Perfectly Broken (27 page)

"Don't do this, Adam," Zane pleaded. "Killing her won't right things. It's me you're mad at. Not her." Zane kept his voice even
,
the training on handling hostile situations coming to the forefront. His eyes never left Jordan's. It took a moment longer for his words to register and my heart broke at the realization of what he meant.

He'd believed me when I'd blamed him. When I'd told him all of this was his fault. And now he was here, thinking Jordan was going to kill me over him. I wanted to tell him everything but Jordan spoke first.

"What makes you think killing her isn't exactly what I planned to do all along?"

Zane took a step forward and Jordan reacted immediately, slamming the butt of the gun into the side of my head. I cried out, the pain causing my vision to whiteout for a moment as I sagged against Jordan's hold on me. I forced my head up, lifting a hand to stop Zane, knowing he would be ready to attack.

"Stop," I gasped, trying to focus my eyes on Zane. I knew what I had to do. Jordan wouldn't kill me, he needed me. Or
,
at least, he thought he did. I wasn't so sure he wouldn't kill Zane if he had to, though. If I told Zane he wouldn't kill me, Zane would risk his own life to try to stop Jordan. I had no doubt Zane would get himself killed if I didn't work fast. "Stop trying… to help. You just… make it worse. Just. Leave."

Zane's eyes met mine for the first time since he entered the apartment. I knew my words hurt him
,
but he remained stoic. The hardening of his expression and tightening of his jaw were the only indication he’d heard me. He still wasn't leaving.

The sound of the door opening at the front of the house caused all three of our heads to turn in that direction. I didn't hesitate. I slid myself lower in Jordan's grip until my teeth made contact with his left arm. I bit down, clamping my jaw until he tugged his arm and I felt skin ripping under my teeth. He cried out, lowering the gun in an attempt to pull me off. The coppery taste of blood on my tongue made me gag and I let go the second his grip on me released.

I saw the gun and I ran, wanting to put myself between Zane and Jordan, knowing Jordan wouldn't shoot me. Just as I reached my arms out for Zane, he grabbed me, using our momentum to spin us as the sound of the gun rang out. Our feet twisted underneath us and pain radiated up my leg as I lost my balance. We tumbled to the floor, Zane landing partly on top of me as I cried out.

I coughed, gasping for air I couldn't seem to find and there was the sound of a struggle somewhere close by. I tried to lift my head but the shock of what was happening kept me from moving. Zane looked down at me, his eyes wide with panic.
 

I heard the gun fire again…

"Pix…"

CHAOS

"Oh
,
shit! Oh
,
shit!" Jackson's voice is the first to reach my ears. I cough, tasting blood as I try to take a breath to speak.

"No… NO!" Hands pressing against me. I try to find words
,
but I can't breathe.

"Fuck! This wasn't supposed to happen!"
What? What wasn't supposed to happen?
I want to ask Jackson but his voice is far away.

I groan, feeling pressure against my chest.
Stop, it hurts.
"Help!"

"Jackson!" I blink, this voice is close and I try to make my eyes stay open. "Jackson, I need you!"

"Shit." I'm moving. Someone is rolling me over. "The bullet is lodged. Here
,
use this." There is more pressure, causing me to let out a cry and I cough again, choking.
I can't breathe.

"We have to call for help!" I try to ignore the panic in the voices, focusing solely on moving my hand, reaching toward the sound. "Where's your phone?"
 

"This can't be happening…" A broken sob ends with a cough. I can't catch my breath. Somewhere nearby Jackson is yelling.
Calm down. You have to stay calm.

"Just try to breathe." Jackson's voice is close again. "Stay calm."

"Hey! Open your eyes!"
I'm trying.
I attempt to somehow acknowledge the words, fighting to find something to hold on to. A hand grips mine tightly. "Stay with me!"
I'm trying.

"Stop moving." I can feel myself trembling as I try to squeeze the hand holding mine. "Just try not to move."
I need you.

"I'm… cold…" I'm not sure where the words come from. I don't remember deciding to say them.

"There's too much blood."
It's okay. It'll be okay.
I'm drifting and I cling to the hand, trying to use it to ground me in the present.

"Stay with me!"
I'm trying.
"Don't you dare leave me!"
Never.

"Where the fuck is the ambulance?"
Ambulance?
I hear the words and I realize for the first time that I'm dying…

"You need to move back. We can't help if you won't let us by."
Help is here.
Commotion around me. I cough as the pressure is removed.

"I'm coming with you."
Don't leave me.
I hear beeping as I'm jostled
.
I try again to open my eyes. To hold on to the voice.

"You'll have to wait here. Someone needs to check on you."
No. Stay.
My hand is empty now. I'm empty.

"Please hold on. Be strong. I love you."
I love…

"I love you, Lili."

CHAPTER TWENTY

Awake

ZANE

"Did he say something?"

"I think he's waking up."

I try to pry my eyes open but the brightness of the room is nearly blinding. I cough and pain radiates through my chest and down my side. I'm unable to help the groan that escapes as I attempt to move any part of my body.

"Zane? You really coming back to us this time?" I recognize Tish's voice and try to nod. I must succeed because I hear his chuckle.

"Should I go get the doctor?" I force my eyes open at the sound of the second voice again. A hand squeezes around mine as I search for the face that goes with the voice.

"Paige?" My voice croaks, making me realize just how raw my throat is.

"I'm right here," she says just as my eyes finally adjust to the light. She looks older than the last time I saw her. And exhausted. I slowly tilt my head, blinking as I try to recall what happened.

"You've been in and out for a while now," Tish says, stepping closer. "We wondered if you were going to make it."

Just as I'm about to ask, the pain in my back and chest spikes, causing me to wince. The feeling throws my mind back into the apartment and the moments before the gun went off. Lili. My heart slams against my chest, intensifying the pain as I try to make sense of the memories.

"Lili?" I can hear the edge of panic cutting through the single word.

Paige scoffs, bringing my attention to her. "Fucking bitch. She nearly got you killed."

"Paige," Tish warns. I turn to him, ignoring the feeling of fire spreading throughout my chest.

"She's fine. She's in the waiting room with Kas. They would only let family back here while you were unconscious."

I try to move, attempting to sit up but the pain in my chest and back makes me pull in a sharp breath through my teeth.

"I need to see her," I say, almost panting the words.

"You need to talk to the doctor first," Paige replies.

"No! I need…" I cough, trying to catch my breath.

"Calm down, Zane. She's fine. You think I would lie to you about that?" Tish asks. Paige watches me, fear etched in her features.

I take a few shallow breaths, noting it's less painful if I don't try to breathe too deeply. I see Paige's eyes gloss with tears and I open my hand toward her. She curls her fingers into mine.

"I'm okay, Paige," I say, squeezing her fingers
.
But
,
as much as I want to comfort her, my fear for Lili is still at the forefront of my mind. Our family has seen too much death as it is. Paige, being the youngest, has always been protected from it as much as Tish and I could manage.

At the thought of my family, I remember that I left Conner with Lizzie's parents so I could go talk to Lili.

"Conner?"

"He's fine. I've kept in touch with Tom and Marna. They're worried about you but Conner just thinks you're working. We didn't think he'd understand," Tish explains, obviously unsure of that decision. I nod slowly as I let his words sink in.

I glance at Tish, still holding Paige's hand tightly. "I need to see—"

I stop speaking as the door opens and a doctor walks in. He smiles when he sees that I'm awake and I fight the urge to curse. Now I know I'll have to wait.

"Welcome back, Mr. Tishler," the doctor says as he walks over to the foot of the bed, lifting a clipboard from the frame. I roll my eyes at the name. "And with a sense of humor
,
it seems." He glances over at Tish. "I need just a few minutes with him."

Tish nods and Paige kisses my fingers before she releases my hand. I do my best to smile at them both as they quietly leave the room.

"Zane, I'm Doctor Jacobs. I was the trauma surgeon on duty the evening you were brought in. I was told you're a paramedic
,
so you understand that you were brought to UMC because we are a Level One Trauma center?" he asks. I nod my agreement, wishing he would hurry up with what he has to say.

"How are you feeling?" he asks and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Like I got shot," I answer, trying to keep the pain off my face.
 

I need to stay awake long enough to see Lili. I need to see for myself that she's okay.

Doctor Jacobs chuckles at my bluntness and nods, moving to my side. "The bullet entered posterior between the fifth and sixth rib and traveled upward through your chest, lodging in the third rib. Had it been just a few centimeters lower, it would have most likely gone through the intercostal space and exited your chest. As it is, the bullet damaged your lung and caused a hemothorax. We were able to put in a chest tube but we had to open you up to repair the lung. The bullet was fragmented against your rib and posing a danger to the lung so we removed it."

I stare at the wall across the room, my mind barely focusing on his words. The bullet lodged in my third rib. I think of Lili, picture her standing in front of me, the way I held her against me. Head level. If the bullet had been any lower, it would have torn through my chest and possibly hit her in the head. My body trembles with the realization of how close Adam was to taking her from me forever.

"Right now, it looks as if everything is healing nicely…" he trails off as an impatient knock sounds on the door. Paige pushes it open and I shake my head at her. She rolls her eyes but closes it back.
 

"As I was saying, the main cause for concern now is infection." I nod, aware of the rate of infection in gunshot wounds.
 

I hear yelling outside the door, Paige's voice raising. I turn to Dr. Jacobs when he chuckles, moving closer and helping me sit forward so he can check the wound.

"That girl of yours is feisty," he says. I close my eyes, trying to breathe normally.

"Paige is my sister."

He shakes his head, helping me sit back against the bed. "Not Paige. The little one."

I hear the yelling again, closer this time, seeming to be right outside the door. I can't help but smile as Lili's voice comes through clearly.

"Just let me fucking see him!"

Dr. Jacobs sighs as the sound of a scuffle comes through. "Security will probably be escorting her out again."

"Again?"

He looks up at me, amusement masking any irritation he might feel toward Lili. "You've been in and out for several days, waking up for small bits of time. The ICU is strict about visitors while a patient is unconscious. She hasn't been exactly… understanding. I think she's been escorted out of the building more than once. I overheard your brother and sister discussing her falling asleep in someone's car at one point."

I sit up straighter, feeling something close to panic in my chest. "I need to see her."

"You should rest."

The door opens again and Paige's face appears, obviously furious.

"Please," I nearly beg. I can hear Lili's frustrated voice barking at someone down the hall.

"Just for a moment. Then you need to rest," Dr. Jacobs agrees, moving toward the door and smiling at Paige as he passes.

"She's not family. She shouldn't be here."

I barely hear her words. Lili comes into view with two security guards escorting her. She looks even smaller next to them and the instinct to protect her flames, bringing with it the stab of pain in my lungs as I try to breathe. She shrugs out from under their hands easily, ignoring Paige completely as she pushes into the room.

She pauses just inside the door, her wide eyes full of tears. She doesn't speak but I can see her tiny frame trembling. I want to go to her, to hold her and tell her everything is okay now. I hold my hand out to her, my heart pounding painfully against my ribs.

I watch the first tear drip to her cheek before she rushes forward, grabbing my hand in both of her small ones and pulling it to her face as she lowers her head, pressing her lips to my skin. I can feel the tears dropping to my hand and I glance away long enough to see Paige's scowl as she shuts the door, leaving me alone with Lili.

"Hey." My voice sounds choked. I clear my throat, trying to remove the lump, realizing how close I am to tears myself. She's okay. She's safe. She's here. I try to repeat those words as a mantra, hoping to calm the punishing beat of my heart. "No more crying. It kills me when you cry, Pix."

She glares up at me through her tears, obviously not appreciating the joke. I stare into her eyes, the memories of the chaos after the gunshot playing in my mind.

I love you.

I'm positive I heard her say it.

"Come here," I say, tugging her closer to the bed. I slide myself carefully sideways, making enough room on the bed beside me. I need to hold her.

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head but I pull on her hand, not relenting. She gives in easily and I know she needs this
,
too. She climbs in, trying to be careful but I wince as she leans against me. She tries to pull away but I hold her close.