Mastering Multiple Position Sex (9 page)

3
^rd
Movement
The Adagio: Taking It Easy and Making It Last

When restaurateurs want to hurry their customers, they may ask the musicians to play something
allegro
—a fast tempo to get slow people out and new ones in. Quick has its place—at the table and in the bedroom—and a later chapter is dedicated to getting the most out of the quickie, but for now, we’re going to look at taking love leisurely.

Whether you want to indulge in extra romance or find yourself needing more time than usual, slowing the pace helps you enjoy the experience, perfect your technique, and might even reduce or eliminate early ejaculation concerns.

Finally, a slower pace gives you time to do something sexy with your mouth in bed—other than kissing or oral stimulation. Call it coital communication.

3
^rd
Movement

POSITION 1

POSITION 2

POSITION 3

This Chapter’s Positions and Their Degrees of Difficulty:

X
XXXX
  
POSITION 1
: Headers and Footers

XX
XXX
  
POSITION 2
: Transition

X
XXXX
  
POSITION 3
: Meet and Greet

The Libretto: Adding Words to the Music

Whether it’s about keeping it clean or cursing like a sailor, slow-motion sex with eyes locked on each other and mouths talking or even whispering distance from your paramour’s ear turns your mouth into a love line straight to the genitals. Here are a few steps for adding dirty dialogue to your duo.

For thirty minutes minimum, using your Sunday morning crossword pen and a pad of paper—or your trusty laptops—each partner writes an erotic description of a sexual interlude between you. Choose words that appeal to all five senses: how her hair smells, how his lips feel, how her sweat tastes, how he looks in the sunlight, how her panting and purring turns you on. Be as dirty and as adventuresome as you wish.

Next, sit down and swap stories. Again, you are not there to edit or spell-check, but rather to observe. What words did your partner use that turned you on? What scenarios did you read that excited you? What tone is created on the pages in front of you? What would you like to try? To avoid? To preserve as fantasy for the time being?

Now, sit across from your partner—perhaps, for practice, in the Headers and Footers position that follows—and talk about the positive things that you liked about the piece. You can also raise questions about things that could provide better experiences:
So, are you saying we should try more candlelight? Would you like me to dress as Tarzan once? What’s the most erotic word that I could use to refer to your __?
It’s as though you both read each other’s sex diaries—with permission to do so.

Incorporate these words and fantasies into your next text message, e-mail, love note, or phone call. Phone sex, where we cannot see our partner during dirty talk, can lead to great bedroom patter. Also, I have never understood why some couples pay for phone sex, when both of them get aroused by it, and—when it’s done with your partner—it’s free or at least cheaper than calling those numbers listed in the backs of magazines. You can make your own sound effects—be creative!—and you can also have sex toys available for personal use.

You can also go an extra step with this exercise, before taking it to the bedroom. After agreeing on a time period, location, roles, etc., flip a coin to see who writes the first chapter of your erotic novel. When you are done, you read it to your partner who then writes the second chapter. You can end after two chapters, or see how far your imaginations carry you. Creativity, permission, humor, fantasy—these foster great sex.

Once you’re back in the bedroom, you now have an anthology of sexual fantasies to talk about during sex. You have a thesaurus of body parts to which to refer. And if you both paid attention, you also know the boundaries and comfort zones within which to work. For instance, you could say
penis
, but you cannot say
cock
, because that offends him. You can talk about sex on the beach, because that was in her fantasy. You can invest in candles, because you both got nipple erections when you read that line in your shared erotica. Whatever the case, air your dirty laundry, but don’t hang it out too early. At least not until it’s soiled. And now, here’s how to soil those sheets!

“Spelling and grammar don’t count; unleash your inner erotic author and let it all flow onto the paper—and through your loins.”

“
Adagio
means ‘at ease,’ so these are not the positions to attempt when you have a few minutes before dashing to the movies.”

Setting the Stage

These positions are suitable for almost any location, but I find that they work best in a bed with both a headboard and a footboard, such as a sleigh bed.

Also, it’s important that your environment puts you both at ease. Choose music that relaxes you instead of rushes you. Free yourself from distractions, including phones, children, and pets. These positions could follow a laid-back lunch or reading the Sunday morning papers in bed together. They serve the college student as much as the retired professor; they are ageless, and by definition, they are timeless.

Warm-Up

These positions whisper for old-fashioned necking and heavy petting. Partners can cuddle in the spoon position with the inside spoon’s head resting on the outside spoon’s arm.

And there’s no rule that says that the man/taller/dominant/older person has to be the outside spoon. Regardless of size or weight, age or income, everyone has rights to the inside position. The same holds true for cuddling—a man’s head need not always remain above hers. My gay and lesbian clients know about egalitarian spooning; it’s time for the rest of the world to get enlightened. Let no spoon go unpolished.

Spooning can also teach your body a lesson or two. If you participate in the same cardio class over and over, or if you use the same weight equipment at the gym every day, your body adapts and learns how to use as few muscles as possible. As a high school coach, I encouraged my athletes to cross-train—to overcome the way a body learns to do more with less. As a sex coach, I want you to do more with more! Spooning—or anything sexual done on your non-dominant side—will benefit you because it forces you to explore with your non-dominant arm—sexual cross-training, if you will. Non-dominant spooning places your weaknesses on top and allows you to work for a more balanced nervous system. You will use a different part of your brain when you explore with your non-dominant side, and it will force you to take more time to adjust. Likewise, more time to adjust means more time exploring, and when it comes time to switch positions in the future, make sure your partner has the same opportunity to cross-train.

From the spooning position, let your hands explore. You can even play that game where you trace letters, numbers, and words on each other’s back and have them guess what you wrote.

For those of you who store your silverware like most people—arranged in stacks—there is another form of spooning in which one person lies on the bottom, and the other spoons point-for-point on top. Again, it doesn’t matter who chooses to be which spoon, but if the bottom person looks left, the top one should look left too, matching every joint and organ possible. How long you stay in position is up to the bottom spoon.

POSITION 1:
Headers and Footers

This position may be one of the strangest—and one of the most enjoyable—positions in this book, and I have placed it at the beginning for several reasons. In line with the sexual cross-training metaphor, it challenges the three most traditional positions: missionary, woman on top, and rear-entry. It forces your body, brain, and genitals to work differently, and that allows for more time in bed. The position prevents rapid and deep thrusts, two things that can lead to early ejaculation—and a typical end to lovemaking—for many men. Its originality will often evoke giggles and play-by-play coaching and conversation, several things that too often go missing from the bedroom.

Headers and Footers—when both partners are supported by pillows, a headboard/footboard, or both—encourages eye-to-eye, face-to-face, hands-to-genital sex unlike most positions we know. It is for many people who like watching their partner masturbate, except that they are there to assist as the human dildo or cock-sleeve. Attempt this position by itself several times—on a bed or loveseat, in a tight hallway, or even in a hammock—because, again, perfect practice makes perfect.

In a bed, or on any comfortable surface with pillows for each person (about six feet apart), sit down with your legs crossed.