OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (35 page)

UNBELIEVABLE!

They are MAKING US GO IN FOR PE on Monday. Why do we HAVE to do PE when we have finished our exams and basically everything else?! We are doing easy stuff in other lessons. It's so UNFAIR. Mrs Cob and Matfield say it's good for our brains but why is swimming doing anything except giving us massive shoulders and smaller breasts?!

MAGNIFICENT PLAN AHOY!

Today Becca said we should totally all pretend to be ill to get off swimming. I said, “THAT is a GENIUS idea! Shall we all rush to the toilet?” Jade thought that was rubbish and it would be far better to pretend to faint all at the same time. A FLASH MOB FAINT! It's like synchronized swimming but formation fainting! It's like a flash mob but we don't dance – we just fall over! I think we can totally do it. They will stop the lesson immediately and they might ban PE totally for health and safety reasons!

We are agreed that we are going to do it on Monday. As soon as Jade says, “I feel a bit funny”, we're all going to fall down just outside the pool. We need to be hardened up so we don't break anything.

We had a practice today on the crash mats in the gym. We can pretend to faint brilliantly. Not laughing afterwards is hard but if we can keep that up PE will be gone for ever!

Dimple says swimming actually helps to keep breasts in shape and “uplifted” by working the chest muscles. Then she said, “
Breast stroke
, Hattie?” like I was Dibbo Hannah. She's not taking part. It's “not fair” on her mum to think Dimple might be ill. AGAIN Dimple puts family before her mates who need her to pretend she might be dead to stop unfair treatment of students!

I'll let her off though because I love her and her dad does shout VERY loud.

Weirdo Jen has texted us all to say we should think of death as we faint and that will stop us laughing.

Just tried it. I still laughed.

I won't tomorrow though. I will be deadly serious.

FLASH MOB FAINT!

It went so well that the PE teacher thought there had been a chlorine leak and rang some ambulances and the fire brigade. Why do they have a deadly gas thing making the swimming pool cleaner?!

When the ambulance men came to prod us Dibbo Hannah felt guilty, started to cry and said, “We are just pretending.”

We all have to see Mrs Cob tomorrow.

I miss Nicky at times like this the MOST. He understands trouble.

OMG – Mrs Cob went more MENTAL than I've ever seen a person go MENTAL before. She started going on about, “Wasting the time of our brave emergency services.” Then she said, “I need to show the rest of the school how despicable this prank was. So I'M BANNING YOU FROM THE PROM.”

BANNED FROM THE PROM?

BANNED?

WE ARE BANNED FROM THE PROM. The one actually decent thing school DO!

Exam Results!

A “D”?!!

Apparently we were “a bit of a shambles and unintentionally comedic”.

Whatever. Who cares? I'm banned from the prom.

Mum is pleased with my exam results. In fact she is so pleased that she wants to buy me a dress for the prom. I told her I'm not going. She laughed and said, “Don't be silly!” I said I was totally serious and I just didn't fancy it.

Mum has found out from Weirdo Jen's mum the real reason why we are not going to the prom. She says she doesn't have to punish me as I have had the worst punishment possible.