Look After Me (30 page)

I grip my fingers against her hips tighter, while my other hand finds her clit, circling the little bud with my index finger. She bucks under me and an almighty scream escapes her pretty mouth. “Sebastian!”

I breathlessly chuckle through my relentless thrusting, then lean over and slam my lips onto hers, wanting to keep her moans to myself.

Her tongue laps against mine, her groans vibrating inside my mouth.
Jesus,
the way her pussy takes my entire cock, her ass slamming against my pulsating balls, is the sexiest thing I have ever witnessed in my whole damn life.

As the world evaporates around us, my thrusts become more demanding. Fierce. I add more pressure to her clit and her entire body shakes. The moment her uncontrollable screams echo inside my mouth, I feel her pussy pulsating around my cock and I spurt my load violently inside her, pumping every last drop with each frantic thrust until I’m completely and utterly spent.

I pull my lips away, smiling lustfully at her, my exhausted body pressed heavily against Addison’s. “I think I saw stars.”

She breathlessly giggles, “Yeah, I think I did too.”

Once I’m able to catch my breath, I pull away and sit fully in the water, leaning my head back, my attention solely on Addison. She turns around and slides back into the water, mirroring my position. A giggle suddenly bubbles from her.

“Sebastian,” she sighs breathlessly. “You do realize you’ve ruined every other man for me, right? Sex won’t ever be the same after you.”

The mention of other men has my chest in knots with an indescribable jealousy and I feel violently nauseated as the image of another guy with his hands on her body bombards my thoughts. I know being friends with benefits won’t last forever and she’ll find someone worthy of loving her, but the thought tears me up inside. I force myself to look away from Addison and tilt my head up towards the night sky, watching as the stars twinkle from a billion miles away.

Addison sighs dreamily. “It’s such a beautiful night. I wish I could live out here forever.”

I inwardly smile. I was thinking the exact same thing. I tilt my head down, and the moment my eyes fall back on to her, my breath catches in the back of my throat. The way the moonlight glows brightly against her glistening face . . .

I’m in trouble.

“Hey, you okay, handsome? You look like you’ve just had a sudden epiphany.”

I blink through my thoughts and concentrate on Addison as she floats over to me, with a look of concern on her face. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

Ignoring the sudden epiphany, I pull her naked body onto my lap and press a subtle kiss against her lips. “No questions. Just enjoy this moment with me.”

She smiles warmly as she smoothes her hands along my chest. “Okay.”

She turns around and nestles between my legs with her head resting against my chest. We sit enveloped in one another’s arms as we watch the stars.

Enjoying the moment.

Early the next morning I head downstairs. I’m about to turn the corner to the living area, when I hear my name in a whispered voice.

“So what’s the deal with you and Sebastian?”

“We’re just friends who have the most
mind-blowing
sex.”

I can’t keep the grin off my face.
Mind-blowing, huh?

“Is he really
that
good?” Lacie asks.

Addison giggles. “Oh yeah, he’s incredible. He makes the guys I’ve slept with seem minuscule, in both senses of the word.” They both laugh.

“So he’s
big
then?”

I almost choke out with laughter.
Do they mean exactly what I think they mean?

“A good eight inches, and he’s pretty thick too.”

My eyes just about pop out of their sockets. They’re actually talking about my dick. My
dick.
I don’t know whether to be flattered or horrified at the prospect of them talking about the size of my cock but at least I’m coming off well.

“No wonder you’re freaking smiling so much. I’d be smiling like that if I had a sex life like yours.”

“It’s not just the sex. It’s more than that.”

My heart rate picks up at the sudden change in direction of topic. The air suddenly feels a lot more serious than it did a few moments ago.

“I can’t really describe it, but he’s the only person who really gets me, you know? We have this amazing connection that surpasses any kind of friendship or love. It surpasses it so far that there isn’t even a word for what we have. It’s friends with benefits with the added element that falling in love brings, just without the falling in love part. It’s exciting. It’s exhilarating. It’s earth shattering.”

The sound of laughter fills the room. “Oh my God, I’ve never heard so much crap in my life. You’re totally in love with him. It’s obvious.”

“N-no I’m . . . no . . .” Addison seems to stutter within her words and I’m left hanging on to every silent moment as I wait for her to confirm or deny Lacie’s words.
Is she in love with me?

“I’m not. I’m not in love with him. I mean, falling in love with him would be as easy as breathing but I can’t allow myself to fall in love with him because he’s made it very clear that he has no interest in falling in love again. He’s still trying to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.”

Why do her words feel like a knife in the chest?

“He really said that?” Lacie asks with surprise.

“Yes, and I can’t blame him. Ava really did a number on him.”

“And you’re okay being with a guy who can never give you any commitment? Who has more baggage than the airport baggage claim?”

Ouch. Well, that stings.
But I guess she’s right.

“He has as much baggage as the rest of us. We all have our problems, you know?”

“I know. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds fun and he’s freaking hot as hell, but I guarantee it won’t end well. These types of relationships never do.”

“Look, we know what we’re doing, okay? We’re having fun and with my track record of men, it’s about time I had some.”

“You’re not exactly getting any younger. What happened to the plan?”

“The plan?”

“Yeah, the whole ‘I want to be married with a kid by the time I’m thirty’ plan.”

Addison laughs. “I was twelve years old and obsessed with anything romantic when I made that vow. Things have changed
a lot
since then.”

“Like what?”

“Like assholes who continued to shit on me, time and time again. Not everybody gets knocked up by the love of their life at eighteen, married at nineteen and live happily ever after like you and Ben—ouch! What was that for?”

“Because it didn’t happen like that. But we’re not talking about me and Ben. We’re talking about you and soldier boy. Just be careful, okay? I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. The last thing I want to see is you getting hurt.”

“I will, I promise.”

“Who knows though?” Lacie begins after a few quiet moments. “You could be the answer to his broken heart.”

Addison sighs thoughtfully, laughing humorlessly. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not Ava. She was the love of his life. How do I compete with something like that?”

Everything goes quiet for a moment, while I stand here, trying to ease the sharp stabbing pain in the center of my chest.

“It’s better this way you know? We both get what we want and neither of us gets hurt. We’ve both been through enough heartache to last a lifetime, so a casual, no-strings relationship is perfect.”

“Until you finally admit to yourself that you’re in love with him. And you and Sebastian are anything but
casual.”

“I’m not in love with him.”

“Okay. You keep telling that to yourself.”

“God, are you and Mom on some kind of cupid mission? Yesterday, she tried to convince Sebastian that he was in love with me.” The sound of hysterical laughter echoes through the living room.

“Well, who isn’t Mom trying to set up? But she might be onto something,” Lacie says once her laughter has died down, sounding serious.

“I like him. He’s funny, sexy, incredibly sweet, but love isn’t meant to be for us, and I’m okay with that. I just hope one day—for his sake, not mine—he can learn to love again. But until he finally gets over Ava, he’s going to keep his heart locked up tight.”

“But you said that falling in love with him would be as easy as breathing. How do you stop something as inevitable as love?”

“Because he’s important to me. I’d prefer to only have him as a friend than to lose him because I was foolish enough to fall in love.”

The sound of voices coming downstairs filters through the room and I quickly move and head into the living room, pretending that I haven’t been listening in on their conversation. As soon as Addison’s gaze falls on me, she smiles.

“Good morning, Sebastian,” Danya sings out brightly as she enters the living room. Claire skips past her, then bounces on top of Addison. Addison laughs as she hugs Claire.

“Hey, morning,” I announce to everybody, but my eyes are solely on Addison, mentally trying to figure out why her previous words are tearing a hole in the middle of my heart. Something between us has shifted and things have suddenly gone from uncomplicated to complicated within the matter of a day.

“Morning, Sebastian,” Lacie says.

“I hope you’re hungry, I’m making pancakes and waffles.”

My insides clench at the mention of pancakes and I have to force a tight smile on my face when I look at Danya. “I don’t have much of an appetite in the morning, so I’ll stick with coffee, thank you.”

“Well, there will be plenty of food to go around if you change your mind.” She wanders off into the direction of the kitchen. I notice Addison and Lacie exchange a look before Lacie gets to her feet.

“Come on, Claire, let’s help Grandma with breakfast.” Claire slides off Addison and they both leave.

The palpable tension between Addison and me quadruples.

“How’d you sleep?” Addison asks when she stands.

“Okay, I guess.”

“Are you okay?”

“I . . .” I struggle to form any words that could be contrived as an answer, but with Addison’s earlier words circling my brain, I can only manage a curt, “I need to get some air.”

I grab my jacket from the coat rack and put it on before exiting through the front door. I barely make it ten feet up the path, when I hear Addison calling out my name. I stop and turn around to see her jogging towards me, her coat wrapped snuggly around her.

“What’s going on, Sebastian?”

I shove my hands into my jacket pockets, kicking at the autumn leaves. “Nothing.” I rack my brain for a lie, or a legitimate excuse so she doesn’t read the real reason why I’m in such a hurry to create space between the two of us. “I guess I’m just missing Lily. I just needed a moment to clear my head.”

Her eyes narrow on mine. “Bullshit. When you’re missing Lily, you’re sad. Your jaw is usually clenched and your entire body tightens up. But you’re withdrawn and pensive, which tells me you’re freaking out about something.”

I roll my eyes, hating how well she can read me. I let out a frustrated laugh before leaning against my truck. “I sometimes forget that you’re my counselor.”

She steps forward, with her arms crossed. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

I’m quiet as I try to work through the thoughts that are currently suffocating my mind, and concentrate on just one—a conclusion I came to after eavesdropping. “You deserve more than this,” I say, staring at the ground and avoiding eye contact.

She tilts my head up with her fingers, forcing my eyes onto hers. “What are you talking about?”

“Us, this whole friends with benefits thing. You deserve more. You should be with a guy who loves you, who cherishes the fucking ground you walk on. Not in a
meaningless
fling with a guy who is a recovering drug addict with a damaged heart.”

“Where’s all this coming from?” She frowns.

“I overheard you and Lacie.”

Her eyes pinch together with confusion before a look of realization dawns on her face. She breathlessly laughs. “You’re freaking out about what Lacie said. About the whole plan to get married before I was thirty?”

I nod but remain silent.

“Sebastian, I was twelve when I came up with that plan. I hadn’t even had a boyfriend at that point. I was young and naïve. Once adulthood kicked in, I quickly realized plans don’t go in the order they’re supposed to. It isn’t relevant to my life now, and it hasn’t been for a long time.”

“I get that, I do, but you still deserve better.”

With a fierce look in her eyes, she steps closer until she’s only a breath away. I take a nervous gulp, suddenly petrified to be in such close proximity to her. My heart beats violently and I can’t cope with the flood of emotions. It’s stifling and confusing.

“Okay, so maybe I
do
deserve better. Maybe I deserve the prince of freaking England, but I like what we have, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I’ve had so many men shit on me that I don’t want a relationship. At least not until I figure out what I want. I thought I had it all figured out once, but now I’m just gonna go with the flow. I mean, there isn’t a set deadline to when you’re supposed to be settled down with a family, you know? I’m twenty-nine, and I’m in no rush. In this moment of my life, I don’t want to think. I just want to feel, and you make me feel. And I mean that in the sluttiest way possible.”