Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (14 page)

Jason placed his glass on the table and took hers, doing the same. He moved closer to her on the sofa and lifted his hand to cup her face tenderly. “I wanted it to be me, too.”

The look of deep sadness in his eyes made her swallow past the lump in her throat and chew the inside of her cheek, doing her best to fend off the tears that were threatening.

He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. “Let me…now I mean…let me make up for it.”

Chapter Nine

Stevie pulled away and scrunched her face angrily. “What? You want
sex
? Is that why you invited me here? So you could find out what you’ve been missing all these years?”

He closed his eyes momentarily, but when he opened them again, his eyes were darker. “No, Stevie, it’s not like that. I want to make up for what I spoiled. I want to give that to you, to both of us, that’s all.”

“So you think you can fuck me and everything will suddenly and miraculously heal inside of me?”

“No…not at all. You’ve got me all wrong. Please calm down.” He held his hands up in surrender. “Forget I said anything, okay?” A pained expression washed over his handsome features. She’d hurt him. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he turned away from her. He ran both hands through his hair and leaned so that his elbows rested on his knees. His head dropped forward.

“So…why did you split up? You and…erm…Miles?”

“He was in love with me. He wanted us to have a family but I didn’t feel the same. And he deserved to be with someone who loved him back. I couldn’t give him what he wanted.” Her lips began to quiver as she thought back to the day when she told Miles it was over. They had just made love, and he’d been talking about babies. He had been so sure she’d change her mind. She had felt so cruel, and he’d called her an ice queen. He accused her of stabbing him in the heart with her words. Thinking back, she realised he wasn’t far off the mark.

Jason looked up and leaned toward her again. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t get upset. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s fine. I just hate myself for what I put him through. He didn’t deserve that. Looking back now, I see that I should never have married him.”

“Hindsight is the bomb, eh?”

She giggled through her tears. “
The bomb
? What are you, fifteen all of a sudden?”

Jason smiled broadly and slapped his forehead with his palm. “Occupational hazard, working with teenagers.” He smiled widely, and her heart skipped whilst butterflies choreographed a dance routine in her belly. He was always
incredibly
good looking, and age had just made him more so.

She plucked up the courage to ask him the burning question. “So what about you? Have you got any serious relationships under your belt?”

“I’ve had…hmmm…what should I call them that won’t offend you? Encounters? Conquests? Hook ups? I think you get the general picture. Relationships have never been my
thing
…well…since you that is.”

She formed her mouth into an
O
but made no sound to accompany it. She pondered his words for a few seconds. “So, you’ve never been engaged? Married? Anywhere close?”

He laughed. “Not anywhere
remotely
close. Close and I weren’t even on the same planet.”

She joined in his mirth. “That bad, eh?”

“Oh yeah…
that bad
.”

Okay, now I’m intrigued
. “How come?”

He shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. It may sound stupid, but I think maybe I felt like I would have been unfaithful to you in some bizarre way.”

She frowned at his admission. “But you had plenty of sex.”

“Stevie, you said yourself that you slept with Miles but didn’t love him.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “No, I said I wasn’t
in love
with him. I cared for him deeply.”

“Okay…sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I don’t explain things very well, do I?”

She softened a little. She had no reason to be offended. “So you haven’t
loved
anyone since me?”

“No, I haven’t.”

They sat silently for a while, sipping their wine. Every so often they glanced at each other but neither spoke. Eventually, she decided to break the next piece of news.

“So you never knew how you’d done in your finals? You never checked?”

“No. Once I left, I separated myself from my previous life entirely.”

She nodded, but bitterness washed over her on hearing his words. “You got four A’s, Jason.”

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Standing, he shook his head and paced the floor for a few minutes before walking over to lean on the kitchen counter top.

Eventually, he snorted. “Well fuck me sideways.” He shook his head again. “In your fucking face,
father dear
.” He clasped his hands atop his head, puffing out his cheeks and closing his eyes briefly. Then he glanced over at her, grimacing. “The fucker would have been so
very
proud.” His voice dripped with sarcasm as he wiped both hands over his face and dropped his arms by his side.

She walked over to stand beside him and then bit her lip. “I’m so sorry. I seem to be dishing up lots of things that maybe you’d rather not know, don’t I?”

He shrugged his shoulders and huffed out a long breath. “It’s okay. I’m just a little…
shocked
by everything. This time last week, I was still a total failure with only one decent parent. Now I’m a grade A student with
no
parents.” Sadness washed over his features, and a line appeared between his brows.

She reached up and squeezed his arm. “Hey, you’re in
no way
a failure. Okay, so you no longer have the…you know…clean-cut-head-boy look going on.” She gestured up and down his body. “I mean…now you’re all ripped muscles, long hair, and tats, but I’m not complaining.”

He laughed at her words and rolled his eyes. The heat rose in her cheeks once again when she realised she’d just said the whole sentence out loud and had admitted she actually
did
find him attractive.

Oh shitty shit. Ground, swallow me up now!

When her embarrassment had subsided a little, she stroked his arm up and down in a weak effort to comfort him. He responded with a warm smile. Turning to face her, he ran his fingertips down her flushed cheek. “
You
haven’t changed at all. You’re still very beautiful.” His voice was soft, and her heart ached at his words. “I used to feel like the luckiest boy at school, you know? I’d sit there, in the biology lab, looking over at you when I was supposed to be answering textbook questions, but I just couldn’t concentrate. It was the class where I had the best view of you. And that’s why I used to love biology.”

He took her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks tenderly with his thumbs, and she shivered at the contact, closing her eyes.

“I couldn’t concentrate because all I could do was stare at you. You’d be laughing at something Carrie had said…or you’d be chewing on your pen looking all intense and studious. It was such a turn on, you know? And all I could do was think about taking you in my arms and kissing you. I used to dream of undressing you and touching your bare skin…kissing you all over. To just…
be
with you…have you naked in my arms…skin on skin…sharing my body with you…and us taking that next, intimate step together. To feel you around me as I moved inside you. God, Stevie, it was
all
I wanted.”

Her heart began to race. A deep ache throbbed between her thighs, and she suddenly became a little light headed. “It was all I wanted too. But I thought you didn’t want me. Because I didn’t know what was going on, I was left thinking that I somehow wasn’t who you really wanted.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. When he opened them again, he bent to rest his forehead on hers. “No, don’t
ever
think that. You
were
all I wanted. You’ve always been the one I wanted…even now… I can’t give my heart away because you still have it in your hands.”

She gasped just before Jason’s lips crushed hers. His hands slipped roughly into her hair, and he cradled her head. His lips were firm and the kiss demanding. The trace of stubble on his jaw grazed against her skin, sending shivers down her entire body. He tasted of wine, and she just couldn’t get enough. His tongue thrust into her mouth, and she met it with her own as she found herself gripping his T-shirt in case her legs gave way beneath her. Her heart hammered as she pulled herself into his hard chest while his lips moved urgently over hers.

He deepened the intense kiss as one of his hands slid from her hair and trailed down her back, leaving tingles as it travelled. When his hand reached her lower back, he pulled her closer so that their bodies were completely aligned and his prominent arousal pressed into her. His tongue explored her mouth, and his breath hissed in and out of his nose. The noise that emanated from within his body sounded almost pained. He pulled away, his chest rising and falling rapidly. She was panting as she gazed dreamily into his eyes that were now dark with desire.

He caressed her face as he spoke. “I want to take your hand and lead you to my bedroom…and then I want to undress us both…and if you'll let me I want to lay you down and sink myself inside you…like I should have done all those years ago…because unlike then I have nothing to hide from you now and I need to show you how I feel in a way that I couldn't back then.”

His intense gaze caused her muscles to clench again with the need to feel his touch. She wanted this. She wanted him.
Desperately
. She nodded her acquiescence and he took her hand, pulling her behind him through the door leading away from the lounge.

Once inside his bedroom, he stood before her, still breathing heavily. She glanced around the cosy space and smiled. It was just how she pictured it, whitewashed walls and white bed linens. Simple but beautiful. Soon her eyes were locked on his again as he almost devoured her with his chocolate brown gaze.

He pushed her hair away from her shoulders and ran his index finger around the collar of her T-shirt. Goose bumps rose on her skin, and she closed her eyes anticipating his next move. Reaching for the hem, he grasped it and dragged it up and off her body in one swift move. He paused and she opened her eyes to look deeply into his.

He slid his palms along the curve of her waist and inhaled sharply, biting his bottom lip as his thumbs caressed the underside of her lace-covered breasts. In a split second his mouth was on hers again, tasting and teasing. She was overwhelmed with desire and something that felt a little bit like fear. She didn’t want to think too much about what she was allowing to happen, lest she stop him and regret it forever.

He pulled away again, and his eyes stared intently into hers, his hands moved up and fisted in her hair. Regarding her with a look of intense hunger, his voice came out in a husky whisper. “I’ve dreamed of this moment for the last ten years. But I never imagined it would
actually
happen. To have you here…now…and to know that I can touch you.” He inhaled deeply through his nose and shook his head. “I’m almost afraid to do it in case you turn out to be a figment of my imagination.”

She held his face in her palms. “I’m here. I’m real, and I want you so bad right now…touch me…please?”

Her words seemed to fuel his already evident arousal, and he reached out and slipped both of her white lace bra straps from her shoulders.

With a confidence she didn’t realise she had, she bent her arms around and unhooked her bra letting it fall to the floor but keeping her eyes firmly fixed on his to gauge his reaction. He was mesmerised. He stepped closer again and smoothed his hands slowly from her collarbone, down over her breasts. He cupped them reverently and ran his thumbs in circles over her nipples, which peaked as he moved. She couldn’t help the whimper that escaped as she closed her eyes relishing his touch.

Stopping his ministrations briefly, he removed his own T-shirt, which he tossed onto a chair in the corner of the white, wood panelled room. She reached up and smoothed her hands over the taut, tattooed skin of his chest until her hands were tangled in his hair.

He pulled her into him so that her nipples brushed against his warm skin. The contact felt so good and set her blood afire. He bent so that his breath teased her ear, sending pleasure-filled electric shocks through her body, finishing at the junction of her thighs where the ache had deepened further. “Skin on skin,” he whispered. “It feels so good, just like I imagined.”

Sliding his hands down her back, he cupped her bottom, squeezing as he kissed and nibbled at her neck. His movements became faster, rougher. She moaned and let her head fall back, absorbing the sensations radiating through her. Slipping her hands into his waistband, she pushed until his pyjama pants slid below his erection and it sprang toward her. He let the pants slip down and stepped out of them, kicking them aside. He was magnificent. She wanted to touch him but fear got the better of her.