Never Been Loved (36 page)

“People lie, Sera. And people go away. And they never come back, like Harry’s parents. They left Harry all alone.”

“You’re not alone, kid. You have your dad and you have me.”

“What if you go away?”

“Then you come find me, that’s all. I’ll always be your friend, Matty.”

“Don’t you want to be my mommy?”

Jules, what do I do? How can I make this better for him? Would you hate me if Sera took your place? Didn’t you bring her to me in the first place?

Jules, I miss you, I wish I could talk to you. I wish you could tell me how to fix this. I’ve screwed everything up.

I pull in a few deep breaths trying to shake off the feeling that I’ve ruined the kid’s life. I can’t deal with that right now, not tonight.
I move away from the door and go turn off the lights, checking the lock, and the slider, then move back to Matty’s room.
Sera’s fallen asleep with my kid on top of her, her hand on his back like she soothed him to dreamland.

“Sera?” I call from the doorway, watch her eyes jerk open and look around like she doesn’t remember where she is.

“Yeah. I’m alive, just gimme a sec.” She wiggles out from under Matty, and stumbles over to me, her eyes half-closed. I want to wrap her up in a blanket and let her fall asleep on me. Fuck, I’d like that a lot.

She moves to the couch in the dark, and sits down, yawning all the while.

“Want some water or something?” I ask from the kitchen, opening the fridge to see her curled up in on herself, head down between her knees and arms.

“No. I’m good. Come and sit.”

Even if there’s tons of space on the couch, what the hell am I going to do with the leather when I’ve got her body waiting for me?

Two weeks after she’s forgiven me, it’s torture being around her like this. Especially when she turns those eyes on me and eye-fucks me whenever I’m walking around without a shirt. I do that a lot.

She leans into me more, shuffling her cold toes under my leg, and slinging an arm over my abs, until I feel a tickle along my ribs. I check my groan and tell Junior to
stand the fuck down.

We’re going to have sex, yeah. I’m twenty-eight years old, and while I’d love nothing more than to toss Sera on my bed and have us having a good time, Sera’s been skittish around me, and she stays out my room unless it’s to sleep.

I’m pretty sure she’s a virgin, and maybe I should come right out and ask her, but you know, I’ve already fucked up a few times and I don’t want to add to that list.

“What are you doing?” I ask. I know exactly what she’s doing. I just like seeing her caught – it’s adorable, and sexy at the same time. She has no idea what she does to me.

“Sorry not sorry.”
I’m about to kiss her, I’m about to make out with my girl like I’m back in high school and there’s no unwritten rule that we can’t have sex, and I’m not a total dick trying to get my cock inside a pussy or I’ll die.
It’s my phone that buzzes on the coffee table that has my shoulders rising up, and I’ve snatched before it can wake up the kid.

“Fuck.” Just my goddamn luck. “Aly’s here. I don’t know how she got in the building, she either conned her way or some asshole let her in. Shit.”
Not this shit again. She’s downstairs in the lobby and she wants to come up.
Jules, is this some kind of joke?

I have to get Aly out of here. She’ll ruin everything.
Stupid idiot, trying to move me in the way that she wants. Trying to get what she wants. I scratch my head and pull in a breath, coming to a decision.
Sera might hate me, but at least I’d get one poison out of my life.

“I need to get her out of here. She’s going to come up and wake up Matty. Not to mention, she’s going to be pissed when I’m not available to screw around with.”

“Who raised her? I mean, frak, was she raised in a barn? Where the hell are her manners? Bloody hell.” Sera waves her arms, and it’s got me grinning.

I move quick and kiss her mouth hard, and smile when I pull back and she’s pouting, wanting more.

When I get back upstairs, it’s all I’m going to be wanting, too
.

“How do you always do that? Make me laugh?”

“I’m actually Hermione Granger, but you can’t tell anyone.”

I kiss her again, because Jesus, she’s being cute and I need more of it. I pull back, then kiss her on the corner of her mouth.

“I know who she is. And babe, you’re hotter than Emma Watson.”

“Okay,” she says, kissing me to distract me from the whole hot thing. I hate that she does that, and I want her to tell me who told her that shit so I can get my fists dirty.

“I don’t like that,” I tell her, pulling away while she follows for more of me.

“Huh?”

“I want you, Sera. You’re the only one I want.”

“Okay.”
I’ve made sure I’m all that she sees, and her eyes are wide and scared, but they keep dipping to my mouth like she needs the distraction.
Baby, please stop that.

“No one has loved Matty before, like he’s a part of me, not like he’s an extra person. No one’s ever read to him in his whole life. He’s happier when he’s with you. And so am I.”

“Okay. Go see her, tell her to go home. Then come back upstairs.” Sera keeps looking like she might catch me in a lie, but her eyes skitter away.

“I’ll be ten minutes, tops.” I kiss her again, trying to get her to understand that she’s the only one I want. I get into it with her, standing over her and pushing her back into the couch. She makes this moaning-purring sound that has my dick waving hello in my pants. I pull away before Aly comes up here and starts something she’s not going to get to finish. “Then I’m coming back upstairs and I want more of this. I want more of you.”

With that, I move down the hall, grab a shirt of the floor in my room, and turn back the way I came.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell her as I walk out the door.

As the elevator doors shut slowly, I hear an apartment door opening, and keep my grin to myself in the elevator car. Sera’s going to follow.
Which means maybe I got through to her, and now she’s going to make sure that Aly knows I’m the one
she
wants.

Jules, I’d bet you’d want to see how this play out.

Chapter 27

“I missed you, baby,” Aly says, as I step out of the elevator and into the lobby. “How come you won’t answer my calls, huh? Weren’t we good together, Hunter? Didn’t you like what we did?” She hops on me like I’m a train about to take her for a ride.

“Aly, maybe there’s a reason I’m not answering your calls or texts; it’s been four months. Maybe that reason is I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” I say, getting her arms and legs away from me. Sera doesn’t need to see this.

This was a bad idea.

I should’ve just let her come up and refused to open the door. Then again, I can’t remember if she has a key or not.

Now she’s got her hands in my shirt and is dragging me closer. I don’t want to do this. The swirling sensation in my head is starting to hit and that can only mean one thing. Yeah, my sugar’s starting to drop.

“I know you didn’t just say that to me, Hunter. Shall I call your mother to get this all settled out?”

“Yeah, call my mom, Aly, at night. Go complain to her that I’m not following your plans. We’re not getting married, and we’re sure as fuck never sharing the same bed again.”

Aly makes a show of getting her phone out of her pants. I’m disgusted with all of this. How easy I was to play, how much Aly wanted to be part of the game.

“How are you going to survive without your mom’s money? How are you going to take care of Jules’ kid, huh? Oh, poor Hunter, don’t try to get a brain now, and start thinking for yourself.”

She’s got her stride now, and I try to breathe normal. Sera’s heard everything. “You marry me, we have enough money to keep us going for the next fifty years. Aren’t you tired of fighting, of struggling every single day? Aren’t you tired of it all?”

Aly just had to say it.

The swirls in my brain move faster now, and my head’s too heavy for my neck. Sera’s here and she’s listening; she’s seeing everything.

I’m just tired, beyond exhausted of my life, of moving forward only to be pushed a hundred steps back. I’m tired of struggling with my finances, with the kid, with Sera, even though she’s made everything in my life easier.

I’m just tired of fighting it, tired of trying to be normal.

“That’s right, baby. You know you want me over her anyway. My way is the easy way, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Aly says, but it sounds far away, from a stony tunnel rather than standing right in front of me. I’m somehow in her arms.

“You don’t need her when you can have me,” Aly whispers in my ear. “Everything will be so easy for us, baby. We can do whatever we want, we can buy whatever we want. You won’t have to work and be so tired anymore.”

“I’m tired,” I repeat, just wasted with the thought of the fight that’s never going to end.

“You love what we do together, Hunter. We’re good together, you know it, baby. We explode together, and I love your mouth. Here, call that girl you have upstairs, tell her to go home, and we’ll go upstairs to your bed.” She gets her phone in my hand.

I stare at it, completely dumb.

I don’t know why I have it in my hand.
Swirls of colour get in the way of my sight, and Aly’s face is twisted down into something like fury.

“Hunter, I’m getting tired of this. Call that fat bitch upstairs and tell her to go home. Wait, tell her to take the kid, too, and we’ll be all alone. I’ll do whatever you want, baby, I swear. You know how much you love my mouth on your cock.”

Her mouth’s on me? Is that what that is?
Where’s Sera? Is she here? Why isn’t she here with me? What the fuck is Aly doing?

She’s fucking kissing me, when my girl’s hiding somewhere in this lobby.

I get my hands on Aly’s shoulders and shove her away from me, getting her as far as I can. I tear myself away, feeling like I’ve been almost drowned.

“Get the fuck out.”
God, what the hell is Sera thinking right now?

I’m never going to dig myself out of this.

I need her out of here. I push her out the way she came, towards the doors, her phone now in her hands, and shove her out enough that I get the inner doors shut and lock her out. Some asshole better not let her in again.

She cracks her fists against the glass, not caring who she bothers, screaming. “You’re throwing everything away, for
her?
” Aly points at Sera behind me. “What the
fuck
is wrong with you, Hunter?”
Grasping the horizontal bar on my side, I hold myself back from pushing it in and going out there to do… what exactly? I can’t hit her, and I can’t do anything else than what I’m going right now.

I belong with Sera, and Aly needs to get that.

“I don’t want you. I don’t want anything to do with you, ever again. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

“You’re a fucking idiot! You’re not in your right mind to be making these decisions, Hunter!”

I lean in closer, face inches from the glass. I don’t know what I look like, but she’s taken two steps back.

“If you ever come back here again, show your face to either Sera, Matty or me, fuck, Aly, you have no idea what I’ll do. I’ll destroy your fucking life, like you’ve destroyed mine. Do you understand?” I growl, lips pulled back over my teeth.

“I did no such thing! We had good times, didn’t we, Hunter? I took care of you, baby, and you took care of me and Jules.” Aly touches the glass, palm out. “God, baby, please just let me come upstairs. I can make you feel good,” she moans.

“Hunt, let’s go upstairs.” Sera’s voice comes at me from the inside – it could be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I push myself back from the door, and look at her for a while.

I move over to her, feet numb from the cold tile and my legs are jelly. I jerk and twist with each movement, but I have to get to her, I have to, even as her beautiful face twists at the sight of me. My entire body’s shaking, my insides dancing, too.

I swallow and keep moving forward, just have to keep moving.

I get my hands around her, settle them at her lower back and let out a breath I’d been holding. I get my chin on top of her head and just hold her, ’cause the words aren’t coming out. I’m spent.

But Sera’s working her magic on me and moving me towards the elevator when all I want to do is stand still and maybe sit down and fall asleep. That’s bad, I know it’s bad, but I can’t do anything about it but just keep following Sera’s voice as the colours swirl around me.

Sera turns from me, pulling me into the elevator and I settle my cheek on her hair. Such beautiful long hair that smells like cake. Her body’s so warm, too, not like mine. I’m really cold, and I need a pair of socks.

Aly’s still making noise but I don’t care anymore.

I don’t care about a lot of things.

We’re in front of my place, and Sera has the door open, pulling me inside. She gets me on the couch, but I’m too dumb to let go at the right time, so she pushes out of my arms.