Mastering Multiple Position Sex (17 page)

Where you shop for sex toys makes a big difference. I prefer to take my clients to where they can see and touch the items, something that’s not possible when shopping online. Many of the finer adult toy retailers (see Resources on
page 189
) are staffed with employees who are qualified to help you make an educated selection.

It’s natural not to know what something is, what’s it’s made of, how to clean or lubricate it, or even what orifice it’s meant for. If you have questions, find a friendly staff member. If you need a recommendation, ask a salesperson.

Before you purchase anything in an adult store or from an online site, you should know the answers to several questions: What is this thing? How do I turn it on? How does it turn me on? How safe is the item? Are there allergies associated with the materials? How do I clean it? How do I lubricate it? Where should I store it? What is the vendor’s return policy? Does it come in any size smaller than this? Does it come larger than this? What else can I do with it? Can I get one that makes a nice cappuccino?

Most heterosexual couples in sex counseling think that adult toys are designed for women to use on themselves or for men to use with women. Not true. There are many toys, such as a vibrator, that can stimulate women and men from inside and out, and still others that are designed with a man’s pleasure in mind. For my male clients, there are toys I recommend to help them have the orgasms they want, to use as practice tools for better sex, or to live out a fantasy. Sometimes, men and women buy toys just for show. They purchase it, look at it, and may never use it, but just owning it makes them feel daring—like having a designer kitchen that makes people feel that they could cook a gourmet meal even though they eat out most of the time.

“One of the many advantages of using toys is that you have the feeling that a third person has joined your sexual adventure, but you don’t have to provide an extra clean towel or a parking pass for your apartment building.”

Tantalizing Tidbit: Vibrator Strength

Though it might not work for everyone, a good way to test vibrator intensity is to turn the device to various speeds and place it on the tip of your nose. If your skin tingles and makes you almost giggle, it’s a keeper. If it makes you wonder if it’s even there, put it back. If it makes your head rattle or gives you a nosebleed, definitely put it back.

Also, don’t overlook items in your home that could serve a dual purpose as a sex toy. Countless men and women have had romantic relationships with their washing machines (set to the spin cycle), and I have a number of clients who have discovered the orgasmic potential of a battery-powered shaving handle—sans blade—when applied to the clitoris, vagina, perineum (the area between the genitalia and the anus), and the anus—inside and out. With a new battery, these handles produce enough vibrato to stimulate just about any…nose.

Setting the Stage

With almost any toy, it is important to have lube available. You can also use condoms with your toys to keep them clean. Make sure that your choice of lubricant agrees with your condom choice (if it is protecting your toy) or your toy (if you are not covering it). Some lubricants will break down the toys (petroleum will deteriorate latex toys and silicone lubricants will break down silicone toys and Fleshlights), so be careful that you know which lube goes with which toy, or you’ll be left with no toys, and lots of useless lube.

POSITION 1:
Slide, Sally, Slide

Inexpensive penile slides or sleeves have been around for decades, and before then, men were poking their penises into anything that was moist or tight: melons, mattresses, mincemeat pies.

Sometimes women approach me and want to know how they can give pleasure when they are menstruating, when they are tired, when their partners just don’t turn them on, or when a cock is too big or too small for them. The Fleshlight—a substitute for a mouth, a vagina, or a rectum—can be the answer that helps men and women continue to have fantastic sex, through different levels of intensity and intimacy. A Fleshlight can also help women learn how their partner reaches orgasm, especially if they have trouble gripping the penis with the same strength that their male partner uses. Finally, in times of sickness and infirmity, a Fleshlight can be a substitute for sex when somebody needs some time to convalesce. To make a Fleshlight feel more real, it’s important that you run hot water through it—not scalding, but warmer than body temperature. Then, when he lubes up and enters, it will have a realistic warmth and wetness.

POSITION 1

Lie back in a position that is comfortable and one that you would want to have sex in. Remember: This is where masturbation can be pleasure and practice.

Because the source of his pleasure is in your hands, you can be wherever you want, or you can ask him where he would like you to be. Perhaps he wants you to straddle his legs or his chest. Maybe he wants you seated on his face.

Make sure that your cock and the Fleshlight are well lubricated, but remember that while you can always add more lube, it is tough to remove any excess.

Stroke his cock, if it is not hard already. Once it is hard, you can slide the Fleshlight over it. Some models can be quite tight fitting, so take your time.

If you want to teach your partner how to please you, you will need to instruct her on how high, low, and fast she should make her strokes. Perhaps you could place your hands over hers and do it together.

If he wants to take over the up-and-down motion of the sleeve, you can ask whether there is another role for you to fill. If you are naked, and if he isn’t using both of his hands, perhaps he could stimulate you while he is enjoying the Fleshlight. You will also need to determine whether the sleeve will serve as sexplay or as his orgasm source. If it will bring him to orgasm, then the next position might have to wait until he has recovered.