Lucas: The Hunter Brothers Series (30 page)

CHAPTER 24

I
pulled out my compact, refreshing my make-up before heading out through the
revolving doors and catching a cab to Groucho. Yesterday had been awful and I
was desperate to get out of the office. My head was all over the place and even
lunch with the ice queen seemed preferable to sitting at home and faking it for
Dex and Chas, or moping in my office, staring at my silent phone and trying not
to cry.

If
I had the events to research at least it would have given me something to do,
but he’d only agreed to one and the appointment was a week away. I’d done as
much as I could for the engineering event, and even the fetish club was now a
double edged sword.

Melody
hadn’t arrived as I was shown to a small table at the back of the restaurant,
ordering a bottle of water and perusing the menu, looking up as I heard a laugh
so familiar that my heart stopped in my chest.

It
was Lucas and I smiled involuntarily, my face lighting up as I saw him, my
stomach exploding in a churning sickness when I looked down, noticing his hand
pressed against the back of the beautiful woman he’d once been engaged to, as
he guided her across the restaurant.

Charlie
walked up beside him, patting his back, and the striking trio made their way
gracefully to a booth at the other side of the room. None of them had seen me
yet, but I couldn’t look away, frozen in the moment and reading every nuance of
his gestures and his expression. His head turned slowly as he sat, scanning the
restaurant until his gaze met mine. He stared in stunned shock for the briefest
moment, before turning his attention back to Roberta, sliding into the booth
beside her and completely ignoring my presence. Why the hell did he have to be
with her?

I
forced myself to look away, angry tears pricking at my eyes with the callous
rejection. Charlie looked at Lucas then at me, frowning deeply, standing and
making his way across the restaurant, sitting opposite me and smiling as I
tried, and failed, to force a tight smile back.

“Hey,
Jess, what are you doing here?” he asked as I swallowed hard, looking over to Lucas
who was deep in conversation with Roberta and couldn’t give a damn that I was
hurting like hell.

“Melody
invited me for lunch, but it doesn’t look like she’s coming,” I said quietly,
my voice cracking as Charlie frowned, sad blue eyes gazing into mine.

“What’s
going on with you and Lucas? Are you okay?” he asked as I nodded, trying to
force a brave front, but it was nigh on impossible, standing and wrestling my
bag from the back of my chair, desperate to leave before the inevitable
onslaught of tears that I knew were imminent.

I
didn’t want a scene, I just needed to get out of there, certain that Melody had
done this on purpose and stung by Lucas’s indifference. Charlie’s kind words
were just the nudge I needed to push me over the edge. My heart was pounding,
hammering out of my chest and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, knowing I had to
leave. I had no right to confront him and what would I say if I did?

I
forced myself to walk on unsteady feet, fleeing the restaurant and hailing a
cab just as the tears began to flow mercilessly down my cheeks.

I
had no idea how I got through the discussion on the party with Zac, asking if I
could take my favourite room for the afternoon, laying on the bed, curling
under the covers and pulling them tight as I sobbed uncontrollably into the
pillows. He’d assumed Lucas would be joining me and I didn’t put him right,
knowing that I had to get this out of my system. I couldn’t cry at home. Dex
would be upset and Chas would go mental with a million questions and insults about
the dickwad and our unusual arrangement. I needed to let it out, feel the
release of the pain that was all consuming.

Thoughts
about the times I’d spent here with Lucas invaded my brain; the joy, the desire
and the passion he overwhelmed me with – a far cry from what I was feeling
right now. I knew it wouldn’t work, it couldn’t work like this and it seemed
that my insecurity and fears about Roberta were well founded after all. The
office was one thing; taking the bitch out for lunch was something else entirely,
and the way he had touched her tortured my thoughts as bile rose in my throat.

 
I couldn’t compartmentalise, I just wasn’t
strong enough, but I knew if I wanted this that I had to be. I cried myself to
sleep in the familiar bed, a deep sadness rooted in my soul as I realised it
may be the last time I would ever be here.

I
woke, noticing the black streaks of mascara that stained the pillow, sitting up
suddenly, panicking and wondering how long I’d been out. I banged my head
against the headboard as I reeled backwards, stunned and shocked by the tall
presence leaning against the wall by the door, gazing down at me.

“How
long have you been here?” I stuttered, surprised and trying desperately to read
the expression on his face, but he was giving little away.

“A
while,” he said softly, making his way across to the bed, sitting on the side
as he turned to face me, wiping away the soft hot tears that sprang
involuntarily from my eyes.

“I
can’t do this, Lucas,” I said as he pulled me into his arms, holding me in a
crushing grip as I felt his heart beating quickly beneath his crisp white
shirt. Part of me wanted to pull away for the pain he’d caused, but a bigger
part couldn’t move, needing the feel of his body tight and close, knowing I
meant something to him.

“I
knew you’d take it hard, but I didn’t realise how hard,” he said softly as I
gazed up at him, wet eyes wide and I knew this was the time for honesty.

 
“I’m sorry but this is all too much for me. I
can’t bear seeing you with her. I love surrendering myself to you. When you
take control it makes me feel more desired than I ever thought possible, but
this is a whole new world and its taking over my life. I can’t control how I
feel. I can’t concentrate or focus on anything and I’m even distant with Dexter...”
I trailed off as a fresh wave of tears pricked at my eyes and I swallowed hard.

“Do
you trust me?” Lucas asked, holding my face gently in his hands as I watched
the perfect movement of those beautiful lips. When he was here, like this,
holding me and soothing me I felt safe and protected and I trusted him
implicitly, but images of Roberta plagued me.

“In
here, yes, but when you ignored me today and you were with her again, Lucas, it
was more than I could take,” I said as he shook his head.

 
“You have nothing to fear, Jess. I won’t let
you down, or walk away. I’m not with anyone else, nor do I have any desire to
be. I’m trying to teach you and I understand that some lessons are harder than
others, but that you’re here, crying alone in our room does not sit well with
me,” he said, pulling me against him.

“I
screwed up, Lucas, and I’m sorry, but it’s hard to keep a check on my feelings
when it comes to other women, especially her. In here, it works, but out there
I don’t know if I can do it. The jealousy just takes over sometimes and it’s
not like we’re a couple. I feel as if I have no rights and no claim over you,”
I said as he gazed down at me, nodding slowly.

“I
understand and that’s why I told her not to come to the office any more. I had
no idea you’d be at Groucho today.”

I
wasn’t sure the fact I was there was entirely the point here. “Melody invited
me for lunch, but she didn’t show up,” I said as he frowned deeply.

“I
didn’t know you were friends,” he said seriously as I laughed gently.

“We’re
not, she hates me. She said she was offering me an olive branch and I thought
it would be easier for you if we got along, so I agreed to go. When I saw you
with Roberta I thought maybe she’d done it on purpose, although I don’t know
why she would. I’m not certain she even knows there’s anything going on with
us,” I said, his mouth set in a stern line and I wasn’t sure who he was upset
with now.

“How
many times do I need to tell you? Roberta is business, Jess, you have no
grounds for jealousy,” he said, stroking my hair. I breathed a small sigh of
relief, but his words didn’t altogether lift my heavy heart.

“Does
the punishment still stand?” I asked as he smiled gently.

“I’m
thinking of revising it,” he said as my eyes lit up in hope, knowing I could
cope with anything rather than abstinence. “But first we need to talk,” he said
as my stomach sank. This sounded serious.

“This
arrangement requires an enormous amount of trust and that works both ways. You
say you feel like you have no rights, but if you’re upset, I need to know. You
have to share that. I can read your body, but your mind is a whole different
thing and it’s important that I know what’s going on in your head. If you feel
afraid to share things, or that it’s not your place to do so, it worries me,”
he said as I frowned at him.

“You
told me I couldn’t contact you,” I said, my exasperated confusion evident as he
nodded.

 
“I know, Jess. I thought we had established a
deeper bond of trust and understanding than is obviously the case. I thought
you would cope, or know to contact me if it’s something serious. The contract
is a guideline and punishments are designed to teach you a lesson, not destroy
you,” he said as I sighed deeply, knowing that I’d failed, angry that I’d let
him down.
 

“While
you are my submissive, we are exclusive. I thought you understood that,” he
said. There was no doubt things would be clearer and simpler if our
relationship was different, but we were compartmentalising and I needed to know
if I could really do this before I fell any deeper under the spell of the
glorious man who was turning me inside out.

“Now
I’ve had the chance to think about it, I understand what I did wrong and what
triggered it. I didn’t like that you were away with her, but it was the phone
call that tipped me over the edge. I shouldn’t have listened, but I did, and
the thought of Roberta seducing you like that curdled the blood in my veins.
When I got your flowers, I thought I was just another bit of smutty fluff on
the side,” I said as he stared at me seriously, his eyes blazing into mine and
frowning deeply as I swallowed hard.

“What
phone call?” he asked as I tried to evade his confused and piercing blue gaze.
The last thing I needed was him to accuse me of spying. Jesus Christ, he’d
think I’d lost the plot.

 
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered as he grabbed
my chin firmly, forcing me to face him.

“The
hell it doesn’t. What fucking phone call?” he urged and I knew that I’d have to
tell him about my eavesdropping. It wasn’t as if I’d done it on purpose.

“I
went up to your office whilst you were away. I needed to collect a couple of
things from my old desk,” I said, deciding not to share the fact that I wanted
to smell him. That would just make me sound like a weirdo. “Melody was on the
phone when I walked in. I didn’t realise at first who she was speaking to until
she said how you belonged together and that taking her to the restaurant where
you proposed must be a sign. She told her to vamp it up, remind you what you
were missing. She told her that she bought trinkets and sent flowers to lots of
different girls for you and they were all just smutty pieces of fluff that
wouldn’t hold your interest. She said Roberta was the only girl you’d recently
dated and that she’d be the next.”

“I
see,” he said coolly, trying to rein in the anger that was simmering under the
surface as I gazed at the floor. I wasn’t certain whether he was angry with me,
Melody, Roberta or all of us, but his demeanour was making my stomach churn
nervously.

“It
makes things clearer on why you behaved like you did, but here we are again,
Jess,” he said sternly as I looked up at him.

“What
do you mean?” I asked quickly as he smiled gently, taking my hand in a
reassuring gesture that warmed my heart.

“It’s
the same reaction you had at the restaurant. Somebody else says something and
you automatically think the worst and hold me responsible. I understand why
that upset you, so you should have called. You should have used your common
sense and voiced your fears to me directly so I could have put your mind at
rest. I am tied to Roberta in the business, but our relationship is ancient
history. The restaurant was suggested by the suppliers and I didn’t even
connect the two things. That engagement lasted a few days and it wasn’t like my
heart was in it. I could also have told you that since we met, Melody has not
bought trinkets or flowers for anyone. I buy yours. There is no one else. You
have to understand that you will hear things about me from lots of people and that
is out of my control. Unless it has come from me, or I confirm it to you, then
it shouldn’t matter. You should have told me this immediately, Jess. My reaction
may well have been different, and not as severe.”

I
wanted to believe him despite the persistent, niggling doubts and insecurities,
but something was stopping me. I felt better that I’d got things off my chest,
but I’d been through such a gut wrenching roller coaster of emotions I felt
like there was only one course of action I could take.

I
pulled away from his grasp, wiping my eyes and sitting up straight, knowing
that the next few days would be hell on earth, but it was the only way I’d
truly know if we could go on. “Let the punishment stand,” I said as he cast a
puzzled frown on me, holding my gaze as I swallowed hard.