Authors: Cathy Kelly
Stephen and having his father find out about his wife’s
television appearance before he did would certainly rank as
humiliating. Why hadn’t she thought that anybody connected
to Stephen would see the show? Why had she been
so bloody stupid?
Because you were so delighted with yourself that’s why,
sang an evil little voice in her head. ‘Pride goes before a
fall,’ her mother had always said puritanically, although she
only ever said it during those years when Olivia’s beauty
had blossomed and never applied the proverb to herself.
Olivia stared at the phone, waiting for it to ring loudly at
any minute with Stephen breathing fire and brimstone
down the line from Germany. He’d phone again, she knew
he would.
The piercing ring of the doorbell made her jump and
spill half her cup of tea on to the floor. She gasped in
shock. It couldn’t be Stephen. He couldn’t have got home
from Germany that quickly. Opening the door gingerly, as
if she expected something black, cloven-hooved and
brandishing a giant pitchfork to be standing there malevolently, Olivia peered out.
There, hidden behind a giant bouquet of early-summer
flowers, stood her next-door neighbour, Gloria. A redheaded
air stewardess who lived alone, Gloria had
incurred Stephen’s wrath years before for having the odd
wild party where seventies disco music blared through
the thin walls and, therefore, never called round when he
was there.
‘Is this a good time, Olivia?’ she said in her breathy,
little-girl voice. Meaning: Is your husband there? Olivia
knew.
‘Wonderful time,’ she said, just as grateful as Gloria that
Stephen was thousands of miles away. ‘Do come in.’
‘These were delivered earlier and I took them in for
you,’ Gloria said, handing over the giant, sweet-smelling
bouquet. ‘They are beautiful. I do hope you haven’t been a
naughty girl.’ She giggled. ‘That’s my job.’
Never seen without the expertly applied cosmetics that
transformed her from an ordinary-looking girl into a femme
fatale in an Aer Lingus uniform, Gloria was a complete
chatterbox who’d talk all day if you let her.
Normally, Olivia was too busy drumming up three
course meals to keep Stephen happy to have time to talk.
But today, jittery with shock and desperate to gabble to somebody about what had happened, she dragged Gloria into the sitting room, made them two giant drinks and
spilled her heart out.
‘I never meant not to tell Stephen,’ she said, shaking so
much that Gloria was afraid Olivia’s Bailey’s and ice was
going to hit the floor. ‘I mean, we all have secrets and it’s
just the way it turned out. But if I’d ever dreamed he’d
find out this way … And he’ll go mad! I know nobody
believes it, he’s a bit of a house devil, street angel, but …’
Gloria, very kind and used to dealing with nervous fliers
on the Dublin to New York route, sat beside Olivia and
put an arm around her. ‘Don’t panic, lovie,’ she said, ‘Have
your drink.’
Like a child being told to drink up her milk, Olivia
obediently sipped her Bailey’s while Gloria kept up a flow
of meaningless conversation intended to relax her.
Then are gas, aren’t they?’ she went on. ‘We all think
they’re the answer to our prayers and when we have
them, they drive us mad. I know your Stephen is a bit,’
she paused delicately, ‘sensitive and tricky. But he’ll come
round. The thing is, you’ve got to stand up to him, lovie.
Tell him you’re his dear wife but you’ve got your own
career. It’d be different if you were fighting over something
else but with this television show, he should watch
out. There’ll be dozens of men dying to date the glam
telly cook and your Stephen ought to cop on to himself or
he’ll be cooking dinner for one soon. Now, let’s see who
those flowers are from. I’ll put them in water and you
read your card.’
She handed Olivia the envelope that came with the
flowers and went into the kitchen in search of a vase.
Feeling so much better after a bit of sisterly support and a
glass of Bailey’s, Olivia ripped open the envelope and
smiled fondly.
‘Congrats on a brilliant TV debut. Paul and the team reckon
they’ve found a new star. So do I. Best wishes, Max Stewart,’ read the card. Dear Max, he was so kind and supportive.
In the kitchen, she found Sasha and Gloria happily
arranging the flowers. Kissing the little girl on top of her
blonde head, Olivia asked Gloria if she could stay a bit
longer.
‘We’ve had a McDonald’s,’ she confessed, ‘but we could
open a bottle of wine and have some cheese and biscuits.’
They were halfway down a bottle of Frascati when the
doorbell rang blisteringly. Much more relaxed and no
longer expecting Stephen to arrive in a demonic rage,
Olivia walked to the door in her stockinged feet and
opened it. Her jaw dropped when she saw Sheilagh and
Cedric on the doorstep, bristling with emotion and carrying
suitcases.
‘Well, you’re the quiet one,’ said Sheilagh, shoving past
her into the hall, leaving Cedric to hump two cases and a
carrier bag of bullet-hard scones in behind her.
“I can’t say we weren’t surprised,’ Sheilagh went on,
dumping her fat cream leather handbag on the floor and
squeezing her plump arms out of her red blazer. ‘But it’s an
interesting job. You’ll have to get Theo or Nancy to do a
special appearance in Miriam’s Boutique in Navan. I was in
there today and said I was sure you’d be able to, seeing as
how you know them. All these famous types love personal
appearances. But this’d be free, of course.’
Striding into the sitting room, she stopped at the sight
of Gloria tucking into spiced Adare cheese and water
biscuits. Not sure that Gloria wasn’t a famous celebrity
she just didn’t recognise, Sheilagh’s face creased up into
a smile.
‘Hullo,’ she said, immediately adopting her posh phone
voice. ‘We’re Stephen’s porents, deloighted to meet you.
I’m Sheilagh and this is Cedric’
Gloria, who recognised Stephen’s parents after being
shoved rudely to the back of the lift by Sheilagh and
numerous carrier bags in a January sale frenzy on several
occasions, drained her glass and got up.
‘Must go,’ she hissed at a still-silent Olivia.
‘So pleased to meet you,’ she trilled at Sheilagh, in her first-class-to-JFK-lounge voice. ‘Have to fly. Love to dear sweet Nancy. Tell her I’ll be in touch,’ she added wickedly.
‘Who was that?’ asked Cedric with interest as Gloria let
herself out with a final goodbye pout at her hostess.
Sheilagh gave him the evil eye and he began humping
their cases down to the spare bedroom.
‘Television people are so rackety,’ Olivia said, suddenly
regaining her composure. ‘Dear Gloria works on the
News.’ she lied, ‘but she’s so unassuming you’d never think
she was in television.’
Sheilagh wasn’t interested in the News. Only lifestyles of
the rich and famous gave her the thrill that Cedric no
longer wanted to. ‘What’s Nancy Roberts like?’ she
demanded, sitting down and helping herself to a lump of
cheese the size of a hamster. ‘Is she lovely?’
About as lovely as you pair are, Olivia reflected.
Cedric and Sheilagh had gone through half a quiche,
four massive baked potatoes and an entire Vienetta by the
time Stephen phoned again.
‘Won’t be a minute.’ Olivia said to her replete guests,
closing the door to the sitting room and taking the phone
into her bedroom.
Stephen was beside himself. ‘What the hell is going on?’
he hissed, obviously not even slightly mollified by the posh
dinner Olivia knew he’d have had in the posh hotel he
always stayed in.
‘By the way, your parents are here,’ she said mildly.
‘I don’t fucking care! What’s this about you on the
television?’
‘Don’t swear. I did a television audition for a morning
programme. They wanted a cookery expert and I went for
the job. I got it and today was my first day.’
‘What!’
Olivia covered the receiver. Gloria, in the apartment
next door, must have heard his roars.
‘I didn’t tell you because I wanted to see if I was any good at it. I thought you’d slag me off for even attempting to appear on television. But it was very good, everyone
thought so.’
‘Jesus Christ, Olivia, are you fucking mad? You go off
and do this thing without even telling me about it and
then I hear from my father. How do you think that makes
me feel?’ Stephen roared.
The telephone receiver is a powerful instrument, Olivia
realised, the thought striking her out of the blue. She dared
to say things to the cream plastic receiver she’d have been
scared to say to Stephen’s face.
‘Stephen, do you ever for one moment contemplate the
fact that what you think and what you feel aren’t the most
important things in the universe?’ she said, finally snapping.
If she could cope with the malicious Cheryl Dennis
and the vicious Nancy Roberts, then her own husband
wasn’t going to trash her. ‘I didn’t tell you because I knew
you’d try and destroy my confidence over this the way you
do with everything else. It’s that simple,’ she said, every
syllable enunciated perfectly. ‘And now that I’m doing it,
getting paid for it and enjoying it, I don’t give a fuck what
you think.’
She could almost hear him recoil at her unexpected use
of the expletive. Olivia never swore.
‘If you want to discuss this, then come home. But don’t
dream of swearing or screaming at me or you’ll find all
the locks changed. I won’t even let you in the spare
room,’ she warned. ‘You can use your precious gold card
to buy you a hotel room. You’ve bullied me for too long,
Stephen. The worm is turning.’ She slammed the phone
down vehemently, feeling the thrill of triumph coursing
through her veins.
In the sitting room, her in-laws were channel surfing
aimlessly. There was nothing on the TV they liked
watching. All the films on these days were ‘rubbish’ and
the late-night chat shows were all populated by ‘young
pups’. Olivia knew what would come next: bored, they’d
start interrogating her as to why Stephen hadn’t known
about her television debut. So far, they’d been too busy
stuffing their faces to ask. But the inquisition was nigh,
she just knew it.
They’d love to be up all night talking about the proud
MacKenzie name, about how much Stephen loved her, and
probably ask if they could get tickets to see their favourite
shows. Olivia, who had to get up the next morning for a
class, wasn’t in the mood. Seeing as how she wasn’t taking
any abuse from Stephen, she wasn’t planning on taking any
from his horrible parents either.
It was half-nine, she realised, wondering where the
evening had gone. She could watch the TV in her bedroom
if she managed to escape from Cedric and Sheilagh. As
long as they had access to the kitchen, they’d survive.
‘Was that Stephen?’ asked Cedric, fixing her with his
beady eye as she came into the room.
‘Yes, it was. Actually, Cedric and Sheilagh,’ she
announced, ‘I’m quite exhausted and I’ve a hectic day
tomorrow so I’m going to bed early. You’ll have to excuse
me
Sheilagh, who had changed into one of her trademark
velour tracksuits - mustard yellow - once she’d realised
there’d be no more glamorous television guests turning up,
looked furious at Olivia’s announcement.
‘After we came all the way up from Navan to see you?’
she said hotly. ‘We need to talk.’
Olivia’s patience, which had taken a severe battering
from Sheilagh and Cedric over the twelve years of their
marriage, was wearing dangerously thin.
‘Sheilagh,’ she said, less tolerantly, ‘I didn’t know you were coming or I would have tried to rearrange my day tomorrow.’
Her mother-in-law went a dark red at the not so subtle
dig.
‘But because you arrived unexpectedly,’ Olivia went on,
‘I haven’t had a chance to rearrange anything and as I’ve
got to be up at seven, I’m going to bed now.’
‘There’s no need to get up on your high horse about it,’
Sheilagh snapped. ‘I’m sure we’d have phoned if we’d had
the chance.’
‘You had the time to phone Stephen in Germany twice,’ Olivia pointed out crisply, ‘so I think you could have managed a call here.’
‘We were worried, that’s all,’ Cedric interrupted, eager
to get his four ha’pence worth in.
‘Worried about what?’
‘About how you’d got on the television and why we
were never told,’ he said. ‘And about why you were using
your maiden name,’ he added sententiously.
‘As if ours isn’t good enough,’ shrieked Sheilagh. ‘We
know when we’re not wanted …’
‘I don’t hold with this modern carry on of women not
taking their husband’s name,’ Cedric continued. ‘It’s a
disgrace, should be outlawed. In my day, women were
proud to take a man’s name. Of course it’s different