Mastering Multiple Position Sex (12 page)

“I challenge you to imagine your tongue as a five dollar bill and your partner’s body as a candy store; with all those bodily nooks and crannies, it’s time to go into sugar shock.”

POSITION 1:
Oral Sex on Her

Some men don’t get oral sex. Oh, they receive plenty of it, but they just don’t get it! They don’t understand the significance of it to their female partner and all that it can provide. If women got one fraction of the oral sex that their male partner wants or receives, there would be peace throughout the world. Well, at least there would be a balance of power and pleasure in the bedroom. So take the time now to learn how to please your loved one.

Give face; pay respect to her erogenous zones. Because your face is part of the process, make sure that it is as soft as a baby’s bottom, which better be softer than your lover’s vulva. That means shaving, if you normally keep a baby face, or letting your beard grow long enough to be soft. When she says, “Baby, I want your prick,” she doesn’t mean from a five-o’clock shadow.

Let her pick the position. If she gets on her knees and straddles your head—with you on your back with your head on or off the bed—she has control to raise up or down on your tongue as she wants. She’s in the driver’s seat and can grab your hair (or head) and pull you deeper into her. If it gets too intense, she can push you away. She can also ask you to keep your head stationary, as she goes back and forth over your tongue—something I like to call “swiping the credit card.”

Turn the other cheek. Your tongue may play the starring role, but let the rest of your mouth and face join the supporting cast. Your nose, cheeks, chin, and forehead can apply pressure to her mound, clit, and lips.

Give her the finger—better yet, give her ten. Just because this chapter is called “oral sex” doesn’t preclude the creative use of fingers.

Play fair. If you expect her to swallow your semen, then you should be willing to go down on her after you come in her, or to kiss her after that great blow job that she just gave you. Equal rights have been around for quite some time!

Final caveat: Do not blow into a vulva unless it’s attached to an inflatable doll. Set aside your fedora and bullwhip; you aren’t an archaeologist trying to blow dust and spider webs off an ancient artifact. Forcing air into a vagina can cause serious medical problems, especially if a woman is pregnant. Whisper into her. Tongue her. Lap at her like the loving man puppy you are. And should you find dust and spider webs, it’s just proof that you should be having sex much more often.

POSITION 1

“You two will be like a ventriloquist act at the doctor’s: You stick out your tongue, and she’ll be saying
ahhhhhhhhhhhh
.”

POSITION 2

POSITION 2:
Oral Sex on Him

Here are the four blow job concerns that most women come to my office to discuss:

1. Will I gag?

2. Will he enjoy it?

3. Will I have to swallow?

4. Will I suck better than his pledge brother did during his college fraternity hazing?

My answers are usually “possibly,” “possibly,” “no,” and “I seriously doubt it, but isn’t it wonderful to have a goal in life?” If you share any of these common concerns, read on.

As far as the gag reflex, you can control the depth and speed that your mouth travels down his cock. The head of his penis, that mushroom-shaped part that is called a corona—do not try to put a lime down it—is the most sensitive part. Lick that part like a lollipop, and gagging won’t be an issue. Also, he will get more stimulation by being licked and stroked with your hand than throat-fucking some vacuous windpipe.

Finally, I have one more secret to prevent choking or gagging on a penis. Just as carpenters use a drill stop to prevent a drill from going too deep, use your thumb during oral sex. Grasp his shaft so that your extended thumb is no higher than the lowest point that you want your mouth to travel south. Because of the slack in the skin over his cock, you’ll be able to move up and down on his cock without letting go—just be careful pulling on his pubic hair. When your mouth hits your thumb, you know that you’ve reached your comfort zone. If you want to try to go deeper—and that’s your choice, not his—you can shift your thumb to the side, and your mouth will then stop when it touches your index finger. Problem averted.

Men believe that all oral sex is good, and few things exist to make it a turn off. Well, I can think of thirty-two things that can make a blow job awful: teeth.

Light teeth on the underside can be an erotic tease, but not vigorous scouring. After all, it’s a cock, not a toothbrush. Also, ask him what he enjoys. If he says a finger in his ass with your mouth on the head of his cock, then there’s one recipe—but not the only recipe—for great head.