Mastering Multiple Position Sex (13 page)

Some women do not want to swallow because of the taste, because of emotional reasons, or for their health. Semen, which can taste bitter, neutral, or even sweet, is an example of how we are what we eat. Typically, the more fruit sugars in a man’s diet, the sweeter his semen will taste. Some foods, such as asparagus, give urine a strong smell and can make semen bitter too. If a woman tells her partner that she doesn’t want to swallow, then he will alert her before he is about to come. If he keeps having trouble timing his orgasm—“Honey, you’d better stop bobbing your head up and down”—then he may need to use a condom the next time. Problem solved.

Which brings us to the last question: What if I’m not as good as the other blow jobs he’s had? I fail to understand why men and women feel that they’re somehow in competition with former sexual partners. I rarely hear, “What if my omelette isn’t as fluffy as the last one she ate?” or “What if I can’t make a fondue like his last partner did?” Have fun with it. It’s a blow job, not an audition or a contest. Each time you go down on him, try to incorporate one new technique or step listed on the right, and ask for his feedback. He will be so touched—and so grateful.

Call in the manual labor—your hands! With lots of spit and some head bobbing, he will be amazed at your oral skills, which can be 99 percent manual. Think of it as a combination hand job/blow job, or, as I say, “It’s like trying to talk and chew come at the same time.”

Circle the perimeter before you dive-bomb the target. His inner thigh, perineum (the area between his penis and rectum), and his rectum are full of nerves. Use them to drive him crazy, and to teach him more about his own body.

Ignore the conundrum of whether to spit or swallow. You can choose to swallow—or spit into a cloth or napkin.

You can start with a blow job and switch to a hand job and let him come in your hand. You can tell him to wear a condom. You can say that it is okay to come on your face or breasts or on your feet, but not in your mouth.

Send him to heaven with your skills, but watch those pearly gates. Teeth rarely go well with oral sex, so pull your lips back as though you’d lost your dentures, and take it from there.

“Few men like to leave a bedroom looking like they ran their cock through the office shredder—or got caught in a spicy gay threesome with Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands.”

Singing Her Praises: One Way to Go Down on Her

After you both enjoy a romantic bath or shower, allow her to continue showering while you excuse yourself, warm her towel and bathrobe in the clothes dryer, and prepare the bedroom with enough candles to create a soft, inviting mood. Because she will come into the room after her shower, make sure that the temperature is warm enough for her damp skin.

Before she asks, “Can you hand me a towel?” you are standing there like her knight in terry cloth, holding her heated bathrobe and towel to envelop her.

As an added touch, rub some oil onto her skin before you hand her the towel. The skin is much more receptive to natural oils when it is wet and warm.

When you have both entered the bedroom, open her robe. Take a moment to remind yourself how gorgeous she looks in the candlelight. Kiss her and rub your hands over her silky skin. Because she is still adjusting to the temperature, let her keep the robe on a bit longer. You—and not the air temperature—should be the cause of her goose bumps.

As you kiss her, turn around so that your back is to the bed. Sit on the edge of the bed, putting you at the height of her breasts; kiss them, touch them, admire them. Cradle her smooth, exquisite face—maybe one of your fingers slides into her mouth. Recline on the bed and invite her on top of you. Place your hands on her hips as she straddles you and puts her knees up on the bed. She may think you want her to lie on top of you, but instead, use your hands to inch her body up your body. Stop when she reaches your chest, so you can look up at her for a second, because in a moment, you won’t be able to see much of her. Make eye contact and say something caring, attentive, and sincere. (“I love you” is always nice or choose a special compliment such as, “You are going to taste amazing tonight.”)

Intertwine her fingers in yours as you bring your hands toward your head. Leave her hands resting on either side of your head or on the headboard, while your hands come to rest on her hips and gently entice her forward.

Her mound will be the first part of her to come in contact with you. It responds well to pressure, so use your forehead like a unicorn sharpening his horn. Back and forth, round and round, side to side. Let her grind her pubic mound against you.

Her vulva consists of inner and outer lips that are like curtains to an inner sanctuary. Part them with your fingers, so that your tongue may enter. Use your soft face as a divining rod for her pleasure.

Tilt your head back, and let her ride your chin. Perhaps she’ll expose new and wondrous parts of herself to your eager mouth. Call up into her, moan into her, let your “hmmmmmmm” become a hymn of ecstasy, a love spell that you cast into her and through her with your mouth.

If she shifts forward, you can bring your tongue toward her rectum. Let it paint circles, curlicues, and figure-eights in various “brush strokes,” as you use the top and bottom parts of your tongue for her pleasure. Your taste buds are now “pleasure bumps.”

Grasp her buttocks lightly and pull her down onto you. If she pulls away, she is not interested or needs a break. Leave nothing to guesswork. You are here to make love to her without getting your genitals involved—yet. See how many paintings you can create with your tongue, using her vulva as your canvas.

Her gushing emotions and juices over your mouth could mark the end—or the beginning—of a remarkable play date.

Singing His Praises: One Way to Go Down on Him

After he takes a bath or shower, you wrap him in the warm towel and bathrobe that you brought from the clothes dryer, and guide him to his throne—perhaps a dressing chair in the bedroom or a club chair in the den. It could also be the edge of the bed. Turn his back to the chair as you open his robe and yours and pull him into you for a deep kiss. Feel his pecs press against your breasts, as you wrap your arms around him for one last embrace. Pinch his nipples lightly, and watch his penis start to twitch in expectation.

Push him slowly back into the chair. Place two throw pillows under your knees so that you are as comfortable as he is. Lean forward and put your hands under his thighs. He thinks you are going in for the gold, but instead, you pull him toward the edge of the seat.

As you move away from him—almost the length of his extended legs—place one of his feet on your chest or on your shoulder and the other in your hands. Massage his foot gently. If you want, run your tongue between his toes and let them slide into your mouth; you are building anticipation and making his body think about a blow job. Also, by stimulating his feet, you are exciting a portion of his brain that lies close to his brain’s genital relay center. As his relaxed foot descends to the floor beside you, let your tongue work its way up his leg like a train making all local stops: near his ankle, behind the knee, his inner thigh.

When you reach his groin, put both hands on his thighs and look up at him. You could tease him by returning to his other foot and leg. If you are eager to show him more of your oral skills, put both of his big toes in your mouth. You can also kiss him or his chest, or any part of his body. Finally, if you are ready to go down on him, move your head toward his lap. Should you want his hands on your head, put them there. If not, let them rest on your shoulders or on his legs.

Lick under his scrotum and move your tongue back toward his perineum. You can even pull him forward and tongue his rectum like he might have done to you the night before. If he likes it, it just means he likes it. Nothing else. You could also insert a finger and make a slight, repeated tugging motion, arousing as many orgasm-related nerve endings as possible.

Stroke his penis with your hand, as your tongue signs your signature above and below the head of his scrotum. Holding the shaft in front of you, lick it from the bottom to the top, following the natural line from his scrotum to the tip of his penis. This area is loaded with nerve endings because it is where his prenatal vaginal lips sealed to become a penis—it’s true: By nature’s design, we were all intended to be women.

Move your tongue all around the head. Dart your tongue in and out of his cock. Make eye contact as you stroke him, though don’t be surprised if his eyes are rolling toward the back of his head by now. Spit on the tip of his penis, lick your lips, and tease him by asking, “Do you want me to suck your cock?”

Trace your lips using the head of his penis, as though you were applying lip balm. Keep opening your mouth, as though you were going to let the head in, and don’t. Again, you are building anticipation. Wait until you are ready—even better—wait until you see a drop of pre-come telling you he is definitely aroused.