Natasha's Awakening (32 page)

They went back to wandering around looking in shops and enjoying the sights of Sheffield. Natasha bought a selection of goat’s milk soaps for her Mother and a few souvenirs for herself. Eric was good natured about it all, seemingly happy to just indulge her and follow her from shop to shop. When they got to a chemist Natasha suddenly realised she wasn’t prepared for that time of the month and stopped outside the doors wanting to go in. She hesitated, not feeling overly comfortable about Eric coming in with her for such a purchase.

Eric turned to see what was wrong since he still had a firm grip on Natasha’s hand and he stepped back to her side as she stood outside the Chemist. “What’s wrong baby?” He asked her and she couldn’t stop the flood of colour to her face.

“Well, it’s going to be that time of the month soon. I don’t have anything with me. I thought I’d be home before I had to worry about that.” She told him, not meeting his eyes. She didn’t understand why discussing women’s issues with Eric embarrassed her so much given how intimately he knew her. There was barely a spot on her body that he hadn’t seen.

She watched the tension come over Eric’s face at the mention of her menstrual cycle. “When are you due?” He asked and Natasha squirmed, really not wanting to get into this with him now.

“It’s got to be a couple of days I think but I’ve never been regular Eric so it could be longer than that. I’m not sure.”

Eric raked the hand that wasn’t holding hers through his hair. “So we won’t know for a few more days if you’re pregnant.” He said. “I still can’t believe I was so damned stupid. I put you at risk not just one bloody time, but twice.” Frustration at himself coloured his voice.

Natasha watched him, the agitation in his movements as he again dragged his hand through his hair. Obviously her falling pregnant was still a terrifying prospect for him. Her heart ached at the realisation that no matter how wonderful this time together had been, how close they seemed, it was just a fantasy in her mind. Eric didn’t want to be tied to her in any way. She was terrified about what the outcome over the next few days would be. He would want her to have an abortion whereas she knew there was no way in hell she could ever terminate a child of Eric’s.

One thing she knew for sure was she didn’t want the rest of their time together to be clouded with concern over whether she was pregnant or not and she didn’t think she would be anyway. Surely it couldn’t happen that quickly? She knew of couples that tried for months, even years to have children.

She placed her hand on his arm. “Don’t worry about it Eric, I doubt I’ll be pregnant anyway.” She tried to reassure him.

“You don’t know that for sure though Natasha. This wouldn’t even be an issue if I hadn’t been so fucking stupid.” He groaned.

Natasha listened to everything Eric was saying and suddenly she felt really angry at the fuss he was making over something that hadn’t even happened yet, if it was going to happen at all. He was missing the point too that she would be the most effected by an unexpected pregnancy, not him. His answer was to have it cut from her body and move on. She was tired of it all now, tired of worrying, tired of him regretting being so overcome with desire and need for her that he’d forgotten a condom and tired of him telling her he’d fix it.

She was the one who would be more affected by a pregnancy than he would so she was tired of his behaviour. She just didn’t want to discuss it or worry about it anymore. Not unless she had to. “Oh for fuck’s sake Eric, get over yourself.” She snapped. “I refuse to spend the rest of our time down here stressing over a pregnancy that might not happen. I’m going to go into this Chemist now, buy what I damned well need and you can wait out here for me and shut the fuck up.” And with that, she stormed off into the shop leaving Eric standing on the footpath looking a little bemused by her outburst.

Natasha got what she needed in the Chemist and found herself standing at the shelf displaying various brands of pregnancy test kits. She looked out the window to see where Eric was, but he was still out the front watching cars that were passing through, so she quickly picked up a kit and went to the counter to pay for them. Once she’d paid for them and they were in a paper bag, she stuffed it to the bottom of her handbag and walked back out to join him.

He turned when she approached him and gave her a questioning look. “Did you get what you wanted?”

Natasha nodded and looked up into his face to see whether his mood was any better. It was hard to tell since he refused to remove his sunglasses but she could see the tension around his mouth and her heart sank. Just like that, it seemed things had changed between them and she wasn’t sure they would be able to get back to how they’d been until there was proof that she wasn’t pregnant.

“Are you hungry?” Eric asked and Natasha shrugged.

“If you are, I could probably eat something.” She said.

“I’m not hungry.” He told her. “I just wanted to make sure you’re not.”

Eric was being so polite, so stiff, that it was going to drive her crazy if this was how he was going to be now. She wanted the other Eric back, the Eric she had before her need to go to the Chemist came up but it seemed like he was building a wall around himself and Natasha wasn’t sure she would be able to pull it down.

“Have you seen enough here?” He asked. “I thought we could go for a drive to Devonport and then eat there if you like.” He looked down at her to see if she was ok with that.

“Ok.” Natasha said and they made their way back to the car. She pulled out her camera to take some photos of the car wondering if that would get a response from Eric, but he said nothing, just waited until she was done before climbing into it.

Once she was settled in her seat, he started up the engine and pulled out of the car park. Natasha closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to bother making any kind of polite conversation with Eric. She felt so close to tears because of how things had become between them. In the blink of an eye, it had all started to go so horribly wrong. She didn’t know if this new tension between them could be fixed. Eric was obviously focused on whether she was going to be pregnant or not and it seemed his concerns were going to affect their time together now.

Once they arrived in Devonport, Eric passed through the town on a road that followed the river which led out to Bass Strait, the expanse of water that separated the mainland from Tasmania. Natasha looked when they passed by a large red ferry which was the Spirit of Tasmania, the ferry that made the run between the mainland and Tasmania every day. Eric followed the coast as it swept around towards the open waters of Bass Strait and finally he pulled over so she could get out and take some photos if she wanted to. He got out with her and they both walked to the vantage point so she could take in the view. Eric walked ahead of her and stood hands in his pockets staring out to sea. Unable to stop herself, Natasha started taking photos of him as he stood a brooding look on his face and he turned catching her in the act. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her, something in his eyes told her he was clearly in conflict with himself. How she would have loved to know what was going through his head at that moment.

Natasha lowered her camera and Eric came back over, “Are you ready to move on?” He asked and she nodded. They got back in the car and he continued driving, eventually turning around and heading back into the town centre. He found parking again and they got out to walk around, Natasha looking into shop windows along the way. She desperately wanted them to get back to the point they’d been at before the whole potential pregnancy thing has reared its ugly head again, but Eric seemed so closed off to her right now, she wasn’t sure how to bridge that gap that had opened up between them.

She stopped walking and stood at one of the shop windows. Eric turned back to her once he realised she was no longer following him. “Natasha?” his voice was questioning. “What is it?”

Natasha turned to face him, tension in her gaze. “Do you want to go home?” She searched his features to see how her question was received.

“I thought we were going to have dinner in Devonport.” He said, but she shook her head.

“That’s not what I meant. I meant, do you want to go home? The mainland home. Finish with our time away?” She asked quietly, turning to stare at the shop window again, although she wasn’t seeing anything, her whole body tuned in to the man who stood beside her.

Eric raked his hands through his hair and Natasha looked up at him, her heart aching at just how gorgeous he was with his ruffled hair and that persistant lock that kept falling over his brow. Pain lancing through her at the thought that this might be their last moments together, that she might possibly never see him again.

Pregnancy or no pregnancy, she was going to leave her job. It was too late for her. She could never go back to how things had been prior to this holiday. It would kill her to have him go back to treating her as a boss treats an employee but most of all, she would fall apart completely if she had to watch him with other women. Her fragile heart would never survive that. The only answer for her was to run like hell and keep running until she’d put enough distance between herself and Eric Rothman.

Despite the turmoil going on in Natasha’s head, she schooled her features so nothing showed on her face. Eric looked down at her, frustration in his gaze and again he dragged his hands through his hair as he struggled to find a response to her question.

For what felt like an eternity he held her eyes, his gaze intense and Natasha fought to keep eye contact with him, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t see beyond her carefully controlled mask to what was really going on inside.

“Is that what you want?” He finally asked quietly and Natasha responded with a barely perceived shake of her head.

“I just don’t want this tension Eric. I know you’re freaking out about me possibly being pregnant, but I’m not going to continue with this.” She waved her hand between the two of them. “If it’s going to be like this. It’s done, we can’t change the outcome. I’m not going to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet or let it come between us like this. If you can’t move past it and accept that there’s no point letting this all do your head in, then there’s no point in us staying down here. I might as well go home.”

Eric looked down at her, frustration in his eyes. He turned and walked a few steps away from her, then turned and walked back. He stared at her again and Natasha watched him nervously as she waited for him to respond.

Suddenly he grabbed her shoulders pushing her back against the shop front and his mouth crashed down on hers, parting her lips to thrust his tongue into her mouth. He kissed her with all the pent up emotion and frustration that was evident in him. His tongue tangling with hers and Natasha responded, her hands coming up to tunnel through his hair, holding him to her.

Eric moved, pressing himself up against her and she could feel him hardening against her stomach. She moaned which tore an answering groan from him as he kissed her, passionately. Finally he ripped his mouth away from hers, his breathing ragged and he looked around as if suddenly conscious of who might be watching them. Natasha’s fingers pressed against her lips that were swollen and tender from his assault on them.

They stared at one another for a moment longer and she could see the desire burning in his stunning blue eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.” He finally whispered and Natasha’s heart leapt at his words.

“I don’t want to go.” She responded. “Do you think you can just accept that what will be will be?” She asked him and Eric’s shoulders slumped.

“I don’t know, but if it means you’ll leave if I don’t, then I have to try. I’m sorry Natasha but the idea of you being pregnant scares the hell out of me. I’m not ready to be a Father. I never intended having children. Hell, I’ve never even been around children.” He told her. “I’m sorry because I know I’m taking it out on you and I shouldn’t because I’m the one at fault. I shouldn’t have been so irresponsible and put you at risk.”

Natasha watched the emotions playing across his face. “It takes two.” She told him. “I never thought about the condom either so that makes me just as responsible.” She tried to make him see that it wasn’t entirely just his mistake.

“I don’t care Natasha. I’m the more experienced one here. You were a virgin before me. I told you I’ve never gone without a condom before. It’s never been an issue, I’ve never forgotten or allowed my need to consume me so much until you.” He said and Natasha felt a spark of happiness well up inside her at his words. He did care. How much he did, she had no idea, but he cared for her enough to give her some hope at least.

A bright smile lit up Natasha’s face and Eric groaned. “Fuck don’t do that, or I’m likely to do something that’s going to get us arrested.”

She tried to wipe the smile off her face, but at Eric’s last words she burst out laughing. Her relief that things appeared to have settled down again, the tension gone for now made it hard for the shadow of the unknown future to dampen her happiness. She just wanted the Eric she’d had before things had gone bad outside the Chemist, to come back. The fact that the pregnancy test kit in her bag felt like that dark cloud hanging over her was something she was determined not to think about anymore for now.

“So how about an early dinner then home?” He asked and Natasha nodded.

“It sounds perfect.” She said and with that Eric took her hand in his and they continued their walk through Devonport’s CBD until they came across a Chinese restaurant.

“How about here? Do you feel like Chinese?” Eric asked and Natasha nodded again.

“Sounds perfect.” She said giving him a wide smile again and he groaned softly.

“Keep smiling at me like that and it’ll be a case of fuck dinner and I’ll just take you straight home to bed.” He warned her. Natasha couldn’t help herself and with a grin she said.

“Sounds good.” And Eric dropped his lips to hers briefly.

“Dammit woman, don’t say that or we really won’t be having dinner.” And with that he pulled her into the restaurant before he could do as he threatened and haul her off back to the car.