Authors: Cathy Kelly
purple eyeshadow cracking on her eyelids, she’d applied so
much. ‘Pressies from Santa.’ She smiled, handing them
each a bag.
They smiled back. They loved Millicent, you had to. It
was a pity she wasn’t in the office more often because she
certainly had a beneficial effect on Bernard.
‘Thank you, Millicent.’ said Cara, drawing a long crimson
wool scarf from her gift bag.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Zoe said, finding a turquoise one in hers.
‘I thought we needed something nicer than that bottle
of wine you got last year,’ Millicent trilled, holding the
scarf up to Zoo’s cropped red head and admiring the
contrast. The wine, not quite a 2 pounds 99 pencescrew-topped bottle but close enough, had been Bernard’s idea of a Christmas
bonus. He was incredibly mean, the sort who’d peel an
orange in his pocket, as Cara’s dad would say.
‘How are you getting on with the campaign?’ he asked,
leaning menacingly near Cara.
She leaned hack, knowing she must reek of last night’s
booze, Bernard could smell alcohol a mile away because he
never drank.
‘Fine,’ she muttered. ‘I hope to have it finished today.’ As
soon as she’d said it, Cara was sorry. She’d planned to leave
work early to do the last of her Christmas shopping as
she’d be going home to Ballymoreen on the late bus.
Now she’d have to stay late to finish the campaign
because, once you told Bernard you’d do something, he
made your life a misery if you didn’t.
‘Good,’ he said, leaning closer as he stared at the
unfinished campaign. His hard eyes sought hers.
‘Have a nice night last night, then?’ he asked, his face so
close she could smell the mints he sucked obsessively.
He knew, the bastard. She had no idea how he knew, but
he did. Cara stuck her chin up defiantly. She was not going
to blush because he knew she’d slept with Eric.
‘Lovely,’ she said.
‘Good.’ He smiled at her, a fake rictus of his mouth that
didn’t get within a mile of his eyes. ‘I heard that some of
you, a few hardy souls, were there till closing time.’
Gritting her teeth inwardly, Cara kept smiling. ‘I love a good party, Bernard,’ she said tightly.
She got up, forcing him to move backwards, and faced
him, hands stuck into her pockets in a masculine manner.
In her size eight flat boots, she was as tall as he was, a fact which definitely unsettled Bernard. He liked being able to
tower over people, especially when they were women and
he could peer down their fronts. He never got the chance
with Cara, mainly because she never wore any item of
clothing that went below the hollow in the base of her
neck. Her wardrobe was army surplus in every definition
of the word. ‘You’ll have to excuse me,’ she added sweetly,
‘there’s someone I have to see.’
She marched out of the room, belted down the stairs
and barged into the ladies’ loo on the next floor.
She did look a little the worse for wear, Cara acknowledged, staring at her faintly bloodshot eyes ringed with thick, heavily mascara-ed lashes. Her normally pale skin
was very white and as she hadn’t bothered to wash her hair
that morning, it hung in limp curls around her face,
making her look more like a Central European gypsy than
usual.
Phoebe, who had a moon-faced, cheekbone-less face,
was always muttering about how lucky Cara was to have
high, striking cheekbones, a straight nose and a firm jaw.
But Cara hated her looks. She could never understand how
she’d been stuck with this strong, gypsyish face when the
rest of her family looked so totally different.
Her father was several inches shorter, of lean build, and
his hair, before it had turned the distinguished silver it was
now, had been pale brown.
Her sister Evie looked like every man’s idea of the
ultra-feminine woman with her petite hourglass figure,
large eyes and adorable little nose; no trace of Cara’s exotic
looks anywhere.
Even her mother, whom she no longer really remembered
except from photographs, had been slender, with
light brown hair, and utterly feminine. While Cara was
stuck with a frame like an ultra-athletic lumberjack and a
face that meant customs officers always narrowed their
eyes at her when she walked through the ‘EC Nationals’
channel in the airport after her holidays.
‘He’s gone.’ Zoe pushed the bathroom door open and
peered around. ‘He’s taking dear Millicent out for lunch.’
They both grimaced at the same time.
‘We really owe it to “dear Millicent” to tell her what an
out and out bastard he is,’ Cara remarked, finding a
scrunchie in one pocket of her combats and tying back her
unruly hair with it. ‘The poor woman will end up married
to him and the vows won’t be a day old before she’s
ploughing through the gin like the rest of us in utter
misery when she realises he’s been conning her with his
Mr Nice Guy act.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ said Zoe virtuously. ‘I don’t drink.’
‘Yeah, you only drink on days beginning with T.’ Cara
retorted, swatting her friend gently across the behind as
they left. ‘Today, tomorrow, the next day … Fancy a
hangover lunch full of carbohydrates?’
‘Hell, yes,’ said Zoe. Tin dying with one. I’ve drunk eight
glasses of water already this morning and none of it was in
coffee.’
Munching their way through the Christmas lunch special
in O’Dwyer’s, Cara sympathised with Zoe over her
holiday arrangements. Zoe loathed visiting her Kerry home
for Christmas where there was guaranteed to be at least
three fights a day between her five brothers and their
father.
‘You’re so lucky having only one sister,’ she said, pushing
a Brussels sprout around her plate listlessly.
Cara raised an eyebrow. ‘Evie and I don’t exactly get on
like a house on fire, you know. She’s so touchy lately, I
can’t utter a word without saying the wrong thing. For a
start she expects me to be practically running the office by
now and can’t understand why I’m not working on the top
accounts with a company car yet.’
‘Did you explain that Bernard is a psycho with more
complexes than Disneyworld?’ asked Zoe.
‘There’s no point,’ sighed Cara. ‘She’s such a high
achiever that she expects everyone to be likewise. Excuses
are … well … no excuse. So far as she’s concerned, I’ve
been in Yoshi long enough to have pulled myself up the
promotional ladder by my fingernails.’
‘But she’s hardly running Goldman Sachs herself, now is
she?’
‘No. But if Evie had ever gone to college, she probably would be.’
‘It’s hardly your fault she got married and pregnant and
couldn’t go to college,’ Zoe said equably.
‘I know.’ Cara pushed her finished plate away and
reached for her glass of mineral water. ‘She’s just not very
pleased with me these days, I think she feels I’ve let her
down in some way. She was like my mother when I was a
kid, took over when my real mum died. Except the
nine-year age gap has turned into a generation gap. She
expects me to do amazing things with my life …’
She broke off miserably. Living up to Evie’s high
expectations had never been easy and had been harder
than ever these past few years. Her sister couldn’t
understand what had changed Cara from a lively outgoing
girl into a quiet, distant woman with a combative
look in her eyes. It had evaporated the closeness they’d
shared since their mother died when, for the devastated
six-year-old Cara, Evie had been a life saver, an adoring
and over-protective surrogate mother.
‘What does she want?’ Zoe demanded. ‘You to run for
president? I’m sorry, Cara, but Evie shouldn’t be loading all
her own unattained expectations on to your back. Anyway,’
Zoe took a quick glance at her watch and then
unhooked her coat from the back of her chair, ‘she’ll have
her beloved boyfriend, sorry, fiance, with her this time so
she won’t have any time to spare for telling you where
you’re going wrong with your life.’
Cara grimaced before finishing her drink. ‘Simon isn’t
coming for Christmas, so I’ll have Evie’s undivided attention.
Well, Dad and I will have her attention between us,’
she amended. ‘She likes telling him what to do too.’
Which was an understatement, Cara knew, thinking of
the way Evie ran through the small Ballymoreen cottage
like a whirlwind, tidying cupboards, rearranging furniture
and making lists of things she needed to buy for their
father when she went back to Dublin.
‘Really, Dad, you can’t just bung everything into the
washing machine at ninety degrees with no fabric softener,’
she’d fuss, examining faded towels so rough they could
exfoliate an elephant.
He took it very well, under the circumstances, sitting
comfortably in his old chair with the paper while she
marshalled the place the way she liked it. Cara wouldn’t
have minded so much but Dad was well able to look after
himself. He’d been doing it long enough. His wife had been
dead nearly twenty years.
The problem with Evie was that she wanted them all to
be perfect: she wanted Cara to be a perfectly turned-out
working girl with a walk-in wardrobe, Barbie’s Ken for a
boyfriend and her entire life mapped out with the precision
of a flight path. Cara suspected that her sister’s almost
obsessive desire for everything in the garden to be rosy was
because everything had been far from rosy for her. Evie
wanted Cara to have all the things she’d never had - youth,
money, a great career and an equally achieving husband. It
was just that Evie didn’t seem to understand that Cara
didn’t want those things. That was the nub of the problem.
It was difficult telling someone that their most precious
hopes and dreams simply didn’t interest you.
Cara pushed open the door of the pub and she and Zoe
braved the outside world. A fresh wind whistled around
them, insinuating itself under Cara’s hair, exploring her
neck with icy fingers. She huddled closer into her coat. ‘All
in all, I’m not sure this holiday is going to be much fun,’
she muttered.
They tramped up the street together, heads bent to
avoid the wind.
‘It’ll be more fun than mine,’ Zoe said between shivers.
At least you’re having a party tonight. My father wouldn’t
dream of having a party. It’d be a waste of money buying
drink for all the people in the town he didn’t like.’
‘True,’ Cara said. ‘Dad gives great parties. He started the
Christmas Eve drinks party a few years ago, when he got
involved with the painting group. They take it in turns to
have other parties but he always gives the Christmas one.
The class has been brilliant for him. He paints the most
amazing watercolours and he’s starting to make quite a bit
of money from them.’
‘I thought he always painted?’ Zoe said. ‘He’s been
painting since I’ve known you.’
‘No. He started the classes eight years ago when he
had his heart attack. The doctor recommended something
calming,’ Cara said thoughtfully. ‘There’s this
woman in his group, she’s a widow and she’s mad for
him - Mrs Mulanny. She’s about ten years older than
him and she’s always phoning, asking him to put a nail in
a wall or fix something. We tease him dreadfully about
her. She haunts him.’
They arrived at the office and hurried round the side of
the building to go in by the back door.
‘He’s good-looking, though, isn’t he? He looks it from
photos in your place.’
‘He’s better in the flesh. He’s sort of distinguished, you
know. His hair used to be the same colour as my sister’s
but it’s steely grey now. It really suits him.’
Cara thought of Andrew Fraser, his kind, lined face with
the warm hazel eyes and the welcoming smile. He was handsome, even in his ancient corduroys and the lumpy old jumpers he liked to wear around the house. A smile
creased her race. ‘Maybe I’ll give him a pretend present
from Mrs Mulanny: a pair of underpants! He’d love that.’
Zoe shuddered at the thought of giving her own father a
joke present. ‘Your dad sounds great,’ she said. ‘Are you
sure I can’t come home with you for the holidays?’
It was half-six that evening when Cara finally made it
back to the flat, wet through and worn out after an
afternoon devoted to her laxatives campaign and a speedy
half-hour in the Swan Centre on a Christmas version of
Supermarket Sweep. The bus for home left from the city
centre at half-seven, which meant she had about fifteen
minutes to pack her clothes, get out of the flat and get
back into town.
‘Phoebe!’ she called as she slammed the front door.
There was no reply. Either her flatmate had left already
for her holiday in Kerry or she was stuck in a pub
somewhere, nose to nose with Mr Bureau de Change.
Lucky old Phoebs, Cara thought.
She hurried into her bedroom and stared at the mess.