Nessa (Broken Sisters #1) (21 page)

"No, I'm fine, I just need a minute I sat up too quickly. Can you help me?" She walks over and helps me sit up.

"You should take the painkillers if it is hurting, Nessa."

"No, I'm fine. It'll be ok. What time is it? Did I sleep long?" It was bright when I went to sleep and it's still bright now, it can't have been too long.

"You slept for over twelve hours," she laughs.

"No way. Jesus, I must have been tired. What time is it?"

"It's eight in the morning, babe."

Wow no wonder I feel all dirty. I could really use a shower and to get out of this bed. I having been out of it for how long? Two days which means… Oh hell no !

When I look at Stacey I know the minutes she cops what I'm think because she jumps up and mumbles something about getting the nurse and not to freak out. Oh man how did I not cop the stupid catheter yesterday? Eww of course now I have copped to it I'm freaking out. Ugh!

I just sit there looking down at my lap. I'm afraid to move now in case I feel it. People laugh at my fear of it but it gives me the willies. I can't cope with it.

"Hello Nessa, I'm Lou your nurse for today. Your friends tells me you don't want your catheter in."

"No I want it out. Now please, like right now," I pled and she smiles at me. Seriously, she better not give me the 'it's better left in' speech.

"I'll tell you what if you get out of bed and walk the length of the corridor I will take it out," she says a little too smugly.

"I am not moving with this thing in me. Take it out or I will. Actually take it out anyway, I don't care if I piss all over myself. I don't want it in." I pretty much just yelled at her but it doesn't seem to have fazed her. Stupid nurse. When she goes to talk I put my hand up.

"No, do not give me your speech. I don't like them. They freak me out so please just remove it." I don't think making your nurse angry is a good thing. Oops,

she looks pissed.

"That's fine. I will remove it," she snaps.

Oh like you had a choice bitch, it was coming out either way. Once she takes it out she leaves looking like she doesn't want to be my friend. I feel a little bad. I know it's just her job but seriously having a needle in my vajaja is just a disturbing thought altogether.

After having a bit to eat I feel the need to wee.

"Stacey could you help me, I need to go the toilet." I hate this part. It stings like something else after having a catheter in. I try to move myself to the edge of the bed but the pain in my side is pretty intense.

"Take it easy Nessa, you have stiches. You don't want to tear them. Just go slow or maybe I need to get the nurse," she scolds me like a child.

"No, don't get the nurse she hates me. I'll take it slow, ok." I slowly move to the edge of the bed with Stacey's help. My legs feel a little weak when I place then on the floor which is not good. I don't really want to end up going down on my face. Stacey takes my arm to help me stand but I'm too afraid.

"I can't. My legs are a little weak. Shit the nurse is going to love this."

"Well if you weren't such a bitch to her I'm sure she would have helped," she laughs because this is so funny.

"Not funny Stacey. I'm gonna wet myself if I don't get in there now," I snarl at her but she just laughs harder. Damn her.

I stand and hold the bed. My legs are a little shaky. I try take a step but start to fall. Just as I'm about to hit the ground strong arms come around me.

"What the hell? You shouldn't be out of the fucking bed, never mind walking," he growls. At this stage Stacey has stopped laughing and is just looking back and forth between Taylor and myself.

"Can't be too bad if you can come in here and shout," I growl back.

"What are you trying to do?" he says a little calmer.

"She made the nurse take her catheter out and now she needs to wee but her legs are a little weak from being in bed the last few days. And she can't call the nurse for help because she was a bitch to her," Stacey tells him with a smirk at me and then leaves the room.

Well I never! The bitch. She is so dead when I can walk. I look back to Taylor who is staring at me. He doesn't say anything just picks me up and carries me to the bathroom. I don't say anything because I'm sure I'm in shock.

He places at the toilet where there is a handrail. I grab it and he just stands there looking at me.

"You can go now. I can handle it from here." I wave him off but he just stands there.

"I'm not going so deal with it and do what you have to do." Ugh! I know he's not going to go, the stubborn man.

"Will you at least turn around?" I huff and thankfully he does. I use one hand to pull my trousers down and sit down. Once I'm done I feel better and my legs don't feel so shaky. I don't want to try walk on my own yet so I wash my hands and let him take me back to bed.

We sit there for a few minutes saying nothing. I'm the one to break the silence.

"Why?" Saying it gives me a pain in my chest. Shit I forgot with everything that was going on how much all this hurts. I love him and to him I'm just a game. He hasn't answered me and when I look at him he has an intense look on his face. Like he wants to say something but doesn't know how. It pisses me off a little.

"Well it's simple, tell me why Taylor," I snap.

"No. It's not simple, nothing about all this is simple." Well that's true I suppose but I never asked for any of this.

"Well make it simple because your family is now mine and don't forget about the fact that I'm carrying your child. You need to decide what your role is going to be in all this."

He told me he doesn't want kids before. I don't know if it was just kids with me or in general. Actually I don't know anything about him really, it all just a game to him.

"I'm sorry for everything Nessa," he whispers so quietly I almost don't hear him.

"Why? I need to know why? I really do. I mean I never spoke to my Dad and didn't know any of them, so why me?"

"Because you were who I blamed for your dad not being a Dad to the only sister and family I knew. When your name came up in the interview I figured I could just fire you but you were a firecracker that didn't take my shit. You were also the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and when you approached the table I was instantly hard and that actually pissed me off. So when I saw you at that function I knew a better way to get payback and reap the benefits." He shakes his head.

"By sleeping with me," I state. I can feel my tears welling up. I just need to hold back a bit longer.

"Yeah, I figured treating you like a whore would do it. Considering the slap you gave me I knew you would be pissed and hurt."

Yeah more like heartbroken. What a prick. I don't get to say anything before he continues.

"What I wasn't expecting that night was what passed between us it… It was like nothing I've ever felt before. You were supposed to be a fuck, nothing more. I distance myself from you but when I heard you were in hospital I knew there was no point fighting it because I needed you more than you will ever know. But of course I couldn't tell you who I really was so I had to keep you a secret. I could see you starting to realise what I was doing and it just broke me. I had to set you free or tell you the truth. When you told me you talked to your Dad I knew I didn't have a choice because you were going to find out either way."

"So you pushed me away, told me we had no future, you also told me you don't want kids." He's looking down at the ground now thinking but when he looks up I see fear in his eyes.

"I wanted a future with you. I want a future with you, but kids were never part of my plan Nessa. Not for the reason you think. I just love you so much that the thought of losing you killed me. I'd rather have you than a child," He laughs, "Lost you anyway though, didn't I?"

He'd rather have me than a child? He loves me? "What do you mean by that?" I'm confused now.

"My mother died in child birth Nessa, and my dad… Well he couldn't survive without her and I was his reminder of what he lost. I can't do that to our child. I can't lose you like that."

Wow I never realised how all this affected him.

"That's life Taylor. I'd happily give up my life for my baby as I'm sure your mother was. Your father was wrong, you were a blessing and a part of the one person he loved the most. He should have cherished you not given you away."

He seems in shock from what I said.

"You don't know what you're talking about Nessa."

Oh pushing me away again are we. I don't think so. "No you don't know if she survived if he would have raised you with her, protected you from anything bad. But because she didn't survive he decides, screw that I don't want him. I don't think so. My child will always come first—over me, over you, over everyone. Do you understand!" I was yelling a bit and he gets up and starts pacing.

"I'm sorry they're my issues. I shouldn't have taken them out on you. Let me make this right, Nessa. All of it."

He's pleading now. I understand he wanted to protect Colleen and I might have forgave him for that but the woman behind my back, no I will not tolerate cheating.

"There is no way. You lost that right went you went off with your other blonde." He cringes as I finish.

"I didn't sleep with her. She's a friend who sometimes comes to functions with me. The morning you came over she was there getting paid. She had been away and I didn't get a chance to pay her before."

My heart is speeding up. I want to believe him, I do. But I'm so afraid I can't be that girl for him.

"I don't know if I believe you," I say sadly and a tear slips from my eye. Stupid emotions. He crosses the room and takes my hand.

"Sally and Colleen where on my back. They knew I was different—happier not so cranky." He smiles and goes on, "I was in love. They knew it before me. I couldn't bring you to my birthday party because I wasn't ready to lose you. I needed more time so I asked Emma to come so they wouldn't ask questions. I swear I have not been near another woman since you walked into my office and threw water on me."

He loves me but does he really? Ugh, I love him so much but can I trust him not to break what's left of me because he has that power.

"There is still so much to talk about." I kinda just want to jump into his arms maybe hump a leg but I can't let him back in that easy. He needs to explain so much more.

"I know you don't understand much now, I'm still struggling to understand it all. I thought you and your Dad talked every day and that he dumped Colleen for you. I thought so much. I never knew half of it and that's on me but please don't give up on us."

He's pleading. He looks so lost. I squeeze his hand and move to the other side of the bed and pat the empty side. He looks confused for a second but jumps up and wraps his arms around me.

"We can deal with all that together. We both have pasts we have to deal with but for now I just want the man I love to hold me and promise me he will never lie to me again."

I feel all the tension in his body go and he kisses me on the head.

"I promise baby. I promise I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I fucking love you, woman."

That makes me smile but I need to say one more thing before I agree to try this again.

"We're having a baby Taylor. Can you deal with that because if not, I don't think we have a future. This child will always come first for me."

"I know this baby is a part of you and I promise to dial down my insecurities and enjoy it with you but I'm scared Nessa."

I turn in his arms and give him a gentle kiss him.

"I promise to understand your fears, I really do. This baby is happing and before it does we need to help you deal with it because I want my family to be together."

"Me too. I love you Nessa," he declares and I laugh.

"I love you too."

FIFTEEN

I have been in hospital for three days in total. I lost a lot of blood and they wanted to keep an eye on me and the baby. I finally get to go home. Great, well not really because Stacey and Taylor are killing each other over where I'm going home to. It's like I'm not even here.

"Nessa tell Stacey you will be moving in with me permanently." Whoa, whoa whoa! "Eh well… what?"