Ravensong (39 page)

* * *

The phone started ringing
just as Joshua positioned the needle above his vein. He glanced at
it on the nightstand, then concentrated on the syringe. The pain
was worse this time, his veins so constricted by the constant
punishment, but a moment later, the warm flush of the drug soothed
away the ache. Still the phone continued to ring.

He was sitting on the floor with his
back to the bed. Reaching up, he grabbed the phone off the
nightstand, hissing as the movement caused a flare of pain.
Snapping open the cover, he put it to his ear.

“
Yeah,” he said, closing
his eyes as the feeling of oblivion spread through him.

“
Joshua, is that
you?”

Joshua’s eyes opened a slit and he
stared at his arm. A line ran up his inner elbow, swollen and angry
looking. “Adam?”

He could hear Adam exhale. “Joshua,
your mother needs you to come home.”

Joshua’s hand tightened on the phone
and his heart picked up speed. “What’s wrong with Mom?”

“
Listen, Joshua, I’ve
ordered a taxi. It’s waiting outside your hotel. Just go downstairs
and get in it. It’ll bring you here.”

“
What’s wrong with Mom?” he
said through gritted teeth. The pounding of his heart was ruining
the mellow feeling of the drug.

“
She needs you here,
Joshua. Tonight. Go downstairs and get in the taxi. It’ll bring you
here. I’ve already paid for it.”

Joshua struggled to his feet. The room
tilted and swayed beneath him. “Tell me what the hell happened to
my mother, Adam!” he shouted, gripping the phone in both
hands.

“
I’ll tell you when you get
here. Just come home now. The taxi’s waiting.”

Joshua stared at the phone. Some small
part, not drowned by the drug, whispered that something was very
wrong, but the thought of his mother needing him was greater than
any warning. He grabbed his keys off the dresser and bolted out the
door, slamming it behind him.

He didn’t wait for the elevator, but
tore down the stairs and into the lobby. He skidded to a halt just
outside the hotel doors, staring at the taxi waiting for him. It
would be too slow and he needed to get home as fast as he
could.

Sneaking past the back of it, he broke
into a run and located his car. Pulling open the door, he sank into
the seat and sat for a moment, breathing hard, the pounding of his
heart fighting for supremacy over the lull of the drug. Slamming
the key into the ignition, he started it, threw it in reverse, and
peeled out of the parking lot.

The hour-long ride to his parents’
house was spent in wild speculation of what might have happened.
Halfway there, he felt the muscle spasms start, particularly in his
stomach and across his mid back. He curled an arm around his
abdomen and tried to keep his focus on the road.

He parked half in and half out of the
driveway, throwing open the door and climbing out. Adam appeared in
the doorway, stepping out to greet him. “Come in, Josh,” he said,
motioning to the interior.

Joshua hurried into the house.
“Where’s Mom?” he demanded, then stumbled to a stop.

His mother and sister were sitting on
the couch, holding hands. James was standing beside them. Joshua’s
eyes fixed on his mother’s face. She had tears in her eyes and she
was looking at him like he’d never seen her look before – as if she
was staring at a stranger.

Joshua’s gaze whipped to James. “You
son of a bitch,” he said, then turned on his heel, but Adam was
blocking the door and he was a lot bigger than Joshua.

“
Just calm down, Joshua,”
said Adam, holding out a hand. “Let me take a look at you,
okay?”

Joshua’s eyes narrowed. “Are you
blocking the door, Adam?”

“
I want to help
you.”

“
Help me! Leave me alone.”
He shot a look over his shoulder at his mother. “All of you. Stay
the hell out of my life! You’re suffocating me!”

“
Joshua!” scolded his
mother, rising to her feet. “You don’t mean that.”

“
Yes, I do. I want to be
left alone.”

“
So you can take drugs,
son?” asked Adam.

Joshua whirled back to face him. “I’m
not your son.”

Adam’s expression hardened. “I’ve
raised you most of your life. You are my son. Right now, you’re
obviously confused and scared. We can help you. That’s what
families do, Josh. Let me take a look at you and we’ll get you the
help you need.”

“
I don’t want your help!”
he shouted. “I want you to leave me alone!”

“
Joshua, please,” came
Jennifer’s voice and then she took his arm with both of her
hands.

Her touch wasn’t rough, but any
contact caused pain to spear through Joshua’s arm and into his
body. He cried out and hunched over, pulling it from her grasp. The
reaction was immediate. Everyone converged on him, wanting to help
him. From the corner of his eyes, Joshua saw Adam move away from
the door.

He sidestepped them and was beyond his
step-father before he could react. The cold air of the night struck
him as he hurried down the front porch and toward his car. He could
hear his mother begging his step-father to stop him, and he heard
Adam’s calm response.

“
I’m calling the police.
They’ll pick him up and we’ll put him under a psychiatric
hold.”

James and Jennifer followed him out of
the house, calling to him, but he ignored them. He had to hurry. He
wasn’t having the police get involved in this. He rounded the back
of the car and pulled open the door, dropping inside. Jennifer ran
to the opposite side and banged on the window, but Joshua ignored
her, pressing the lock and shoving the key into the ignition. He
started the car, then looked over at his sister’s face. Tears were
streaming down her cheeks and she was begging him to stop. Beyond
her, he could see his mother running toward him.

Suddenly, Joshua realized what he’d
become. Staring into the faces of his family, seeing the anguish he
was causing, he was filled with self-loathing. He’d never be able
to look them in the eyes again. They knew what he was, what he’d
become, and he was causing them shame and unbearable
pain.

Looking away, his eyes came
to rest on the oak tree in his parents’ yard. Swallowing against a
rise of bile in his throat, he threw the car in gear, slammed his
foot on the gas pedal, and closed his eyes

The impact threw him into the steering
wheel and it folded around him. The last thing he heard was the
scream of his mother and then everything faded away.

* * *

Joshua jumped as the memory came to
its violent end. He ran a hand over his upper lip, realizing he was
sweating. He shot a sheepish look at James, but his brother was
still sleeping.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to
slow his breathing. It was only a memory now, and had no more power
to hurt him. Unless his family ever found out the truth. They
thought he’d been so high, he’d lost control of the car. It was a
lie of omission, one of his last remaining lies, but one that he
never wanted to divulge. Only his psychologist knew, and she was
bound by her confidentiality oath.

He looked at his brother again, then
rose to his feet and turned toward the bedroom. He was going to
wake up Elena and make love to her. She would chase away the demons
and let him get some sleep at last.

* * *

Joshua fidgeted beside his brother as
they waited for the woman to find James a seat on their flight. He
couldn’t help looking over his shoulder and keeping all of the
airport police in his line of sight.

“
How do you want to pay for
this?” she finally asked, looking up at them.

Joshua fumbled for his
wallet and pulled out his credit card, handing it to her. She gave
Joshua a look as she took it from him, staring pointedly at his
shaking hand. James closed his fingers around Joshua’s wrist and
squeezed gently. “You’d better calm down,” he muttered.

Joshua drew a deep breath and pulled
his hand away. “I know.”

“
It’s all right. No one’s
going to play any games with me right here.”

“
You don’t know what it was
like, James,” Joshua muttered. “I was so damn scared.”

“
With your pretty face,
you’re lucky they didn’t strip search you,” remarked James wryly,
taking the slip and the pen from the woman. He braced it on the
counter and handed Joshua the pen.

Joshua blinked at his brother in
shock, but when James’ lips tilted a smile, Joshua relaxed a
little. He scrawled his signature and gave his brother the pen.
James smiled at the woman and handed her the slip, receiving
Joshua’s card and the ticket in return. Then he took his brother’s
elbow and led him out of line.

Joshua allowed James to guide him back
to the rest of the band members. Elena met them and slipped in
against Joshua’s side.

“
Everything all right?” she
asked, marking Joshua’s anxiety.

James smiled for her as well. “Great.
We’re ready,” he said brightly.

Julian rolled his eyes, then led the
way to the terminal. As they got in line before the metal detector,
James leaned close to his brother. “Let me go first. Then you and
Elena. Let Dominic guard your back. You don’t have any reason to
suspect him, do you?”

Joshua cast a quick look at Elena. She
was frowning. “No,” he said, shaking his head.

“
Suspect him of what?”
Elena asked.

“
We’re just trying to keep
Joshua from a strip search,” James remarked, elbowing Joshua in the
ribs.

Joshua forced a tight smile and Elena
relaxed beside him. She might not know the real reason he’d been
pulled into interrogation, but he knew she didn’t want it to happen
again.

Joshua almost bolted as they moved
through the terminal. Putting his backpack on the conveyor belt, he
stared at it so long, Dominic had to push him forward. He closed
his eyes as he passed through metal detector and hunched his
shoulders, waiting for an alarm to go off.

Elena pulled him close. “Are you all
right?”

He nodded stiffly and followed his
brother to the end of the conveyor. James grabbed his backpack for
him. The plane was already boarding by the time they reached the
terminal.

Joshua followed Elena and James onto
the plane and sank into the middle seat. He could feel Dominic’s
looming presence at his back. Being in a constant state of anxiety
took its toll and Joshua was exhausted. He stared at the back of
the seat, trying to calm himself, regulating his breathing. He
hardly heard the announcements and only realized they were moving
when the plane accelerated for the climb into the sky. Once they
were air born, Joshua was able to relax a little. Leaning back
against the headrest, he closed his eyes and let sleep drift over
him.

* * *

His own moan of pain brought him
awake. He blinked open his eyes and hissed as the light forced his
pupils to contract. That set up a network of pain radiating to
every part of him, every muscle, every nerve, every cell. He wanted
to curl against it, but something prevented him from moving. Panic
rose up where the pain left off. He tugged at the bonds on his
wrists and tried to twist away.

“
Easy, Josh,” came Adam’s
voice in his ear and his big hand stroked the hair off Joshua’s
forehead.

“
Adam?” he managed in a
hoarse voice. “I can’t move.”

“
It’s all right. It’s just
a precaution.”

“
Precaution? Where’s my
mother?” He closed his eyes against another wave of
pain.

“
Keep breathing, Josh.
It’ll ease,” said Adam, stroking his hair again. “Your mother is
sleeping in the chair next to you.”

“
Why can’t I move?” he
whispered.

Adam didn’t answer and Joshua forced
open his eyes, turning to look at his stepfather. His vision was
blurry, but Adam’s face looked haggard and drawn.

“
What happened?”

“
Things have been a little
more complicated than we hoped, Josh.”

“
Complicated?”

Adam nodded. “The withdrawal process
put a strain on your kidneys. You went into kidney failure, but
they treated you right away and your kidney function has been
improving steadily.”

“
Why can’t I
move?”

“
You had convulsions, Josh,
hallucinations. The doctors couldn’t chance you might hurt yourself
or others.”

Joshua tried to swallow. His throat
ached, all of him ached. Even the roots of his hair were sensitive.
“I hurt all over.”

“
I know, son, but it’ll get
better now. This is the first you’ve been lucid in a long
time.”

A sick feeling pooled in Joshua’s
stomach. “How long?”

“
You’ve been out of it for
more than a week,” answered Adam truthfully.

Joshua stared at him, frowning. “More
than a week? I don’t remember any of it.”

Adam nodded.