OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (38 page)

I have looked through the full list of Australian killer creatures that Nathan gave me. I shall not be going to the beach, the bush, near any trees, long grass or sheds. Or near water. Except taps.

Apparently Tasmania has fewer killer things than most other killer places but there are still killer things everywhere. There's even something called a devil!

Mum has come home with another decent bikini. It's really sweet of her but I told her not to worry as I'll not be wearing it due to death creatures.

OMG – our summer is winter in Australia. That is mental! What is even more mental is that Tasmania gets ANTARCTIC blasts. I don't need to be buying swimwear. I need a suit of armour and a massive jumper.

Even the cute things seem to have massive teeth in Australia. They need my dentist – I'm seeing him tomorrow for a brace update.

Please don't let my mouth set off the security alarms at the airport. MGK will spread it EVERYWHERE.

My teeth have moved back!!! Mr Winkler said I was “very disciplined and patient”. YES!!! Can you hear him, Mum?! I have to keep the brace on but I've made “great progress”.

I saw MGK coming out of the dentist. It's like she waits till something good happens so she can RUIN it! She says my teeth do not look any different after months of wearing my brace. “That's odd,” I said, “because despite years of wearing a Wonderbra your boobs don't look any different either!” LOL! I win!

MGK is spreading it that I am a boob-watcher. And seriously, they are suggesting that I spend 26 hours NEXT to this person on a plane?

MGK is also telling everyone she is going to be upgraded to first class – she is turning up to the airport in her designer gear. Apparently Prada gets you immediately into the celebrity lounge.

Genuinely I would prefer to be on the WING of the aeroplane – rather than next to MGK in ANY class.

I am now ready to go to Australia or die in a horrific plane crash. Why do I watch
Air Crash Investigation
?

OMG – just got a text from Nicky!

1.   Please, please…

2.  So many kisses it's actually difficult to count.

Dreading saying goodbye to Gran tonight.

Gran and me just cried. She said, “Skype me when you can. I don't tell you but you're my best friend.”

Just cried again.

Just rang Dimple and Jen. They cried. I told them they HAD to keep me up-to-date on ANY gossip.

I've been trying to see Goose but he's always out at the moment. I feel I should say goodbye. We aren't as close as we used to be. Or are we? I don't even know any more.

Rob just cried. Mum just cried. I cried. AGAIN.

Nathan said, “See ya!”

PURE evil. PURE lazy evil.

Mum just came up and said through sobbing, “Your brother can't help it, Hattie. He feels rejected.”

Er, Mum – HE rejected Keith! Keith did try. He rescued a sausage.

I don't even know what time it is!

MGK did not get upgraded. She started shouting at the airline man then looked at me and said, “DON'T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOU HAVE TO.”

I am on a plane squashed between MGK and the most boring couple known to the world. The guy and his wife started telling me exactly how Tesco's in Crawley works. Apparently they think this is more interesting than the 100 films on the plane's entertainment system. I DON'T CARE HOW YOGHURTS get distributed. I want to see Taylor Lautner in the buff!

I think it's 6.45 p.m. but it might be 6.45 a.m.

Just landed in Bangkok. The boring couple got off. Please don't let them meet many Thai people. They will think all British people are dull. Weirdo Jen said to be careful of people trying to plant drugs on you. But Gran has sewn up my pockets, so I'm fine.

Why do they always seat our row last?

AUSTRALIA AT LAST!

When we landed an Australian Customs man asked if we had brought any food, wine, fauna, eggs and dairy products in as Australia is a “unique ecological space that we wish to protect from ravaging pests and other environmental disasters”.

We both said, “No.”