm, my comfort zone. Something spiritual. Something special.

I have always been involved in local and national charities. I have done behind-the-scenes activities and assisted in fundraising initiatives. But this was different. This was a hands-on experience halfway across the world. I actually saw—with my own eyes—where the money we raised was going and used my own two hands to help improve the lives of the women and children in the communities we had visited.

As shortsighted as it may sound, prior to this experience, when it came to helping children I always thought I should focus on charities at home in the U.S. Yet, as I evolved and renewed myself, I began to realize that the only way to help other nations emerge from poverty is through the education and preservation of its children. Without education, they will always remain behind. I was grateful to have had the chance to make a direct impact on the lives of people in several African communities.

My journey through Africa was a spiritual experience that opened my eyes to the world. All the women I traveled with had gotten along; there was no arguing and no drama. I came back to New York feeling so peaceful and rejuvenated. Unfortunately, my newfound sense of tranquility was short-lived. A few days after I returned, we filmed the Reunion episode for Season 3 and I felt as if I had been thrown back into the lion’s den—and that’s after being in the wild with actual lions. Reunions are always very intense and stressful, but this time I was determined to maintain my new Zen-like attitude. In fact, I remember Andy Cohen saying he couldn’t believe how calm I was. I said, “Hey, I just came back from Africa.”

I even did my best to diffuse the tension between Bethenny and Kelly. At one point I got upset because I felt like Kelly wouldn’t stop ranting about Bethenny’s PR people attacking her on
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, which I don’t believe is true. I didn’t want to say, “Shut up, Kelly,” so instead I stood up and said, “Oh, I’m so hot,” and started walking around, flipping the skirt of my dress. They all thought I as was having a hot flash, but I was actually just trying to interrupt Kelly. The only time I got
Ramotional
was when I got up in front of Jill and stamped my feet because I was so upset about how she had treated Bethenny and how she had showed up at the villa in St. John. I felt she owed all of us an apology for how she had handled things that season.

The next season was even harder. I felt Jill was controlling everything that Kelly and Cindy were doing, that they became their own separate clique and weren’t thinking independently. I also felt that Jill was bitter about Bethenny and that she was taking all of her frustrations and anger out on me. By the end of that season I was miserable and began to focus more and more on my businesses as a way to avoid my feelings. After that Reunion, I remember one of the producers asking me how I would feel about filming with Jill for Season 5. I told her, “Somehow I’ll make it work. I don’t know how, but I always make it work. I’ll figure it out.” I remember her saying to me, “Ramona, that’s what we like about you, you’re a team player.” So I was completely shocked when I found that Jill, Alex, Cindy, and Kelly weren’t coming back for the upcoming season. I couldn’t believe that Bravo had the balls to get rid of half the cast, but I figured the producers must know what they were doing.

After all the tension and negative energy I experienced during the filming of Season 4, I was looking forward to working with a new group of women for Season 5. LuAnn, Sonja and I were joined by three new women: Heather Thomson, Carole Radziwill, and Aviva Drescher. There’s a moment at the end of the first episode of that season when you see the three new ladies at lunch together for the first time, Aviva says to Carole and Heather, “I don’t want us to become mean girls,” and Heather replies, “No, never.” Unfortunately, I didn’t feel that they kept their promise to one another and I ended up butting heads with both of these women over the course of that season.

Right away, Heather rubbed me the wrong way. I remember her saying to me early on that the cameras weren’t going to catch
her
doing anything wrong. To me, that comment did not seem genuine and after my experience with the women on my trip to Africa, it was important to me that I surround myself with genuine people. My other issue with Heather was that you could see in her eyes when she was getting angry, but she would smile as though she wasn’t. I said to her, “Your eyes aren’t matching your smile.” I may not always say the right thing, but I am always true to who I am. Then Heather invited all the other women on the show to join her in London except me. I was hurt that she didn’t invite me, partly because it did not feel good to be excluded, but also because I felt like she was acting like she hadn’t done it intentionally to hurt my feelings when it seemed obvious to me that she had. At that point, I considered her a phony and a fake.

Heather and I were in conflict almost that entire season. She was helping Sonja with her toaster oven campaign, and it seemed that Sonja was getting frustrated because her point of view wasn’t being heard. Heather wanted Sonja to put the muscular torso of a man on the box and I thought,
who wants to buy a toaster oven from a half-naked man?
If I’m a housewife or a grandmother, I’m going to buy a toaster oven because Sonja Morgan is on the box, not some random naked guy. I loved Sonja’s idea to have herself, looking glamorous and beautiful, on the box, but I think she didn’t speak up because Heather can be very intimidating. I ended up repeatedly speaking up on Sonja’s behalf, which was a mistake. By the end of the season, I finally realized I needed to stop fighting Sonja’s battles because it was only making my relationship with Heather worse.