Never Been Ready (16 page)

When I'd called her, I could tell the minute she'd answered, something had been off. Her voice had sounded flat, and she'd tried to get me off the phone the second she'd answered, saying she didn't feel good and just wanted to be alone for the night. She'd said she came home early from work and just needed some rest. When I'd offered to come over and take care of her, she'd paused.

Then, she'd said, "Come on, Declan. We're not a couple. We don't do that."

The fuck we don't.

She'd basically hung up immediately after, and I had been left wondering what the hell had just happened.
Had I missed something? Seen signs and feelings that weren't there?

Panic stepped in as I'd begun to wonder if I had been walking down the same path I had years earlier, loving a woman more than she loved me. But then, I'd remembered the look of pure joy on Leah's face as we'd danced in the snow and later spent the night under our tacky Christmas tree, making love for hours.

No. Something is wrong.

And per Leah's usual methods, she was shutting everyone out.

Well, fuck that.

Twenty minutes later, I was unlocking her door with the new key we had made, only to find out the chain had been locked as well.

"Leah, it's me. Unlock the door."

I heard footsteps as she made her way toward the front door, but the chain stayed in place.

"Declan, I told you...I don't feel good. I just want to be alone. I'll talk to you later."

Her voice was rough and raw, like she'd been crying, and the words she said lacked conviction, like she was moving through the motions, but her brain had already checked out.

"Leah, this shit might work with others, but I'm not falling for it. You're not shutting me out. Unlock this door."

"I don't want to see you tonight. Just go away," she said softly.

Yeah...those words would have stung if I didn't know she was lying through her teeth.

"Open the fucking door, Leah, before I break it down. Don't think I won't."

The chain unlatched, and I plowed through the entrance. She turned and walked ahead of me. Dressed in her fuzzy robe and slippers, her hair was down and loose around her face. She always wore it up when she was home. She hated having it down when she slept.

"I'm going to bed. You can stay if you want. I'll see you in the morning if you're still around," she said, heading off to her bedroom.

She hadn't even looked in my direction since I walked in. Just as her bedroom door was about to click, I pushed it open and flicked on the light.

"What the hell is going on, Leah? You're acting strange. You won't tell me what's wrong, and —motherfucker!"

Just as I was delivering my speech, she turned toward me, and I finally saw her face. Her eye was nearly swollen shut, her beautiful cheek was now a mixture of blue and green, and her lip was cut.

I came to her, my eyes wild and frantic, as I started checking every inch of her body, parting her robe until it fell to the floor. My hands shook as I fought back the flood of emotions threatening to take me over as I noticed the hand-shaped bruise near a sprinkling of cuts that were clearly from fingernails. Suddenly, I saw red.

"Who did this?" I asked roughly.

She just shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks, until she collapsed on the bed with her face in her hands as she sobbed.

I didn't know what to do. I felt blinding rage flowing through my veins, and I didn't know where to direct it. She wouldn't talk, and I had no idea if she was hurt anywhere else that wasn't showing.

How would I know if she was damaged internally? Would she let me take her to the hospital?

One look at her defeated form on the bed, and I knew I'd never get her to the hospital. But I needed to know. I needed to make sure every inch of her was okay.

Turning, I walked out of the room and headed for the kitchen. I pulled out my cell phone as I opened the freezer. By the time I found an ice pack, the call connected.

"Hello?"

"Logan, I need you. Now."

It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. When the soft knock on the front door finally came, I jumped from my seat by Leah's bed to answer the door.

Logan and Clare greeted me.

"Hey, thanks for coming. I didn't know what else to do. She won't talk to me, and I just...what if..."

"Hey, Declan, it's okay. I'll make sure she's okay," Logan assured me as we made our way to Leah's room.

When she saw all three of us enter, her eyes widened, and that was when all hell broke loose.

"You called them? What the fuck, Declan? I don't need a pity party!" she said, her voice rising louder than it had since I arrived.

Sitting next to her on the bed, I tried to be as gentle as possible. "Leah, you wouldn't talk, and I needed to make sure you weren't hurt anywhere else. It was either having Logan come here or taking you to the hospital."

"I'm not hurt anywhere else," she said, turning her head toward me.

I thought that was when Logan and Clare got the full view of the side of her face because Clare gasped, and I heard Logan curse under his breath.

"How do you know?" I asked Leah.

"He only hit my face. He only ever hits my face," she muttered.

"Who is he? And this has happened before?" My hands tightened, and I counted to ten, trying to keep a check on my raw hatred of whoever had done this.

"It was your father, wasn't it?" Clare asked softly from across the room. "This wasn't the first time, Leah? How long? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Leah's eyes shot up to her best friend. "It wasn't all the time. I knew how to control it and avoid it for the most part. As long as I didn't antagonize him, I was safe."

"Jesus, Leah. You should have told me," Clare said, her eyes full of concern.

Leah must have read concern for pity because she retaliated. "Yeah, well...we all can't have perfect childhoods, Clare."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just...never-mind. I'm going to go wait out in the living room," she said, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Logan watched her walk out before taking a step toward Leah. "I want to examine your injuries, Leah. Will you let me?"

She just nodded, and I felt myself take a breath finally. I wouldn't feel right until I knew she was okay or at least not hurting anywhere else.

"Do you want Declan here?"

Before she could even respond, I answered for her, "I'm not leaving."

She didn't protest, so Logan proceeded and asked to sit on the edge of the bed. He checked out her eye, which had already been cleaned up. The bruises and marks on her arm were looked at as well, and then the questions came.

"Leah, did he hurt you anywhere else?" Logan asked.

"No, I don't think so."

"You're not sure?"

"I blacked out after he backhanded me," she answered softly.

I bit back a curse but remained quiet. Logan just nodded and asked her to lie down, so he could check her abdomen for any signs of injury. When that appeared fine, one last question was necessary, and I felt my breath quickening, knowing Logan would have to ask.

"Did he...has he ever hurt you...sexually?"

"No. Never. The only thing that gets my father off is booze," she said with little to no emotion.

Oh thank God.
I didn't know if I would have been able to let the motherfucker live for another minute if he had ever touched her. Even now, I wasn't sure how long his life expectancy was going to be.

Logan finished up and gave directions on how to care for the bruises and cuts. The directions were more for me than Leah since she obviously knew how to treat wounds with her medical background.

I walked Logan and Clare to the door and thanked them for taking the time to come over. I knew they'd had to drop Maddie off at Clare's parents' house in a rush to make it over here so quickly. I just didn't know what I would have done without their help.

"It's nothing, really. We would do anything for our family," Logan said, looking at me.

I nodded and pulled him into a brotherly hug.

Clare came next, and I whispered in her ear, "She didn't mean it."

She pulled back, smiling. "I know. Twenty plus years of friendship with Leah have taught me a thing or two. I'll get an apology call from her tomorrow."

After locking the door, I made my way back to the bedroom, finding Leah in the same position as before, curled in a ball on her bed. She looked so small and frail in her cotton shorts and T-shirt. Her robe was still in a heap on the floor where I'd dropped it. I picked it up and hung it on the hook where I'd seen her hang it so many times before. I padded to the other side of the bed. I removed my shoes and started to unbuckle my belt.

"You don't have to stay, Declan."

I finished undressing before lying down next to her. I pulled her around, so we were face-to-face.

"Look at me, Leah. That shit you throw out at others might work most of the time. Hell, your short tongue alone might send others running. But let me tell you something right now. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here while you cry, scream, and let it all out...because all of us, even you, need someone to hold us when we cry."

The rest of the tears she'd been holding in while Clare and Logan had been here came spilling out. It was like the breaking of a dam. I held her until she cried herself to sleep, and then I held her while she slept, hoping my arms would protect her from all the harm life had shown her. While she slept, I remained wide-awake, gently stroking her hair, as I decided how to get rid of her father...for good.

~Leah~

I awoke slowly, covered in a warmth I'd grown accustomed to since Declan had come into my life. I smiled briefly, feeling his heated body flush against mine, as I listened to the even tone of his breathing. I felt peaceful...until my smile grew too big, and my lip started to split back open.

Then, the memories of the day before came roaring back —the trip to my father's house, the stupid trip when I'd asked questions I'd known I would never get the answers to. The trip had only proven what an even bigger soulless asshole my father was. And the anger...the anger was what I thought of the most. His eyes had glazed over and his rage was unleashed, as his nails had bitten into my delicate skin. I remembered the things he'd said. It wasn't the first time I'd heard them. My father loved to remind me of his sacrifices all the time. I'd like to share a few of mine with him, but I usually managed to keep my mouth shut.

Declan stirred a bit, and I turned so that our noses touched, and I could watch him sleep. He looked younger this way, vulnerable. What he had done for me last night...there were no words.

"Hey..." a groggy Declan said, bending his head down to briefly capture my lips.

"Hi," I answered quietly.

A still silence grew between us, and I knew he was waiting for me to speak, to say something. After yesterday, he deserved some answers. And for the first time in my life, I actually wanted to share them with someone. I took a deep breath and began to share a part of me I never thought I'd be willing to give up.

"It didn't happen all the time," I said slowly. "The...hitting. I was usually able to avoid it —well,
usually
being the key word. I was still a kid, and being me...I wasn't the greatest at keeping my mouth shut...at least in the beginning. Growing up with an alcoholic father taught me to censor what I said in front of certain people. And that certain person in my life was him."

"How many times, Leah?" he asked. "How many times has he hit you?"

Declan's eyes locked with mine, and I saw compassion, acceptance...and something else. It was something I wouldn't allow myself to think about.

"I don't know. It was enough that I lost track...but not so many that I couldn't pass them off as injuries or mishaps when I was at school."

His jaw ticked, and I could see him holding back the anger brimming just below his calm facade. He was pissed. No man outside of my adopted family had ever wanted to protect me. My ex, Daniel, had left me when things got real. Seeing Declan react to my life without running away melted me to the core.