Look After Me (36 page)

I smile at the twinkle in her eyes, knowing exactly where this is going. “It was two words, actually.”

“Oh yeah,
nice ass.
”

I chuckle. “In my defense, you weren’t supposed to hear that and you did have your ass bent over picking up your pen the moment I walked into the room for our first appointment in rehab. It was a momentary reaction.” I smooth my hands over her hips and around her ass, giving it a tight squeeze. “You do have a nice ass though.”

“Just nice?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No.” I trace my hands over the curve of her hips, along her waist, and caress her arms until I have both hands locked above her head. I hover my lips over hers. “It’s perfect.” I brush my lips over hers before I pull away.

We spend another ten minutes in the shower, taking turns to wash each other clean, and it’s quite possibly the most sensual and intimate moment I’ve ever experienced.

Once we’ve both dried off, Addison tells me to sit on the toilet seat while she tends to the small cut just above my eyebrow. Once she’s put some ointment on it and a Band-Aid, she puts the first aid box away in the bathroom cabinet.

“It was kind of hot,” she says with her back turned to me. She shuts the cabinet door, her reflection suddenly appearing through the mirror of the cabinet.

“What was?” I get up from the toilet and stand behind her, watching her intently through the mirror as she grabs her hairbrush from the counter and begins to sweep it through her wet hair.

“You punching Zander in the face.”

“Hot?” I asked, stunned. “How is punching a douchebag in the face hot?”

“I only said it was
kind
of hot, but I don’t know . . . It was just hot. I still think you’re a
douchebag
though.”

I sweep my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me, so her back is flushed against my chest. “A douchebag, huh?” I smile at her using my word to describe assholes.

“Yes, a douchebag.” She gazes at me through the reflection of the mirror.

“Okay, I can accept that. But you also used violence tonight too. You’ve gotten strong.” I smirk.

Her cheeks flush when she remembers the heated slap from earlier. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I guess things got a little heated tonight.” She tilts her head up to look up at me, raising her hand to my cheek and lightly caresses the redness of my cheek where she slapped me—a single touch that has my head in a spin.

“Yep, it was certainly that.” My eyes trace over her pretty face for a moment before asking, “So, are we good?”

Pulling her hand away from my face, she leans her head against my shoulder, tightening my arms within hers. “Yeah, I think we are.”

THE NEXT MORNING I leave Addison’s house and head home to get ready for a full day with my baby girl. Last night was the first time I’ve stayed the entire night at Addison’s place since we started our friends with benefits. I usually leave late at night, sometimes in the early hours of the morning, but last night it just felt
right.
Lying there beside her, feeling the warmth of her naked body pressed up against mine, it was like a piece of me had returned. I can’t explain it, but the world makes sense again. My
life
makes sense again.

If only I could get over Ava.

She’s the reason
I’m still in emotional turmoil.

She’s the reason
why my heart doesn’t beat the way it should do.

She’s the reason
why I can’t give myself completely to Addison.

I want to. I do. But I don’t think I’m ever truly going to get over her. She’ll always be there, a haunting reminder of what I used to have—the perfect life.

As I round the corner to my apartment complex, I get the distinct feeling my day isn’t going to go as planned when I see a cop car in sight. Last night is totally going to bite me in the ass. As I cautiously approach, a police officer exits the car, looking straight at me. That
asshole
really did call the cops.

Fuck.

“Are you Sebastian Gilbert?” the police officer asks the moment I step in front of him. I almost contemplate holding my hands out just to make his job even easier for him.

“Yeah, I’m Sebastian.” I grimace. I’ve watched enough Law and Order to know exactly what is coming next.

“Sebastian Gilbert, you are under arrest for the assault of Zander Parenti,” he says as he steps behind me, and handcuffs my wrists behind my back. I grit my teeth when he tugs at my wrists rougher than necessary as he reads my rights.

The next thing I know I’m in the back of a cop car on my way to the police station with motherfucking handcuffs digging awkwardly into my back and a sudden itch on my nose that I cannot reach, which only makes it itch more.

As the journey continues, memories of when I was in the back of Darnell’s car begin to assault my mind. That day was the worst day of my life. I’ve never, in my entire life felt relief and heartbreak so close together before. It was like Heaven and Hell had suddenly collided together, obliterating everything in their wake. Including my heart. I had sworn I never wanted to relive that day for the rest of my existence but here I am, reliving it in my head as if it was only yesterday.

By the time we arrive at the station, it’s safe to say I’m incredibly irritated, especially when the guy behind the counter stares at me as if I’m a terrorist or an axe murderer. He continues with his evil glare as he takes my possessions from me and places them in a plastic bag. As I pass him my cell, I suddenly remember that Ava will be dropping Lily off soon.

Shit.

“Is there any chance I could get my phone call now? It’s important.”

He continues to stare at me, without so much as a blink. “You’ll get your phone call in due time,” he says in a croaky voice that tells me he’s smoked too many cigarettes in his lifetime. The haggard look on his face tells me he should have given up years ago.

I inwardly sigh, wishing I could rewind to last night and not punch the asshole in his face—the asshole who is currently bent on making my life a living hell. “I need to call my ex. She’s dropping my daughter off this morning and I need to tell her that I’m you know,
here.
”

The evil glint turns up a notch, and I can see the judgment in his eyes. He thinks I’m an asshole, who gets into bar fights and doesn’t give a shit about his daughter. He couldn’t be any further from the truth if he tried. “Look, you can keep me in here as long as you want, but I need to let my ex know that I haven’t fallen off the edge of the earth.”

He leaves me hanging for another second longer before his harsh stare softens but only slightly. “Okay, give me her number. I’ll give her a call.”

“Thank you,” I say once I’ve rhymed off her number—pissed that I can still remember it by heart.

Once I’ve been fingerprinted and had my mug shot taken, a police officer escorts me to the cell where I spend the next God knows how many hours in the company of people who actually look like terrorists and axe murderers.

Time stands still as I’m stuck in the midst of hell. Not because I’m bored fucking mindless staring at the same discolored spot on the wall but because it gives me time to think. And when I’m left up to my own devices with no distractions to deter me with, my brain goes to one person and one person only.

Ava.

It’s a vicious circle.

After more mind-numbing hours of staring into space, trying to get Ava out of my mind—but failing drastically—an officer finally approaches with a key in his hands.

“Gilbert, your bail’s been posted. You’re free to go.”

“What? Just like that?”
I’m shocked.

“Just like that.”

“Who paid for my bail?”

“Some pretty brunette.”

Addison. But how does she know I’ve been arrested?

“She’s waiting outside for you. Now get out of here before I find something else to charge you with.”

I hurry to my feet and leave the smell-ridden hellhole behind. I was expecting my day to get a lot worse but miraculously it’s just improved. Of course, it means I still have to stand up in front of a judge but at least I get to go home.

Once I’ve collected my bag of belongings, I move towards the exit, noticing the day has gone by and has been replaced with night. Expecting to see Addison, I’m abruptly brought to a stop when I see Ava sitting along the corridor, looking at her phone.

“Ava?”

She looks up and relief engulfs her. “Sebastian, thank God. Are you okay?”

“Um . . . yeah. I’m good,” I say with delayed confusion. “What are you doing here, Ava?”

“A police officer called to tell me you’d been arrested, so I dropped Lily off with Caleb’s mom and came here as soon as I could to bail you out.”

“
You
came to bail me out?”

She stands and steps towards me. “Yeah, I know I’m the last person you want to see but I still care about you, Sebastian. I was worried. It’s not every day I get a phone call saying you’ve been arrested.”

I’m stunned that she would even do that. “Well, um . . . thanks.” This whole having a normal conversation with the-woman-who-cheated-on-me thing is a little hard.

“What happened?”

“To cut a long story short, I punched a guy, repeatedly.”

Her eyebrows rise in shock. She’s not familiar with the Sebastian who uses his fists. I shouldn’t care about her reaction yet I still find myself justifying my actions.

“The guy was a dick, by the way. He deserved it. He hurt Addison, so I hurt him.”

“I wasn’t judging you, Sebastian. I know you’re not a violent person.”

I wasn’t until she put me on the warpath of destruction.

“He must have deserved it.”

“He really did. He cheated on his
girlfriend.
” I’m an ass, I know. But I couldn’t resist reminding her of her infidelities by shoving somebody else’s under her nose. Her eyes turn sad and, of course, because I’m still a pussy whipped moron, I feel her sadness within the very pit of me and I instantly feel like a jerk.

Annoyingly, I find myself telling Ava the entire story. The most I’ve actually spoken to her in months. “He forgot to mention that little fact to Addison when he took her out on a date, and his girlfriend went bat shit crazy and beat her up. So when we saw him last night at this bar, I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.”

“Oh God, that’s awful. Is Addison okay now?”

“She’s fine. It happened a while back.” I keep my gaze locked on hers for a couple of seconds, and when looking into her eyes becomes too unbearable, I look away and concentrate on the plastic bag that holds my possessions.

After a long moment of awkward silence, Ava is the first to speak. “So, um, you and Addison, are you guys together?”

I glance back at her with a shake of the head. A part of me wants to tell her to mind her own business. That she lost the right to be a part of my life the moment she broke my trust. But after the day I’ve had, I simply don’t have the energy to argue with her. I just want to go home, take a shower, kick back on the sofa and watch a game of football.

“No, we’re just friends.” I know what me and Addison have is more than that, but I can’t explain my relationship to Ava. I can barely explain it to myself.

“Oh.” Ava sounds disappointed.

I inwardly laugh. She was probably hoping I’d finally gotten over her, to help lessen her guilt. My nostrils flare and I suddenly have a hard time looking at her. It doesn’t help that she’s been on my mind on a loop all day and seeing her looking as beautiful as always is beginning to mess with my mind.

Fuck.

How is it possible to love and hate the same woman?

“I think I should go. Thanks for coming to bail me out. I appreciate it.”

“Let me drive you home.”

“Let’s not ruin whatever,” I point to the space between us, “this is. I mean, this might be the only time we’re civil to one another.” I actually manage to smile and the bright smile she hits me back with physically pains me. I hate how much I still crave her smile, and how much I still love it. God, I’m so pathetic.

“It has been kinda nice. Let me drive you home. I’ve missed talking to you. I’ve missed
you.
” She takes a step towards me and I instinctively take a step back.

I suck my trembling lip into my mouth and shake my head; my heart is racing. “Fuck, Ava . . . You can’t say shit like that to me. You lost the right to miss me a long time ago.”

“Shit, I know. I’m sorry. I just . . . Usually you’re just so angry with me and I get it, okay? I hurt you. I hate how much I’ve hurt you, how much shit you’ve gone through because of me. But I have to say, it’s been nice not to see you scowl at me for once. I’ve missed that smile. I’ve missed seeing you
happy.
” She sighs heavily. “Believe it or not, Sebastian, you’re still important to me.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Just let me drive you home. In fact, I have something in the car for you.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a drawing from Lily—well, actually a scribble. In fact, it’s more my handy work than hers because all she wanted to do was put the crayons in her mouth, but she wanted her daddy to have it.”

In a split second all my insides turn to goo and I suddenly think my daughter is a genius with the ability to scribble. Lily is the reason why I begin to follow Ava out of the station and towards the direction of her car. “This doesn’t change anything,” I say, wanting to get this car journey out of the way as quickly as possible.