Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (36 page)

Jonathan
     Since you insist. It won’t mean anything until you actually live it.

Nadia
     Alright.

Jonathan
     You’re dead and then you come through that and you embrace the chaos . . . you see the beauty of . . . the way money flows, the way it moves around the world faster and faster. Every second a new opportunity, every second a new disaster. The endless beginnings, the infinite endings. And each of us swept along by the great tides and winds of the markets. Is there anything more thrilling, more exhilarating than that?

Nadia
     I . . .

Jonathan
     Do you understand?

Nadia
     Yes.

Jonathan
     The truth.

Nadia
     No.

Jonathan
     No. But you’re learning. Who are you in love with?

Nadia
     It doesn’t matter.

Jonathan
     Tell me who it is. It’s Nick, isn’t it?

Nadia
     What?

Jonathan
     You’re in love with Nick.

Nadia
     You know Nick?

Jonathan
     Yes. Yes.

He takes off his shirt.

These are the scars, you see? This is what Nick did to my body. This is why Nick was in prison. Where is he?

Nadia
     I don’t know.

Jonathan
     I want to find him. Where is he?

Nadia
     I don’t know. The truth.

Jonathan
     My body is disgusting.

Nadia
     I’ll kiss it better.

Jonathan
     Don’t be so fucking stupid. That’s not going to work, is it?

Hospital.

Tim
lying in a bed.

Victor
     They give us an hour. Before he’s taken away.

Nadia
     Yes.

Victor
     So we . . . what do you want to do?

Nadia
     I don’t know.

Victor
     I wish we knew what to do. I think maybe inside us, if we were allowed feelings we would know what to do.

Nadia
     I don’t think so.

Victor
     Oh yes. Inside us there must be some . . . something we should do now. Get in touch with our feelings.

Nadia
     No. I don’t believe that any more.

Victor
     Maybe it’s fall to our knees, sway, beat our chests. Maybe wash his body. Maybe that’s inside us.

Nadia
     Maybe you just saw that in a film somewhere. There is nothing for us to do.

Victor
     But we have to say goodbye.

Nadia
     He’s not going to hear that.

Victor
     No.

He prods
Tim
.

Nothing.

Nadia
     But maybe if you were alone with him. So if we take it in turns. I’ll wait outside for a while.

Nadia
exits.

Long pause.
Victor
looks at the body.

Victor
     Fucking stupid. Fucking.

He hits
Tim
’s body.

Fucking selfish fucking bastard. What about me? Make me suffer like this. This is not what you were supposed to do. Supposed to make me happy. Not make me suffer. I don’t want to feel this. Fuck. Fuck.

He hits the body. Several more times. Moves away.

Tim
     Well, I don’t think that’s going to get you anywhere is it?

Victor
     It’s what I feel.

Tim
     Even Lazarus didn’t respond well to fists.

Victor
     I’m not talking to you fucking bastard.

Tim
     And I certainly ain’t a-coming back just because you get butch on me.

Victor
     Don’t want you back.

Tim
     Not even a little bit?

Victor
     I don’t want some fucking bastard who can’t even take his fucking pills.

Tim
     I didn’t want to live.

Victor
     But I wanted –

Tim
     Fuck that. I wasn’t going to be miserable just so you wouldn’t feel alone.

Victor
     I’m not going to be alone. I find someone. Someone healthy. Someone who wants to live.

Tim
     Yeah?

Victor
     Yes. Wasted my time with you when I could have been with someone else.

Tim
     Well go on then. Fuck off out of here. Start looking now. Good place to start. Doctors. Nurses. Porters.

Victor
     No.

Tim
     I don’t want you in here disturbing my eternal fucking rest.

Victor
     You’ll be gone in an hour. Wheeled away. Into the morgue.

Tim
     Which is where I want to be.

Victor
     Then good. Good. Fuck. I love you.

Tim
     I know you do.

Victor
     Please say you love me. I don’t care whether it’s true or not. I don’t care whether you are lying to me. Please. I just want you to say it.

Tim
     You don’t care if it’s true?

Victor
     A lie is okay. So long as I hear it.

Tim
     That’s . . . pathetic.

Victor
     I know.

Tim
     I love you.

Victor
     Thank you.

Tim
     When you . . . I don’t know if this is just me . . . I know when you’re hanged you’re supposed to . . . but I’ve . . . maybe it’s rigor mortis or . . . but I’ve . . . come here.

Victor
     No.

Tim
     Don’t be disgusted. I know I must be disgusting.

Victor
     It’s not that. I loved you. You could never be disgusting to me.

Tim
     So don’t give up on me now, baby. Touch my face. Please. There. How does it feel?

Victor
     Cold.

Tim
     I thought it would do. Touch my heart. And now? What do you feel now?

Victor
     Colder. No heart beat.

Tim
     Only to be expected. Listen. I want to say sorry. I wish I could have kept going for you. I wish I could have done that. But I didn’t know who I was any more. Suddenly I was nobody. When you’re ‘Person Who Is Dying’ and they take that away from you then you’re ‘Person Who . . . Blank, Blank, Blank.’ Nadia talks a load of bollocks, doesn’t she?

Victor
     Nadia loves you also.

Tim
     Yes. I suppose she does. Move your hand down.

Victor
     No. I can’t.

Tim
     Please. Please.

Victor
     I’m frightened.

Tim
     Don’t be frightened.

Victor
     And also disgusted.

Tim
     Well, of course you’re disgusted. But you love me.

Victor
     Yes.

Tim
     And I think we’re allowed one final request.

Victor
     Alright.

Victor
’s hand moves under the sheet and on to
Tim
’s erection.

Tim
     Does that feel nice?

Victor
     Yes.

Tim
     Why do you think that’s nice? I think you’re sick. Twisted. Touching up a corpse.

Victor
     It’s nice because it means you . . .

Tim
     What? What?

Victor
     You want me.

Tim
     Yes.

Victor
     And maybe you love me.

Tim
     No. I don’t think it ever meant that.

Victor
     No?

Tim
     Maybe I need you or I need someone. To stop me being alone. Alone with this. (
Indicates his erection
.) But don’t confuse that with love.

Victor
     So what is love?

Tim
     I never found out.

Victor
     You never loved me?

Tim
     I don’t know if I ever loved you because I never knew what love was.

Victor
     Fuck you.

Tim
     No point me lying now, baby. Might as well get it all out in the open before I hit the morgue.

Victor
     I want you to lie to me. Please. Make this like an opera. Sing to me. I hold you in my arms and tell me you will love me for ever.

Tim
     I can’t do that. Play with me.

Victor
     No.

Tim
     Make me come. This is real. Make me come.

Victor
     It’s terrible.

Tim
     It’s what I want.

Victor
starts to masturbate
Tim
, crying as he does.

Victor
     This is so shit. I hate this. Is this all there is?

Tim
     That’s it. Yes.

Victor
     There’s got to be more than this. What is there? This is . . . animals. What makes us better than animals? Revolution never saved us. Money never saved us. No love. I want more than this.

Tim
     Faster. Faster.

Victor
     What is it? Children? To have a child? Is that what save us? I can’t have a child. Fuck this gay. Fuck these men and their fucking together.

Tim
     That’s good. You’re good. I love you. I love you.

Victor
     You only say that when I do this.

Tim
     Oh yes.

Victor
     Why can’t you say that some other time?

Victor
pulls away.

Tim
     Don’t stop.

Victor
     Why do you only say ‘I love you’ when you feel orgasm coming?

Tim
     That’s when I feel like saying it.

Victor
     Just one time.

Tim
     Fuck you. Don’t leave me like this. Finish me off. Finish it.

Victor
     No.

Enter
Nadia
. She can’t hear
Tim
when he speaks.

Nadia
     How are you?

Victor
     Okay.

Nadia
     Did you know what to do?

Victor
     I guess. I will leave you now.

Exit
Victor
.
Nadia
sits.

Nadia
     Well . . . goodbye. I . . . goodbye.

Tim
     Can you hear me?

Pause.

Please. Try to hear me.

Nadia
     You were like a brother. I just want to say that.

Tim
     Bring him back. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t want to hurt him.

Nadia
     So, now I’m alone. That’s what I’ve always been scared of. Being on my own. I’m talking, talking to someone and the words don’t matter. Because what I’m really saying is . . . don’t leave the room. Don’t walk out. Don’t leave me on my own.

Tim
     Yes. Don’t want to be alone now.

Nadia
     Anything to be with someone. You want my body? Fine. Just stay with me a few hours. And Simon? Simon’s hitting me. But I’m with someone. Bleeding but somebody’s there.

Tim
     Got to love someone before I’m buried.

Nadia
     Well, I’ve learnt from this. I’m going to be on my own and I’m going to learn to do that. Hours of . . . days of . . . no one else.

Tim
     I’ll follow him. I’ll stalk him. I’ll haunt him.

Nadia
     Goodbye. Goodbye.

Tim
     I love him.

Club.

Nick
is sitting
.

Nick
     Hello.

Victor
     Hello, Mr Socialist.

Nick
     You dancing tonight?

Victor
     No. I’m not dancing any more.

Nick
     I wanna watch you dance.

Victor
     I stop dancing. I come to get my money. Yes – my money and my clothes. You look terrible.

Nick
     Yeah.

Victor
     Please. What has happened to you?

Nick
     I can’t remember.

Victor
     You must remember.

Nick
     No. I don’t remember anything. I’ve been drinking.

Victor
     Socialist always drink.

Nick
     You think so?

Victor
     In my country. Yes. Man is rational being, they say. Society must be organised in rational way, they say. And they drink one bottle of vodka every day until they fall on the floor. This is you.