Life on the Ramona Coaster (21 page)

On August 7, 2014, Avery helped me put up a post on Twitter announcing that I was moving on with my life without Mario. I was about to start filming a new season of
Real Housewives
. It was time for me to take back control of my life and begin a new chapter on my own. Ironically, it turned out to be the same day that Bravo aired the Reunion episode in which I had refused to answer questions about what was going on with my marriage.

Although we were separated and I was trying to move on with my life, Mario moved back into our apartment the following September. He stayed in Avery’s room, but it was difficult to coexist like that. I felt like having him in my space while I was still licking my wounds was excruciatingly painful. Despite everything we had been through, I don’t think Mario understood why I needed space. Once again, over the next few months he seemed to go back and forth between wanting to move forward with our separation and impatiently wanting me to take him back. I felt as if I had been emotionally abused for a year and I needed time to heal. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to move out again at that point because his business, which had been in his family for three generations, was in serious financial trouble. I was worried that if he did not have some kind of stability he might have a breakdown.

The Berkshires, Season 7

At the airport with the ladies on the way to Turks and Caicos

That fall we started filming Season 7 of
Real Housewives
and I think Mario was hurt that he found out about it through the press. I remember we argued about my filming in the apartment. I thought it would help if he had a place of his own, but when I told him that I had looked at an apartment for him it only seemed to upset him more. For the first time it occurred to me that Mario felt that the show had ruined our marriage. When
The Real Housewives of New York City
came into our lives, Mario and I were both at professional crossroads. I had a seven-figure business, but after twenty years of running my own company I was starting to feel burned out. Although I was successful, I was open to change and ready for a new challenge. At the same time, because its lease was up, Mario’s company had recently moved locations, which shook things up and made him unhappy. Meanwhile, things in his line of work were becoming Internet based. In order to keep up with the times I had been encouraging him to develop a website. The main reason I initially agreed to do the show was that I thought it would help showcase that website. I wasn’t looking for fame or fortune. I was making great money and I was happy with my life. I think at first Mario loved being on the show with me. He wrote animated and entertaining blog entries commenting on the show and even took the spotlight in a couple of episodes when he went toe-to-toe with Jill or LuAnn. Although I wasn’t looking for it, the show opened up so many doors for me and, being the ambitious businesswoman that I am, I took those opportunities and turned them into one success after another. As I became more successful on the show, I think Mario began to feel that he was fading into the background, that I wasn’t being a team player anymore, and that I had somehow left him behind. Ironically, the very thing I did to help my husband, he now seemed to feel had ruined our marriage.

Avery’s first birthday

Mario and I have been through so much together. Over the course of two decades, we raised a child together, traveled the world, built two homes, and supported one another through all four of our parents’ deaths. But once I started doing the show my life began to move in one direction and his in another. The underlying foundation of our marriage began to shift, and I didn’t realize he was unhappy until it was too late. Most men define themselves by success. Even if the man isn’t the dominant one in the marriage, I think it must be emasculating if the wife’s multiple businesses are successful while the husband’s business is falling apart. I remember Mario used to always say that his business was like a clock; it would never make a lot of money but it was always very consistent. Until it wasn’t. I think he must have been overwhelmed by all the problems and couldn’t see a way out. I have always told Mario that I don’t think a man’s worth is measured by his financial success. We run with a very affluent crowd and I’ve known women who are married to billionaires and they are still miserable. If a friend showed me a twenty-carat ring her husband had given her, I never felt jealous because I always felt good about myself and was happy in my marriage. Being a billionaire does not make you a good husband or father, but I think Mario got so caught up in striving for a certain lifestyle that he lost sight of that.

A year after the story of Mario’s affair broke in the press, we did come close to reconciling. He called me on my birthday in November, sang “Happy Birthday” to me, and told me he wanted to make our marriage work. There were moments where we would connect and I would soften towards him. I could almost see a light at the end of the tunnel for us, but ultimately I began to realize that he was still going through whatever it was that had caused him to stray outside our marriage in the first place. Even though he said he wanted to work things out, it didn’t feel like he was putting any energy into the marriage. I had reached the point where I couldn’t be with him if I didn’t feel like he had the energy to make it work. Maybe we would have had a chance to save our relationship if he hadn’t kept moving back into our apartment while I was still healing. I think it was too much pressure on both of us. Looking back, I don’t believe Mario was ready to really work on our marriage. I’m not sure he ever will be.

When you’re with someone for more than twenty years, he or she becomes part of you. I had been with Mario almost my entire adult life and walking away from our marriage has been the most painful thing I have ever had to do. Mario and I always had passion, we always had love, and we were always simpatico. For more than two decades we walked side by side, in perfect step with one another. His thought was my thought. His heart was my heart. Even now, with all the stress and the pain we’ve been through, he is still the love of my life. How do you separate from someone who’s a part of you? It’s like taking Siamese twins and ripping them apart.

Over the past year when he was ready to come home, I wasn’t ready to take him in. When I was open to resolving things, he would retreat. We are like sliding doors; the opportunities come and go but we never connect. It’s not the first time we’ve been in that place. We very nearly missed the opportunity to be together at all. Before I was engaged to the doctor, we had gone out on one date. We had a great time and were very attracted to one another, but somehow we got our wires crossed. We had planned for our second date that Mario would take me out on his boat.

At our friend Arthur Backal’s Halloween party, 16 years ago

Cooper’s Beach, Southampton

He had said, “Ramona, I’m gonna pick you up on Saturday. Take a change of clothing, we’ll go on my boat and then we’ll go for dinner. I’ll call you early Saturday morning.”

That Saturday I waited for his call, but by eleven o’clock my phone still hadn’t rung. I figured he was probably in bed with some chick from the previous night. The longer I waited the more worked up I got. I thought,
how dare he stand me up like this?
So I called him up. When he answered the phone his voice was hoarse and he sounded congested.

“I’m really sick, Ramona. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I was hoping I’d feel better,” he croaked.

I totally thought he was making it up, so I just said, “That’s okay. Feel better,” and hung up.

Two days later he left me a message, “Hi, it’s Mario. Call me.”

That’s it. Just,
hi, it’s Mario. Call me
. My sister’s reaction was, “What kind of message is that?” We both said that he should have at least apologized for standing me up. So I never called him back. I found out later that he was upset with me because he really was sick and I never called him to check up on him to see how he felt, which was why his message came off a little cold. We each have a different interpretation of why our second date never happened, but the one thing we can both agree on is that the chemistry between us was powerful. After that, we both got sidetracked by other relationships for a while, but we’d run into each other at the gym from time to time and flirt. When we finally reconnected a few years later it felt like fate. The day that Mario called me out of the blue to ask me out again, my life changed forever. For the first time in my life I knew it was possible to be in a loving, supportive relationship.

I loved Mario more than I could have ever imagined possible. He was my lover, my partner, and my best friend. For most of our marriage he wasn’t intimidated by my success; in fact he was always very proud of my endeavors in business. I remember he would joke, “Ramona, you know how to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.” I always felt like he loved that I knew how to make money
and
be a homemaker. He had always been totally and unconditionally supportive, but I think once he turned sixty something in him must have snapped and suddenly he began to see my success differently. By that point, his business had been struggling for years and I think that had chipped away at his self-esteem. Meanwhile, I was busy branching out in different directions. I was becoming more successful, and spending more time away from home. Even though there was no way I could have foreseen the impact on my marriage, there was a part of me that was apprehensive about starting the wine business because I was already so overextended with my other businesses and with filming for the show. I remember at one point I even said to Mario, “I don’t know if I should do the Pinot.” I think more than the show, it’s the Pinot that really destroyed my marriage. I was filming for five months of the year and then for another five months I was on the road every week, as well as traveling one week every three months for HSN. On top of all that I was raising my daughter, helping her get into college, running two homes, doing charitable work, and being social. I loved doing the Pinot. I still do, but it was all-consuming and for a while it took over my life.