Mastering Multiple Position Sex (2 page)

Fine Tuning: Making Adjustments for Better Sex

Encore

Resources

Acknowledgments

Introduction
What Makes Sex Musical?

Variety.

Everyone needs embellishments in the bedroom, and not only in the manner of bed linens and lighting. A spectrum of colors creates a beautiful sunset, assorted toppings enhance a decadent banana spilt (probably why plain sex is known as “vanilla”), different notes and rhythms make a symphony, and sexual variety contributes to a better relationship in the bedroom and beyond. Life and sex are like a pizza: We all have a common base on which to build, and customizing the pie with a range of toppings—based on our preferences, religions, past experiences, and curiosity—results in the most delicious pizza for our individual style and taste. But how do you get from a plain pizza to a house special, from a few notes to a symphony, and from a scoop of ice cream to a hot fudge sundae when most sex books just teach you about the sauce, fingering, and wet nuts?

The key lies in knowing how to progress from one point to the next, and that is what separates this book from the rest. This book teaches you how to evolve or progress from one sexual form to another—composers and architects call such a device a bridge. Sexologists call these subtle shifts transitions. Every starting position in every chapter connects to the next with detailed instructions that will make you feel less like you are playing Twister, and more like you are an astute sexpert with grace and confidence.

Not only will these words and pictures help you transition from A to B, but this book will also guide you in making sex a whole-body experience. In my private practice and throughout this book, I dispel the myth of what too many people conceive of as “normal” intercourse—which is more like ESP, or exceptional sexual performance—where the man’s penis is always erect, the woman’s vagina is always moist, and both are always eager for more. I also want to make clear that sex does not rely on genitals alone. The best sex that you can have depends on a complex array of five senses (our “instruments”) that our minds arrange, our hearts conduct, and our souls applaud.

Because I want sex to be a whole-body experience for you—full of pleasure, fun, and laughter, and free of disease, coercion, discomfort, or regret—I have taken as much guesswork out of the bedroom as possible. This book and the lessons it contains will save you money and countless hours in sex counseling—and you can reap its benefits from the comfort and privacy of your bedroom, which is where sex-positive messages belong.

Finally, the chapters and their positions increase in difficulty—like a piano student moving from the two-fingered
Chopsticks
to Ravel’s near-impossible
Gaspard de la Nuit
. The easier positions will help you enjoy and master the basics, while the demanding formations will set a higher bar and force you to develop your mind and your flexibility.

How to Make This Book Work for You

Other books claim they can help improve your sex life, but the most they offer are descriptions and diagrams of disjointed sexual positions that, like images in a cartoon flip book, authors hope your mind can translate into a fluent event. Besides feeling put off by reading instructions or viewing photographs that have more to do with performing in a Las Vegas contortionist act than with making love in the bedroom, many people find they lack the necessary strength, energy, creativity, confidence, and comfort with sexual anatomy—theirs and their partner’s—to make these other kinds of position books work for them. My book is different, because it relies on hours and hours of trial-and-error, heaving and panting, and going and coming, to make every aspect of every position work for you.

Trust me. And trust my clients.

More than a year ago, I suggested that my clients try these positions as part of their at-home sex assignments, and their feedback and constructive criticism gave me the material I needed to write
Mastering Multiple Position Sex
. Because this book grew out of their firsthand experience and input, you can rest assured that toe-curling sex is not reserved for acrobats, gymnasts, models, and porn stars. On the contrary, as you will discover in each chapter, great sexual pleasure relies on the two individuals and the combined attributes they bring to the process. What I bring is years of insight and experience, plus a series of start-to-finish combinations that will blow your mind.

Unlike books that expose or highlight a person’s deficits, and unlike most forms of pornography that exploit or diminish our personal and sexual worth, I wanted to write a book that focuses on qualities you possess that are your ticket to having the best sex possible
for you right now
. At every stage of your life, these pages will help you find and honor your own sexual homeostasis—that realm of coital comfort that is yours to enjoy alone or with others. Once you have achieved that sexual state of mind, you can expand those boundaries by improving your health, increasing your flexibility, adding to your knowledge and skills—sexual and interpersonal—and by celebrating the way
your
body feels, moves, and responds during sex.

I have divided each chapter into the same subsections, which will help you glissade like a bedroom ballerina, as opposed to a wedding guest doing the chicken dance. Chapter subheadings follow this rhythm:

Introduction
explains the benefits of each position.

Setting the Stage
gets you ready for the upcoming positions.

Warm-Up
gets you wet. It’s
sexplay
, formerly foreplay, and can take place 24/7/365, before, during, after, or in lieu of genital sex. Sexplay can also stand alone.

Position 1
starts things off on the right foot—or hand. Sometimes the first position is harder than the second, but that is so you don’t tire later.

Position 2: Transition
gets you from Position 1 to Position 3, and it’s the reason you bought this book. It allows your body to make the connections that your mind, reading words and looking at pictures, might not be able to.

Position 3
gives you even more pleasure. For lovers of standard transmissons, consider this shifting gears.

Crescendo
is the final tip that wrings every last drop of joy from the entire combination of the positions and transitions.

Brava! Bravo!
pats you on the back—or bum—for a job well done.

Occasionally a chapter includes an extra or bonus position. Just as cookbooks offer variations on recipes by substituting one ingredient for another, I suggest what you can leave out or add for a dash more spice in the bedroom. Also, I believe in the importance of closure in a private session, so I end each chapter with a few words of wisdom and encouragement to keep you coming back for more.

Why This Book and Not a Porn Movie?

What I hear from younger sex counseling clients—and what you might be thinking right now—is: “Wait a minute! If my sex life stands to benefit from learning about positions with transitions, couldn’t I just download some porn off the Internet?”

Not really.

Though sex counselors might assign their heterosexual clients a video from the collected works of Candice Royalle or another feminist director, most pornography does not teach realistic sexual function or depict reasonable outcomes. Instead, it’s somebody’s fantasies—oftentimes the director’s—that get turned into positions designed to capture the penetration and the money shots. Only in porn does it matter to which side a woman’s hair falls when she is sucking her male partner.

The actors’ bodies can also make some people feel less sexy, rather than more so. From a never-ending supply of neophytes, professionals, and everyone in between, the porn industry hires a handful of flawless, toned, waxed, or manscaped youthful actors with large (often artificially enhanced) breasts and cocks. The rest of us are in various and mutable states of sexual ability and rarely ready for intercourse at the drop of a hat—or when the director calls “Action!” Most Americans are not gym-buffed, bottle blondes with year-round tans; a large proportion of us have to struggle to make sex good, let alone great. The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter if you have sex while wearing your socks or while hanging from a chandelier, with your genitals or with your imagination. The one thing that remains constant is that your mind serves you and your partner as a potent sexual organ. This book spotlights and emphasizes the role of your mind during sex.

Porn is not intended to be a reliable source for sexual advice and reality. We don’t watch characters discuss their wants and desires, past partners, infections, birth control, turn-ons and turn-offs, pregnancy, and personal hygiene, nor do we find out the answer to “Which one of us gets to sleep in the wet spot?” They save the uncomfortable discussions, the Caverject, and the condoms for off camera. The lighting is perfect, flattering makeup has been applied, and there is never any pre-game talk about funny noises, goo, or the possible disappointment that might happen. Even the most experienced actors, directors, and videographers rarely capture a great sex scene on the first take, and sexologists know that multiple cameras make for multiple orgasms—or at least a multi-minute, spermatic eruption of seismic proportions. That’s right—the much-anticipated orgasm usually means the director waited even longer than the audience; it was filmed long after the sex scene ended, before being cut, spliced, and edited into some sort of mutant Frankenorgasm that people—especially men—accept as reality and as the yardstick by which to rate their sexual ability. So if you’re satisfied with fantasy sex that plays on your computer or TV screen, then porn may be enough; if, however, you want real sex that keeps getting better, this book offers you that. And one more thing: I attended the photo shoots for each chapter to ensure that the images capture the essence of my teachings and that, together with the words on the page, the book portrays real sex.

Real sex includes open and honest communication, humor, fun, not-so-perfect bodies, vaginal noises, genital dryness, penile flaccidity, an orifice penetrated by mistake, frustrations, and orgasms that put even your favorite masturbatory fantasy to shame. This book tackles them all.

Like movements in a symphony, each chapter picks up from the chapter that precedes it and progresses to the chapter that follows. If you have not already done so, please look at the table of contents, and you’ll see a natural flow from one topic to the next. You will also notice how the degree of difficulty progresses as well. And once you’ve read them all, you might want to reread a particular chapter from a different perspective. For instance, perhaps you enjoyed the chapters on standing sex and anal intercourse. You can reread the standing sex chapter from a backdoor perspective, as you plan your upright anal adventure.

Every chapter on sexual positions begins with the names of two positions and an easy transition to get you from one to the other. You will also see that each position gets a rating tied to its degree of difficulty, much like international judges might use if sex were an Olympic sport. The positions’ names, such as the
Ramp
, hint at their form, function, or both, and include proposed transitions to protect your knees, your back, your genitals, and most importantly, your dignity from circus-like sex positions with ridiculous names. Imagine your embarrassment if an EMT crew were to wheel you into the emergency room saying, “Patient is thirty-two years old with probable herniated disc resulting from a poorly executed
Pennsylvania Dutch Funnel Cake
followed by a
Classic Amusement Park Tunnel of Love
. Oh, and doctor, we weren’t able to extract the chocolate-covered banana.”

Watercooler conversations that joke about sex on a trapeze make it sound like nothing but fun and games, but please treat a new sex program like an exercise routine. Make sure your doctor has given you a physical, checked your blood pressure, and advised you on ways to improve your chances of sexual success. Ask your doctor if the medicines you use have negative sexual side-effects—certain antidepressants and blood pressure medications do—and consider an alternative, if necessary.

I authored this book with you in mind and to reach as many of you as possible. The contents follow the chief tenets I adhere to in my private practice, namely, the roles of your mind, your body (not some movie star’s), your safety, and your communication style—all combined with the goal of granting you maximum pleasure.

The Role of the Mind

“Mind-blowing” sex reminds us that a great amount of sexual pleasure is generated above the belt. Though many men would rather have their cocks blown, and many women might be thinking, “Please, blow my mind since you can’t seem to find my clitoris,” the brain remains our primary sex organ. People can think themselves into monk-like celibacy or wish themselves into horniness—“mind over splatter,” if you will. At first, it might seem odd to read about sexual positions, but it makes sense: Your mind must guide your body until muscle memory takes over. Just as the UNCF articulates so well: The mind is a terrible thing to waste. And according to sexually satisfied people everywhere, it’s not such a bad thing to blow.

Attribute-Focused Sex

Because they are so focused on the bottom line, a term that sounds sexier than it is, many Wall Street clients enter sex counseling with a keen eye on their sexual and physical deficits, as if the most precious qualities of sex could be bought or sold like stocks and bonds to increase the value of sexual portfolios. If you count your sexual shortfalls and ignore your bedroom blessings, this book will challenge you to change your thought process. Perhaps it is your mind that is keeping you from having the best sex, so you need to refashion your individual definition of what the “best sex” is. Allow yourself to look for existing attributes—physical, mental, or emotional—that are often hidden behind mental hurdles and roadblocks to how we think about sex. This attribute-focused approach forms the basis of PICA, my four-part clinical model for sex counseling, which stands for Permit, Inform, Counsel, and Absolve.