Never Far Away (14 page)

 
  “What do you mean by ‘tried’?” 

 
  Ella took in a deep breath, looking as if she was trying to calm herself.

 
  “He pushed me up against the door, held me there by my jaw, then he ripped… he ripped…” she let out a sob and he pulled her into his arms, shushing her and kissing her temple.

 
  “No, Ella, it’s ok.  You don’t have to tell me.”

 
  “I do, though, Porter,” she said as she cried.  “This will eat away at you just as much as it will me if it isn’t out there.  I don’t want it bottled up inside me.  It will poison me from the middle if I don’t tell you.  Please, let me tell you.”  He felt her crumbling against him and he slid her down to the floor with him.  He pressed every available part of his body against hers, offering himself to her in comfort and love, hoping that she would take from him what she needed.  His arms were wrapped around her shoulders, and his legs were sprawled out around the sides of her as she sat on the floor between them.  She curled up into him, breathing hard and holding back sobs.  He could feel the heaving of her lungs as she tried to control the eruption of emotion. 

 
  “He ripped my shirt open,” she paused, trying to remain calm.  “He ripped it open and then grabbed my breast so hard it left a bruise.  I could taste the blood pooling in my mouth.  I heard the ripping of my shirt. I could feel my teeth biting into my cheek. He would have raped me if I hadn’t stopped him.”

 
  “But you did, Ella.  He hurt you, but he didn’t win and he didn’t rape you.  You kicked his ass.  I saw him at the hospital.  You broke his fucking nose.”

 
  She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, but a small smile on her lips.

 
  “I did?” she asked hopefully.

 
  “Oh yeah, he looked terrible.” She buried her face in his chest again, a little calmer than before.

 
  “It’s a good thing I’m moving out of this apartment.  I don’t think I could live here anymore.  And honestly, I don’t think I could sleep here if you weren’t with me.”

 
  “Well, you don’t have to worry about that.  I am where you are.” 

 
  She looked up at him again, her eyes asking him to kiss her.  He moved in slowly, making sure this was what she wanted.  When she closed her eyes and moved to meet him, he knew she needed him to be there for her.  He would give her whatever she needed, but didn’t want to push her too far.

 
  Their lips met and it was a softer kiss than they normally shared.  Her lips were swollen from crying and salty from tears.  She slowly teased his lips with her tongue and he opened for her, trying not to rush her, but finding himself needing the contact with her just as much as she seemed to need him.  Although the kiss started soft and slow, it gradually moved toward longing and need.  Ella moved so that she was again straddling his lap, quickly becoming his favorite way to kiss her, their bodies connected at the core.  His hands ran up her back, trying to hold her to him, to give her the feeling of being protected.  That was all he ever wanted, to protect her.  He reached up and twisted his hands around her hair, gently but firmly pulling it back and forcing her lips from his.  Her hands came behind his neck as she leaned back into his arms, allowing him to take her neck.

 
  His mouth found the spot between her neck and shoulder that tasted of vanilla every time, and as he kissed and sucked there she let out a throaty moan.  His hand traveled up the front of her body, sliding smoothly all the way from her belly button to her neck, pulling her back into the kiss.

 
  “Porter, please,” she begged.

 
  “What do you need, Baby?”

 
  “You, please.  Make me forget.”  He looked at her and saw the question in her eyes.  What a strange request.  After everything they’d been through, hoping she’d remember, to now, in this moment, doing everything they could to wipe her memory away.  Porter couldn’t help but wonder if his dire need to be with her was worth the pain he saw in her eyes right now.  If he’d just left her alone, moved on as best he could without her, would her memories still be buried away?  If it was his fault that she was reliving this nightmare, he would do anything he could to help her forget.  Using the wall to push against, he stood up, still holding her against him.  He started to carry her to the bedroom when she stopped him by putting her feet back on the ground.

 
  She reached down for the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head slowly, never taking her eyes off of his.  He watched her as she slid her jeans down her hips, leaving her in just bra and panties.  He got a small thrill knowing he bought that set for her.  In any other circumstance he might have commented on how he liked her in the sexy things he bought for her, but now wasn’t the time.  Her hand came out and gripped his shirt.  She walked backwards and pulled him with her.  She moved backwards until her back was up against her front door.  When the door hit her back, she cringed and closed her eyes.  He saw a shutter run along her body and he ached to help her through the turmoil evident on her face.

 
  “Tell me how I can help you, Baby.”  He leaned his forehead against hers, waiting for her to tell him what he could do.  She didn’t look up at him; she just reached for the button of his jeans and slid his pants to the floor along with his boxers.  She pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it towards the living room.  He finally placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face so he could look in her eyes.

 
  “You’ve got to tell me what to do, Ella.  I’m flying blind here and I need you to tell me what you want.”

 
  “Make me forget, Porter.”  She said as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, letting it fall to the floor.  “Make love to me, here, and erase it all.”  She pushed her panties to the floor and stepped out of them.  He continued to look her directly in the eyes, silently asking her if she was sure.  She gave a small but certain nod, and he moved in to her body, pressing her against the door.

 
  He delicately grazed his fingers along her jaw and felt her breath shutter.  His mouth dropped feathered kisses from one side of her jaw to the other, trying to kiss away her memory and her pain.  As he kissed her jaw, his hand came to her breast.  He held it in his palm, feeling the weight of it, when he felt her take his hand off and thread her fingers through his.  She placed his other hand on the opposite breast, indicating that was the one with the need.  He gently, with unparalleled care, fluttered his thumb across her nipple.  She made a sound that sounded like a sob and he immediately halted.

 
  “I’m sorry, Baby.  I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

 
  “Please don’t stop.  I don’t want you to stop,” she cried.  He nodded, wondering if he was doing more harm than good anymore.  He could only trust that she knew what she needed and that she trusted him to give it to her. 

 
  He moved his hand back to her breast and fingered her nipple again.  She breathed through his touch and seemed to be ok.  Keeping his eyes on her, he bent down and laid the lightest of kisses upon it.  This time her eyes closed and her head tilted back, so he took it farther and pulled her nipple into his mouth, using his tongue to swirl around it.  To his relief a moan of pleasure escaped her lips.  He continued to use his mouth on her as he felt her place his other hand between her legs.  She placed his fingers at her opening and he could feel the heat radiating from her.  She pushed their fingers into her and she moaned again.

 
  Her heat and her moans spurred him on and he felt the tension grow between his own legs.  The fact that he could even become aroused was a relief to him, not being sure he could achieve any kind of erection knowing he was trying to erase an attempted rape from his girlfriend’s mind.  But in the end, this was Ella, and she was offering herself to him; she needed him.  He responded to her body, both physically and emotionally.  Despite the pressure and complication of their situation, his body would always be tied to hers irrevocably.

 
  He continued to lave at her breast and thrust his fingers into her.  Both of her hands came up to tug on his hair and one of her legs wrapped around his waist.  She reached down between them and took him in her hands.  He heard her sigh.

 
  “What’s wrong?”  He asked.

 
  “Nothing, I was just worried.”

 
  He placed his hand on her thigh wrapped around him and flipped his nose against hers slowly.

 
  “Worried about what?”

 
  “I guess I was just afraid that you wouldn’t want me after what I told you.”

 
  He continued to look in her eyes and saw all the insecurity she was laying out in front of him, all her vulnerability.

 
  “I will always want you, Ella.  It’s impossible not to want you.  I just don’t want to hurt you.”

 
  “You couldn’t hurt me.  It’s impossible.”  He loved that she felt that way, that she knew he could never hurt her.  Her words only made him harder and he felt himself nudge against her.  She felt it too and lifted to wrap her other leg around his middle.  Her arms draped around his neck and her legs hooked behind his back.  With one arm around her and his other arm against the door for support, he leaned in and took her mouth.  She kissed him back and all the reservations from before seemed to melt away.  It was only the two of them here now and she was only with him.  He gave in to the passion and let his tongue make wide sweeps through her mouth, and when she used her hips to grind into him he let out a growl that surprised even him. 

 
  The tip of his cock found her opening and he looked her in the eye as he sank into her, thrusting upwards.

 
  “I love you so much, Ella,” he said through rough breaths and a gravelly voice.

 
  “I know.  I love you too.”

 
  He pushed her hips up against the door, pinning her there with his own, and continued to drive into her.  She gripped him with her strong legs and her face found the space carved out for her by his neck, the crook that she belonged in.  He felt her heartbeat against his chest and knew his beated just as rapidly.

 
  Sweat beaded on his brow, the pressure in his groin mounted. Every time he pumped into her she cried out, spurring him on.

 
  “Oh God, please,” she begged him.

 
  “Hang on, Baby,” he replied.  He brought his hand down between them and used this thumb to circle her clit.  Her moans became louder and more crazed, so he pumped into her harder and faster.

 
  “Yes, please, Porter.  Come with me.”

 
  Within seconds of her command, he was over the edge and taking her with him.  They stilled, breathed harsh and panting breaths, their connection still intact.  Once he got his breath back and felt strong enough, he placed both hands under her thighs and carried her from the door and down the hall.

 
  “Where are we going?”  She asked as she placed sweet kisses along his shoulder.

 
  “To make more memories,” he said simply.

Chapter Ten

Ella

 
  Ella woke to the feeling of the mattress dipping down around her.  Then she felt Porter’s hand on her thigh.  Tingles immediately coursed through her body.  Her eyes fluttered open and when they adjusted she was saddened to see Porter sitting next to her in bed completely clothed.

 
  “Are you leaving?”  She croaked, her voice still asleep.

 
  “Yeah, Babe, I’ve got to go if I’m going to make it to work on time.”

 
  Ella grumbled something incoherent; early mornings weren’t her thing.  She heard Porter laugh at her and then he brushed her crazy hair out of her face.  She felt the warmth of his breath on her face and she peeped open one eye.

 
  “Give me a kiss goodbye.”  His voice was soft and sexy.

 
  She leaned up and brushed a small kiss across his mouth.  He hummed in appreciation and she smiled against his mouth.

 
  “I’ll be in Lincoln City by six, I think,” she said.

 
  “Ok, text me when you leave.  And I left a key to the house on your dresser.”

 
  He was leaving her a key.  To
the
house.  Not his house.  The house.  The difference in the distinction was felt way down deep in her heart.  They were sharing everything now, sharing a life.  The smile she already wore grew even wider and Porter’s mouth mirrored hers.

 
  “What are you smiling about?”  She shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to seem like a complete and total sap.

 
  “Nothing, just you.”

 
  “Hmmm,” he bent down to kiss her again.  “Drive safe.  Remember to text me.”

 
  “Ok, you drive safe too and have a good day at work.”

 
  “Bye, Baby,” he said and she could feel herself drift back to sleep.

   Ella pulled up to her store, only this time she was alone, without Porter to help ease the panic she felt roiling to the surface.  She silently chastised herself for not calling the psychiatrist the doctor had referred her to; obviously, she needed to talk to someone about her panic.

 
  She spent a few moments in her car, breathing deeply, trying not to think about the man in the dark hoodie who had disrupted her life so suddenly.  Through the window of the store she could see Brittany and the thought that someone else would be there with her calmed her slightly.  When she felt like her fear was ebbing, she ventured out of the car and into the store.

 
  Throughout the morning she had a few moments where she wasn’t sure she could push the panic back and at one point she ran to the bathroom, afraid the fear was going to make her sick.  She managed to keep everything under control, although she wasn’t entirely sure that the girls at the store didn’t think she was crazy.

 
  When she wasn’t wracked with worry or trying to maintain the façade of someone who wasn’t suffering, she marvelled at how different her life had become in just the span of a few days.  She recalled being in her store and spending days in a haze, when her mind would drift to thoughts about the missing weeks in her mind.  Now, she knew with certainty everything that had transpired during those weeks, and she was grateful to take the good with the bad.  Her mind had sacrificed her security and mental well-being to bring Porter back to her.  She smiled, partly because she knew she would eventually be ok.  The panic would subside and her anxiety would ease, but she would never be able to be ok without Porter.  So, it was a sacrifice she was willing to make.

 
  When it was finally time for Ella to leave for the bridal shop, she felt exhausted emotionally.  Trying to maintain a calm and cool demeanor while she felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest was more taxing then she could have imagined.  The panic she felt at the apartment and the anxiety she felt at the shop were similar and eerie.  In her mind she tied the two events together, which seemed logical as they happened within a few hours of each other.  She had a hard time separating the events in her mind, and the longer she spent at the store the more she thought about the night of the shooting and Kyle’s attack.

 
  “Brittany, I am leaving for the day.  Call me if you need anything.  I probably won’t be in tomorrow until at least eleven.”

 
  “Bye Ella.  Have a good rest of your day!”

 
  Ella was glad she had such dependable women working for her and she knew the store was in good hands.

 
  When Ella arrived at the bridal store, she was relieved to feel her anxiety melting away slightly.  It worried her that she knew the physical distance from the store was the reason she felt better; she didn’t like having to feel afraid at her store, the business she’d worked so hard to build up and make successful.

 
  She immediately heard her sister’s musical laughter deeper in the store and she followed it to her.

 
  “Ella! So glad you’re here!  Kalli and I were waiting for you!”  Megan said as she pulled her into a tight hug.

 
  “Have you tried anything on yet?”  Ella asked as she moved to give Kalli a hug as well.

 
  “No, but I’ve picked a few out.”

 
  “Why isn’t Mom here?”

 
  “Well, don’t be mad, but I went out dress shopping with mom last week.  I knew she couldn’t make this trip, some school board curriculum thing, so we went alone.”  Megan looked at her, waiting for her to get upset.

 
  “I’m glad you and mom got some time together and that she isn’t missing seeing you try on a wedding dress for the first time.”

 
  A woman, who Ella assumed was the consultant helping Megan, approached them.

 
  “You must be the sister and Maid of Honor?”  She looked at Ella.

 
  “That’s me,” Ella said with a smile.

 
  “Great.  Now that everyone’s here, let’s get some choices locked down and get Megan in a dress.”

 
  As they sifted through dresses, Ella found Megan deferring to her about style choices and different fabrics.  Kalli had a lot to contribute and Megan mentioned a few times how lucky she was to have such sophisticated fashion aficionados at her disposal.

 
  Ella made sure her sister didn’t touch any mermaid cut dresses or any ball gowns.  Kalli was a big fan of the sweetheart neckline on Megan, but didn’t like her in the blush colored fabric.

 
  Ella heard Megan squeal from the fitting room and she and Kalli exchanged excited looks.  When Megan came out of the room, Ella was sure she had never seen a bigger smile on her sister’s face.  To see her sister so happy and in a wedding dress, immediately brought tears to Ella’s eyes.

 
  “Oh my gosh, you guys, I think this is the one!” 

 
  Megan was stunning in a creamy white, satin, sweetheart-neck gown with cap sleeves.  There was no poof, no bling, no embellishment at all.  It was simple.  It was classy.  It was perfect.  The way the satin draped over Megan’s curves was ridiculously flattering and Ella knew Patrick would die if he saw his fiancé in this dress.

 
  “Megan, you look amazing,” Ella said, trying to hold back tears.

 
  “Do you really like it?”

 
  “Are you kidding?” Kalli said.  “You look phenomenal.  Breath taking.”

 
  “Yes, Megan, you look like a photo in a bridal magazine.”

 
  “I always thought I’d want something a little more, I don’t know, formal.  This looks like lingerie.”

 
  “You’ve always told me how much Patrick likes you in lingerie.”  Ella added with a smile.

 
  “Yes, but do I want to be up in front of one hundred and fifty plus people knowing that he’s picturing me naked?  I’m not sure.  Plus, if the dress looks like lingerie, what am I supposed to wear on the wedding night?”

 
  “Oh, honey.  You can find something sexier than this dress.  This will be the appetizer to wet his appetite.”  All three girls cracked up at the sales woman’s forward comment.

 
  “Ok,” Megan exhaled a deep breath.  “It’s a definite contender, but I want to see more.  I cannot commit so quickly.”

 
  “More dresses, more choices,” Kalli said with a smile.  Megan ambled back into the dressing room and Kalli turned towards Ella with a smile on her face.

 
  “So, I have some news,” Kalli started.

 
  “Do tell,” Ella answered, returning the giant smile across Kalli’s face.

 
  “A couple days ago I was on set and ran to the Starbucks down the street to get coffee for the team, and I met a man.”  The excitement radiating off of her friend’s face was contagious and Ella found herself nearly bouncing up and down in her seat as Kalli was.

 
  “I repeat: Do tell!”  Ella laughed.

 
  “I was in line to order and he bumped into the back of me accidentally.  He was really apologetic and grabbed my elbow to keep me from falling,” Kalli’s eyes went all glazy and she was far, far away.  “Ella, when he touched me, even though it was just my arm, I swear I felt it all the way in my toes.”

 
  “Oh my,” Ella said, understanding all too well.

 
  “And he is very handsome, like, lose your breath handsome.”

 
  “That’s the best kind of handsome,” Ella replied.  “What is his name?”

 
  “Scott,” she said with a deep sigh, making Ella giggle.

 
  “Scott is a good name; I’ve never met a Scott I didn’t like.”

 
  “You’d like him, Ella.  He’s perfect.”

 
  “So, did he just bump into you or are you guys gonna go out?”

 
  “We exchanged phone numbers after he flirted for a few minutes and bought my coffee, and he’s texted me a few times.”

 
  “This is all very exciting, Kalli.  You haven’t dated very much since you’ve been here.”

 
  “I know.  I’m
really
ready to go out with him, if you catch my drift,” she said with raised eyebrows, leaning over towards Ella so that the sales women couldn’t hear her.  Ella laughed out loud and then covered her mouth quickly.

 
  “I caught your drift.  Don’t worry,” she said as she gently patted Kalli’s knee.

 
  Megan tried on upwards of ten more dresses, but none of them put the smile on her face like the satin one.  She was reluctant to put a down payment on it until their mother saw her in it.  They still had almost a year until the wedding, so there wasn’t a huge rush to make the decision that day.

 
  “I will have to come back with Mom soon.”

 
  “She’s going to love it, Megs.”

 
  Eventually Megan came out of the dressing room in her normal clothes and sat down next to Ella to put her boots back on.

 
  “Megan, do you think we could talk for a minute?”

 
  “Sure, is everything ok?”

 
  “Do you guys want me to give you a minute alone?”  Kalli asked.

 
  “No, Kalli, it’s fine, please stay and listen.”  Ella took a deep breath and then looked Megan in the eyes.  “Megan, Porter and I have decided to move in together.”

 
  Kalli’s hand flew to her mouth in shock and surprise, while Megan’s face lit up with a smile.

 
  “Really?” Megan asked.  Ella nodded her head in affirmation.  Suddenly Ella was being pulled into a hug and she felt Megan’s arms wrap around her.  “Ella, I am so happy for you and for Porter.  You guys deserve some happiness.  I’ve never seen a man love a woman like he loves you.”  Ella pulled back from the embrace.

 
  “Patrick loves you, Megs,” Ella reassured her, being reminded of the conversation they shared at the beach and Megan’s ridiculous insecurities surrounding Patrick’s feelings for her.

 
  “Of course Patrick loves me.  I’m amazing.  And I love him.  There’s no one else in this world that I am supposed to be with and I am going to love him for the rest of my life.  But Porter, well, I’ve seen Porter without you.  He was only meant to live if you are beside him, Fella.  He was empty, lost.  He had no direction and no North without you.”  Megan’s eyes misted up with tears she was trying to keep at bay.  Ella had a hard time keeping her eyes dry as well.

 
  “Well, that’s not all the news I have,” Ella said, trying to steer the conversation away from the sad, and onto the exciting.