Never Been Ready (14 page)

When he turned to leave, I said, "Please stay with me."

"As you wish," he answered as he turned around with a little smirk.

He went around to the other side of the bed and slipped off his shoes, jeans, and then his shirt before slipping under the sheets.

"Come here, farm boy," I whispered, responding to his earlier
The Princess Bride
reference.

"See, I was paying attention."

"Yes, you were," I said, wrapping myself around him. I rested my head on his bare chest over the Celtic knot that forever rested there, letting my hair fan out over the lines and curves of his chiseled abdomen.

His warm body against mine relaxed me, but sleep still seemed impossible with all the thoughts running through my head. The same thoughts I'd had earlier raced through my mind.

Before I had time to think it through, I found myself blurting out, "Do you think there is a reason why she left?"

I hadn't thought about the fact that I could have just woken him up, but he turned to me, still awake.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

By now, I'd assumed that big mouths, Logan and Garrett, had filled him in on the gory past of Leah Morgan. The fact that he hadn't run out the door, screaming, was a plus.

"I mean, there has to be a reason. I always assumed it was me. There has to be something wrong with a child to make the mother want to leave. A mother is supposed to love her child no matter what, right? So, why did mine leave?" I felt weak because my voice broke near the end.

He shifted in the bed and turned on the bedside lamp before pulling me to a sitting position.

"Look at me," he said.

I couldn't. I just stared at the paisley pattern of my bedspread, the tears continuing to fall down my cheek.

"Leah, look at me," he demanded, grabbing my chin to bring my eyes level with his. "There is nothing wrong with you. Do you hear me? Nothing. If your mother left, it had nothing to do with you being inadequate. Do you understand?"

I nodded halfheartedly.

His hand left my chin, and then he grabbed the hem of my tank top and pulled it over my head. I looked at him. I was a bit confused. His eyes were shining in the dark, full of determined green light.

"Take off the rest," he instructed.

"But I —"

"Do it, Leah. Please," he said, whispering the last part like a prayer.

I stood at the edge of the bed and removed my pajama pants and panties before turning around to see that Declan had removed the rest of his clothing. Depressed or not, there was nothing better than seeing him like this. I was starting to believe he could heal all my wounds with one touch.

"Come here," he said softly.

I went without hesitation. I kneeled on the bed to meet him in the middle. His hand slipped slowly around my waist, and he bent down to kiss my collarbone, giving me chills.

"Turn around," he whispered.

I did as told, turning in his arms, so my back was pressed against his front. Both still on our knees, he positioned us on the bed, so we were facing the floor-length mirror sitting in the corner of my bedroom. His hands gripped me tighter against his body, and his fingers dug into my hips as his eyes found mine in the reflection.

"Do you know what I see right now?" he whispered.

Unable to speak, I just shook my head.

"Perfection. I see absolute perfection."

My breath faltered as he pulled me down onto his body, filling me completely in one stroke. My head fell back onto his shoulder as I savored the feel of our bodies connecting. As many times as we had come together, every time felt like the first time.

We moved together, slow and without urgency. His hands slid up and palmed my breasts, and our mouths found each other, our tongues mimicking the sensual rhythm our bodies were making. When I felt that familiar tightening in my core, Declan broke our kiss.

"Look in the mirror. I want you to see yourself when you unravel in front of me."

Looking at our joined bodies moving together in the mirror was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen, and it sent me over the edge immediately. My body broke apart in Declan's arms, and he followed behind with his own release. His hands gripped my flesh tightly as he came deep inside me, trembling, while he called out my name.

I sagged against him, looking at our glistening bodies in the reflection of the mirror. He leaned down and kissed my collarbone again.

He whispered in my ear, "See. Perfect."

I nodded, and he held my chin again, bringing my attention back to his handsome features.

"It's time to let this go, Leah. You are so much more than your past."

One last tear trailed down my cheek as we settled back onto the bed, holding each other like before. This beautiful man had told me I was perfect. He hadn't told me he was sorry, and he hadn't blown smoke up my ass, like most people would. He'd held me as I'd cried and told me I was perfection. I was the exact opposite, but hearing his determined words as he'd made love to me had made me feel close to it.

As I drifted off to sleep, the last image I saw was my mother's headstone, and I knew I wasn't going to let anything go until I visited the one man who might be able to give me some answers —my father.

~Declan~

"Goddamn it, woman! Why the hell is your front door unlocked again?" I bellowed as I walked into Leah's townhouse.

It was around noon on Saturday, a week after discovering Lilith Morgan's headstone. I'd like to say that Leah had returned to normal after that night we'd shared, but there were still times when I could see the sadness in her eyes. I knew one night wouldn't heal her, but damn if I didn't want to erase it all for her. I hated seeing her in pain, and I only hoped time would heal what her parents had put her through.

"I left it unlocked for you," she answered, coming from her bedroom. She was wrapped in a towel, still wet from the shower.

"You mean to tell me that you were just taking a shower in an unlocked house?"

She shrugged. She just looked at me and fucking shrugged, like it was no big deal. She turned back around in her teeny-tiny towel, swinging that sweet ass behind her, as she retreated to her room.

Following, I exploded into a rant. "You drive me batshit crazy sometimes. We're stopping by the hardware store on our way out. You're going to get me a key, and from now on, you're going to keep that door locked. All. The. Fucking. Time."

"You're bossy today." She smirked while opening the top drawer of her dresser to retrieve a lacy pair of panties.

Coming up behind her, I pressed my body against hers, letting her feel exactly what the sight of her in that towel did to me.

"I just don't want any pervy men coming in here."

"Besides you?" she mocked.

"Exactly —hence, the key. Besides, you like me bossy," I countered.

I bent down to kiss the damp skin of her neck, and her head fell back onto my shoulders. I slipped my hands under the towel, pulling it apart, and it fell to the floor.

Keys could wait an hour...or four.

Suddenly, she turned in my arms and gave me a pointed look. "No."

She tried to look serious, but her slight grin had me laughing.

"No? Really? This again?" I faked a sigh.

"You're going to make us late."

"It's a Christmas tree farm. It's not like we have an appointment. We don't, do we?"

She laughed as she bent down to pull the panties up her legs. I had to shift in my jeans to accommodate the bulge she'd created.

"I still can't believe you've never bought a live tree," she said, shaking her head. "And no, we don't have an appointment, but if we don't hurry, they will close."

"It's the middle of the day," I half-whined, trying to pull her closer to the bed with me.

Laughing, she resisted my advances. Then, she continued to pilfer through her drawers before pulling out dark slim jeans and a tan-colored sweater.

"It will take an hour to get there, assuming traffic isn't bad," she explained.

She swatted my hand away as I tried again to make a pass at her.

Grinning at our little game, I asked, "Why are we driving an hour out of the city when there are Christmas tree lots on every street corner?"

"Because, city boy, those trees have already been cut. Going out of the city, into the country, and chopping down your own tree? That's Christmas to me."

Pulling her close to me, I tilted her chin, so I could see those crystal blue eyes. "Well then, let's go get you a Christmas tree."

~Leah~

"Oh! Turn here!" I exclaimed.

Declan took a sharp right onto the gravel road. "Are you sure?" he asked, briefly glancing my way with one raised eyebrow in disbelief.

"Yep. Positive."

"That's what you said the last four wrong turns, you know," he teased.

We had been lost out in the middle of nowhere for about thirty minutes. Siri had no idea where we were, and Google Maps seemed to be sending us in circles. The Virginia countryside was a virtual black hole to technology. I didn't have a map, and there were no signs. When we had seen the creepy scarecrow for the fourth time, we had known we were totally screwed. It would have been miserable with anyone else, but with Declan, it was just another outing. He didn't care that I'd gotten us lost. He'd just laughed every time we'd ended up at the same place where we'd started. He'd pointed out various land markings with a promise that he'd make a fire and build shelter if we never saw civilization again.
My hero.

About fifteen minutes into our lost adventure, he'd asked how I'd managed to get us so turned around if I'd been to the place before. He'd assumed, based on our previous conversation, that this was a tradition for me. It wasn't.

I'd sheepishly answered, "I've never been here."

Rather than asking me to elaborate, he'd just grinned and said, "Well then, it's a first for us both."

When I'd said this was what Christmas was for me, I hadn't lied. In my head, this was exactly what Christmas should be. I'd always wanted to drive up to the mountains and cut down a tree. The years growing up when my dad had actually managed to remember it was December, we'd had a fake skinny green tree that was short, and the branches sagged when you tried to hang ornaments on it. Whenever I'd visited Clare's house, they always had a live tree, and I had known the tree was up the minute I'd walked in the door because the smell of had filled the entire house.

Ever since childhood, whenever I had seen an ad in the paper for this Christmas tree farm, I'd wanted to come here. But what lonely single girl would come to the mountains and cut down a tree all by herself? That would be kind of pathetic. I'd shrugged it off, telling myself I hadn't cared, and usually, I hadn't bothered with even putting up a tree most years. I'd always spent the holidays with Clare and her family, so decorating a tree for my home had seemed frivolous.

When Declan had called me this morning, he'd said, "What do you want to do today? I want to take you somewhere. Name anything, and we'll do it."

I'd instantly asked him to take me here, and he hadn't even hesitated with the odd request.

"Oh, I think I see it!" I said suddenly.

Declan jerked the wheel in the direction of my outstretched hand signaling him to turn. Sure enough, there was a sign that said,
Lilac Greens Nursery and Tree Farm,
with an arrow pointing us to our long-awaited destination.

"Yay! We found it!" I said happily.

Declan laughed. "You're just glad you won't be eating squirrel for dinner tonight," he joked.

"Damn right. Those things get stuck in your teeth. Wouldn't mind seeing you in a loincloth though," I teased, wiggling my eyebrows in his direction.

"We could definitely make that happen. I'll even get into character and bang my hands on my chest before throwing you on the floor and taking you like an animal."

"Um..."
Yep, I had nothing. No witty comeback for that one.

My brain was suddenly playing out that entire scene in vivid detail, and there weren't enough brain cells left to speak.

"Rendering you speechless and flustered has become my new life calling, I think." He laughed before putting the car in park and leaning over to kiss my cheek. "We're here by the way."

"Huh? Oh!" I said, finally taking in my surroundings.

There were trees as far as the eye could see. Adjacent to the parking lot, a log cabin stood with large glass doors and a sign that said,
Welcome
. There were red bows and fresh wreaths everywhere. Christmas lights were strung on the roof of the cabin, and the surrounding trees were lit up even though it was still daytime. It looked like a mini North Pole, minus the snow.

We ventured out of the car, and I noticed it was a hell of a lot colder in the mountains. We made our way into the cabin, which served as the store. It was a Christmas lover's paradise. There were handmade ornaments, tree toppers, garlands, homemade treats, fresh cider, hot chocolate, and apple doughnuts.
Oh my God. The apple doughnuts smelled like heaven in a pastry.